Possible narcissistic adult daughter hascut me off from grandchildren.

How dreadful. I feel for you. It sounds as though your daughter needs help. I don’t have any wise advice but, I am sure some on here will be able to give you helpful advice and support. Look after yourself.

Kittycat, so sorry to read of the long difficulties you have experienced with your daughter. Could you ask GNHQ to move your OP to the Estrangement threads?
You will find a number of other grandparents in similar circumstances who will try to support you.
Tweedle24 is right, your daughter sounds to need expert help. You mention a breakdown. Was she involved with mental health professionals at that time.

So sorry for the loss of your mother.

Has she clarified where and when you were manipulative and toxic?

I hope that by identifying the root of the issue and a cool down period, you will have a relationship again

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum Kittycat17 I hope you have other family members to support you at the moment.
It sounds as if your daughter has long standing mental health issues, I think you need to change your expectations of her. Her own problems preclude her from sympathizing with you and if you can accept that it will be less hurtful. Its hard I know when you always have to be the strong person and receive little help yourself. Take care

Morning Kittycat

Sounds pretty much like my daughter & me. My daughter & granddaughter lived with me, no father in the picture, so I became the second parent. Loved & adored them, would have done anything for them. Later on she met & married & went on to have another child, moving into their own home.

I was cut out because my GD's stepdad was jealous of my love for her and my then DD. I made the mistake of going to court for visitation order to see my GC. My advise to you is to try to keep the door open with a little contact via txt or email, trying to keep it positive & saying you miss & love them. You can only wait & hope she will come round & slowly bring you back in from the cold.

Best of luck

Sorry about your dear mum. x

No- she refused help.

I am just so emotionally and mentally worn out with championing her since this all started at she hit 13.

No no specifics. I feel I’m just the ‘soft target’. She seems to be angry with everyone just now. It just hurts me more as she’s using the grandchildren as a weapon by withholding access.

Thank you yogagirl. I’m drained between this and the death of my mum.

So sorry about your mum.
I think your daughter really needs help from outside the circle and as painful as it is, you need to take a step back and take care of yourself at the moment.
Get in contact with one of the bereavement support groups - just having a chat with someone that is empathetic to the loss of your mum will help an enormous amount.
Apart from that, it will sadly take time to be resolved but if you put yourself first for a while, I believe you will find the strength to deal with the rest. Sending you a distancing hug x

Thank you jaylucy. You’re so right. I’ve just been in the caring role for so long I feel as if I’m invisible.

Good afternoon & I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum.
I think Jaylucy at 1051 this morning has offered wise advice.
She has articulated exactly my thoughts.
Step back now & get some bereavement counseling. This is your time to heal so small steps towards your new horizon. All will be well in the fullness of time but it starts with you taking care of yourself for a change. It's ok to be a bit "selfish" sometimes.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum Kittycat. I lost my mum a couple of months ago and for me her death highlighted our estrangement from our son and only GC.

I think jaylucy's advice is spot on. Having done so much, for so long it's going to be really hard for you to take a step back, but you need too for your own well being, especially as you are dealing with your grief over losing your mum.

You are not alone, there are several EP's/EGP's who are regular posters here on GN and as Iam has suggested, you might want to take a look at the support thread on this forum.

It looks as if your D needs professional help, help which as much as you love her, you'll struggle to provide. As Nonogran has said "It's ok to be a bit "selfish" sometimes", and this is one of those times.

Take care and if you can, let us know how you're getting on.

Thank you. It is good advice x

So sorry about your mum too x

Very sorry for your loss.

I would say not to try to contact people who don't want it, you will just be prolonging the pain for yourself waiting and hoping for answers or replies, perpetuating the cycle of waiting then hurt and anger that will only damage your relationship with your daughter further even if she doesn't know how you are feeling. I would let her know you are taking a step back and you will wait for her to be ready to talk things through and leave it there.

I would concentrate on getting yourself mentally healthy. Get some counselling to help you figure out where things went wrong for closure and learn to move on and find your own happiness.

Maybe in time things will change but you want to be resilient and forgiving if it does and healthy and happy if it doesn't.

So sorry to hear you are suffering Kittycat. You are not alone. Many on this forum understand your hurt and confusion, myself included. My daughter estranged herself and her children from the rest of our family 18 months ago and I honestly didn't think I'd ever get through it.
Stepping back and taking time for myself did help as well as having some counselling. My counsellor helped me to realise that I was facilitating my daughters behaviour.
Mental health issues make it impossible to understand certain actions taken by our children.
Try to take things slowly, one day at a time.... and look after yourself, that's the best advice I have.

You must be exhausted after so many years picking up the pieces for your DD who clearly has problems of her own that need addressing. And I am so sorry to hear about your mother.

Such a lot to deal with all at the same time as this wretched virus is interfering with normal life.

I send you a hand hold.

Thank you ? x

Kittycat Hope you're feeling better today.

When this first happened to me, everyone advised me to step back & wait. But I couldn't, I loved them so much & they were a big part of my life, seeing them twice per week & speaking on the phone every day.

I knew if I was going down the court route that I had to act fast, otherwise they would say too much time has gone past & the GC don't know you anymore. The court hearing was 9mths later & they still said this.

It has been said that those that fair the best are those that carry on as usual, as if nothing has been said and I agree with this, it seems to be the only way, but when it first happens to you, this is very hard to follow.

Good luck xx

Thank you yoga girl x