Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

I hope you've had a lovely day today, Smileless. Great card from Mr S. (I do a lot of lurking on this thread. 3 years estranged now)

oops Tinkerbell, old age must be creeping in.

What a lovely gift Whiff. Good idea to send your son a text telling him what the letter is about; it's up to him now.

My birthday today, 61 years young. Can't believe I'm 61 TBH. Lovely romantic card from Mr. S., 'For my beautiful wife'. Going out for a meal tomorrow evening so looking forward to that.

Got a lovely 'Tinkerbel' lamp from my friend with the option of putting scented wax in the top which I'm looking forward to lighting this evening.

Spring you will find your new home it just takes time. But you will find it.

Smiles enjoy your extra time at the lodge . Seems to be doing you all the power of good.

Hugshelp decluttering does take forever but it's well worth it. Good luck with the other story competition.

One of my friends at craft group made this for my birthday.

Today I had to send my son a letter . Was going to get my neurologist to do it but don't know when I will see him again. So decided to bite the bullet. I sent a very short letter just saying to get in touch with his GP and show them the copy of the letter detailing my condition and ask for a referral for genetic testing. I sent him a text telling him I had sent the letter and said to read it as it is a health matter that could effect him or my grandson's. And not to return it unopened.

Just have to wait and see if he does send it back. If he does I will send it back again.

Thanks Yogin. I think we all have those moments when it hits us out of the blue. ?

Going home to an empty house must be very hard Allsorts. There are so many ways we can compare our lives to how we hoped they had turned out that can be heartbreaking.

Hope the right property turns up soon Spring.

Well, you party animal smiles.. Enjoy!

The decluttering is starting to feel a bit endless now. Onto the last room, but it's a large kitchen diner with a lot of cupboards. Started a box of pots and pans that might do a student or maybe a charity for the homeless. I'll see who I can find that might like them when I've finished sorting.

Had to spend quite a while editing a short story as there's another competition deadline I want to be ready for in a couple of days, so didn't spend much time on the house today.

Thanks everyone, it's good to know that you feel as I do when it comes to reconnecting with old friends especially when they've not been around throughout the turmoil of estrangement.

That must be hard Allsorts going home to an empty house. It is hard hearing about other peoples GC isn't it. Our friends don't speak of theirs very much which is appreciated.

I agree Spring this thread is a safe place for us to share the good and the bad. Keep looking. You may find that the ideal property catches your eye when you least expect it. Happened to us.

We were due to go home on Sunday but have decided to stay another week; reckless or what!!! .

Like you Smiles I’ve chosen not to reconnect with some old friends. We have to move forwards, not back. I also think on our way through life we meet many folk, some of whom become firm friends, others with whom our lives just pass for a while. Most important is having folk around us with whom we feel safe, which is why this forum is such a success. Whiff and others who’ve moved have also shown us there are always new friends to be made, no matter how old we get! Allsorts - I’ve been in that place of despair. We had another trigger a month ago, but this time quickly bounced back. It didn’t throw us off course. You will get there. And if things are really bad, there are always folk worse off who could do with a kind word from us. E has robbed us of certain things - it doesn’t have to rob us of being good people. Still nothing on the market to consider yet….….our move will need to wait a while!

Know how everyone feels on that long road to realising the emptiness of estrangement, when you’ve had company for a length of time and you feel in a little happy bubble, then reality hits. It’s coming into my empty house after being away. It’s when my friends who go on holiday with my d school friends and go shopping, all the ordinary things. I am interested, know their grandchildren, but they will never know how hard it is for me. Despite knowing there’s no way back now, it’s not how it was supposed to be. I really envy people that move on, it’s over, don’t look back.

Lovely to hear you had a nice time with your son Pixie I've been to the Shard, it's an amazing view, they served us champagne when we got to the top. I remember crying on my trip back from Turkey with a group of friends, turned my head to look out the window, so no one could see, strange! I had had such a good holiday and hadn't thought of the estrangement, but heading home it hit me!

Hugs good luck with your writing competition and well done on getting onto the short list.

Smiles I understand your not wanting to reconnect with your passed friends, especially if you didn't mention the estrangement. Sounds lovely, sitting reading your book in the sunshine. I still seem to have lots of things to do with the house move, I do still work part time, enjoy it & don't want to give it up just yet, although sometimes I wish I had more time at home, to potter around.

May, it's the month of my estGC birthdays, one on the 8th and one on the 20th. You turn the page on your calendar and 'Wham' there it is!

Oh goodness, meeting up with old friends can be really difficult smiles. Happy memories and conversations that could bring all sorts of things back up. I don't think I'd want to either.

I'm so glad you found your happy home Whiff. It's very inspiring that you have accepted that you have moved on and find that you like your new self. I'm feeling that more as time goes on.

Sorry you're feeling low purplepixie. I am glad you had a lovely time though. I think the memory box is a lovely idea.

Everyone has some sadness to deal with right now. It's not something we can escape. We move on and find joy in life but it's never gone. It's unavoidable when you love someone but I'm sure none of us would wish the love away, even though pain is the price we pay when our love is not accepted.

Sending hugs to you all.

Purplepixie . So pleased you had a lovely time with your son. It's perfectly natural to feel down when you've had such a lovely time and then had to say goodbye.

We are no one's punching bag absolutely Whiff.

Purplepixie sorry you are feeling sad. Estrangement is awful and it's very easy to focus on the negative aspects of it.

But try and think of all the good things you have in your life. Your son for a start. I had to make the decision to let my son and grandson's go. I had to for my peace of mind. I have lots of wobbles but I have a good cry and get on with my life.

It's ok to be sad but you owe it to yourself and those that love and care for you to look on the positives in your life.

Yesterday I could have had a sad day but choose not to. The 2 years since I last saw and spoke to my son have flown by. I am a different person now and I like this new me. The old me years ago wouldn't try new things since my moved I look forward to the new no always exciting but interesting.

After my son sent everything back 2 years ago unopened. I wouldn't let him hurt me that way again. I couldn't understand why a loving father wouldn't let his sons have cards and presents from their nannie who loved them . So haven't sent anything since. I long to but won't.

He decided he no longer wanted or needed his mom . I didn't decide he wasn't my son . Whether he likes it or not he is my son and those are my grandson's. And there's not a dam thing he can do about it.

It's not easy but we have to protect ourselves. We are no one's punching bag.

Hopefully you feel happier soon. ?

A belated happy birthday Whiff - I haven’t been on here for a few days.

Had a wonderful day out with my youngest son on wednesday. We went to the top of the Shard at London. I cried when I got on the train though as I miss him so much. We had a fabulous photo taken and I will cherish it forever.

I am going to put together a memories box - it just came to me this morning.

Last week I sent my grand daughter a crocheted top that I made for her. No word as to whether she likes it but I know it got there because I sent it recorded delivery.

I feel so sad this afternoon. Sending love and hugs to everyone. Estrangement is horrible.

Allsorts we crossed posts. My son in law was still positive for Covid. But the rest of us still negative. So dinner was an early one with my grandson's but we had a lovely time. We went to a different Italian restaurant and we all had pizza . Followed by a triple chocolate tart for me. But had a lovely time .

Hugshelp congrats on getting your writing short listed. What an achievement ?. Decluttering I found freeing physically and mentally. Yes it was upsetting at times when I came across things of my husband's I thought I had got rid off. But it was way past time to let go. And felt better when I did.

If my husband had lived my life would have taken a different course while I wish everyday he was still here I wonder would I be doing the things I do now. And the answer is no. He loved the garden it relaxed him so I would have let him do it. I properly wouldn't have lost the weight ,joined my exercise class and craft group. Making decisions is easier as a couple but can be annoying at times when you have different ideas. But having to make all the decisions is hard but I am proud that I have been able to make them. Once I decided on something that's it I do it. And get it organised quickly. I have a dear friend but she drives me nuts . Don't worry I tell her she does. It takes her weeks to decide something then doesn't do anything for months then moans because she hasn't done it.?.

I moved to live closer to my children but knew I didn't want to be a burden also I had been living an independent life since they both left home for good 16 years ago.

Moving house is hard and the stress and worry is awful. But for me I feel like I have always lived here. So glad I moved. Cost me my son and 3 grandson's but that was his choice not mine. But I have gained at lot. Things I would never do or know if I had stayed in the West Midlands.

I have found peace at last and living my life to the full no longer just existing. And my bungalow has given me that. People here are so different and that makes a big difference. I have more friends here than all my years in the Midlands. Funny how no matter how old you get life can still surprise you. I look forward to what the future holds for me.

Think we all need to look to the future no what if's. The present and future is what counts. The past has gone we can't change it no matter how we wish we could. I set myself challenges nothing big but simple things. Gives me something to aim for. And pleased to say I haven't failed yet.

Have a good day whatever you are up to. ?

Hugshelp I think your sons have selective memories.
Have you recovered from your ladies night Whiff?

You should be proud of yourself hugshelp, that's amazing; well done. I've told Mr. S. that that's what I'll do, if I see something I would like when we're out together he can get it for me.

It's hard isn't it, when you come across something that triggers memories of happier times. Mr. S. ran into some friends we haven't seen for years, not since our boys were little.

We used to spend a lot of time together. L and I were both pregnant at the same time, her with their 2 youngest and me with the boys. They're back in the UK having lived in France for years and gave Mr. S. their 'phone number so we can meet up, but I don't want too.

I've given it a lot of thought and that friendship, those memories are in the past. We talked about it last night and
Mr. S. feels the same.

It sounds as if your decluttering is going well and getting those photo' taken and putting the house on the market is the next big step.

Allsorts yes our memories are in our heads, good and bad and when they include someone we've loved and lost, they become even more precious .

Grey and drizzly here this morning and looking forward to our second week here. We've had some lovely weather so far and hope there's more to come.

Happy Birthday Whiff.
Your garden looks fabulous.

We're about the same age smiles and I must admit I didn't ask for anything from Mr Hugs for my birthday a few weeks ago. He made me a lovely card - he started designing them himself a few years ago and I love that. I did buy myself a new hat on holiday though. Much nicer to buy something when we're having a nice time together that I will use and will remind me of my holiday.

Still decluttering and getting the house ready. We have a week until they come to photograph it to see. I found my son's karate documents today which quite saddened me. Both my kids got their blackbelts. I took them twice a week, always me, then I joined in as well to support and encourage them. I got as far as my brown belt when my health let me down. It saddens me that I have all these memories of things we did together that mean nothing to my son who claims I never did anything with or for him.

On a cheerier note, I have a small piece of writing short-listed in quite a good writing competition. As it was up against a lot of other writers, some of whom I have seen the work of and very much respect, that made me really quite proud of myself.

Hope you have had a lovely birthday Whiff ??

You’re right Smileless it’s all just stuff. Our memories are in our head. I think of how it could have been to still have my husband, the company and support, I think I could live anywhere if I had that.

Happy Birthday Whiff. ??

Happy birthday from me too Whiff - hope you really enjoy the day

'Happy Birthday' Whiff . I'll be 61 next week and like you, wonder where the years have gone.

Mr. S. has asked me what I would like for my birthday but TBH I can't think of anything!!! Which thinking about it is rather nice; I have all I could want or need.

It's surprisingly tempting Yogin and would mean getting rid of an awful lot of 'stuff' but TBH apart from our paintings which of course we'd keep, it is just stuff isn't it and I often think when we're here at the lodge just how little you actually need.

41 years of marriage has resulted in a huge accumulation which with our house being so big is lovely, lovely but not necessary.

Sat out yesterday afternoon in the unexpected warm sunshine and read my book and looks as if I'll be doing the same today.

Happy Birthday Whiff.??