Domestic Violence from kids to parents

I got the name wrong... Mystical... Sorry about that.

Callistemon -- I assume Mystic meant all those displaying unhealthy behaviors/attitudes...

I wish my Mum were here to talk some sense in to you all.

All?

Please do not generalise.

Mystical -- This is why I get accused of "parent blaming" when it comes to estrangement. No, I blame bad behavior/unhealthy attitudes by the people who exhibit those things.

Whether they choose to 'see' that they have played a part in their estrangement, like the things you described, is up to them.

"Stop forcing younger mums to defend themselves or their parenting practices and actually think about your own behaviour because half the grandmas on here wouldn't get near my children with those ideals." -- And I'm afraid that's why my 'mom' and MiL have never met our children.

Excellent post hugselp.

Ooh I think I must be a bit psychic; I had a feeling we'd get a new poster to GN on this thread; welcome to GN Mystical.

TBH I'm not entirely sure if all of your comments actually relate to this particular thread, bearing in mind that it's supposed to be about parents who are being abused by their children.

I haven't seen younger mums being forced to defend themselves or their parenting practices either. It's funny how people's interpretations differ isn't it.

An interesting and 'no holds barred' first post.

Oh my, I haven't read every single post in this thread, but I have read a fair bit. I have seen some good and understanding posts, and some glimmers of real communication.

But what I have seen a lot of is different generations giving their entrenched views and not hearing one another. A lot of 'I've read up on it, studied it, worked in, experienced...' as though that means that opinion is now validated. Does anyone doubt that every generation since the bronze age thinks they've just invented the best way of doing everything. Is anyone not aware that every generation produces a whole load of new research, science, and experts that often largely contradict what went before or at least modify it?

As a race we so often think we have all the answers when actually we're all groping around doing our best. Our egos tell us WE have the answer - but we are but tiny specs in space and time - one of the endless stream who will think the same thing.

I see so much parents fault versus child's fault. Of course it is never the child's fault when they are a child, but if the dynamics continue to be unhealthy at what point does it become the joint responsibility of all adults. Yet here, on this very thread, and often on similar ones, the old battle of the generation rears up again.

How many abused children stay stuck in the mindset of the abused child? And I say that as someone who was very much abused as a child. How many parents feel that a criticism of one parent is a criticism of all parents?

Why do we see either a mother struggling to parent 'difficult children' (and yes I agree there are reasons they have learned to behave in a way that is difficult to deal with) or children being failed by a poor mother. Why do we not first see a family that needs help?

It's genetics. No it's bad parenting.
Or maybe it's a whole history of a struggling human race faced with enormous stresses and societal and economic pressures where we are all what we have learned to be built on a foundation of genetics we have no control of.

I can't believe what I have read tonight!

This subject is close to my heart but the utter blindness to where this problem originates and the refusal to discuss it is staggering. How can anyone possibly say that abuse manifests in a void and that children don't learn this behaviour when there are examples on this very discussion.

A 7 year old tells her grandma to "F off"

The 7 year old LEARNED that behaviour. The 7 year old did not come up with it being acceptable to tell someone to f off on her own, she is just 7.

The appropriate response to this is to call her "nasty" and flounce off? No it wasn't. There is NO situation where that is the correct response.

Now the 7 year old has learned it is ok to call people nasty. Expect to hear that again.

Small babies are manipulative objects?

Well now you are going to have a child who has grown up being treated like a thing and not a person. Expect to be treated like a thing and not a person by someone who has been taught human beings are things in childhood.

Page after page of fantasy about who derailed this when its clear and apparent there is a draconian subset of people who don't have children's best interest in mind but expect grandma to be matriarch and the absolute word on child rearing in the 21st century despite monumentally failing in that regard themselves by their own words.

Stop forcing younger mums to defend themselves or their parenting practices and actually think about your own behaviour because half the grandmas on here wouldn't get near my children with those ideals.

I wish my Mum were here to talk some sense in to you all. Best granmama ever and would have been sick to read it.

Ah thanks Namsnanny

Chewbacca -- "The sheer misogyny on this thread, by women, to women, is utterly depressing." -- Just because I don't believe that middle aged, white women are being victimized as a group by society, doesn't make me a misogynist.

As I am a member of "that club" I certainly don't feel attacked/victimized by 'Karen culture'.

You've said it all Chewbacca
Now I insist you cheer up, because you're worth it!!

True enough Tickingbird

The sheer misogyny on this thread, by women, to women, is utterly depressing. How can there possibly be any understanding and acceptance of each other when recent posts have included misogynistic and racist slur memes, photos of Nazi women and pictures of mythical Harpy's are presented as reasonable debate. No wonder OP and many others buggered off long ago.

Good advice tickingbird

This thread is only derailed because the posters attempting to discuss the OP are playing the game with the usual suspects. Don’t run with the ball, carry on discussing the original post and leave the disruptors to their own devices.

Yes me too smileless I have such happy memories of watching it with my Dad, who was so excited that we kids could enjoy what he thought was a film so full of action and adventure.
Little did he know by the time we were watching it on TV it seemed old fashioned compared to the Disney films we saw at the Saturday Film Club (2 bob entry fee including a drink and a packet of salt and shake crisps!!)
But we couldnt disappoint him, so we cheered and hid behind the cushions in all the right places.

Oh thats really cheered me up.

Thank you rosecarmel I've had a lovely walk down memory lane.

Callistemon

Well, it could just be allowed to drift away into the ether, with those who want to remain talking to each other.
Any meaningful discussion has long been thrown over the edge.

Sorry, OP.

The times I've left discussions in the hope that they fizzle out because their usefulness has long gone.

This is a particularly sad and depressing one though. So much intentional misery spread with glee.

Sigh.

That's spot on 3nanny I still love that film.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Agedp1953 ... if some one hasnt posted before me ( I take such a long time to finish writing!!)......

Thats a photo of a Greek temple on Sicily, used in the film Jason and the Argonauts.

Referencing the mythical Harpy. Which is a ravenous monster with a womans head and birds body. They cant eat enough human flesh.
In Homer.
Now used to describe a grasping greedy gold digging woman.

So there you have it.

Usually what happens, based on experience, is that it will be reported till it gets removed and those who consider themselves on one "side" (I don't agree with sides) will never admit to themselves they were 50% of the argument/problem.

Think I'll just unfollow now cos I'm so tired or the "bad EAC" are to blame for everything rhetoric

Well, it could just be allowed to drift away into the ether, with those who want to remain talking to each other.
Any meaningful discussion has long been thrown over the edge.

Sorry, OP.

AgedP1953, I suspect the reference to flying monkey and harpy is part of the continued attempt to silence, to drive away posters on this thread who clearly aren't welcome.

I've never understood that concept Smileless because some people with NPD do actually know they have a disorder and get help.

As for narcissism in general, we all have a level of narcissism, mine was "too low" according to professionals. Not enough self preservation, too much of a doormat, too easy to abuse. I had to learn resilience as an adult and I still forget to stick up for myself at times.