Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand.

Madgran77 people were agreeing with the text in the OP x

Why is that not being said of other threads here? Why this particular thread out of the dozens of others?

I have been thinking about why that might be …. maybe some people read the title as provocatively negative about all EPs/EGPs … depending on their experiences and perspectives? I could be wrong but it might be one possibility ..??

Smileless -- And what about this thread makes it "more appropriate to MN"?

You see this is the crux of the issue. By saying that, the implication is, that there is SOMETHING about this topic that makes it not belong here or 'better suited' to be elsewhere.

Why is that? What is it about THIS THREAD that makes it "more suited" to MN then GN? Is that being said of other threads on GN? No... Why is that not being being said of other threads here? Why this particular thread out of the dozens of others?

I think (not positive) that last comment was directed at me too. I haven't estranged my children from "loving GP" so it was actually not very kind x

Because I read what both actually said on the subject Smileless2012!

Yogagirl Sat 08-Feb-20 09:27:15
Surely this thread should be on Mumsnet

Sparkling Sun 09-Feb-20 07:20:14
Well said Yogagirl.

Sparkling Mon 10-Feb-20 20:40:00
I do think this thread is to offer support estranged grandparents, their are sites for estranged children.

Yogagirl Tue 11-Feb-20 09:28:22
I do find it odd that an estranging AC would seek out a Gransnet site to tell her story of estranging her C from their loving GP and to get support & a pat on the back for it Mumsnet is the site for that surely

How do you know what Yogagirl meant Yennifer? It would appear that you have interpreted her posts as telling EAC to go elsewhere but if you go back and read her posts, it is this thread she referred too as being more appropriate to MN, not EAC.

Smileless2012 neither Sparkling or Yogagirl clarified that did they? How do you know what they meant?

"Surely this thread should be on Mumsnet" and "Mumsnet is the site for that surely" is not telling EAC to go elsewhere. Yogagirl was referring to this thread, not to EAC.

You "can deny (this reality/FACT) all you want because it doesn't change the truth".

As rosecarmel has posted, an apple is an apple and a banana is a banana.

rosecarmel -- What a perfect illustration of what I am talking about. And thanks for the laugh.

P.S. Before you post anything else like that can you put up a warning or something? I now have to clean my screen because I spit me tea at it... LOL

"This is an apple. Some people might try and tell you that it’s a banana. They might scream banana, banana, banana over and over and over again. They might put BANANA in all caps. You might even start to believe that this is a banana. But it’s not. This is an apple.”

Smileless -- Being able to recognize dysfunctional thinking and not being susceptible to gas-lighting is not the same as being shown proof and still be not willing to see it.

Users that identify as EAC HAVE BEEN TOLD "go elsewhere/you belong on MN" and yet you cling to, "that never happened" or "it wasn't meant 'that way'..."

Yogagirl posted that this thread should be on MN...

You can deny these realities/FACTS all you want because it doesn't change the truth.

Yes I know what the title of this thread is HolyHannah .

A common theme "that you cannot make someone see a truth they are not willing to accept" is as applicable from an EP's point of view as it is an EAC's.

Ditto Madgran77 and you have been very kind to me x

That should have said, "You OR any..."

Madgran -- I have no issue with you are any of your comments. I find you to be well balanced in your views and understanding of everyone here.

Cheers.

I might have skipped a few myself today, busy day at work and mucked up all the timings on dinner trying to cook and chat Madgran77. So Im not deciding its necessarily on purpose x

Me too!

I don't think I am one of the posters referred to .. but I hope my comments about links didn't suggest that posters should not post what they post as that truly isn't what I meant atall.

I posted the above comment earlier. No-one responded, not that I particularly thought it needed a response.

But then I read ... Telling other people how they should or should not feel when someone says something to them, is gas-lighting and of course invalidation.

So that set me wondering ...is my saying that IF my comment was read in a certain way and that IF it was that was not my intention, seen as gaslighting and invalidation? Or am I misunderstanding the point?

I might have skipped a few myself today, busy day at work and mucked up all the timings on dinner trying to cook and chat Madgran77. So Im not deciding its necessarily on purpose x

So far I've found often when I call out things people say by name they aren't responding but I'm patiently waiting x

I find that too Yennifer. Not always calling out things people say, just having comments/questions completely ignored. Oh well.

HolyHannah!!! (appropriate name choice) I get it, I really do x

Yennifer -- You are correct on that being a "common theme". The 'parent' gets to decide what you can/should feel in response to their behavior and since they believe they have done nothing wrong, or you took them the 'wrong way' or whatever justification they use.

If you say, "I feel that being told that this thread belongs 'elsewhere' is trying to silence and tell EAC they are not welcome here." that is not true because I was told that is not the intent of that statement at all. So because someone else declares that, my feelings and others who share it, are now dismissed.

Telling other people how they should or should not feel when someone says something to them, is gas-lighting and of course invalidation.

For example, 'mom' says, "You're too fat/too skinny..." Kid 'hears' -- "You are ugly." Does kid have a 'right' to feel that way? Yes. Does 'mom' saying, "That's not how I meant 'that'. Sorry you feel that way." make the kid feel better? Nope. Just more invalidation and proof that your feelings and by extension You don't matter.

Oh.

So we could have all contributed to this thread as intended. Understanding why some ECs are estranged and the common themes some ECs understand (baring in mind that every EC who COMES here HAS been abused as far as I have seen). Just being supportive on themes we haven't experienced personally

Or take away from it, detract from it, comment on the appropriateness of it, argue against it or tell the posters to take it to mums net.
×Ladies can't you see how wrong it is to do that?×

Trying to format differently for emphasis x

One of the biggest problems with my mother was her inability to understand that her behaviour hurt me if she had decided it shouldn't which I have come to understand is a common theme for people like her. So my problems in the relationship should be non problems as she thought she should be able to say what she liked and I should just say "of course mum, you are right, I am whatever it is you are calling me even though no one else in my life would agree". So now we are estranged the things she decided were non issues are not reasons for estrangement because I had no right to be hurt. Either that or my problem simply did not happen. She never committed fraud in my name or stole money or told me xyz etc. So estranged children understand that fighting to have their feelings heard is something they should never have to do again x

Smileless -- This thread is called, "Why you might be estranged... aka the same theme/attitude of EP/EGP's that EAC understand."

One of the "common themes" EAC understand is that you cannot make someone see a truth they are not willing to accept. The examples are all here and have been pointed out by me and others.