AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

@Gonegirl What are these "boundaries" and what does it mean to "stomp" them. This thread is like a foreign language. Have you no access to online/Google? I'm beginning to think you are winding us up (It's called "supply") You also judge, sneer and mock at the language of the whole global mental health profession. Let people heal in whatever way they can - even if that's the last resort: NC.

There’s some helpful stuff here.

www.boundariesbooks.com/category/family/

The Boundaries book itself is of course very good.

What are these "boundaries" and what does it mean to "stomp" them. This thread is like a foreign language.

.....loft......!

Starblaze I'm not sure if you are referring to me in your last post. I'm not trying to stomp boundaries. I also haven't followed anyone anywhere. I simply said that I think some of the links on this thread are interesting and relevant to all parties trying to think about estrangement. I have found them interesting. I think others who are estranged might too whether AC or EGP. My comment was meant to be a helpful observation.

I hope that your visit to your deceased friends grave was as you wished. And that the l9dt is truly fascinating

I've only got a second because I have come home to find that everyone is in the loft because apparently lofts are fascinating.

Ananinous thankyou I look forward to watching that later.

Regardless of whether I was right or wrong to set a boundary on this post, I did. Helpful comments would always have been appreciated from a different perspective but that is not what happened.

People who have previously expressed having a problem with me came to my thread to have a problem with a boundary I set.

Boundary stomping is one of the main reasons I see for estrangment and yet after reading posts on this thread some took it upon themselves to do just that. In force. With backup.

Now I keep saying EACs aren't wanted here and here again is the proof that some will look for any reason or justification to harass EACs here. Even if they have to completely fabricate that justification to do it. It was entirely possible to read this thread, take something from it and move on or just say something kind which would not have been minded.

Anyone who stomps boundaries has a very small chance of ever learning anything from this thread.

Agreed, Madgran and Smileless. Not to mention that AC/DILs have often come onto the support threads for EGPs. This is a public forum (as they generally point out when confronted) and people can read and post wherever they choose. I think the difference is in whether they are critical (and sometimes cruel) or supportive.

Starblaze, I'm glad you have a good GP role model in your dad. And I applaud your older children for distancing a GM who played favorites and put down their mum (you). I think it's harmful to children to constantly be exposed to someone who badmouths one of their parents. In some cases, it can be damaging to the parent/child relationship (fortunately, not the case w/ your children). This is important, IMO, b/c it can affect the degree to which the kids listen to their parents about drugs, drinking, etc. Unless the parent, themselves, is abusive, the parent/child bond needs to be firm. And so I feel GPs who consistently undermine that are doing harm, whether they mean to or not. (NOT saying any GP here ever did that.) Again, luckily, Starblaze, that didn't happen to you and your kids.

I agree Madgran, it's been said here on GN time and time that there 4 things that EAC and EGP's have in common; we are all estranged; sometimes we are hurting, sometimes we are bitter, sometimes we are angry and sometimes we are all 3 at the same time.

So much of what is posted is relevant to 'the other side' because it's estrangement and the pain of it that we share.

Chewbaccaenjoy your walk.

I think that some of the links on this thread are relevant to EGPs as well as EACs. They are thought provoking and can help people to look at their situation more widely etc if relevant. I have seen links that might seem only relevant to EGPs on other threads which might well be interesting to EACs for the same reason. It would be such a shame to have different people in different situations other than the commonality of estrangement, cut out of looking at and then discussing links etc. I think EACs and EGPs can help each other with estrangement issues and with thinking about their situations.

Merry Christmas! - Yes, I love xmas time!

Merry Christmas Enjoy

As I said yesterday, today is the day I visit my beautiful friend for her birthday at her grave. She loved Christmas and so today is also the day all my children will be here to decorate the tree. I treasure these times until they have their own traditions. I appreciate all those who have made contributions to this thread based on its topic and who contribute to other threads based on theirs.

Christmas is no longer a dirty word in this house.

Merry Christmas!

Daniel Mackler's - Advice to parents who are estranged from their children
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoV6lYl3hZM @Starblaze Wonderful resource stream idea, thankyou

Starblaze, it's not going happen: "chat somewhere else"-

Some posts are psychotic rabbit holes, some are not-
You've set a boundary in place in real life- You can do the same online- Because, Starblaze, you're going to encounter your mother's garden variety crazy behavior the rest of your life, no matter where you go ..

Exactly right Starblaze; you're not wrong! And I expect that those who are affected by being estranged from their grandchildren, and have started a thread about their particular circumstances, feel exactly the same way.

It's common courtesy, isn't it?

Enjoy your afternoon, whatever plans you have in store. I'm off for a lovely walk in the sunshine with friends.

It would be nice for people who are not covered by the subject matter or helped by the links posted on the topic to show a little dignity and chat somewhere else. There is nothing in the rules that prevents people talking wherever they please so it is fully down to the individual to show respect for other posters if they care to do so.

I think GNHQ are just being cautious Gonegirl and "keeping an eye on things", following the horrific amount of abuse that one poster suffered on a similar thread recently. I had a suspicion that this was running a little awry last night, hence my request for civility, I'm glad that GNHQ have reiterate that.

We are quite big girls.

I haven't made any personal attacks. Dunno who has.

The sure fire, 100% foolproof way to get access to grandchildren is to repair the relationship with their parents. For future reference, I know this. In some cases this may not be possible because sometimes it's the parents that are the problem in which case you have to hope they will wake up to the fact they are being abused one day, and come find you, possibly estranging their own parents in the process.

People who don't care about me are not good role models for my children. As I previously said I believe in my children's rights but my older children made the decision for themselves. In the face of that why would I give them another chance with the youngest who has no memory of them. My older children do not want a relationship with people who continuously put me down in front of them, played favourites between them, held them to extremely high perfect standards of behaviour etc etc. Despite all the difficulties I face I managed to teach my children what a loving parent looks like and THAT is healing.

emergingfrombroken.com/do-my-parents-have-a-right-to-see-my-children-if-they-dont-love-me/

I could become a grandparent at any time, I'm more than old enough to be one.. Thankfully in my father I have a wonderful example to follow.

Children generally have more than one set of grandparents. My children Do have a wonderful grandparent in my father.

toxicties.com/toxic-grandparent-signs/

Thanks NatashaGransnet; it would be a shame if another thread was pulled because it's a very interesting subject to discuss.