When is it time to move on to new friendships?

Looking for new friends is always a good idea. I think that as for friends, the more, the better! Having said that, many has mentioned the effects of pandemic on pur lives and that's a fact. On the other hand, some friendships end with no apparent reasons: one just feel that things have changed and it's time to move on. I had a beautiful friendships with a girl a few years Junior. Out of the blue, she had stopped showing up. I have later learned that she can keep only one friendship at a time, then after a while she switches to another one. Just Like with a partner. This to tell you that, in my opinion, People give different meaning to friendships. I am pretty sure that you did no harm, it is just how this persone handles friends. Sad, I understand you are Hurt, but you seem a nice person, so I am sure you will find more People Willing to meet you. All the best!

On here I appear to be the only person who made more friends in lockdown.
During that time me and my best friend who lives next door but one decided that we would arrange regular street meetings in our small close.
Through that I became real friends with 2 neighbours that previously it was only a good morning, lovely day sort of conversation.

I think Lockdown has soured a few relationships because people realised they didn't miss others

If you no longer want to see someone you know, don't.

Close friendship is when although you haven't seem that person for sometime you can pick up the friendship easily without any awkwardness.
We are all different as are our friends and acquaintances to yours.
We do meet people over the years, some stay as long term friendships others fall by the way.
We have friends in early years then move on to friends met through our children and then friends from groups we belong to in retirement.
I still have friends from when I worked, hubby as one from his teen years who we are very close too.
Neighbours from years ago who we still are in contact with.
I met a new friend 17 years ago we are very close and go away together once a year.
I tend to have friends who have the same interests as me, I certainly don't have any users.

OnwardandUpward. Your post did make me laugh! The idea that the would-be friend was only after your cooking!
If that was a universal requirement of friendship, I'd be a lonely soul!
Tea, coffee and toast/biscuits are my culinary specialities.

I'm no longer a meal ticket to people who don't really like me... Covid changed a lot. It showed who people really are.

I still think the best thing (for me) is to be friendly to everyone and to stay well distanced and observe people's values before getting any closer. I don't have best friends and no close friends, but loads of acquaintances and friends who are not close, if that makes sense.

Today I got talking to someone who told me a secret about one of their kids. I've known her a long time, just to say hello and make small talk with in the street. I have many of those sort of friends. I actually feel safer in that sort of friendship, having trusted backstabbers and users before.

I have 3 (separate) best friends they vaguely know of each other but we re not a group They are all dear to me, I hope I am to them
I have quite a lot of peripheral friends who are in different aspects of my life and then there are others who have come and gone
One, years ago, was very very close for a number of years but she let me down and the friendship fizzled away I sometimes think of her and wonder how she is, we shared so much it’s been many years and she long ago moved away I wonder if she ever thinks of me

I have 3 (separate) best friends they vaguely know of each other but we re not a group They are all dear to me, I hope I am to them
I have quite a lot of peripheral friends who are in different aspects of my life and then there are others who have come and gone
One, years ago, was very very close for a number of years but she let me down and the friendship fizzled away I sometimes think of her and wonder how she is, we shared so much it’s been many years and she long ago moved away I wonder if she ever thinks of me

Some friendships are for a season and some are for a lifetime. It is a wise person who accepts the diffetence.

Sadly this Pandemic has changed many of us. Sometimes I wonder if people are reluctant to get in touch as they don't want to be asked to meet up or go out. This whole situation has definitely changed me and not for the better. I know people who really don't want to go out now anywhere. It's very difficult.

It always seems in threads about friendship that some people have no trouble attracting and keeping friends, some feel they do all the work with no return in kind and some have few friends. I think English people (maybe not Welsh or Scottish) have always been reticent and so making new friends, real friends, is difficult. Lockdown has changed such a lot and many people have got used to their own company or can't go out for health reasons because they must still self isolate.

I've always been one who has put a lot of effort into friendships without much reward and I've got tired of bothering now. I've noticed as someone else said, that friendships are often based on a hobby or activity and when you can't do that anymore, the friendship drifts.

I agree that some people are users. I still grit my teeth about one friend who moved from London and I listened to interminable stories about the horrors of her move. Once she moved, a mere 20 miles away, she stopped communicating and now she spends her time on Facebook flaunting her wonderful new life based on London money and she's always too busy to meet.

I am also now gunning for the local WI! I was a member where I lived before and it was very friendly and inclusive. The small meeting where I am now are the most cliquey, small minded, unfriendly bunch you could hope to meet!

So, like others, I have some old school friends worth keeping in touch with, some activity related friends and some people who I like and who may be friends but I'm not going to be the one putting the effort in.

For most of my life, I've believed in and wanted to build community, but now I think it doesn't exist in most places. I think lockdown was a moment when a lot of people retreated into their families and didn't necessarily want to get involved with others. It's good to learn to become sufficient I think and then people don't see you as a potential burden.

Yes. There's also the kind of friend that's just a user. They don't really like you, but they like your cooking.

I am getting better at spotting friendship red flags and enjoying my own company, because it's better than being with a user or someone who's going to stab you in the back and gossip as soon as you've left.

I found this too! One friend in particular I had been close to for 10 years prior to lockdown. He lives a distance away from me. Sadly he became an anti vaxxer and we had some heated discussions about it. Gradually the correspondence dropped off. He stopped responding to emails. Then after nearly two years I was back in his part of the world. He resumed like nothing had happened and was very friendly and fun. He had also got the vaccine! I enjoyed his company but for me it was not the same. And I am fine with that. My father used to say beware of fair weather friends!

It's good to talk about this friendship issue because I think it's easy to go quiet and feel shame about not having many friends and that's just destructive for us.

I think with covid everything has changed and we too must change, as Charles Darwin said "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change."

The friends who dumped me, did me a favour. Moving on, I'll find new friends who are more my type of people. Sometimes we can hold onto old friends even though we have changed and no longer have anything in common, just because we are scared of being alone. I have come to realise that it's better to be alone and start again.

I think Lockdowns etc during COVID has given us time to reassess how we feel about certain friendships.
We have “friends” who are a couple. The male has been friends with my DH since they were in their teens. We are all in our 60’s now. The female, his partner is quite pushy, opinionated, pretentious and makes some horrible comments as if she is trying to get a reaction out of me. I tolerate her for my DH’s sake and the friendship he has with the male. However, we have both realised that we have enjoyed seeing them less and that we just can’t be bothered with her silly behaviour and his conspiracy theory views. He is an anti vaxer. My DH just doesn’t want to hear it anymore but instead of coming clean and ending the friendship my DH keeps making excuses as to why we can’t visit them. The rest of our friends in the same circle don’t particularly like them either it transpired.
What to do? It’s very difficult. We’d be quite happy if we didn’t have to see them any more.

some of these don't really sound like friendships, more kind of functional, someone to do something with, like playmates from childhood.
going out to play never involved a consideration of how the other was feeling, their inner self, merely were they coming out to play, i've got a bat, you bring the ball.
so it was for a purpose. which is ok, like sport, or dance.
when the other party is no longer able to fulfil that role, then they are dropped.
friendship involves a real interest and care for an other person, and not merely as a means to an end, being useful.
some of these people sound like they want an audience to admire their enviable life style. stealth boasts etc.

I've also been let down by 2 friends [they're in a couple] since Covid/lockdown. The last phone conversation was about how one of them decided she didn't want to mix with people in the same way as before. That was a year ago.

I understand wanting to make life simpler and cutting social stuff down....but I thought we were friends, I'd known them for 3 decades! However I am single now, live on my own, and wasn't able to see my sons/grandchildren and it's been tough, still isn't back to 'normal'. That's with me being used to and liking my own company and having plenty of interests/always busy. They have each other. I don't think they realise exactly what living alone means at times.

Now I see they are moving, no idea where to. I'm hurt, but will let go.

I have one friend that I have nothing in common with. She befriended me and thinks I give her sensible advice about her dysfunctional family. She rings me regularly but we probably won't meet up much.
Another of my oldest friends has moved her life in a very different way to mine and I hear news of her from another friend but have no desire to meet her again.
Another tells me of all the social things she and hubby are doing, holidays and bus trips etc. but I would be embarrassed to see her as I am mainly at home in old clothes and am becoming a recluse.

Birdie that is such a nice way to look at friendships.
When I think of all the friends I have had throughout my life most have left the train with just a few still here.
I think sometimes we have to let go of friends who we lose touch with. Not all will be keepers.

There is an writer, Indra Sofia - who wrote a lovely piece about friendship that l have taken to heart - Life is a train. It starts at one station and ends at another. Along the way, you pick up passengers: your friends, and the relationships you make. Many passengers get on and of at different points along the ride. Sometimes, they get on in groups and you stay in the same car. Sometimes, a passenger will stay there longer than others. Occasionally, a passenger stays on with you until the end of the ride.
I have taken comfort in these words having lost a great friendship due to our differences in respect of the Covid pandemic - l still care about her and miss her but our life journeys were different - so l got off the train.

I'm so sorry Annsixty I think you're right that covid and lockdowns have changed people.

Have you explained to your friend that you could get a taxi over to hers if invited? If you have and shes not taking you up on the offer, thats very sad.
Bing virtually housebound is very hard and isolating , too. Might there be a disability aid such as a Sit on scooter or walking trolley that might enable you to have a more interesting life and meet new people? Some really good trolleys have seats so you can stop and sit down and a scooter you could get independance and go anywhere you wanted ? I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. That's a definitely a time when a real friend should be there for you.
I don't know if you feel up to being social, but if you were able to get to a Lunch Club or social event, you might make new friends because I'm sure others are in the same position.

I was abandoned by five friends in lockdown who just stopped talking to me. It was crushing and I have not yet made new friends. It hurt a lot, but I have written off those who abandoned me and accepted its over. I have no one in particular, but smile at and talk to everyone I meet. I think in remaining open and friendly, I will in time make more friends.
As far as being housebound goes, I was for a time never leaving the house due to health and also mental health. It ended up being a depressing cycle where I tried to commit suicide and I hope you'll consider phone counselling from your GP to help you cope with the bereavement and other problems.

Hi AS, sounds sad but just wondering if you might invite her over to yours rather than wait?

I also have few friends and coincidentally have been assessing them this last couple of weeks.
One, who I have considered a good friend for forty years , has amazed and disappointed me.
Due to circumstances she has been living away for over a year, we have kept in touch by email and phone regularly but she moved back 7 weeks ago, just 4 miles away and has failed to make time for me during that time.
I should explain that I no longer drive and am virtually housebound but I could get a taxi over to see her if invited.
She has been seeing others regularly so I have to conclude she doesn’t want or need to see me.
She seems to regard disability and widowhood as something she doesn’t want to associate with as she has similarly been the same with one other old friend.
At 84 I feel I will never make new friends and think very seriously that Covid and lockdowns has changed many people.

Goodness, the luxury of so many friendships you can actually consider a clearout. Has it occurred to you that the 'friends' in question are perhaps doing the same thing and you may be on their hit list? I have few friends but they are indeed treasured. This sounds so cold and calculating to me that I cannot remotely associate it with my interpretation of the wonderful world of friendship.

We have a few very old friends who live a distance away. We often go months without speaking but I know we will continue to be in contact but other things get in the way as we get older, often health issues.