Domestic Violence from kids to parents

Indeed we do all make mistakes Starblaze, as you know; but not normally repeating the same mistake on the same subject.

Different mistakes, Chewbacca.

As I said, I didn’t see your “No” amongst the italics last night. It was difficult to see. And double negatives, well, there is a reason they are not used.

Anyway, does it really matter?

how is saying It's not something that can't be solved, even without medication writing someone off.

Evan was saying it can be solved, "even without medication".

Please read it properly MrsWarren ( rolls eyes )

I said-----It's NOT something that CAN'T be solved, even without medication. Meaning that it CAN be solved with medication.

Sheesh----you are hard work.

@Calistemon, ah, thank you for pointing out the double negative in the sentence.

Chewbacca

13.45 MrsWarren

EllanVannin

Who said I was " writing off a child ?" Stop stirring !!
You just said there is nothing anyone can do for a child who is prone to violence because their brain isn’t wired up correctly.

That is writing a child off.
And it is just not true. There is plenty that can be done for a child exhibiting violent behaviour.

To be fair MrsWarren this is not what EllanVannin said at all is it? What she actually said was

If an offspring of a parent who was prone to violence were to have an MRI scan you'd find different "wiring" within the brain to that of a normal child

Whether you agree with a posters statement or not is neither here nor there, but it is important that if you're going to pull someone up on their posts, you should take the time and trouble to make sure you're quoting them correctly. And this is the 2nd time that you've taken posters to task on this thread, for perceived incorrect statements and been wrong.

As I explained in my post last night, I did not see the “No” in your post to me. It got lost, from my sight, amongst the italic text. I apologised to you, asked for my post to be deleted and then moved on. Or so I thought...

Anyway, EllanVannin also said “It's not something that can't be solved, even without medication.” That is writing someone off.

Whilst I appreciate you keeping me right Chewbacca. It’s really not needed.

As someone who frequently makes typing errors or misunderstands double negatives or generally loses her glasses and also as someone who frequently gets misunderstood or responded to unkindly...

I can empathise with both sides in a difficult discussion

Starblaze

Chewbacca we all make mistakes, even you. This is a difficult/distressing topic, we can all practise a little patience, especially as role models to small children.

Indeed we do all make mistakes Starblaze, as you know; but not normally repeating the same mistake on the same subject. And it's precisely because this is a difficult and distressing subject that we need to be extra cautious that we take the time to read and comment on what is actually said and not what we think is said.

Chewbacca we all make mistakes, even you. This is a difficult/distressing topic, we can all practise a little patience, especially as role models to small children.

It's not something that can't be solved, even without medication.

MrsWarren I think you may have misread what EllanVannin said.

She said it could be solved, even without medication.

13.45 MrsWarren

EllanVannin

Who said I was " writing off a child ?" Stop stirring !!
You just said there is nothing anyone can do for a child who is prone to violence because their brain isn’t wired up correctly.

That is writing a child off.
And it is just not true. There is plenty that can be done for a child exhibiting violent behaviour.

To be fair MrsWarren this is not what EllanVannin said at all is it? What she actually said was

If an offspring of a parent who was prone to violence were to have an MRI scan you'd find different "wiring" within the brain to that of a normal child

Whether you agree with a posters statement or not is neither here nor there, but it is important that if you're going to pull someone up on their posts, you should take the time and trouble to make sure you're quoting them correctly. And this is the 2nd time that you've taken posters to task on this thread, for perceived incorrect statements and been wrong.

3nanny6 - ah, tablets! The catalyst for many a tantrum. Don’t they just bring out the worst in children?

I no longer give my sons access to tablets because they behave in exactly the same way as your granddaughter when I remove the devices from them. And if I don’t remove the devices from them, they would use them ALL DAY. No exaggeration.

My sons are still very young. Younger than your granddaughter and I will review the ban on electronics as they get older.

My husband once gave the boys our iPad to use when I was out (following the electronic ban). Trying to remove it from them when I got home provoked a massive tantrum from them. I was so angry at my husband for putting the boys in a situation where he knew they would react like that. It is our responsibility as parents to not put our children in situations that will be sure to provoke frustration and undesirable behaviour in them. That is not their fault.

I have spoken to my GD since the incident and she said "Sorry" which was acceptable to me.

I am pleased your granddaughter has apologised. But boundaries are best set when everyone is calm. Otherwise, it will just inflame the situation.

In your daughter’s place, as soon as your granddaughter said f-off, that signals to me that the conversation is over. We would all be taking a time out to cool down and then talking about appropriate language and consequences when everyone was calm.

Your granddaughter was clearly overwhelmed and needed to be given time and space to cool off. She also needs to be given suggestions as to how she can express this need in a more appropriate way going forward.

Has your daughter ever thought about taking a parenting class? I went on a Triple P course, and it was great. It gave me some really useful tools on dealing with challenging behaviour in a more positive way.

I still can’t agree with you calling your granddaughter naughty and nasty though.

EllanVannin

Digressing but still on the subject of abuse are the figures from last years elderly abuse cases-----278,000 !!
This is horrendous. I gather that this crime takes place in the home as well as in care homes ? I'm horrified and heartbroken.

There was a care home near me exposed where this was going on.

Horrific.

Digressing but still on the subject of abuse are the figures from last years elderly abuse cases-----278,000 !!
This is horrendous. I gather that this crime takes place in the home as well as in care homes ? I'm horrified and heartbroken.

Children need and crave boundaries. That is why they are always pushing. To see where the boundary is. If there is no one pushing back, children do not feel safe or secure in their environment.

I would disagree there too, children do like and need boundaries for the most part because it helps them understand and make sense of life.

The important bit is explaining those boundaries, why they are in place and enforcing them consistently.

Consistence is also very important for children, if life is unstable and inconsistent so are their emotional reactions.

We cannot teach children how to feel, only how to cope with how they feel and acceptable behaviour.

No criticism in the original OP's quote for fathers who leave but there is no reason why single mothers can't have as equal good discipline as in 2 parent families. It's just that often they can't be bothered to enforce it and that is down to individual temperament.

What is a lone mother supposed to do to prevent her home being smashed to smithereens by a child or children when they can't get their own way and mum wants some peace ?

3nanny6, you're right, lots of children don't like boundaries and this is where the problem lies.

In all my training on child development t which I must say is not medical, genetics doesn't come in to violence unless we are talking about a disorder, in which case that child needs extra support from adults.

When it comes to anomalies on brain scans it is well researched and suggested that areas of the brain are underdeveloped because of abuse or a disorder.

BOTH can be addressed by caring, suitable adults unless we are dealing with someone high in autistic traits who cannot learn right from wrong or appropriate behaviour.

To me this is a bit like saying "I'm big boned" which is a nonsense as I just put on a few pounds over the last few months... Excuses instead if honesty

I posted on this thread yesterday and posted that my GD when in a tantrum and rage with her mother "my Adult daughter" had turned her attention from my daughter and told me to F--k Off. She is seven and a half years old.

When I said to my GD she was a naughty and nasty child in swearing like that I stand by my reasoning for saying that. I notice some posters disagreed.
My adult daughter struggles with her children and although a GP does not always like to tell her own AC how to parent her children sometimes that is necessary. This young GD of mine has been allowed to use a tablet (with settings in place)
for a few years when she wants to. I told my AD that she should only allow her child use of the tablet for shorter periods each day. Eventually the child had her mother wrapped around her finger and at times when the tablet was taken away my GD would proceed to break toys and shout and scream. I would not label my GD as manipulative she was reacting to boundary lines my AD had not set.
I have spoken to my GD since the incident and she said "Sorry" which was acceptable to me. My GD has always been praised by me especially over good behaviour and at 7 and a half years old she is capable of knowing when she has done wrong. I stand by the fact she will be praised and listened to any time, however even if her mother does not set a boundary I will and telling me to F--k Off then I will question that behaviour.

I clearly said that the condition can be cured without medication.

I did NOT say " there is nothing anyone can do for a child who is prone to violence because their brain isn't wired up correctly " !

Read the post properly, not using YOUR words !!

EllanVannin

Who said I was " writing off a child ?" Stop stirring !!

You just said there is nothing anyone can do for a child who is prone to violence because their brain isn’t wired up correctly.

That is writing a child off.

And it is just not true. There is plenty that can be done for a child exhibiting violent behaviour.

Who said I was " writing off a child ?" Stop stirring !!

I've assisted with encephalograms in the past and have seen it myself in a child's trace. No doubt one of the parents was also prone to violence. It's not something that can't be solved, even without medication.

I can’t believe you would write a child off like that.