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(13 Posts)
Shandy57 Wed 12-May-21 10:25:30

I'm just coming on for a rant as I have no-one to tell. I'm estranged from my brother and SIL because of the despicable way they treated my late Mum.

My 84 year old aunt still chooses to see them, knowing how they mistreated her sister, and it makes me angry. It's her birthday today and apparently they are picking her up to take her out for lunch - at MacDonalds. Says it all really. Thanks for listening.

Aveline Wed 12-May-21 10:28:34

From your Aunt's point of view at least she's trying to stay in touch with all the family. It's nice for her to have a day out even if it is to McDonald's. Do you suspect them of an ulterior motive?

CafeAuLait Wed 12-May-21 10:33:52

Maybe your aunt thinks it is between them and isn't getting involved?

Namsnanny Wed 12-May-21 10:36:56

I think I remember when you spoke of them originally.
Whilst I agree with Avaline and I also wonder about ulterior motives.

geekesse Wed 12-May-21 11:11:56

Maybe your aunt doesn’t have the perseverance to bear a grudge for all this time. What’s done is done, and no amount of cutting people off can go back and change things said and done to someone who is no longer alive.

In any case, you don’t have the right to dictate who your aunt sees. Your anger about this is your problem.

Shandy57 Wed 12-May-21 11:29:09

Thank you for listening and for your kind replies.

Smileless2012 Wed 12-May-21 14:00:38

Your decision to estrange your brother and his wife was yours to make Shandy as is your aunts to continue to have a relationship with them.

She's 84 so try and not be judgemental that she chooses to see her nephew and his wife in spite of how they treated your mum.

As geekesse has posted, what's done is done. Leave the past where it belongs and don't allow anger to blight the life you have or your relationship with your aunt.

Dee1012 Wed 12-May-21 14:09:33

Shandy57 flowers. I just wanted to say that I can empathise.

After my Mum's death, I estranged myself from her two sister's, my Aunts, due to the way they'd treated her over the years. It really was horrendous.
I utterly loathed the two of them.

Some other members of the family keep in touch and that's their choice...I literally closed the door on them but that was/is my choice.
Do what's right for you.

Dee1012 Wed 12-May-21 14:11:27

I meant to add...the situation shouldn't impact of the relationship with your Aunt.

Shandy57 Wed 12-May-21 20:05:33

Thank you for sharing Dee1012, it's very awkward because my aunt has entrusted me with her funeral plan, and I could have to face them in the future. They are loathesome too, and always trying to find out about me through my aunt.

Anyway, my aunt rang tonight to say she had enjoyed a marvellous birthday, with seven phone calls, thirty cards, gifts galore, flowers and chocolate and she bought some pansies at the garden centre. Better than my birthday last month!

welbeck Wed 12-May-21 21:57:46

well maybe she likes mcdonalds.
or at least is ok with it.
we used to take an elderly relative to them because they often had car parks with disabled bays, and always had easy level access, no steps, with auto sliding doors.
though the menu range was not out type of food, we could find something to nibble and it was an outing as much as for the food.
obviously i don't know anything about your aunt, but just wanted to make the wider point that with older people/mobility issues, other considerations come into play.
anyway i'm glad she had a nice day.
just try to love and support her in your own way; try to ignore those people who have a negative input on you.
all the best.

Dee1012 Thu 13-May-21 11:39:12

Shandy57 It sounds like your Aunt had a wonderful birthday!

As another poster very rightly said, continue in your relationship with her in the way that's right for you both, she obviously trusts you to do as she wishes.

Shandy57 Thu 13-May-21 18:02:13

Hello Dee1012, she certainly did, I was pleased for her, she is lucky to have so many friends.