This is my first post so hello everyone. This is a bit of a long story.....
From Aug 2016 to Sep 2018, my eldest sister became my mum’s carer (circumstances for my sister was that she was made redundant and was fed up of work) but during this time, she emotionally abused my mum at least once a week, by telling her she hated caring for her (which would upset my mum greatly to the point she would say she wished she would die), then not giving her meals on time (cos she had better things to do like watching a TV show) and to complete neglect (not coming at all or going on holiday for weeks without telling us). All the while, she claimed carers allowance (A UK benefit) which my mum topped up with cash from her pension. I was at that time living 200 miles away but when I found out this was going on, I started coming up at least once a month on extended leave to give her a break. My eldest sister only had to prep and cook meals for my mum and clean the house once in a while as my mum was able to go to the bathroom on her own. My brother who was living in Canada came back 4 months of the year to give my eldest sister a break. My middle sister said she would help out like I did, but to this day, help has never materialised (on going excuses ranging from her sick husband (he isn’t sick) to brexit) but she’s been very vocal with criticisms and asking my mum to forgive my eldest sister. She lives near me so about 200 miles away but has only visited my mum less than 8 times in the last 5 years - she moved back to the UK from the US citing wanting to see mum more. These interventions did not help at all as my eldest sister continued to carry on with this abuse. We offered her a salary which she rudely turned down. We offered to get carers in to take over multiple times (this would mean my eldest sister would lose the benefit and extra cash my mum paid her), but these offers were also refused as she would say then it’s ok and she’ll continue caring if we all chipped in with help. Things didn’t change.
So in Sep 2018, my brother left his job in Canada and came back to become my mum’s carer (after much organisation, he arranged to be able to do his job from the UK and from home). Since then, things have lead to a complete break (arguments) of our relationships with my sisters when my mum in Dec 2019 left a video message to them both, telling them to stop all these arguments and told them both that if she passed, she would tell the hospital that my sisters were responsible due to constantly arguing with her when she is so ill. Since then, both sisters have not contacted my mum for these last 5 months, even with covid rife and she’s in the vulnerable group. Although one sister did send a birthday card and Mother’s Day card (online Moonpig) which both fall in March but mentioned nothing about how my mum was doing and if she was well. My mum has been hugely heartbroken due to lack of any concern. So at this time...
It is with sadness, that I now have to write that my mum passed away a few days ago (not covid). We still haven’t told my sisters. Family friends are telling us we should tell them yet those that are close (my uncle) who know this story and have been involved, tell us (as we feel) that we have no obligation to do this. Before my mum passed and she was coherent (she developed severe Dementia during her last weeks), she would ask if ‘they’ (my sisters) had called. The reply was always ‘no’ but we would always follow this with asking my mum if she wanted us to call them to which she replied ‘no’. As you guys can relate to what we’ve been through, I just wanted some advice. I still feel that we don’t owe our sisters anything. The family friends are concerned that my sisters will create problems and lies about us when they do find out and if we tell them now, then ‘we’ve done our duty’.
Lexin Sun 03-May-20 15:47:48
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CherryCezzy Sun 03-May-20 22:29:00
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paddyanne Sun 03-May-20 22:50:03
Lexin Sun 03-May-20 22:58:09
NotSpaghetti Mon 04-May-20 00:29:45
3nanny6 Mon 04-May-20 13:02:43
Lexin Mon 04-May-20 21:29:39
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NotSpaghetti Tue 05-May-20 23:40:14
Mebster Wed 06-May-20 02:30:44