Domestic Violence from kids to parents

Sometimes when surprised, we react badly quite so Iam.

Going back to the OP; I do believe we have parents who've given up after being ground down to nothing for some time.

Children who physically abuse their parent(s) may do so because of behaviour witnessed and learned in childhood. The abuser may no longer be living in the family home which leaves the remaining parent, more often than not the mother, left to do her best to raise her children.

She then becomes a victim of her child(ren)'s abuse as well as having been the victim of their father or another male figure present in those children's lives.

In adolescence and older, a child who abuses their parent may not have witnessed physical and/or emotional abuse in the home. S/he may have been raised in a 'normal' healthy family environment and fallen in with a 'bad' crowd, become involved with gangs and/or started taking drugs. The aforementioned can also result in physical abuse of a parent.

Whereas it's important to include in this discussion, children who witnessed and/or experienced abuse in their childhood, it is also important to acknowledge that this isn't always the case.

Imagine after years of doing your best to raise your child to end up being physically abused by that child. Being ground down to nothing because the child that you love, who is bigger and stronger than you are, is manipulating and controlling your life with fear of what they may do next.

Not all who are abused become abusers, and not all abusers were abused.

I think she already contributed further to say her granddaughter apologised Iam64 I don't remember if she apologised back, which is how I would have handled that sort of issue personally

Iam64 -- You're sort of making my point... "Sometimes when surprised, we react badly." Yes. And it's on the adults to deal with where they reacted badly and work to improve/grow. It's also the adults job to help the minor child grow.

There's a part in the article I posted that includes that "yet" statements go both ways...

"And also, for parents—I can’t stay calm when the kids are bickering—yet. I can’t handle another few months of hybrid schooling—yet. I can’t get my kids to comply with bedtime—yet." -- In other words... It's not all up to the child to "change". Growth goes both ways.

De-escalation -- It's often associated with "good policing"... If the 'bad guy' is yelling and screaming and waving a gun around, the officer doing the same is not going to 'de-escalate' the situation. In fact it's likely to make it WORSE.

Now replace 'bad guy' with child and officer to parent...

I suspect the point about naming the behaviour, rather than labelling the child 'nasty/naughty' has been well made on this thread. I hope the grandmother who told that story doesn't feel unable to post anymore because she feels people have been to coin a phrase 'piling on'. To be shocked as a grandmother, by your much loved 7 year old granddaughter shouting at you to 'f* off" isn't really surprising. Sometimes when surprised, we react badly.
I'm very clear that we should never label the child, we can challenge the behaviour without giving a child the message that they are bad or naughty.
By the same token, surely we can talk with a grandmother about that without dismissing her.

Starblaze -- It certainly shows why shoving a child into a 'box'/labeling them something inherently negative is an adult issue and not the child's. By doing so you are "writing the child off"/suggesting no change is possible and children are by growth changing all the time. If the child is developing in the 'wrong direction' is it ALL their fault or do the adults guiding them have some role/part in their development?

Holyhannah

I love the Power of Yet!

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/targeted-parenting/202010/the-3-letter-words-child-psychologists-love

I think this high-lights what was discussed about calling a child "nasty and naughty" and calling their behavior that...

Iam64

Is Mr Johnsons address to Parliament and later to the nation getting to people? Let's all sing the song from Frozen and let it go

Ha! My son loves Frozen and is dressing up as Elsa this Halloween!

Starblaze

I too am very passionate about child protection and understanding what creates dysfunctional adults...

The child phase of it all though is very distressing and upsetting and reacting to that does not make a bad person

Dr Robert Block says “Adverse childhood experiences are the single greatest unaddressed public health threat facing our nation today.”

Nothing could be more true.

There might be some genetic influence but the home environment is by far the biggest factor in child behavior. Surprise, surprise if a child grows up in a violent household he will think that is normal behavior, moreover some will probably have PTSD as a consequence and never have a normal life.

Iam64 what time is it?

I rarely watch the news these days because life is dark enough but try and see the big addresses

EllanVannin

I accept your apology MrsWarren.

Thank you. That was mean spirited of me.

I too am very passionate about child protection and understanding what creates dysfunctional adults...

The child phase of it all though is very distressing and upsetting and reacting to that does not make a bad person

I posted about seeking clarification MrsWarren. I didn't mention penance.

Is Mr Johnsons address to Parliament and later to the nation getting to people? Let's all sing the song from Frozen and let it go

I accept your apology MrsWarren.

Smileless2012

Seeking clarification for what someone's posted isn't piling on.

I clearly didn’t see the double negative - I’m not sure what clarification/penance is required?

Starblaze

Well if you aren't piling on, let's let it go shall we?

Starblaze, thank you, that’s really decent of you.

Starblaze

Well if you aren't piling on, let's let it go shall we?

Aw, Starblaze, that’s a really decent thing of you to say.

But if anyone else has something to say about it, it’s alright.

I mean, I clearly didn’t see the double negative - I don’t know what clarification/penance is needed?

@EllanVannin, you know what, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to you. That was childish.

Well if you aren't piling on, let's let it go shall we?

EllanVannin

Please read it properly MrsWarren ( rolls eyes )

I said-----It's NOT something that CAN'T be solved, even without medication. Meaning that it CAN be solved with medication.

Sheesh----you are hard work.

I was about to apologise to you for misunderstanding what you said.

But then I seen this.

So, please use correct grammar in future to avoid such confusion.

Seeking clarification for what someone's posted isn't piling on.

Oh my goodness, let's not pile on MrsWarren please it's very uncomfortable to read.

We all make mistakes and both of those were easy ones and already addressed

MrsWarren has the problem, not I !