Domestic Violence from kids to parents

rosecarmel

Fanny, because expressing disapproval and resorting to guilt tripping isn't rum and doesn't muddy water much?

Sorry, I meant to quote this.

FannyCornforth

rosecarmel
I have no idea now what you are referring to in your above comment, alongside 'crying with laughter' emojis.
I think that it's a bit rum to muddy the waters when posters like Daisy have utilised this thread (initially about elder abuse) to ask for help as a sufferer of elder abuse.

I'm just trying to draw attention to someone who very much needs it.

hugshelp, thanks for the clarification on your views on m.h. issues and parenting. Its very rare for seriously mentally ill people, eg those with psychosis or schozophrenia for example to pose any threat to their children or other people.
the level of anxiety, depression or ptsd amongst the general population is high. Many of those people will be parents. Again, highly unlikely that parents pose a risk to their children. Parents suffering significant levels of depression/anxiety /substance misuse may be emotionally unavailable to their children at times. None of this makes them abusive parents. Its great that many of us feel less stigmatised, more able to be open about their mh issues.
We all need to care about this, to understand what resources are and should be available. 40 year ago women's groups were organising for eg women's refuge/support for parents. Sadly progress made has been devastated in recent years. Let's get fighting again

Daisy, your local police will have a specialist team responsible for domestic abuse. The fact your son is ex police should not influence them and is unlikely to do so because they are specially trained officers. Their training courses are good and though I'm not up to date it seems highly unlikely they won't be fully aware of elder abuse.

If you don't feel able to call them at this stage. Please call Silveline. Keep safe and as others have said, if you feel you can, please start your own thread to discuss you situation. this one wanders and you may find it a tough read at times.

Fanny, because expressing disapproval and resorting to guilt tripping isn't rum and doesn't muddy water much?

rosecarmel
I have no idea now what you are referring to in your above comment, alongside 'crying with laughter' emojis.
I think that it's a bit rum to muddy the waters when posters like Daisy have utilised this thread (initially about elder abuse) to ask for help as a sufferer of elder abuse.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Just to clarify, when I mentioned mental illness, amongst other things, as rare exceptions to always allowing parents to parents as they see fit, I was not, and I hoped I made it clear, inferring that the majority of people who are mentally ill are unfit parents.

A clearer, and simpler statement would be that intervention in appropriate whenever a child is in danger of harm, not based on debatable dogmas, but where there is a genuine fear of harm.

And the same principle applies where a spouse is in danger from their partner, or a parent from their child. How 'weird' any relationship might seem to onlookers is irrelevant, as long as nobody is in danger of harm.

There is a clear line between interfering with our own prescriptive notions and reaching out to help someone who is in danger.

I'm too lazy to dig

Tough

I hope you'll take the advice of who to contact Daisy. Please get some help to get this awful abuser out of your life.

Daisy Helpful advice from *Starblaze.

F you are UK based, another possible contact is:

Age UK helpline 0800 6781174
Or contact your GP

Daisy, please do seek help, ring Silverline tell them you are scared. Have you no other family that can help you. How I feel for you, it’s heartbreaking thinking of you being treated like that. Do something now, one day the blows might kill you. Please keep in touch on this forum for support.

Chewbacca

^The parent with the 2 kicking children that refused assistance^

See post @ 16.10.2020 @ 17.35

I'm too lazy to dig-

Exactly, Starblaze- Acknowledgement is a safe harbor, for families and individuals alike- Much like the necessity to "see" color in order to "see" racial inequalities and address them- People have problems- Full stop- We can all pull the logs out of our eyes long enough to see that everyone else issues too, and that those that claim they don't are pulling legs, before our vision gets clogged again-

Oh dear Daisy that is awful. I hope you are able to use the advice and information that Starblaze has offered.

The parent with the 2 kicking children that refused assistance

See post @ 16.10.2020 @ 17.35

rosecarmel no family is perfect but mental health issues and bad parenting aren't tied together.

People with mental health issues can and do make good enough parents.

That's what children need, people who see themselves as perfect parents don't teach their children anything about how to cope with emotions and mental health issues.

So many people experience depression or anxiety through life events or simple chemical imbalance.

Children need parents who are good enough not perfect.

The parent with the 2 kicking children that refused assistance is the polar opposite of the perfect parent who received help and believes their family is without issue- Both are cocooned and immutable- Both present problems-

Thank you starblaze

Dsisy I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you can reach out online, please do so. If you go to hourglass UK they have a contact us function to email them or you can try the email address below and explain you can't use the phone so they can find you support online.

Oh Daisy
That's appalling. I can't think of anything at present to help you.
But I do think perhaps you should start your own thread about this as I am confident that you would get lots of advise and help from people far more knowledgeable than me.

My son bullies me. He has on one occasion applied force, he used to be in the police, leaving me with black bruising and head pain. He has fallen out with neighbours, police been round, no help for me there. He has taken £38,000, my savings, which in friendlier days I put in his name to help me in old age. He now says he regrets spending my money. If I stand up for myself he will smash household items, put his fists in my face, grab my clothing and throw me into a chair, etc. His father, my ex-husband encouraged these feelings towards me. I have asked him to leave but says people get a brick through windows when it is dark. He monitors my movements, medical appointments, gardening out front of house etc. Therefore unable to contact council, or phone for help. and do not have any relatives. Thank you for reading this.

Me too FannyCornforth, their mum looks exhausted and rather fragile. But the wheels of school child psychologists and CAMHS turn rather slowly, so help may be a while in arriving.

Iam64 it means what it says.

Yes I agree that some abuse victims go on to be abusers themselves but those people will show evidence of dysfunctional thinking or their children will show evidence of harm. If they don't, I will assume that the help they sought or their own inner resilience doesn't need questioning.

Starblaze, what does your post at 10.40 mean? Sorry to ask for clarification. I have seen a number of posts that stress that people abused in childhood do not go on to become abusers. Some will, as will some who were not subject to abuse in childhood. As you say, its possible to break the cycle, as others have stressed on all the discussions about estrangement.