SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Thanks everyone for your support. We've just got back from the vets and he's strained his lower back; nothing serious but quite uncomfortable for the little man.

He's had a pain killing injection and has medication to take for a week, starting tomorrow.

We're so relieved. You love them so much it's scary.

Smikeless I am holding my breath for you and have everything crossed for you too whilst you find out what the vet has to say??

Thank you all once again .
Crossing my fingers for your little one Smiles. Such a worry those fur babies.

No my son got into a fight with his sister and thought I was taking her side when he called me the next day to talk about his sister. HE started the fight and I told him they were both wrong. But he didn’t believe me or my DH.
He was then evicted with no job and no money so his dad said he could stay with him until he got a job and could move out. That was three years ago and my question was why didn’t my X get him out with an ultimatum or eviction notice after one year? Or tell him he could move in for a specified time? He waits for a pandemic?
I have to see my X at some functions and I like his girlfriend so I tolerate him, but he has always been abusive both physically and mentally to my ES. One reason for my divorce. Stupid me thinking he would stop the abusive when we divorced.
I’m feeling so trapped with my thoughts. Will talk to my therapist this next week.

Smiles do hope all goes well at the vets and it's nothing serious. I don't own any pets but know how much my brother and sister in law cherish their jack Russell Aggie she is lovely and always got excited when she saw me. She always seems to know when my sister in law isn't feeling well. She just lies down by her and not her usual bouncy self. Your dog sounds as if he knows when you need extra attention and is there for you. ??flowers for you steak for your dog ?.

Smiles So sorry to hear this - they are little life lines sometimes and it's such a worry when they're not well. How can we not worry about our best friends? Sincerely hoping it's nothing serious and that he'll be feeling better soon. Sending my very best wishes. xxx

There's something wrong with our little poodle and I'm quite literally sick with worry.

He tried jumping on to a chair last night and just fell backwards then the same thing happened when he tried to jump up on to the settee.

He's walking OK but couldn't manage to get up the stairs. He's only 6 and an active little boy and I just know by looking at him that there's something wrong.

Have an appointment at the vets this afternoon at 4.00pm but with this bloody Covid, we can't go in with him. We got him about 18 months after we were estranged and the moment we brought him home, the terrible sadness and depression we were living with seemed to lift.

He's my little angel. Follows us every where and sat with me during my worse times of weeping and panic attacks.

It's going to be a long day until we get to know that this is nothing serious.

Rhinestone nothing to add to what others have said but and take care of yourself

Do you talk to abusive ex and family? If you do that's a bad idea as you won't get the full truth from abusive people. I would go no contact with them, tell your son that and why you did it and then maybe he will see an escape from all that too and maybe see you as safe.

Rhinestone as usual Smiles is full of wise words and helpful suggestions.

Glad you had your second vaccine.

Sending big hugs from me to ?

Good news about your second vaccine yesterday Rhinestone and that your ES's eviction went better than you'd expected.

I don't what else to say; wish I did. Your ES does have some major issues and when you were "involved" despite your best efforts you struggled to make any head way.

I may be wrong, but I seem to remember that feeling he was being 'challenged' by you was one of the reasons he went back living with his dad.

What I'm trying to say is he has problems that with the best will in the world, neither you nor your ex would be able to help him with.

For your ex to suspect your son has been taping him, in effect spying on him is very concerning. Is there an organisation you could talk too? Being able to share this with others who have personal experience would I'm sure be beneficial as well as a professional who may be able to provide some helpful suggestions.

All I can do is send you a BIG (((hug))) and xx

Thank you all for your support.
We wound up not going and sitting in the car as my X handed my ES the eviction papers. My X didn’t know what time my ES would be back from walking the dog and it was too cold out to be sitting and waiting in the car. X packed a bag for the night and as he was walking out gave him the eviction papers. That night my X ‘s girlfriend got an email from my ES telling her how awful of a father my X was to him. Last night my X went back home so I don’t know what happened. He told me last week that he found some spy equipment in his room and thought my ES was taping him. I just wish I was involved because my ES didn’t get this way for no reason. Yes there is mental illness in my family but my X was a bully and physically abusive to my son when he was little. So of course he is going to look for a group that will accept him like Quanon. I have done nothing but cry and upset myself . I need to stop but am having a hard time. The good news is that we got our second vaccine yesterday for the virus and no side effects.

I totally agree with you Armadillo, in an ideal world it should. Welcome to Gransnet.

I'm new to gransnet too and haven't figured out how to do everything yet either.
If someone signs forms you can report to police? I would even if it was family. People shouldn't get away with things just because they are family. Why do people think that gives you special rules. Being family is for treating people better not worse.

Oh thanks Madgran77 so we don't need the @ ?
That's great Whiff ahh GIFS can be fun!
I'm quite new to GN so might make a few mistakes.

OnwardsandUpward that's fine. I have had to embrace technology since Covid. Luckily my daughter and family brought me a mobile with bells and whistles Christmas 2019. It's all the symbols haven't got the hang of. Only discovers GIFs the other day. ?

To make something stand out you put a * at each end of what you want in bold.

Oh sorry Whiff, I blame the G&T I had! I hope Rhinestone is ok and all goes well today! Thinking of you today Rhinestone!

Oh that is painful and I'm so sorry Whiff. (The @ was me trying to get your name to stand out )

OnwardandUpward sorry don't know what @ before my name means. But it is Rhinestone who's son part of Quanon etc. I have no ex I was widowed 17 years ago and my husband was my one and only. I do have a son who decided in May and re inforced that message in August he no longer wants or needs his mother in his or families life.

Thanks so much @Smileless and @Madgran77* I can't see what else I could have done except question it. To be met with a huge wall of silence is strange, but I find that I am unable to say anything to them in any case. I hate the idea of estrangement, but it seems to have happened.

So sorry @Whiff that sounds super stressful. It's good you and your Ex are working together and it sounds like you all need support. Qanon seems to attract desperately angry and deluded young people, unfortunately. I hope things go as well as possible. This situation cannot carry on, but I don't know what the answer is. I think there are charities online that can give support if your relative is radicalised.

I do hope you'll follow Whiff's advice and no matter what happens, stay in the car.

This has been coming for some time I think Rhinestone as your ex, if I remember correctly, had warned your son that he may have to leave. Despite his failings as a H and father, to be afraid of being physically harmed by your own child is a terrible situation to be in.

I will keep you all in my prayers. Stay safe and when you can, let us know how things are goingx.

Rhinestone I am an atheist so won't be sending you any prayers. But my heart goes out to you . I hope everything goes well and your son gets the help he so desperately needs. You as his mother have done all you possibly could. Stay in the car . As much as you may feel you need to go to him fight against that. If he attacked you in anyway it will only make matters worse. It's easy for me to say I know. As I am not in your situation. Stay with your DH . You have done all you can . Stay strong as you have already shown you are . All my best wishes go to you . ?

I’m sorry to be so self involved tonight but I am so very stressed. My X called our daughter and his two other children from his second wife. He was crying and is scared of what will happen tomorrow with my ES. He is going to give him eviction papers to move out of his home. Since he has estranged himself from me he has been living with my ex for almost 3 years. He is involved with Quanon and very paranoid angry and hasn’t worked in almost three years. He gets in my X’s face and screams ( actually my X did that to him as a child) He fears being harmed by my ES.
So tomorrow my DH and I are going to sit outside his house while he serves him the eviction notice and hope we don’t have to call the police . But in some way I hope we have to call the police because then we can get him some help. Is that weird? Part of me feels like my X has made him that way and part of it is mental health issues.
I cannot think tonight . Just asking for prayers.

onwardandupward yes it must be so hard facing the consequences of your doing the right thing. It doesnt mean that you should be manipulated into backing down from your approach, but hard to deal with reality of that.

I'm sorry that your family aren't talking to you OnwardandUpward but that does suggest that you've done the right thing and they have something to hide.

It takes courage to do the right thing especially when that requires going against your family.

Why would a family falsify a document except to gain financially. If that were the case I would have no hesitation leaving everything to a charity.