Great. At least it all becomes clear.

Why Couldn’t your other son deliver them ?

If your son has mental health and drug problems then he will not be thinking in any way like we all are he will possibly be seeing things in a vastly different way He may even be thinking it’s all a trap to get him to the house or he may be thinking he has made a mistake and can’t bear to be seen as making a mistake
If you haven’t another family member who could help please do not give the parcels away or destroy them or send them back that would be another nail for him just put them in a spare room under a bed or in a cupboard and forget about them
If I was you and you ever have to contact him in future I would send the same text to both husband and wife so they both know the same information at the same time

If he is mentally ill, on drugs and she’s mentally abused by him is the grand child safe ??

Forget the parcels for a start, you told him, once was enough, he doesn't want them, move them out of sight. Just send cards to everyone as normal, it's not you falling out. He's made his life as he wants it, as parents you want to be be included but unfortunately from experience I know lots of us aren't.

@FarNorth Yes, that's true. Actually, today I was looking back at old photos and he seemed so happy with us, yet after I let him and his wife move in temporarily, he started cutting me out and being nasty.

I suppose I have always made excuses for him. In fact it wasn't even him who told me the baby was even born- it was DiL the day after the event! Old news now, but I can only see with hindsight what I missed before. My youngest says he doesn't think his brother will speak to me ever again. I think maybe he knows something I don't.

Please don't feel disloyal at all.
Your son's MH doesn't give him the right to treat people badly.
He has created an unpleasant situation and you are dealing with it as well as you can.

Thanks Madgran77

Dottynan thanks but they have a security entry system, so I cant get near their front door. Also I shouldnt have to lug those heavy things up. Its up to him.

Very well put toadinthehole.

Could you not leave them on their doorstep late one evening

Lavvalast you have done everything you can. I think taking your DILS needs into account is right and kind and not atall disloyal. She appears to be in an abusive relationship and therefore may feel unable to just deal with this issue because of the resulting abuse from her partner. I know how hard this must be as her partner is your son, but his abusive behaviour towards you as well suggests she is having a nightmare time . She is lucky to have a caring MIL! You are right to put the ball in their court and right to provide support, where you can, for your DIL.

Thanks @FarNorth Yes she must be.

It's kind of you to say so. I feel a bit disloyal to him for considering DiL's needs, but he doesn't seem to and she doesn't have anyone else. But he twists everything good and kind I do, for bad. (Might be manipulation, might be MH?) So I am going to take a rest and not put any effort in.

Lavazza1st
You are doing all you can, including considering DiL's needs as she must be in a very difficult situation.

@Welbeck I said to her that if he doesn't want to talk to us then he can make an arrangement with my other child, who lives with us. I think it would only support his divisive schemes if we were to prevent DiL getting her kitchen equipment. I honestly think he does not care about her wishes and would rather use the situation to point score.

@DiscoDancer1975 Thanks, yes I am not making more effort. I will not play the game, so he has no one to play with. He does have MH issues, which are likely exacerbated by some drugs he may be taking. I don't think we've done anything wrong and I have many messages on my phone of ways I've tried to help him get the parcels. He won't meet us half way! We offered to drive the parcels over to him if he would come and get them out of the car. He refused! He doesn't want to come here either as they don't have a car and he couldn't carry them all himself.

Christmas is a dilemma. I'm not expecting them to come or to invite us there. I miss my GC, but there we are. In the same boat as many other good people

What a difficult situation for you Lavazzalst. My advice would also be to put yourself first, and members of your family who are supportive. I think someone with mental health issues would be perfectly capable of ordering presents on line, depending on the severity I suppose. As regards keeping them, I think there are laws about this sort of thing, holding possessions. You may have to give him notice to ‘ quit’, a bit like a tenant, and then it is lawful to do with them as you wish. I think you’re right though, about keeping them, if it keeps your DIL on side. You may need her at some future date. I do hope you manage to resolve it all, but in the meantime, put it all to one side and have a lovely Christmas.

i know you've said you would keep them, but i'm concerned at some people suggesting you destroy/give away those parcels.
legally i think that would put you in the wrong.
and he could possibly sue you for conversion.
it would be reasonable to attempt to return them to sender, and or inform him where they are, which you have done. but i think you ought to keep them there for 3 months before disposing. and after having given notice of that intention and date. this is directed not so much at you OP. just some things jump out at me.
i don't know the background, but could DIL pick them up. sounds as if she is under some abusive control by him. could you just send an email to both of them, stating the parcels are there, either one of them can come pick them up, best let you know when, to be sure you are in, or if you can leave them in unlocked garage/shed if you have such.
all the best.

@Astral me too!

@Chewbacca it was household things that they likely need or that his wife wants (I could see what they were as it was written on the outside of the box)
He made the mistake of sending them to his old address (our house) but rather than swallow his pride and accept help or make an arrangement to pick them up he told his wife that he had messaged us and we weren't replying! I only found that out today

I have put the parcels out of sight for now. It's their money and their responsibility to decide what to do. If I give them to charity then he has won because he has been lying to her about us, trying to get her not to trust us. She asked me to keep them, so I will. I know she can't do anything with him when he's like this. I know what hes like.

@FarNorth yes he is very controlling, unfortunately. He does not like her to talk to me, so I probably won't hear from her again until he's either asleep or he allows her. I don't want to cause problems for her, either, so I am going to leave it.

I have Christmas gifts for GC. Probably going to post those and say nothing to either of them.

I think you're doing the right thing Lavazza1st by having the parcels out of sight and leaving it to your son and his wife to contact you, if they wish.

He actually checks her phone and reads every message and doesn't like her to talk to family.

That's awful.
It's overbearing controlling behaviour from your son to his wife, which isn't healthy for either of them.

That's a much better idea Kalu. Far more sensible!

I would be giving the parcels to charity, if he doesn’t want them unless you feel you do want to store them, until he is ready to make contact.

Perhaps he is really not ok at the moment. I've seen a few people I know have breakdowns under the stress recently.

Hmmm, I'm not convinced by this tbh. Your son is clearly ok to be placing orders for what are possibly Christmas gifts so he's forward planning isn't he? I think that when he placed the orders he simply forgot to update the delivery for his current address, hence they came to you. If I'd received them and offered to go to the trouble of getting them to him, but he couldn't even be bothered walking from his front door to your car to collect them, they'd be going in the bin. Leave him to stew Lavazza; at least you know how many to cater for at Christmas now.

Not sure what else you could do Lavazza1st. Hopefully he will get through it

@Astral I don't know for certain, but she said she thought he already contacted me about the parcels and she does want them. Then after I pointed out that he's not been in contact she said she would talk to him and then later she said "right now he's not ready"

My son's known to be divisive and has suffered with mental health a lot over the years, so it could either be him wanting to be divisive or him actually ill and I don't know which. He doesn't like me talking to her and vice versa, so I don't usually message her. He actually checks her phone and reads every message and doesn't like her to talk to family. Anyway, it's best I don't message again until he gets in touch by himself.

Having said that trying to guess the reason probably isn't helpful. Thinking it could be one thing might dictate how you communicate and make things worse.

Hopefully you will hear something positive soon.

How strange that he and his wife aren't on the same page here. Did she seem genuinely confused or do you think she panicked a bit and told a fib about thinking he had replied?

Perhaps he is really not ok at the moment. I've seen a few people I know have breakdowns under the stress recently.

I know, it is really odd behaviour ! We will not be accepting any more parcels, for definite.

How bizarre to order numerous parcels which are delivered to your address "by mistake," when he wants nothing to do with you?
I think if any more arrive I'd be tempted to tell the courier they weren't mine and refuse delivery.