SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Good Afternoon all and hope everyone is keeping as well as possible.
I have been kept busy and have not stopped with all the extra
shopping, cleaning, and having to give my assistance to other family members that have been reaching out to me for help.
Getting all my own stuff done is enough but if I can help them I always do.
Smileless2012 I do hope that Mr. S mother has only a mild case of covid and soon makes a recovery. You are wise to have cancelled your Portsmouth break as they have moved into Tier 3 along with Fareham, Gosport and those areas which I hear have all got high cases.

I did not post on here about my encounter with my ED and GS almost 3 weeks ago. I was getting off the escalator in the supermarket and was looking at a child ahead of me in the store, he happened to turn around and looked straight at me and began calling Nannie Nannie and started to run towards me. I had not seen him for awhile and felt surprised he had instant recognition of me although he is 3.5 years so I suppose he remembered me. I instantly felt cold and was not sure whether I was going to laugh or cry
but held myself enough together to say hello , and told him he was getting such a big boy. My D walked over and said Hello and was okay. We exchanged a few words and then she went off as she had to get home for the other 2 children coming out of school.
So I have such a lot going on but Christmas is usually that way for me, however I am keeping myself grounded by taking some me time each day even if it is only ten minutes and then also walking the dogs. I have told several family members that any problem solving they want my "closed sign" is firmly up from early morning Christmas Eve as luckily I have managed to online book my Christmas Eve
Mass which in itself seems so strange to have to book your church because numbers may be too high. Christmas Day will be at home to eat a Christmas dinner and have some well needed relaxation time.

Long post I know .
Take care All.

If only some of these EAC and/or their partners had perhaps been prepared to massively reduce their expectations Madgran or given the parents they've estranged the opportunity to reduce theirs, if that was causing problems in the relationship. I wonder how many heartbreaking estrangements could have been avoided

So do I Smileless! Expectations dont even have to be vaguely unreasonable to cause a problem it seems for some which I think sometimes links back to a person who can only see anything from their own perspective as hugshelp expressed.

Good decision I think re Portsmouth!

I'm glad your ES contacted his GM Rhinestone even if his motivation to do so wasn't altruistic. We're like your DH, we've never sent our ES anything for his birthday or Christmas in the 8 years of our estrangement.

Yes, that's when it gets you hugshelp when you're not busily engaged with other things. In addition to the possibility that our EAC have no idea of the pain they've caused or it not being important to them, I would add that some may not be able to face up to the reality of the pain they're responsible for causing.

If only some of these EAC and/or their partners had perhaps been prepared to massively reduce their expectations Madgran or given the parents they've estranged the opportunity to reduce theirs, if that was causing problems in the relationship. I wonder how many heartbreaking estrangements could have been avoided.

After much deliberation we have cancelled our Christmas in Portsmouth. I just didn't feel comfortable as things stand and didn't see the point of travelling all that way, to then be on edge all the time we were there.

Thankfully my dear dear friend had been thinking the same so wasn't too disappointed. We're planning an Easter get together instead so it will just be the two of us once again with the dogs of course.

We made the decision on Wednesday and I realised we'd down the right thing when I learned yesterday that Portsmouth had moved up to tier 3. As we are in tier 2, that sealed the deal so to speak.

hugshelp I think your comment re only being able to focus on his own feelings and perspectives is very pertinent. Adapting ones own expectations of "normality" in those circumstances is very difficult. I have learnt, in trying to maintain some level of a relationship with a person like that, to reduce my expectations massively of what most would consider entirely reasonable expectations, if only to avoid the hurt when the expectations aren't met! Don't always succeed, but I try.

Your trip to a quiet spot sounds nice.

Had a nice little trip out to a very quiet local spot in the sun this morning and a busy afternoon. I can get through the days without thinking about my ES too often smiles but as soon as I'm quietening down for the day he pops into mind. Or if I do manage to avoid that I dream of him. Or he's the first thing that pops into mind when I wake up. Keeping busy helps a lot but we all need down time. Glad to hear nobody is showing symptoms, that's really good.

I don't know if they have zero idea of the pain they cause us Rhinestone or if it's just not important to them. Maybe a bit of both. I get the impression that my own ES is only able to focus on his own feelings and perspectives, but I only have second hand info to go on so I don't really know.

Hope you all have a good night dear friends. x

HughelpI want my ES to get my text. I’m still going to model what I think is the right thing to do. He managed to call my mother the other day. Maybe because he wants birthday and holiday money but she always sends him that. And if I ruin his day I don’t care. He has ruined three years of my life .
As for my ESS, my husband never sends or texts anything for his birthday and Xmas. One day all these silly, foolish and uncaring children will have karma knocking on their door.

Thanks everyone for your messages, I've passed on your hugs to Mr. S.

Two of the residents had temperatures so everyone was tested. Fifteen proved positive but so far none are showing any symptoms so we're hopeful that this is a mild case.

You posted "I think he finds thinking about us confusing so just prefers not to" hugshelp; I think we can all identify with that; I know there are times when I prefer not to think about our ES.

Smileless very sorry to hear that. What a worry

Oh dear smiles that's such a shame, and so near Christmas. I hope she stays asymptomatic and they will soon be reunited. Give Mr S extra hugs from us all.

I'll be thinking of you as well as my own ES this birthday week Rhinestone. I'm not making contact this year. I was banned from sending cards from day one - because he said they would make him feel guilty. In previous years my texts were ignored but I think they upset him. I will leave him in peace to enjoy his day without thinking of us, I think he finds thinking about us confusing so just prefers not to.

Sending hugs PF

*Smileless *Give Mr. S a hug for me. What a terrible time for the elderly especially having to be quarantined. When do the care homes get their vaccines?
In Jan they are starting trials on children under 16. We have officially a new president and I can hardly wait to see how he helps us. I cannot believe the long food lines . So much death and hunger.
I’m going to tough out this horrible week. It’s the two ES birthdays. I have sent a card every year to my son but not this year. I’m done. He will get a two word Happy Birthday text but that’s it.
He is literally driving my X crazy with all his conspiracy theories. Told him he will move out and probably never see him again. He needs so much help.

So sorry to hear that Smileless. Sending big hugs.

Thank you to everyone too, for your good wishes xx

Oh Smileless that's really sad news; very sorry to hear that. DIL's granny is in a very similar situation and it's heartbreaking to want to see them so that they won't forget you, but you can't because they have to be kept safe. Not what we want for our loved ones at the end of their lives is it.

Morning, hope you are all doing OK.

We found out last night that my m.i.l. has Covid. She's in a care home which until yesterday had only had one case and no deaths. She isn't presenting any symptoms which is good but of course Mr. S. is very worried.

He was due to go and see her on Thursday, seeing her in a pod in the home's garden but of course this has now been cancelled as the home has gone into quarantine for 28 days. He's hoping that he'll be able to drop off her Christmas present, a box of all of her favourite sweets.

Her dementia is progressing and we're concerned that by the time he gets to see her, she wont know who he is. I'm praying this wont happen. I remember how upsetting it was visiting my step dad when he no longer knew me.

He sends her a selfie and a short letter every week in the hope that this will keep her memory of him alive. He loves her so much and I know how devastated he'll be when she's no longer here.

Good to see you PF
Sending hugs.

Pleased to see you popped on and said hello PF.
I was wondering how you were, best wishes for the weekend.

Glad you are ok-ish PF

Pleased you are surviving P F, look after yourself ?

I'm so glad you popped on PF. I think about you every day wondering how you are.

Take care x

Just popping in to say hello and that I am surviving, just, and to say thank you for all of your kind thoughts.

I hope that your Christmas preparations are going well and that you all have a lovely weekend.

Have just seen that the vaccine will be starting its rollout for the over 80s in a nearby hospital. Warning has said any in this age group who have any known allergic reactions will not be given the vaccine.
Also telling people if you are not in this age group do not turn up as you will not be seen. Stay away and wait for your invitation was stated.

Smileless2012 I agree it is wise that pregnant women and under 16s do not get the vaccine they are particularly vulnerable.

Smileless2012

This is what actually happened during the vaccine trials in USA.
“The briefing documents also note that there was a severe case of Covid-19 infection in the vaccine arm of the trial and three in the placebo arm. Six people died during the trial — four in the placebo group, and two in the vaccine group — but none of those deaths has been linked to the vaccine”

3 in the placebo arm showed serve Covid infection after! and none of the deaths linked to the vaccine they say! Yea right!!

Also those with a history of allergic reactions are not to have the vaccine. I had a severe bad reaction to morphine when I had my operation last year for a broken wrist, so take it I'm in that category

Madgran77

I haven't seen a report about 6 dying Yogagirl Was that during the trials?

Yes it was Madgran

It's a wise precaution IMO not to include the under 16's, pregnant women and nursing mothers at this stage as understandably, no one from those groups took part in the trials.

We are all vulnerable but some are more vulnerable than others.

Rhinestone it is being rolled out in different age groups.

I think the over 80s are first along with their carers.

Then it is over 70s

Then the over 65s

Then over 55 years

Also nurses and doctors and other N.H.S staff.

I think the ages I have put are about right or at least very near those ages.

Children under 16 and pregnant women/breast feeding women not getting it and in the words of several doctors on the T.V they are not getting it because not enough is fully known about the vaccine yet and those two groups are vulnerable.