Today I have come across the same theme from EP/EGP's...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjn-ymF_LGg
This copied from another site:
And they wonder why they're still estranged.
From EP Facebook page.
"I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S (EXPLETIVE) WHAT ADULT ESTRANGED CHILDREN ARE THINKING.
You heard me. That’s a pretty strong statement, and it comes with some pretty strong feelings. After scanning the estrangement pages this morning, I am just so overwhelmed with sadness and anger for parents of EC’s, I needed to say something, and I wanted to make sure everybody heard me... so I put it in all caps.
I come to these communities and what I see are parents of all shapes and sizes with broken hearts pouring their guts out... parents that would do anything to have their children back in their lives. These are not bad people or abusers. These are not battle-hardened narcissists that want their children to suffer as they have. These are good people bearing unimaginable pain and hoping that something... anything they say will open a door and bring their children home.
So, you heard me. I am not interested in understanding adult estranged children.
I “get” them just fine. I don’t care why they do what they do, and I don’t care how unbelievable their actions are. I am not interested in their side of the story, and I am not interested in making them feel better. They are adults, they are creating this situation and they have plenty of “Dump Your Family Now” pages to help them feel better about the choice they have made.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
I don’t care if there is a reason for their actions in their mind or not. I don’t care if their behavior is erratic and difficult to understand, or just downright cruel. I don’t care if Mommy and Daddy were imperfect humans and I don’t care if they never got that pony they wanted growing up. When a parent loves, cares, and tries, this stuff is inexcusable.
What I AM interested in is saving lives.
Your lives.
Because this stuff nearly killed me... and make no mistake, it can kill you too. Whether it’s your literal death through suicide, heart problems or diabetes from stress and other diseases, or the figurative death of your soul through long, slow, endless agonizing self- doubt, make no mistake this stuff can kill you.
IF YOU LET IT.
I think most people that know my writings by now know that I am a pretty sensitive person. But I am also unbelievably strong. But I didn’t start out that way... I earned it. through tears, pain and hellfire, I earned it. But the funny thing about hellfire is that it “Tempers” you. It makes you harder and stronger... you go into it red hot, but when you are done pouring a bucket of tears on it, the steel that is left is stronger than ever before. If you haven’t already, you are going to need to learn that strength as well.
I have said it many times. I don’t want any parent to ever go through what I have been through... and still, most of you already have. I was too late. But there is still something I can do. I can say this... over and over until it helps someone...
We all get down and depressed about our children’s choice, but you can’t stay there. You can’t. The world needs you. Stop the questions. You know the ones. We all miss our children. But your job was to raise them... not to die for them. That’s a futile sacrifice that will fall on deaf ears... and frankly, I believe it’s an affront to God to throw away your life... the beautiful gift that has been given you. Stop wasting it pining away for someone that couldn’t care less if you live or die.
I don’t care what estranged adult children are thinking.
BECAUSE ESTRANGEMENT IS ABOUT POWER. You may not understand why your child has chosen to do this. Their reasons may make no sense at all. That’s common, and it’s the most painful part. But you better understand this, and learn it quickly. Estrangement is about one thing. It’s about power and control... and you have two choices: You can either watch your life slip away mired down in those swirling thoughts... Why? What happened? Do they love me? Why won’t they love me? Can you believe this? Well... have you ever seen what happens to toilet water once it gets done swirling around in the bowl?
Or, you can reclaim your power, your life, and your place in this world by saying “Enough kid, I love you, but I have paid enough”.
Who is the parent in this relationship anyway?..."
And another quote from an EP/EGP, "Also, I, for one, cannot find it in myself to proffer a comforting bosom to any wayward daughters/daughters-in-law. However much they regard themselves to be not in the least little bit wayward.
I will always be on the side of their mums/mils's."
How many demonstrations/examples/truths must be cited before My/Our reality is seen?
Im sorry Sparkling, I was talking about Yogagirls comment and forgot to say so.
Letter in will is a terrible idea though, it will just be a massive guilt trip to grandchildren and very upsetting with absolutely no way for them to change anything. My children get upset when they get any contact at all because it's not wanted x
There is no other way Yennifer, if your child's partner does not want you involved that's how it will be. Far better to stand back and not beat yourself up about it, at first the parents will try and they will be bewildered and hurt as they don't want to be estranged, eventually for their own mental health, they have to walk away. I would always continue sending birthday cards and Christmas cards, also leave the grandchildren a letter in my will saying how you tried to have a relationship as you loved them very much but we're not permitted to.
Such a disappointing comment! I would have thought a lot of EPs and ECs welcome balanced views or it will just be a chamber of echos with what people want to be hearing reflected back at them x
Sometimes parents expect to directly remain a fixture in their children's lives- I'm not saying it's a mistake to expect it, but that the expectation to do so is the source of the sorrow when it doesn't turn out that way-
It isn't unhealthy for anyone to distance themselves from relationships that are harmful or exhibit in some way that they've the potential to be- When a child chooses a partner who has a history of abuse, their relationship requires more room, room that a parent may have expected to be allotted to them-
It's primal instinct to want to protect daughters and sons, an instinct that gets passed along from parents to them- So if they become involved with partners who've a history of abuse, it only stands to reason that they instinctively want to protect them too-
The space and protection provided can be an environment used for growth or to continue patterns of abuse- Either way, it's up to daughters and sons to navigate their situations- And not their parents, unless asked or that there is clear and present danger-
Surely this thread should be on Mumsnet
Not really as many EAC may also be grandparents themselves! And hearing both viewpoints , as long as both are balanced by a recognition that each of us are individuals with different experiences and no assumptions that members of either group must be/behaved the same as what we have experienced ourselves, can be thought provoking
When everyone remembers to acknowledge that comments are not talking about an amorphous mass of people but only some, or some common patterns, then it works. When that is sometimes forgotten, not so much 
Sorry for some reason this I pad just deleted the grandchildren, when I said its hard to distance your self when you want to see grandchildren.
Well said Yogagirl. If anyone is unlucky enough for their son or daughter to get involved with a victim of parental abuse and that person wants mil out of the picture, this illustrates why if you that unfortunate person, take stock and move out of the picture as you are knocking your head against the wall. Know it must be hard when you want to see your the only alternative is a lifetime of anguish, I for one couldn't stand it. To see my own child involved in this scenario would be unbearable, but you can only be there when that relationship eventually ends, because it will.
Yogagirl -- Do not add to the perception/reality that certain people/attitudes on life, due to personal situations (abusive parents), are not welcome here aka those that identify as Estranged Adult Children (EAC).
Smileless -- What an interesting response to Yogagirl who just told EAC to "go elsewhere" -- like to MN. Previously You said, "Oh dear Starblaze still trotting out the same nasty comments about bullies I see and making false allegations; such a shame."
Starblaze's 'allegation' of feeling bullied and/or told that EAC should be/go "elsewhere" is only false IF those who identify as EP's do not say things like THAT OR EP's like You -- The non-abusive parent -- fails to condemn such comments from someone like Yogagirl. What did you say in response? "Hi Yogagirl it's nice to hear from you."
Hi Yogagirl it's nice to hear from you. How are things going with your son? I hope all is well and you are continuing to move forward with your reconciliation
x
Surely this thread should be on Mumsnet 
Brilliant advice.
How to survive a difficult parent. My sils have difficult mums.
1. Stay calm. 2. Learn to accept your situation. 3. Don’t retaliate. Arguing back will only make things worse. 4. Look to your future with hope. You can become the person you want to be in every area of life, with or without your horrid parent’s approval. 5. Believe in yourself. Don’t believe that you are the bad person your parent claims you are.
An interesting article which isn't just informative for AC with "horrid parents" but will help anyone who finds themselves in a toxic relationship.
I particularly liked "Don't believe you are the bad person your parent claims if you are self critical tell yourself everyone makes mistakes" parent can be substituted with anyone who is making your life a misery.
This might be the most shocking exchange I've read...
Estranged Parent -- "I was told I wasn't OWED love."
Reply -- "OMG...no, they technically don't owe us love BUT, how about if we had have shown them NO love and just done the basics? Then, they would be saying that they were somehow cheated and hated us for not having shown them love. ROFL. How stupid of them! We couldn't win with these little twirps for losing, could we?"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd6RB61JgVU&t=1s
This is a great video on Narcissistic parents.
HolyHannah you are so right it may as well be flashing neon signs these days x
Yennifer -- A nightmare indeed. The good news is with gaslighting and other abuse tactics is, once you learn to recognize these behaviors, they stop working on you.
As for that explaining your whole life? Mine as well. The gaslighting begins the first time you notice/question their hypocrisy and continues there-after. It's the, "Don't believe what I DO. Believe what I SAY I am doing."
Gaslighting is such a nightmare! When I saw an article about it once I was blown away. It hadn't ever occurred to me that someone would do something like that and it explained my whole life x
Which is why it's so important to 'get away' as soon as you can. It's really disturbing when you have got away, to look back and see just how paranoid you were becoming and the extent of the damage they can cause.
"Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality; it creates a mental fog of epic proportions in the twisted “funhouse” of smoke, mirrors, and distortions that is an abusive relationship. When a malignant narcissist gaslights you, they engage in crazymaking discussions and character assassinations where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and sanity. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you are unable to fight back. Rather than finding ways to healthily detach from this toxic person, you are sabotaged in your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what you’ve experienced."
blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/7-gaslighting-phrases-malignant-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-translated/
muffinthemoo -- In my comment of Thu 02-Jan-20 05:32:38 I did mention that the quote was from Gransnet.
Regardless of estrangement status, the quote is an example of black and white thinking/prejudging based on who the person is in the world. That's not a healthy mind-set.
The quote about "wayward daughters" in the article quoted in the OP comes from a Gransnet thread, from Gonegirl in fact.
Thread's here: www.gransnet.com/forums/estrangement/1267139-Why-are-younger-people-on-Gransnet-now?pg=2
IIRC Gonegirl doesn't identify herself as estranged and might be surprised to find how far and wide her words have apparently travelled.
If only unicorns weren't as rare as children who estrange their parents for no reason lol
"I wonder if unicorn horns could be used to stop leaks." Maybe. We still have to find a unicorn first. LOL
I agree .. Many parents don't see ..
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