Understanding estrangement

All sorts
Sorry to hear you are feeling low.
But please don’t assume it’s always the child’s fault.
Sometimes there is fault on both sides, and in some cases a child has had the most awful time, and feels they have no choice.
This doesn’t mean I don’t have the greatest sympathy for all the estranged parents who are at a loss to know what went wrong.

Great post @ 00.10 CafeAuLait.

It's very hard for EP's when assumptions are made that they must be at fault, especially when they have posted here on GN and given some information as to why they've been estranged.

There needs to be, and thankfully more often than not, there is understanding and compassion for those living with estrangement whether they are the ones who have estranged, or are the ones who have been estranged.

As you have posted March "The only sure thing is that it's hard and upsetting for everyone involved".

CafeAuLait thank for excepting my apology.

Whiff

Sorry CafeAuLait just released it wasn't you writing you must have been replying to someone else who had message deleted .

Sorry if I have hurt you I didn't mean to. I don't go out of my way to hurt people. As I have been hurt to many times by other people. I hope you accept my sincere apologies.

No worries Whiff. I think the username of the poster I was quoting and replying to made it a bit confusing.

I do try not to make assumptions about who is at fault in an estrangement. There are so many variables in each situation and grown children are just as capable of being the problem in some situations too.

Estrangement is not Black and White, there are Grey areas.
It's also different for every situation. Lots of factors to factor in.

The only sure thing is that it's hard and upsetting for everyone involved.

Sorry CafeAuLait just released it wasn't you writing you must have been replying to someone else who had message deleted .

Sorry if I have hurt you I didn't mean to. I don't go out of my way to hurt people. As I have been hurt to many times by other people. I hope you accept my sincere apologies.

CafeAuLait as you say you are not an estrangement parent so you have no idea what it feels like. You seem to assume we have done something to make our children turn their backs I us. I can assure I did nothing wrong and never saw what happened with my son coming .

You can read all research you like but it doesn't matter. Until it happens to you ,you shouldn't comment as you haven't experienced it.

It makes me mad when people talk about something they haven't experienced and voice an opinion. I only talk about things I have experienced.

What if your the parent of a narcissistic child? Is it still your fault?
Your assumptions are very hurtful.

Estranged - I am not an estranged parent and have good relationships with my children. I'm just stating that because then you know I don't have any skin in what I'm about to reply to your post.

Estrangement is just not that simple. Your assumption that it is the parent who is to blame and who must have parented deficiently is presumptive and unfair. Sometimes the best parents have children who make bad choices or who are toxic themselves. Sometimes this is because of influences other than the parents. We have a lot of people we come into contact with who influence us in how we turn out and what we learn. Then there's genetics. If you do more research into estrangement you'll find that the problem can originate in either generation, or sometimes both play a part.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Here you have people on both sides

Sorry you are in this situation

Thank you. It’s really nice to be with people going through similar things, although sad it’s so common. There can be no excuse for treating a loving parent so poorly. One day they will realise there are few people that put you above their own needs parents and grandparent dol

Hi Allsorts please join us on the 'Support for all living with estrangement' thread. You will find others who are living with the pain this brings, who share not just their grief but the things we have done to move on with our lives.

I'll keep an eye on the thread to see if you post there but if you decide not too, I'll respond to you here.

Allsorts Welcome. Just thought I would point you to the long standing thread on estrangement. SUPPORT for all living with estrangement The thread is looked after by a lady called Smileless. Like you she has been estranged from part of her family for many years. There is support and information there for you. Best wishes.

Morning, saw your post and thought I'd stop to say hi. Wondered if you knew that there is a very busy and lively ongoing thread called support for all living with estrangement-it might be worth posting there. Everyone there seems very supportive of each other. Best wishes.