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alienated by daughters sons ex

(12 Posts)
Rosyd Sun 21-Mar-21 11:02:41

I came on here as I am in a very bad place and how my daughter feels words can not express it. Is been over 2 months and her ex and his mum will not let us see my GS ? they have no compassion re us and are most likely saying we do not love him etc . All we get are lies from that family but my daughter has a court order to say he should be living with her ?The hurt is some thing I can not cope with and its killing me inside.

Smileless2012 Sun 21-Mar-21 12:01:49

Are you saying that your D's ex and his mother are preventing your D from seeing her son? If so she needs to go back to court and ensure that the court order saying he should be living with her is enforced.

Once this has been resolved you will be able to see your GS through your D. It may also be worth her applying for supervised access when her ex sees their son to prevent this from happening again.

Bibbity Sun 21-Mar-21 12:32:14

Your Daughter needs to call the court tomorrow morning as soon as they open and ask how to complete an emergency order.

She can not be passive here or the outcome will be partially her fault. She can not allow time to elapse and she must move now.

FarNorth Sun 21-Mar-21 12:37:01

There's no point having a court order if no-one makes sure it's enforced.
Your daughter needs to get onto that right away.

You, or your daughter, could maybe try Mumsnet for advice and support from people with more experience of this kind of thing.

Rosyd Sun 21-Mar-21 13:02:54

Thank you , my D has tried to solve this in a mature adult way and has done her best but ex is using the GS and what is known as parent alienation against her. They just let GS do as he pleases with consoles etc. I reached out to the ex and his mum to ask if I could see my GS but I know hand on heart I was not been told the truth. This is a battle between the good v evil which I know sounds harsh but I am honest here . My D is trying to contact court etc but with lockdown its not easy and since they ignore all her texts etc they will say she did not try to see her son which is a lie. I am so grateful for your advice and know we are not the only ones going through some heart breaking and painful times over the GC.

Smileless2012 Sun 21-Mar-21 13:16:25

Your D needs to keep all the texts she sends as proof that she's doing all she can to resolve this matter.

eazybee Sun 21-Mar-21 13:29:14

Your daughter needs to put her concerns about access in writing, keep a copy, and send it by registered delivery to a named recipient with proof of delivery. She can arrange this through the Post Office.

AmberSpyglass Sun 21-Mar-21 13:32:28

I don’t mean to be cruel, but you need to tamp down your emotions if you’re going to help your DD. She’s going through something unimaginable and she’ll need you to be her rock, not someone else whose feelings she needs to deal with.

Rosyd Sun 21-Mar-21 13:36:46

Yes she will and only way to describe the ex's mum is a Toxic grandparent. She has been this way since my GS was born like the GS belongs to her like a son? My D was young and naïve when she fell pregnant and soon saw their true colours but for the sake of the son my D did everything in the right way and let the ex see his son etc. I open my heart to this other grandparent but it seems they do not care and would not care if my GS did not see me or my D should anything happen to us. That is what we are dealing with.

M0nica Sun 21-Mar-21 14:30:45

In which case keeping a strong hold on your emotions is absolutely essential. If you get upset and emotional you are playing in to the hands of the child's father and grandmother, who will do all they can to wind you up and then use your behaviour as a reason the child must stay in the fathers family.

You and your daaughter should avoid all contact with the family while continuing to show love and interest in the child. This can be done by sending clothes books, little things on a regular basis and then getting a good solicitor, specialising in this kind of work or visit your local Citizen's Advice bureau.

In a situation like this, you need to take deep breath, stay cool and calm and deal with this carefully and with legal support. Not easy i know, but it is the only way forward.

I find it very odd that the courts are ignoring all texts. Have you got the right phone number. Do they have a system for responding to texts. Did they give you this number and tell you to use it or is it just one you had at a previous stage in the proceedings, so it is not relevant to the situation you are now in. is it a number that can onlky send not receive messages?

Rosyd Sun 21-Mar-21 17:13:07

just to reassure you all I am opening up on here but my D is getting all the support she needs and I do not let her know how much it pains me to find the right help. We did ring CAB who gave me a number to ring, we both thought this solicitor was going to help but I am shocked that this solicitor has not returned any calls and its been over a month. D is getting court stuff ready but since lockdown it has to be handed in out of the area we live so its a nightmare for now but D knows what to do. May I also add that when I did go round to ex's to drop anything off they move out for a bit to present gf's house or his mums. And if we do go there both me and my D know they will call the police on us and say we are harassing them. I am being strong mostly for my D but I have an odd day like today when it just hits me. But thank you and advice and help was all appreciated .

Hithere Sun 21-Mar-21 18:17:17

"I reached out to the ex and his mum to ask if I could see my GS but I know hand on heart I was not been told the truth. This is a battle between the good v evil "

Sorry to say that is a horrible move.

The priority is to have the court order enforced and deal with the alienation damage, not your desire to see your gc.

This seems to be a very volatile situation and the last thing that is needed is to have unneccessary people involved.
Dont give the other party ammunition to use against your daughter

Support your daughter and when it is all fixed, you will be able to see your gc on her custody time