SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

PFyou have every reason to feel as you do . It will take time to feel you can go on or smile. But that day WILL come. You have had three losses to deal with, your DH, your dog and the loss of the years estranged.
It’s hard to see the light through the dark . Sending healing thoughts and hugs from across the pond.

P.F I am sorry you had such a bad day on Tuesday and that is normal after all you are in mourning and grieving from the loss of DH and then to lose your little dog as well is another blow to add to the list. Anyone in your position would be feeling just the same.

The reconciliation with your daughter is a wonderful thing so try not to dwell on the past if possible. With so much grief going on your state of mind is tricking you and bringing all the turmoil she put you through up to the surface and that is hard to deal with perhaps when you are stronger and even if you have the time you could get some more of your therapy it may help.
As I sat having a cup of tea this morning as usual my thoughts went to my daughter and the grand-children, I processed in my mind she is my "Lost child" and although I know everything about her it is like she is a stranger to me and someone I have never even met. Sorry I have regressed into negative mode myself but anyway sometimes it is okay if only for half an hour for me.

P.F hope you soon feel better just take a day at a time and look after yourself.

I'm sorry you have so much pain to deal with right now PF. Please do let it out here, you're doing amazingly well.

May brighter days soon come your way, and may your path through the dark days be as swift as possible. Sending you hugs.

PF You have had so much to deal with, you are perfectly entitled to have days where you just dont find or feel the positives. I am so sorry about your little dog.

Here is a place to be honest and people will understand. X

Oh Petitfromage my heart goes out to you with everything you’re dealing with at the moment ? - don’t feel awful about letting it all out on this thread, it’s why we’re here!

the good, the bad and the ugly thoughts are all part of the grieving - for your DH, your doggy and yes, the relationship you wanted with your daughter. You know you’ll never have them back and feeling angry about the injustice of it all is normal.

There will come better days, when you’ll feel stronger and better able to deal with things - just be kind to yourself at the moment ?

Oh PF I'm so sorry about your little Westie, so close to losing your DH; no wonder you're feeling exhausted with it all.

You're not dwelling on the past PF you're trying to find a way of dealing with it; accepting what has happened and that was always going to be hard, but losing your DH has made it so much harder.

Of course none of you knew how ill your DH was going to become, and that your D's estrangement would have had impacted so heavily on his last few years, but it did and it's going to take time for you to process it all.

Try not to rush to judgement about your feelings especially at such a devastating time. Perhaps you wont ever be able to feel the same about your D again, but you love her; despite the anger, hurt and bitterness her estrangement has caused, your love remains.

Sending you love and hugs and keeping you in my heart and prayers xx

Thanks hugshelp and Smileless, not having a good day today, to be honest.

Our brave little Westie died, of lymphoma, which was very upsetting for the girls, as well as for me. I just feel exhausted with it all.

The days stretch ahead, full of emptiness. I just feel like a husk, that there is no point to anything. All of the estrangement stuff now seems, if not trivial, then irrelevant, and I still feel angry, hurt and bitter in my worst moments, that DD1 deprived DH of sharing the day of her marriage and the joy of her first child. She is making a big effort now and there is no point at all in dwelling on the past, really none of it matters, but I can't feel the same about her ever, to be honest. She caused anguish during what were the last few years of DH's life, although none of us knew this.

I will keep my trap shut and wait for a more positive mood to strike. Just not having a good day today, trying hard to see any positives. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are positives, and I will soldier on, but I feel so alone. DH knew me better than anyone, for 34 years, and yet he still loved me unconditionally. The loss is immense.

Sorry to be negative, but I tend to think that this is a forum where we can all be honest, and tell it as it is, for better for worse etc.

Sending love to you all.

hugshelp I'll tell him .

Sorry to hear about your friends DH.

Just been contacted by a close friend, her DH (and our AC's god-father) is very ill in hospital with covid.

We think Mr S is great too smiles

Hope you're as ok as you can be PF - you and yours remain in my thoughts and heart.

Thanks everyone; I passed on your birthday messages to
Mr. S. and like me, he thinks you're a great bunch.

You're absolutely right 3nanny it is necessary to let go of things even though it's heartbreaking to do so.

Hope you're OK PF; are you having trouble sleeping? I'm asking because you posted at 02.44. It took me a while to get back into a proper sleep pattern after mum died and so I know how frustrating it can be x.

Happy Birthday Mr S ! X

Happy birthday to mr smiles

Yogagirl post 9.44 I do not post to you often but had to say I am so sorry for what D.D.s husband done to you those long 8 years ago I think if that had been me I would have killed him before I walked away although we know we cannot do things like that in our society. You are right the damage cannot be repaired and after our acceptance of that then all we can do is live with it the best we can.

You are right not to keep gift sacks and cards in the spare room as for me that would be too much of a harsh reminder
of things I would rather move on from.
You say you used to pray for them but no longer do all I say is those prayers have never been said in vain and they would have been heard by God he would have known your pain. Perhaps the reconciliation with your son is part of your healing process.

Smileless2012 post 9.58. Happy Birthday to Mr. S. and also
your youngest grand-child.
I think it is a positive decision after many years to stop sending birthday and Christmas cards to your grand-children. It is heartbreaking to let go of things but necessary
to continue with what feels best on the journey estrangement took you on.
Such a positive and supportive post from you.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Mr.S

Had to make up my own crying face, I suppose GNHQ think it would be warn out on here!

Smileless :,-{

Yogagirl 8 years for us too as you know.

It's Mr. S's birthday today and is also our youngest GC's birthday. For the first time since our estrangement, we have not posted a card but have one for their memory box.

We decided a few months ago that sending them birthday and Christmas cards was no longer something we needed to do. I mentioned it here on the previous thread and felt then, as I do now, that it was and is a positive decision. One of those milestones on our heartbreaking journey on our road to learning to live with estrangement that shows how far we have come.

I remember how you would pray for your GD with your bible and her little socks in your your hand; your posts would often reduce me to tears. I remember so much of what we've shared here together on this thread, and when I read your post I wondered how on earth we survived so much pain.

So much harder for you dear friend living alone; I've been so lucky to have Mr. S. by my side.

Not an anniversary to celebrate is it, but the progress we have made is worthy of a celebration and of course there's the wonderful reconciliation with your DS.

So (for this evening) cheers Yogagirl xx

Smileless2012

I think our estrangements have provided us with enough wacky conspiracy theories to last a life time haven't they Yogagirl.

Most certainly have Smiles

8yrs today! 8yrs ago my then DD's Husband throw his arm/finger at me and told me to f*k off* and that was me, out of my beloved D&GCs lives for ever! The damaged can never be repaired now. I was cut out for loving them too much, incurring the jealousy of my beloved GD's stepdad.

8yrs on, I no longer light a candle for them, I no longer pray to God on my knees with a bible & my beloved GD's little socks in my palms [these are still by my pillow in a little gold bag], I no longer buy presents & cards to just place in their gift sacks in the spare room & I no longer put money in the savings accounts, at Xmas & birthdays, that I opened for them.

So my once adored baby daughter has her destruction complete. A mum that loved her beyond words, a grandmother that loved and adored her children, my grandchildren, more than any other in the world could do.

Lovely news 3nanny, very happy for you all. x

3nanny6 that is great news!

I didn't realise your friend and her husband have been so ill with the virus Rhinestone; I hope they both make a full recovery.

It's wonderful that you have something to look forward too 3nanny.

Sending love and hugs your way PF.

Thank-you all for the messages of congratulations : The news
has given me a brighter outlook and something to look forward to. I done my best to give my son the good talking to the other day, telling him to prepare himself for the morning sickness and that he must show willing and make her nice cups of tea and cook dinner some evenings and try to go with the flow as her hormones at times will be all over the place.
He said to me will things be that bad? no I replied to him wait until you have to get up in the night for feeds and nappies that's when it gets really good. (ha ha ha).
It did not seem to put him off he said he didn't care because he was getting a baby.

3nanny6 - Congratulations!!!!

*3Nanny *I’m so happy for you. You have a wonderful thing to look forward too. That will bring much joy into your life and positivity.
Iam64 You are spot on about Trump. And the fact that two Quanon supporters are now part of our government makes me nervous. Good news though a vaccine is on the way and I hope we all get out of this mess in the next few months. Numbers going up in my state. What’s wrong with people.
My X told me my ES doesn’t believe in this virus and probably won’t get the vaccine. He never gets the flu shot anymore. I’m just sick at the thought knowing how sick my girlfriend and her husband are with the virus. She was in the hospital a week and her oxygen level is still low.
Thinking of you PF

I think our estrangements have provided us with enough wacky conspiracy theories to last a life time haven't they Yogagirl.