Will my granddaughter remember me?

No, welbeck, sadly not, but that doesn't change the fact that I could have handled some things better.
VioletSky I'm sure you're right, in that many people are experiencing heightened emotions and difficulties at the moment.

Covid is tricky at the moment, I wouldn't be surprised if it has had an impact on everything. My whole friendship group is slowly, I think rekindling is the right word. There was a long expanse of time where we weren't seeing each other and we weren't doing anything to talk about in type.

I've come across lots of people both children and adults who have developed social anxiety or general anxiety.

Not saying that covis has impacted anything here but in times when we weren't allowed to see each other and talk face to face, I am sure it has worsened many issues and made coming back together again quite hard.

so if he has cut off from other family members and old friends, it's not just down to your behaviour, or difficulties with you then, OP ?

Sort of thing I usually do so I had to check before saying anything!

Me too!!

JaneJudge I thought Norah's posts were fair

I thought Norah's suggestions about using the time to work with her psychotherapist etc was helpful and said so.

As I explained, I feel that suggesting the lack of visits etc was caused by Covid was not helpful. I explained my viewpoint to Norah. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don't.

Ooh gosh, thank you everyone - I have only just been able to come back to this...I'm pretty confused by the whole Covid/no Covid argument above, and I'm sorry if I caused an argument! My heart goes out to anyone who doesn't see their family or grandchildren, for whatever reason but sadly, no, this has nothing to do with Covid. The fundamentals of this go way back before that and have different causes, but suffice to say that my son is no longer close to any of his former friends or family. I have tried to apologise for anything I know I have done, but unfortunately when they block your numbers, won't accept letters and won't speak to you or see you it is quite tricky. I am perfectly willing to acknowledge my part in things and demonstrate how I can change my approach now, but it's literally impossible to do so at the moment. His world has shrunk a lot and we are very worried about him. We love them all dearly. Whatever has happened, I'm the mum, and I should have been the bigger person and just taken it and not reacted. But all I really wanted to ask people here who had experienced this is whether, when you did re-engage with them , did the young children remember you, or did you have to 'start again' with them? Thank you

JaneJudge

I thought Norah's posts were fair

I did wonder if I was missing something

Sort of thing I usually do so I had to check before saying anything!

Madgran sorry but I think you have muddled the user names

Thanks VioletSky I noticed and have apologised. Oh dear!!.

Lolo81 -- Perfect advise, particularly last bit.

"My tuppence worth on the situation is that an apology is all well and good, but changed behaviour and an acknowledgement of what caused the issues in the first place (and how that will be prevented in the future) would be my ideal. That doesn’t mean explaining bad behaviour away - I did X, Y and Z because of this.... because after a long period of being subjected to bad behaviour it can come off as justifying the behaviour or excusing it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t mitigating factors which cause people to behave in certain ways, context is always helpful, but it can’t be used to guilt the recipient into accepting it or excuse the actual behaviour.

So my advice would be to appreciate what you’ve done wrong - be specific on what behaviours you acknowledge were unacceptable, say how you will make sure not to repeat these behaviours. And if you’re seeing someone to help with any issues, continue to do so, not just as a way to gain access to a child, but for your own well being. It could also help you rebuild a relationship with your own son which I’m sure would be a priority - again not just as a tool to access his child, but because you love and miss him.

I thought Norah's posts were fair

Blossoming It was my mistake re calling the OP the wrong name, confusing her with another poster. I have apologised above. Sorry for confusing you!

Whiff Thank you so much for your advise. I'll consider it in context to this post.

I forget that one Bibbity. I get stuck in need to stay away from bad mother and want a good mother.

And before you say I probably deserved I didn't.

If your son and DIL have asked for space then I’d be inclined to give them that and not continue with calls emails and texts too frequently.
Children are very resilient and if and when a relationship resumes I’m sure she’ll be accepting of you OP.

My tuppence worth on the situation is that an apology is all well and good, but changed behaviour and an acknowledgement of what caused the issues in the first place (and how that will be prevented in the future) would be my ideal. That doesn’t mean explaining bad behaviour away - I did X, Y and Z because of this.... because after a long period of being subjected to bad behaviour it can come off as justifying the behaviour or excusing it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t mitigating factors which cause people to behave in certain ways, context is always helpful, but it can’t be used to guilt the recipient into accepting it or excuse the actual behaviour.

So my advice would be to appreciate what you’ve done wrong - be specific on what behaviours you acknowledge were unacceptable, say how you will make sure not to repeat these behaviours. And if you’re seeing someone to help with any issues, continue to do so, not just as a way to gain access to a child, but for your own well being. It could also help you rebuild a relationship with your own son which I’m sure would be a priority - again not just as a tool to access his child, but because you love and miss him.

Don't care if that's rude some of the things you say are offensive to us estranged parents.

Norah I wonder why you are here you do nothing but pick at people. You are not estranged from your children. Leave the ones who are alone.

Re set yourself on another forum.

Who is Elless? I seem to have missed something here.

I sometimes wonder when reading some of the stories here on GN what some of these AC want

Sometimes the desired result is no contact. The end of the relationship. No hoops to jump through, no expectations, no back and forth.
Just the end.

And there doesn’t have to be abuse on either side. No Mammoth moment.

Just people who do not wish to be in each other’s lives.

Madgran sorry but I think you have muddled the user names.

alovelycupoftea I am SO sorry ...I put the wrong OP name in my posts above. And apologies to Elless too. I am so sorry!

"when both parties are willing to participate" and therein lies the problem for so many Madgran.

VioletSky sometimes with hard work, responsibility and accountability reconciliations are possible

That is true when both parties are willing to participate.

Elless I hope that at some point that will be the case for you

Elless I am so sorry if the above has caused you more upset, I don't think anyone intended it but sometimes there are different opinions and angles taken on issues that are brought to threads. .

Overall, take care of yourself. Consider the advice given including Norah's suggestion of working on your issues with your psychotherapist and I hope that you find a way through such a painful time. In the meantime your box of cards etc for your grandchild is a great idea.