AEC thread. Feel free to chat or add helpful resources here.

Gonegirl; I agree with you on both of your last posts.

I'm hoping that, at some point, my perfectly rational and carefully detailed post @ 23.33 can be answered. HolyHannah has addressed some of it in her post @ 01.39 (thank you HolyHannah for taking the time to do that), but the rest remains unanswered.

This is becoming a thread of self pity.

I had a pretty bad thing happen to me when I was 19. A culmination of previous events. You have to leave it behind.

I don't understand why you would think it's a good idea to set up a support thread for parents who are keeping their grandchildren away from grandparents, on a website for grandparents. Seems odd to say the least. Isn't that what Mumsnet is for.

And you expect us to be sympathetic. Or just keep quiet. Sorry, doesn't work like that.

Your post at 00.49 HolyHannah The first line you attributed to me is correct, the second isn't, which you seem to be implying. I suggest you go back and see who the poster was who posted that on another thread.

Your last post speaks for EAC and EP's/EGP's. As Chewbacca says the pain and trauma may be due to different circumstances, but it is the same.

To those who suggest we "just get over the past" I would like to echo, the damage done is not just something you can take medication for and move past.

It requires years of work and rewiring entire thought patterns.

I too would love nothing more then to feel loved and wanted in my 'family'. I would put the past aside IF the abusive behavior ended.

Like Starblaze I tried to the point of suicidal thoughts thinking I was a worthless burden. However, just like I can't change how my 'family' treated me I also cannot change their perception of me. Their 100% negative perception of me is their justification for their behavior/abuse.

You cannot change another persons perception OR behavior. All you can control is your REaction. Instead of trying to convince them I am 'worthy' and have them mock me for their hurtful behavior. I chose No Contact. If I'm not present? They can't hurt me. Period.

So IF they could treat me as a peer/recognize I am equally worthy of respect and perhaps apologize for treating me the way they did, I too would be open to a relationship.

I read a survey once that said that 60% of estranged children don't want to be estranged. I know I fall into that category. I also know that my NM cannot and will not become a person that it is safe for me to be around. I love my NM, I wish I didn't. I still feel that there are estranged parents who are able to cross that bridge and hear their child's needs as an autonomous adult with the right to make their own choices. I feel I have even met a few here and they will always have my support.

Smileless said, "No one wants to silence anyone."

Also posted today on a different thread, "Think it might be time you did just that - move on. Perhaps back to Mumsnet where your sort are better tolerated." and "And that goes for the rest of the aggresive co-dils on here."

That sorta sounds like trying to silence someone...

Right starblaze? Explains an awful lot.

That website is so so interesting.

www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-reasons-given.html

www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/which-parents-are-abusive.html

Moving back to helpful links ;) www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/which-parents-are-abusive.html

Like issendei- I have no beef with estranged grandparents per se. estranged grandparents who congregate on Internet forums- much more so.

Hmm, I'll take that as "no, you can't explain" then. Thanks Starblaze.

Chewbacca, this thread had nothing for estranged parents here because they aren't like our parents right? Right? So this thread was not being anything to EPs here and it definitely wasn't being unsupportive to them by supporting us. I'm quite capable of moving on. I won't be talking to you again because I think you are being ridiculous for no reason I can understand. You are nothing to me.

I am not hurting you. I am asking a genuine and civilly presented question:

Why, if you have taken a thoroughly well considered decision to terminate a relationship with parents , for whatever reason, why are you not at peace and comfortable with that decision? Why has your decision not enabled you to move on with the life you've chosen? And, recognising the pain and discomfort that your decision has brought to you, albeit reluctantly, why is there no recognition that others, who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, are in similar pain and discomfort?

It's one thread and it wasn't hurting anyone. Stop being ridiculous.

Stop being ridiculous.

Stop right there with the aggression Starblaze. It doesn't wash with me. Keep it civil. Keep it in line with GN guidelines.

Absolutely OutsideDave, I agree with you there. But "support" is needed by EGP just as much as it is for EAC.
Pain; heartache and the need for affirmation and support is not exclusive to either the estranged or the estranger. And no one has yet explained why EGPs are held in such disdain when there is so much commonality between the two.

The support thread in its first comment sets out clear expectations. Have I been there an been anything less than supportive? Nope. Was my thread given the same respect? Nope. We're the resources here useful to anyone except EACs? Nope.

Stop being ridiculous.

Was anything said to you Chewbacca when you first commented here? Nope.

It’s not my thread. It’s not my title. This thread is a few pages/days long and hasn’t even gotten its sea legs vs the literal years the ‘support’ thread where folks have been chased away time and time again. If there’s room for one type of support then there should be room for others.

I'm not passive aggressive. I'm intrigued as to why you hold estranged grandparents in such disdain when they are clearly in as much pain, and need of support, as you EAC. Of which, I am one.

Posters came to be passive aggressive, tell people here already to grow up, tell them to go get medication instead of support and moan that they were excluded from a thread that isn't about them.

Honestly it's absolutely ridiculous behaviour.