DerbyshireLass I lost half myself when my husband died. And have never been whole since. But as hard as it is had to make a new life for myself. He died in 2004.
But I didn't realise until I moved here just over 2 years ago I lost myself. Moving gave me back my identity. People here know me not wife then widow, kids mom and all the other labels I had.
Only people I knew her was my daughter and family and my son in laws family. My son and family and his mother in law.
Lost my son and grandson's. But I do not regret moving here one bit. I love who I am now . I have more confidence than I thought I would ever have . I have done more things by myself and for myself that I have ever done. Only took me from being widowed at 45 until now I am 63.
My daughter says where's my mom and what have you done with her. She loves the new me . And before my son decided to throw me away he said the same thing.
My life before was centered around looking after others. Having the children bringing them up, my illness , my husband's cancer and death then looking after both my parents and mother in law until they died.
I started to change after I had jaundice and was very ill and couldn't do anything for 5 months. Having all that time to think and never been so frightened in my life. I needed someone with me 24/7 but their was no one. That was the first time I have ever been frightened since my husband died. And then to find out I could have died. I decided on what I wanted and it was only 3 things lose weight, move and get fit.
Lost 7st so far was 32 now 16 , fitter than I have ever been and moved to my wonderful bungalow.
But I would give everything up in a heart beat if I could have my husband back fit and healthy but I can't . Grieving gets worse as the years goes by and I cope . My husband was my one and only and I was very lucky to have been so loved for the 29 years we had married for 22 years.
But I still have a lot of living to do and intend to live every minute of it. I promised my husband to live the best life I can and I can not let him down . Still love him as much as ever.
Lasr two letters continued Jan 24