Estrangement from 2 daughters.

Sometimes it’s best to give people what they want. They’ll come crawling back when they need you for something again and you’ll get to decide on your terms how helpful you want to be after the way they’ve treated you. Please go on that vacation. Enjoy some time away and come home with a new attitude of putting yourself first. Pick up a new hobby, try to make new friends (if you’re lonely) and build on the relationship with your youngest daughter.

Jeez. Your grandson was living with you and his mum and aunty are being horrible to you because you couldn’t cope anymore and he’s now in residential care?

Can you say to them well, if he’d been living with either of you you’d have more of an idea as to why it had to be done and it’s not up for discussion so away and save your puff for blowing your porridge.

You still have one of your girls in your life and it’s her I’d be concentrating on. It won’t be easy but please please stop letting the other two bully you.

I tend to agree with Bibity you have done a great deal for your family Coffeebix and deserve time to get your life together again. Leave the door open for your daughters but take care of yourself first and foremost.

You’ve done your time.
You stepped up and went above and beyond. They sound selfish and horrible.
Your life matters. Your mental health matters and you enjoying your time on Earth matters.
You are not their skivvy.
You need to stop serving them in the hope that they will throw you crumbs.
What you did for Luke was amazing.
You don’t owe your daughters anything.

Blank them. Let them sort out their own children. If they want something from you they can do it with a civil tongue and some gratitude.

I’m very sorry for what you are going through, everyone needs a break at some point and no one should ever be faulted for that.

I commend you on your asking your other daughter to not get involved in the situation, that shows a lot of maturity.

The sadness you feel will continue on unfortunately, I’d suggest sending a letter or email to both daughters apologizing for any mistakes you may have made in this situation (but list some of your errors out like “I shouldn’t have shouted at you during our conversation and I’m so sorry that I did, you did nothing to deserve it.”) I know that you may feel you don’t need to apologize, but if your goal is reconciliation I promise you that acknowledging some of your missteps (do not however apologize for the entire situation, because you needed a break and there is nothing wrong with that, don’t apologize for something you are not sorry for) and asking for forgiveness gives you the best chances at reconciliation, please believe me. It may be uncomfortable to do so, but this is the price everyone needs to pay when we want to solve our conflicts. I’ve had to do it, I’ve had to apologize for things that in the moment I meant, but after the fact I know it hurt the other person and I know it was wrong of me. Sometimes it makes me extremely uncomfortable to do so, but I get through it because I love the other person. Relationships do not heal properly if people sweep conflicts under the rug and reunite without acknowledging faults, no matter how big or small, the relationship will never be what it used to be and there will be resentment.

So after apologizing in the letter, end it with saying you’d like to try again, please know my door is open, please contact me if/when you are ready. And then unfortunately all you can do is wait, which I know is so so hard. You must follow through with waiting for them to contact you, even if it means several months to show that your letter is genuine. I give you permission to sob into the couch pillows all you need to and to lay about eating some sweets if that makes you feel better.

I so hope that you all can come together out of this stronger than before, you do a lot for your family coffeebix, you should be proud of yourself Take care of yourself and stay strong