SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Hi Yogagirl and good afternoon everyone.

Yes, it has been quiet hasn't it. It's so difficult to find something to say when we're all so restricted because of the lock down.

Sounds as if you had a lovely VE Day. It must be a mixed blessing seeing your D and GD's but being unable to have a hug.

I remember feeling guilty the first year it got to the end of the day before I'd thought about it being our ES's birthday and when it comes to our GC, it's nothing more than a passing thought once their birthday cards have been posted.

Those days are 'just another day' now and have to be because as you say when we focused on them, the grief just became too much to deal with, year after year.

For you dear friendx

Morning all

Surprised to see no posts!

I had a good VE Day, we had a street party, then D&GDs came round with a basket of cakes, chocs & other teatime goodies, such a lovely surprise, no hugs or kisses they stayed in the car. Not much of a change with the lockdown yet.

I was surprised to get to the end of the day & realise I hadn't thought of my darling little GD who's birthday it was, 10yrs old, I last saw her when she was 2.5yrs. I will always remember her trying to open the door for me calling nannie, nannie the day I was 'cut out' for 6yrs year I would light a candle, write out a birthday card [popped in memory sack] with a nice passage of what was going on with our family etc. put some money in her bank acc I'd opened for her [same for Jack a week later] But after doing this for 6yrs I just had to stop. So now I do nothing, treat it as just another day, it's my way of coping with it because before I was going mad with grief!

That sounds very nice smiles
We sat in the garden. Mr hugs with a book, and me with my camera, quietly waiting for bird visitors. A few kindly obliged.

Had a lovely day today, spent the afternoon enjoying the on our roof terrace with a good book.

Mr. S. is busy with the BBQ and we're enjoying a. Hope you've all had a good day.

Evening ladies.
I'm very much missing the sea too PF
Hope you enjoy your online course 3nanny. I joined a photography group that does a weekly project. I can't compete with all the wondefully talented people but I'm enjoying having a go.
We dropped shopping off for DD this morning and managed a little walk at a spot we saw on the way back. It was only 10 mins then back to the car but we saw fields, cows and a bullfinch, and we really enjoyed that.

It just gets too much doesn't it Madgran. The headlines give a brief over view of what's important and that's enough for us.

We too are having a quick listen to the headlines and very little else! It isn't about avoiding reality, just that it all repeats and there is so much sadness, worry and concerns that I am already aware of so I don't need to hear it all again. I think we are all finding our own ways to deal with it all 3nanny6 and whatever works for each of us is fine!

I too am being very picky about which threads I look at/join in with on GN Smileless for a number of reasons.

for everyone!!

We are very fortunate PF.

These are difficult and strange times 3nanny. I don't spend nearly as much time on GN as I was before the lock down and am picky about the threads I read and post on.

It's good to know you'll be having a read of this thread even if you're not posting. I suspect nothing will change when we hear from BJ on Thursday so I'm stealing myself for another 3 weeks before even the smallest adjustments to the rules and regulations are made.

TBHI don't think Mr. S. have watched so little of the news and tv in general. It's just too much for us, even the vast majority of the adverts are CV based! Thank goodness for our vast DVD collection and Netflix.

Take care 3nanny x

Good Morning ladies hope all is well.
So my thinking is a bit like Starblaze: I feel that I need to take some leave from the social media realms at the moment as the long time of lockdown has me just a little bit overwhelmed and my emotions fluctuate with all the news coming out of radio, t.v. and even on G.N. I have started a Mindfulness diary
just to keep a record of my daily thoughts and feelings, plus I used to do colouring art therapy in the mornings for an hour so am getting into that as it is therapeutic and calming.

I have found a short course on internet with detailed lessons on using a smartphone something I have never been bothered with but everyone uses them these days so I must put my mind to it and give it my best. (it will certainly challenge me)

Ladies on this thread you are all amazing but other threads even in the times we are having there is still tensions and much I do not want to even get involved in. So with the television switched off and just gentle music on I am off to do a bit of colouring therapy and have a chat to the "dogs"
my idea of a conversation as they always understand me and show empathy. They are my best of friends like I have found on here.
I will be dipping in and out having a catch up but if I seem quiet it is just coping mechanism for the time being until we see what Sundays news bulletin will be when Boris gives out
anything new to restrictions.
Take care.

Good morning everybody. It is indeed a beautiful morning and I have spent my usual hour in the garden, weeding and planting, something I never did BC.

@Nanny - Good luck with the jasmine. Is it hard to grow?

@LorB - Welcome to GN. I am sorry to hear about your estrangement and hopefully you will find this a helpful thread. I have certainly found it very supportive, especially during the period when I was semi-estranged from my eldest daughter.

Obviously, we don't know the reasons behind your estrangement but these situations are always desperately painful, as many on here will testify. The only things I would say are that you should look after yourself, and that you should try to forgive your mother if you can - for your own sake as much as hers - as angry and bitter feelings can be very destructive and take up too much headspace. At least, that's how it was - and to a certain extent still is - for me. I suppose we all have to try to find our own way through.

@Smileless - I really miss not being able to go to the sea. I yearn for it, so I am very envious of your sea views - in the nicest possible way of course!

Good morning ladies. A beautiful morning here with clear blue skies and . Once again the sea is a beautiful shade of blue.

Some lovely weather forecast for the next few days and with all set to change at the weekend I'm going to make the most of it while it lasts.

Thank you smiles I'll be sure to try that next time we have a chicken.
Have a good break star
I'm sorry to hear about your family rift LorB, it is very sad.

Goodnight lovely people.

Welcome to GN Lor I'm sorry to hear about your estrangement from your mother and her stopping you from going to your father's funeral. As you say, it's very sad then estrangement happens in families.

I totally understand how someone may decide not go to a relatives funeral to avoid any unpleasantness but I was wondering what your mother did to stop you.

Hello, I am new to gransnet, thought I would join as I am a grandparent who has a 9 year old granddaughter living with us and wondered if anyone else in same situation to talk to.........but then I read this post regarding the pain of estrangement. I have been estranged from my Mother for 4 years, also I lost my Dad last July and my Mum stopped me going to his funeral and caused an unforgivable, unmendable rift in our family.
So sad these things happen in families.

I think it might be time for me to take another social media break, it overwhelms me and I get down after a while. Plus I find it addictive so I like to come off to prove I can. Also it means people actually call more often which I prefer. The weather is lovely and I have lots of things to do.

Take care all. See you soon (if I don't lose my password again)

Afternoon ladies.

It's not a recipe as such hugshelp. I cover the carcass with water, and simmer for 2 to 3 hours with a chicken stock cube, chopped onion, salt and black pepper and a couple of peeled potatoes cut quite small. The potatoes cook so well that you can mash them with a fork and they thicken the soup. Sometimes I add sweet corn but not always. Hope that helps.

6 miles that a good walk Madgran no wonder you're feeling virtuous. I love rhododendrons, my dad was an absolute marvel at growing them so when I see them I'm reminded of him and my childhood.

Smileless we were out enjoying bluebells too! Aren't they lovely!

3Nanny6 yes |I think the lockdown pressures are increasing aren't they ...good to find distractions. Jasmine is lovely ...especially the fragrance, one of my favourites. I was given one a few years ago, which I planted in the garden and enjoy the smell every year.

Mr M and I haver started identifying longer walks to do together once a week ...we work out a convoluted route to a local park and a way home making it a circular route ...have ended up doing @ 6 miles each time, so feel very virtuous! The rhododendrons in one of our parks are just beautiful at the moment

OOh, Could I please have your chicken soup recipe smiles - I have tried making soup with the carcass a few times but we haven't really been that keen on the result.
I'm just going to do a very short exercise, not managed any for a few days but feel up to a few mins.
Made bread this morning ready to bob over to DDs in a couple of days with some other things she will need.
Golly, you're a busy bee today 3nanny

Afternoon ladies, hope you are all well. I have been feeling the pressure of the lockdown this last few days, so yesterday went off on 20 minute drive to the large Asda. Found myself a potted jasmine plant with canes in for the outside so felt pleased with myself. Also bought a good selection of food.

I was awake at 6. 15 this morning and after tossing and turning for a while got up. With the dogs sorted out I was in the garden weeding and sweeping and sorting out where to put the jasmine plant. (This was all at 8.15 am) I was rearing to go today so next on the list came the sweeping and washing the hard floors downstairs. I am going to have my exercise slot in about 15 minutes and when I get back I think there may be an hours sleep coming up on the sofa.
Never good to sleep on the sofa but I think I have earned that little treat today.
Have a good afternoon all.

Glad everyone is finding ways to entertain themselves. Maybe I need a hobby too ☺️

Afternoon ladies.

It was a lovely dinner even if I do say so myself hugshelp; roast chicken is Mr. S.'s favourite. I made soup out of the carcass and we've just had that for lunch.

Feeling tired today. I did my exercises but it was a real effort to get going and done the jobs for today, so now I'm going to sit down, find something to watch on the tv and cuddle the dogs.

My late grandmother was incredible at knitting and crochet. I remember one year when she made every member of our family (my parents, me, and my five siblings) a pair of warm socks as a Christmas gift. She also made a number of crocheted Christmas ornaments. I have tried knitting and crochet but not recently. I would like to get back into them at some point.

I seem to take after my mother's family when it comes to crafting. Mum's maternal grandmother and aunt were excellent at embroidery. Mum has a number of embroidered dresser and table covers that they made, many from pieces of old sheets that they embroidered and then edged with lace so they looked pretty. I have one around somewhere, too. I quite enjoy cross stitch and embroidery. I'm currently working on a wedding record for my SIL and her fiance.

Golly that all sounds wonderful smiles
Good night all. x

Just got back from a lovely walk through woods covered in blue bells, down to the beach. Just what we needed before we sit down to our roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings followed by a rich chocolate cake with fresh cream for afters.

Morning ladies.

Thanks for the helpful advice hugshelp.

It's good to try and keep busy isn't it 3nanny my gran was an excellent seamstress and great knitter. My mum knitted but never did any sewing. I used to sew a lot but didn't inherit my gran's and mum's knitting skills.

Gosh Yogagirl doesn't time fly. I bet you can hardly believe your GD will be 10 next week!! You had such a lovely relationship with her, I'm so so sorry that you can no longer see her.

You're right, it's OK to drive a short distance to go for a walk. That's what we're doing and TBH it's so much easier to social distance as we rarely see anyone else there.