Gransnet forums


Lost post from a Mumsnetter. Help!

(23 Posts)
ExD Thu 09-Apr-20 10:05:57

I hope some of you saw that letter from a young lady who had popped into here to relieve her boredom whilst in lockdown.
I hope you can help me find it, because I'd like to reply to her.
(I lost her post through my ignorance with IT - l left to answer the phone and when I returned my page was blank)
The young lady had been reading the Estrangement thread and was pretty annoyed with us for seemingly (to her) putting the blame on to the Mums, and being very vindictive towards them because (to her) the blame was firmly on us.
This shocked me and I was going to write a furious reply, but having had time to think I was wondering how much of what she said had some truth in it?
It must, in many cases, be a matter of non communication and I'd like to know what she thinks could be done to heal some of these rifts.
There were some replies, genuinely angry replies, that really hurt in their viciousness towards us Grans that shook me. There is clearly a lot of misunderstanding going on and with a a bit of input from both sides, stated calmly and without prejudice, might help put some of these wrongs right. I'd very much like to put my own wrong right.

Where did I see this post? Why can't I find it again?

Smileless2012 Thu 09-Apr-20 10:16:27

I don't think you saw it here on GN ExD I certainly didn't see it.

ExD Thu 09-Apr-20 10:28:13

If I had a reliable memory I'd be dangerous. Thanks for your input Smileless.

Smileless2012 Thu 09-Apr-20 10:35:38

You're welcome

Squiffy Thu 09-Apr-20 10:40:29

ExD Sometimes it's easier to do a search on Google than on the GN search function! Just go on to Google and tap in GransNet and a few clues - Estrangement etc - and see if it comes up. Good luck!

ExD Thu 09-Apr-20 19:58:17

No luck.
No worries. I was just curious to hear things from the 'other side' - she was really taken aback by what she saw as the vindictiveness of grans - and I was taken aback that she was laying the 'blame', if thats the right word, fully at our door.
Makes you think, and its always good to try to see the other point of view.
Thanks for the hints. smile

Missfoodlove Thu 09-Apr-20 21:37:36

Message deleted by Gransnet. Bit of confusion over names and unintentionally shed a negative light on a poster.

Chewbacca Thu 09-Apr-20 21:47:59

I saw it the post but just skimmed and moved on. I think Missfoodlove is correct as to its author. It wasn't up for long but I don't know why or when it vanished.

HolyHannah Fri 10-Apr-20 00:56:15

Missfoodlove -- I am not on Mumsnet under any username.

HolyHannah Fri 10-Apr-20 00:58:30

Chewbacca -- Sorry to disappoint.

ExD Fri 10-Apr-20 01:49:43

So I'm not losing it after all.

Smileless2012 Fri 10-Apr-20 09:32:39

No you're not "losing it" ExD but maybe I am as I'd forgotten about that threadblush.

Missfoodlove Fri 10-Apr-20 09:37:49

HolyHannah, If you read the OP, it is asking for someone that posted here on Gransnet not Mumsnet.

ExD Fri 10-Apr-20 09:50:39

Its on Mumsnet. Now just how I got into Mumsnet I have no idea, but I cranked up my iPad this morning and it jumped straight into Mumsnet and there it was. It was posted my someone called Chocolate PHD.
I am a very old Gran, (actually great-gran) at 80 and not very skilled at IT so I haven't been able to copy the letter and repost it here (if anyone can tell me how to do this I'll copy and post it to this page) and Chocolate, please help us understand what's going on in the minds of the Mums who we think have ostracised us.
I don't want to start a whole lot of unpleasantness, but if it only enables one person to see the other point of view and become reconciled it'd be worth a try. From the replies on Mumsnet there seems to be an enormous amount of terribly bad feeling between the generations - and its very to read such bitter remarks about my generation.
I personally would love to become re-acquainted with my gt grandkids, and need to know what terrible sin I committed for me to be denied access because whatever it was - it was unintentional.

Chewbacca Fri 10-Apr-20 10:04:24

Don't worry ExD, no harm done! There are lots of threads about estrangement and they all have a recurring theme, for obvious reasons, and so tend to be very similar in their opening OP so easy mistake to make. Some, like the "Support for all who are living with estrangement", is very well supported by posters but others, for one reason or another are not.

Join in, if you'd like to, you'll be made welcome!

Smileless2012 Fri 10-Apr-20 10:23:40

Well done ExD I'm in my late 50's and hopeless when it comes it ITblush. I even have to gt Mr. S. to post photo's here on GN for me.

Chewbacca's right about the support thread here on GN, a great place to give and receive support or just a lighthearted thread. We've been talking about corn beef hash recently haven't we Chewbaccagrin.

It would be great to see you there if you want to pop onsmile

Ironflower Fri 10-Apr-20 10:32:00

It is very common amongst DIL/Parent groups to really hate on Grandparents. It's really not simple to say whether the parent or the child is at fault. Sometimes relationships are just dysfunctional. I am not a grandparent. I posted my story here and was blasted for not cutting my parents off sooner.

My parents are mostly denied contact with my children. It was many things that lead to this but the main reasons were physical abuse of my brothers when I was little, not acknowledging my sons' special needs, favouring one of our children over the other (who pushes a 1 year old away from them), and just generally being really nasty in front of the children. This is not always the case.

Sometimes we can unintentionally hurt someone and cause it or of course sometimes the child can be toxic. Toxic people can be from any generation.

I wish that my children were able to bond with two sets of grandparents (my in-laws are lovely) but they are just too toxic.

I'm sorry that you don't have contact with your great grandchildren. That must be so hard.

quizqueen Fri 10-Apr-20 10:40:51

Each family problem is different so the blame can't always be at the foot of one group.
To copy things from another source....
a) highlight the passage with your mouse buy holding down the left click and moving it around and the print will show up in blue
b) while the blue print is still there, hover over it and press right click and choose copy.
c) return to where you want to put the chosen passage and right click -paste.

quizqueen Fri 10-Apr-20 10:41:39

by, not buy!!!!

ExD Fri 10-Apr-20 11:14:01

Thank you, that's the only way I knew about how to copy - but I couldn't get the test to highlight when I tried.
I don't know why this turned out to be an obsession with me - finding the post I mean - now I'be found it, it doesn't seem to be anything like as memorable as I thought. Silly of me.
I must have joined Mumsnet some time in the past because I conjured up a long forgotten password and was straight in - I can post on it too.
I'm pleased to say Gransnet isn't anything like as confrontational as Mumsnet, and although I'm not a pride when it comes to swearing, I was pretty shocked by the sheer amount of unnecessary swearing going on.
I must be well out of touch, do all young(er) ladies speak like this? Does my own daughter? I'm certainly being educated!

Smileless2012 Fri 10-Apr-20 11:35:32

GN has it's moments ExD but the good outweighs the badsmile.

Lovely post Ironflower

Starblaze Fri 10-Apr-20 11:57:33

There are many grandparents estranged from parents. It's quite common to estrange a parent later in life.

HolyHannah Fri 10-Apr-20 13:40:27

Missfoodlove -- I read the OP "The young lady had been reading the Estrangement thread and was pretty annoyed with us for seemingly (to her) putting the blame on to the Mums, and being very vindictive towards them because (to her) the blame was firmly on us."

So what ExD was looking for was someone on Mumsnet who had read what was written here. And given that Gransnet removed your comment (not by reported by me) obviously someone else found the comment/accusation 'wrong'.

HolyHannah, If you read the OP, it is asking for someone that posted here on Gransnet not Mumsnet. -- The title of this thread is "Lost post from a Mumsnetter. Help!"

I'm not on Mumsnet under any user name as I previously stated. So who is misreading here?