Grandsons too old for grandparents now

This is absolutely normal, and sounds like a good job has been done all round. I had a lovely relationship with my granny, but not so much during teenage years, certainly at 16. It was just boys and clubbing, hence my username! I went back though, and your grandsons will, just give them space. Enjoy watching from a distance, and spend time with your husband.

we are different - because of politics


Why did Trump spring to mind?

There seemed to be far less public transport when we stayed in the U.S.

When we decided to walk to the supermarket two people stopped to ask if everything was okay.

It's all about friends at their age and adults are put on the back burner till they are needed again.

My two teenage GCs are so busy now with becoming adults and they all go through this stage of seemingly not wanting to have a relationship with the adults in their life. It doesn't mean they have stopped loving you and won't be back.

I remember a saying "Hold them tightly with loose hands" which I took to mean let them go and grow up. You have helped to get them to this stage so well done!

@Bluebell many teenagers in the US have weekend jobs delivering pizzas, bagging groceries, etc. It is also currently summertime and school is not in session. He may have a seasonal job at a camp (my summer job for many years as a teen) or doing landscaping.

A used car can go for as little as $1500 or be passed down from parents as they buy themselves a new car. In fact, many of my friends at that age received cars on their 16th birthdays or as graduation gifts.

Contrary to popular belief, American children are very hard-working and resourceful. It’s not all video games and parties. Having a job at that age gave me so much freedom, independence, and taught me responsibility. @jworks should be proud!

It sounds to me as if the 16 yr old remembers how grandad ^ hasn't been so sweet and kind^ and now is of an age where he doesn't have to see him.
To me it is significant that you felt the need to write that.

You say the 13 year old wants to discuss politics - can you discuss with him and listen respectfully to each other's viewpoints?

I understand that could be quite a difficult thing to do, but maybe he feels his views are disregarded at the moment.

This happened to me with the eldest GS, who gradually distanced himself when he was 14. He ignored me in the street a couple of times [he was with a friend and embarrassed/self conscious once] and I was stunned. He also grunted when I visited and stayed in his room].

This was the boy I adored and saw every week, who I took for days out and played with for hours, who ran towards me and hugged me when I arrived, who laughed and played cricket and football with me, And the rest.

His dad was a bit similar at the same age though, and I think some of it was due to body changes and awareness of sexuality...something not easily talked about with a single mother. Of course it's a natural progression of entering adulthood but it hurts when they seemingly shut you out in the process.

I just got on with my life though it hurt so much. There was another younger grandson to enjoy and younger son then had 2 children...

Older GS meanwhile had girlfriends, bought a car, got a job, moved into a flat and is now 21. He is now friendly and affectionate and we connect, talk a lot when I see him. We have a thread between us again though I don't see him much. But he is independent and confident and I'm glad. He was pushing against a bit of a close atmosphere at home and being controlled by adults who all wanted a piece of him and his time. I couldn't see it at the time.

I know now. His brother is now coming up to 13 [wonderful, funny, sensitive boy] and I am prepared this time. I also have 2 other grandchildren who will probably be the same, as I don't see them as often.

I remember refusing to go to church with my grandmother when I was 14, after going with her for years. She must have been hurt by that and I feel awful about it. Teenagers can be so thoughtless. Please don't take it personally OP...I can remember how upsetting it was for me but it works out in the end/in time.

My GS has said he wanted me to be there for his 15th birthday on Monday which is why I'll be on my way to Oxfordshire later today. I'm very happy to discuss politics with my oldest GS, 16, who is planning to do A-level Politics when schools open again. It's a great pity that they all live 150 miles away but we all get on well.

Just the opposite here. My 18 year old grandson wants to spend all his time with his Uncle and cousins. He does have a couple of friends he plays golf with, but other than that, he loves to spend time with his uncle , Aunty and little cousins.

An elderly lady told me that the pull away as teenagers but come back in their early-mid twenties if they aren’t put under pressure to visit whether they want to or not.

We don’t see nearly so much of our grandsons now. They have lots going on in their lives. We have two little ones but they live a long way from us. It is a bit sad but life moves on.

Once life gets back to normal I’ll be busy with my friends and intend making a real effort to widen my social circle. I need to be realistic and not expect the closeness of friends with young children in common.

Couldn`t have put it better myself Chewbacca. They grow up,go, then come back,thats as it should be tbh.

I agree

jworks To me it sounds as though you have helped raise two confident boys one 16 and able to manage his affairs regarding his driving test and running a car and a younger boy able to converse with you about politics even if you don't agree with his thoughts so well done to you and their parents.
They are young men now and will fall back into the family when they are ready.

Couldn`t have put it better myself Chewbacca.
They grow up,go, then come back,thats as it should be tbh.

This is normal, they are doing their own thing, once they feel their feet this is what happens, I would be happy things were going great for them, you have made them your whole life but you can’t expect them to be the same as when they were younger, it doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings for you, but you don’t focus in the forefront of their minds, like they do in yours

What exactly is it that you want from them?

What about your own grown up children? Aren’t they in your life? Presumably they aren’t teenagers.

Of course it’s normal you’d be a bit worried if they were hanging around you at 13 and 16 they are becoming there own people and you should be very very worried if they were relying on you
At those ages they should be out leading their own lives
To have a car girlfriend and job at 16 seems quite extreme He must be quite a mover did he not finish school? What job does he do at 16 to afford a car ? I know you are in USA but here the children can’t leave school until 18
You moved away from them!!! He has had to put all his energies in other things and of course he’s says he doesn’t care thats teenage language for I care a lot
How far have you moved?
Do they live with their parents ?
You sound very naive if you expected teenagers to stay in your life for ever
Your big mistake was my life was about them my whole life
Nows the time to make your own life with your husband
Don’t make the same mistake with the adopted granddaughter
Good luck in making a life outside your grandkids

So you practically raised the 16 year old, now you've moved away, but he's kicked you to the curb? Sounds more like he's having to stand on his own two feet and is beginning to do it very nicely. What did you expect him to do?

Most 13 year olds rarely talk in more than a grunt. If your lad wants to discuss politics with you that's a huge compliment. You don't have to agree and he doesn't have to believe the same as you. Listen to him, let him talk and explore his ideas. Explain your point of view. Encourage debate.

They sound like great kids who are growing into young adults. Let them do so and enjoy this next stage in all your lives.

Whoops. I didn't notice. Thanks NotSpaghetti

boat the OP says she is in Texas.

It's great to be able to discuss politics with people who have differing opinions.

You respect them for their views and they should respect you for yours

In my family we have reds, blues, greens and we all get on famously

Having different political views shouldn't be an end to a relationship.

But it's normal for them to be less available as they grow up. But keep in touch with them.

They'll come back

if the younger one is willing to discuss politics with you, then that is quite an accolade, i'd say.
also shows a maturity and interest in civics, current affairs, esp with the presidential election coming up.
it might help him also in his school-work, to practice talking about concepts, and laying out an argument rationally.
why don't you encourage him in that.
you don't have to get into disputations. just be more, hmm that's interesting, could you say more about that.
as for the older, well if he's got a girlfriend, and a car, then naturally he will find all that more appealing. didn't you at that age.

It’s normal I’m afraid. Our grandchildren are ours for such a short a time. Much less than the time we have with our children.

The politics though. If your grandson is not a Trump supporter and you and his grandfather are, that’s is a huge barrier. If your grandson supports Black Lives Matter and you and your husband don’t, again, BIG issue.

The worlds moves on politically. Maybe try to see the worlds through the eyes of the current generation. It could help the relationship you’re desperate for.