Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Smileless in away I know leaving this house and all tge memories, most of them good, will be for the best, it is a family home, I want my next one to be for me, chosen by me. The only part I’m dreading is not finding one in such a nice position that is quiet. Think it a mistake on your own and over say about 60, to go anywhere without good transport links and shopping and medical services locally. Each week I take a trip our to nearby ntowns or areas and it makes me realise how convenient it is here, but for a family.Happy Easter everyone, I’m going to be gardening and DIY, but in a very laid back sort of way,.

I'm the same Yogin, never thought I'd be able to switch off 99% of the time but I have. It's a decade isn't it, for both of us and when I say that, it brings home just how long it has been.

They are the ones who've wasted so many years and continue to do so. They are the ones who in all probability, may well wonder when we've left this mortal coil, what on earth they were thinking but of course it will be too late then, and for some EP's myself included, it's too late now.

So sorry you're still feeling unwell DSL. Take it easy and don't worry about being behind schedule, there's no rush. You've had an awful lot to deal with so it's not really surprising that this is taking its toll.

Absolutely, self preservation rather than selfishness but that said, there's nothing wrong with being selfish from time to time I mean some of our AC have made a career out of it haven't they.

Just dropping by to say happy Easter. Sending love and hugs to all who are missing their loved ones,?❤️

Still feeling pretty grim. Still Testing negative for covid so no idea what this lurgy is all about The sun is shining here today. So will probably spend most of the weekend trying to recuperate and nurse myself back to health. Just get out in the garden and enjoy the warm sunshine.

I have no idea why I have been hit so hard with this but I really do feel wiped out. I think my body is trying to tell me something and that it's time I paid attention to my overall (lack of) fitness.

Just add it to my to do list. ??

I have lost this week due to illness so not only have I not made any progress on the diy but I'm also behind with the normal day to day stuff. The house is a tip ?. Oh well not the end of the world. I will get my odd job man on the case to do the diy I didn't manage to get done and I might even get a Cleaning company in to give the house a good blitz before I get the photos done. I can postpone the launch until I'm good and ready.

It's horrible when a house sale/purchase goes pear shaped. It can be very stressful. However, after the year I've had with DS and DIL, and all the pain and heartache they've caused me, by comparison a house move will be a breeze, especially as I intend to get rid of most of my stuff. ??. Apart from a couple of sentimental treasures I could cheerfully set a match to it all. When I find my perfect little bijou home I will treat myself to some nice new furniture and just a few special bits and pieces.

I'm not sure whether I'm seeing DS and DIL this weekend. They have said they want to see me but Im Not sure I'm well enough. Time was when I wouldn't have dreamed of not seeing them no matter how tired or run down I felt. I would have made a huge effort, cooked them a feast and really put myself out for them. Not any more. I have finally learned to switch off too at last.

Now I've drawn boundaries. I've stopped being such a people pleaser, no longer a doormat and pushover. It's not selfishness, it's self preservation. I have realised that as I have no husband or partner to take care of me when I get sick it's time I start taking better care of myself.

That might mean saying no sometimes. ?

Have a good weekend, y'all.

HAPPY EASTER Smileless and Happy Easter to all on here.
Where's all the eggs gone?

.....and I don't even know why, never given a reason for it.

Allsorts

Yes it is Hugshelp.It’s strange to think of your own child not caring whether you are alive or dead.,If only we could switch off. I will never until I die, understand.

I never thought I would switch off Allsorts but I have, took 6 long years of turmoil to get there. I'm into the 10th year of not seeing my then beloved baby daughter and my previous GC. I get moments of deep sadness at the tragedy of it all. My son is into genealogy and finding 3rd cousins twice removed and even getting pictures of them, one young guy looking just like my nephew! So with learning all this about our family tree, but not being able to see my nearest & dearest, is such a tragedy! When one of us dies, probably me, it would have been such a waist of all those years we could have had together, all that laughter & joy.

I thought moving would be traumatic. It wasn't easy, we lost our buyer at the last minute but thankfully were able to go ahead with the purchase, which was rather nerve wracking until we sold a couple of months later.

I thought it would be traumatic leaving the home where we'd raised our boys but it wasn't. I'd steeled myself for an onslaught of tears and pain, but it never came.

I was the last to leave and as I locked the door for the last time, I felt as if a weight had been lifted. As I drove away I told myself not to look back; I didn't and never have.

It's good to know you're happy Yogin, as you say it can take time to really settle in. Not for me, I woke up that first morning and smiled as I listened to the sea gulls and still smile when I hear them first thing in the morning.

What a terrible situation to be in Allsorts. We managed 4 years with our ES living just down the road until we couldn't stand it any longer. The life was being sucked out of us and we only realised just how damaging it had been to our well being, once we'd moved away.

A lovely morning here. Hope the sun is shining for you all and you'll enjoy this Easter weekend. Another time of the year when we think about families getting together, so it's hard for those of us who don't have AC or GC to see.

For those of you who do, have a wonderful time and for those of us who don't.

Allsorts

Yoga, have you the parking situation sorted? I think it's a good idea moving, as Smileless , Whiff and you have done. Is difficult when you have spent so much time in the same house.
I only found out last week that a neighbours of mine with a grown up daughter has living parents both sides, they had nothing to do with them after they married, refused to ever see them again, know no more than that, we all thought they had died. Life's strange.

No Allsorts parking hasn't changed. The guy over the road isn't parking onto my bumper any more, so am parking there a bit more. Funny yesterday, as on seeing that parking spot free, I sailed in and walked over to my place only to see there was parking right outside my house! a first. As I was taking my little dog straight out for a walk, I left it, but on learning my son had already taking little Joey out, I went out and moved it. What a lovely feeling to be park right outside my own house! and how amusing to see the car that never usually moves parked on the other side of the road. I was looking forward to the guy coming back from work and parking right onto her bumper and as she had pulled right up to the car in front, so as to be away from his driveway, she would have been locked in, as I was on many an occasion!
Unfortunately I left for work before I could witness the outcome, when I got back, the next door car was back outside my house and the opposite side full, so I am parked down the road again

Bet you wish you hadn't of asked now Allsorts

Yes it is Hugshelp.It’s strange to think of your own child not caring whether you are alive or dead.,If only we could switch off. I will never until I die, understand.

That all sounds really lovely Yogin

What a sad state of affairs allsorts

Yoga, have you the parking situation sorted? I think it's a good idea moving, as Smileless , Whiff and you have done. Is difficult when you have spent so much time in the same house.
I only found out last week that a neighbours of mine with a grown up daughter has living parents both sides, they had nothing to do with them after they married, refused to ever see them again, know no more than that, we all thought they had died. Life's strange.

Yes moving is traumatic, well it was for me! So nice to hear how happy you are in your new home Smiles I'm really happy when I'm walking on the beach & in my favourite park just 5mins away. Still settling in here, it takes a while to get to know the neighbours. I'm getting my garden looking nice and I'm looking forward to visiting a shop I keep passing call 'All things under the sun' with lovely garden ornaments and lots of interesting things for the garden..

I feel like I'm surrounded by too many people here, where I was before it was just 16 houses, well spaced apart and less with the previous detached house. Never lived in a flat before, so was sort of intrigued, although this is more like a bungalow as it's just one big house split in two. You have to live in a house for a while to know if you really like it and as this was a bit of a jump out of the fire, as so much was going wrong with my buying and selling and just didn't ever seem to get to the point of exchanging. I'm now thinking maybe I should have hang on a little longer as I didn't do well financially, sold at the lower market price but purchased at the higher, giving 10K above the asking price. which at that time was normal. Hind sight!

My son told me it's what they put in the vits to make them into tablet form that can effect the stomach. I always got mine from H&B, so good products.

I shop in Lidl, you get £2.50 off when you spend £100 and £10 off when you reach £200 spend. Definitely much cheaper than Tesco & Sainsbury, but I do top up at Tesco for the extra bits, including sore dough mixed grand bread, very nice.

Allsorts I was never told what the problem with me was either. Into the 10th year, so sad, to lose a DD & GC for no reason other than the partner wants you gone!

So good to hear this Smileless! Love it when things work out like this ?

We moved 5.5 years ago to get away from our ES and only GC Spring. We had a lovely home, in fact the last round of improvements had only just been completed when we were estranged.

So here we are, by the sea in the best house we've ever had.

It's a tricky one re moving in latter years isn't it. We too feel ready to downsize, and it would be lovely to have a fresh start in a new place, a new adventure. But where to go? Moving closer to either of our non estranged children isn't sensible as they are highly likely to move for their careers in the future. The idyllic dream of a cottage in Cornwall by the sea is just that - impractical because of cost and distance. And are we city or rural folk? I'd love a home with a view, but is accessibility to hospitals going to be important. Such thoughts go round and round in my head until I become paralysed into inaction! We decide to stay put after all.....and then go round the same loop a few months later! Totally admire those of you who've taken the plunge.....but what was the thing that really made you do it?

Well if they think their parenting is perfect Whiff they're in for a shock aren't they because no one is perfect, and at least none of us expected ours to be because we know you can only do your best, which we did. We just never expected not to be good enough did we.

There seems to be a lot going around ATM DSL and if it weren't for Covid we wouldn't be giving our ailments as much thought as we're doing now. Good that you've tested negative.

Some may be too late, not because the parent(s) they estranged have died but because they may have moved on. The love a parent has for their child never dies, but even with that love, if too much time has gone by and the damage caused is too deep, not all parents will want to reconcile for fear of it ever happening again. That's me I'm afraid.

So pleased your booster hasn't affected you as badly as the others hugshelp.

So your son saw several therapists because he's angry but didn't know why, and yet appears to hold you responsible anyway. Says it all really doesn't it.

I had that sort of response when my son first estranged me Allsorts. He was angry but didn't know why. So he went off to do therapy to find out. He's seen several therapists and come up with a different vague reason with each one, only communicated to our DD who said she didn't agree with anything he said but wasn't allowed to tell me what. Then finally a letter, again full of vague accusations which I can see no truth in, but would be willing to listen if he'd give me some specificity. But no response to my asking for that.

Yeah, we stopped going to Aldi, because the social distancing thing wasn't going too well smiles. There was even a small fracas break out between people who were pro SD and those who weren't. Went a bit crazy when there were shortages too. Looking forward to going back now things are calmer though.

Sorry you're feeling dodgy DSL - hope whatever it is soon passes. I can understand why you can't trust when nothing has been resolved for you. I would feel the same. So what exactly did I do wrong? Am I forgiven? Was there anything to be forgiven for? Are you going to flounce off again if I break any other mystery relationship rule? And yes the world revolves around them.

Feeling a bit perkier, albeit sticking to a bit of reading, writing, and knitting. This is miraculous compared to my first two shots which had me in bed for a week and barely leaving the sofa for several more. The Moderna clearly agrees with my body a lot better than the AZ did. We're all different but at least I know there's a real difference and can tell my dr next time I need one, though I don't think they're using AZ anymore now.

Good Morning everyone.

Hugs...sorry your jab side effects are so bad. Definitely take it easy.

I spent most of yesterday on the sofa and tbh still don't feel that great today. I've tested myself for covid and thankfully it's negative, so I guess its just a summer lurgy.

I do feel pretty grim though so I'll be joining you on the sofa today. Currently wet and drizzly here but I'm aiming to sit outside later if the sun comes out, (apparently it's forecast). The fresh air and a bit of sun might do me good. Hopefully what ever "it " is should pass in a couple of days.

Re EACs and our need to apologise.

How can we apologise if we don't know what we have done wrong. If they won't communicate with us how can we fix things or make amends,

This is what I find so frustrating with my son and DIL. She just launched a general broadside in my direction and then there were extended periods of silent treatment, I have no idea what was in her head. My son took the cowards way out and simply laid low. They eventually offered an olive branch which I gladly accepted but I still have no idea what caused the bad blood. No explanations have been forthcoming and I have been left to guess and flounder. That is why I now can't trust them.

The sad thing is although I love my son dearly and always will I no longer care about what he thinks or feels about me. He's killed that. He wounded me deeply, striking when I was low and vulnerable. Neither of them has shown me any compassion over my grief at my husbands death. And they have both at times expressed irritation and impatience with me when I have felt unwell or have been struggling.

Even now, although we are to all intents and purposes reconciled, they have no real interest in me, my life or my doings. Things go well only as long as they are the centre of attention and the conversation revolves round them. They are really only interested in themselves, their world. Egos the size of planets, the pair of them. A little humility wouldn't go amiss.

To me the behaviour that EACs demonstrate smacks of emotional immaturity, entitlement, lack of resilience and an inability to shoulder adult responsibility. Maybe they will grow out of it. Maybe they will wake up one day and realise how foolish they have been.

Alas for some of them it might be too late. By the time they realise what they have done the ones they have hurt so badly may no longer be alive. They will then be racked with guilt and filled with remorse. .

I saw this happen to my father, his guilt and remorse was pitiful to behold but it was all his own fault. He had to reap what he had sown. It was his penance.

It seems that EACs haven't yet learned that actions have consequences. They WILL reap as they have sown, all in good time.

Alas the cycle of destruction won't end with them because all the while their own children are watching and learning. And what lessons they are learning. Our GC are being taught that relationships are transactional and that people are disposable.

There are going to be some very damaged grandchildren out there.

Another discount shopper here. And why not, why pay over the odds. We have several Aldis and Lidls, all offering good quality produce, fair prices and great service. I get most of what I need with just the occasional foray into Sainsburys or if I'm feeling flush, M&S. ??.

Yogin that was just my morning tablets . Have to take more in the evening. But I don't mind they keep me going . Plus I take some vitamins and minerals.

Hugshelp sorry are suffering from your jab hopefully you feel better tomorrow. I don't envy you moving for me it was a nightmare. Finding my bungalow wasn't the problem it was having 2 buyers pull out on me at the last minute. But for all the stress and worry it was worth it. I love it here. Like I have said I no longer just exist but live my life to the full. And if it wasn't for my move I would still be in the dark about being born with a heart defect and wouldn't know I was born with HK. Lost my son and grandson's but gained other things.

Trouble with some 20-30 year olds is they think can have everything and don't have to put in the hard work and make sacrifices to get what they want . And if mom and dad wouldn't help then they are bad parents.

We had to work and make sacrifices to get what we want no one gave us anything . I am lucky both of my children and their other halves have always worked and made sacrifices to get their own homes ,cars etc. Both set themselves a budget for their weddings and paid for everything themselves.

I don't know what our children expect . Especially those who are parents themselves do they really think they are the perfect parents and that their children won't turn round one day and point out all the things they did wrong bringing them up.

I know the things my son said never happened also he assumed I reacted a certain way to things but he never asked so he doesn't know what I did to try and help them. Not financially but other ways.

Allsorts don't think there is such a think as happy families. Because none of us are perfect but who would want to be. That would be boring. But families that can talk to eachother and air any problems that is what I had. And still have with my daughter. Simple example she asked me a few weeks ago not to make them anymore cakes or biscuits as her and her husband work hard and keeping in shape and neither of them can resist my baking. Which I was glad she told me. That's the way to work things out. Not by what my son has done.

Well it's not raining so going to explore some more roads before I get to Aldi for my top up shop and taxi back as I load up with extra veg things I can freeze without blanching. Only buy certain ready frozen veg.

Have a good day.

We stopped looking at our smart meter DSL it can become an obsession can't it.

I cut down too Yoga. I take vitamin D, a cod liver oil tablet, evening primrose with star flower oil and red vine leaf daily. The women in my family have varicose vein issues and taking red vine has prevented me from having any problems.

We've gone back to Aldi hugshelp. We stopped because the store and customers weren't very good with social distancing and made me nervous; tesco's was much better so we shopped there. Now I only go to tesco's for anything I can't get in Aldi, and the difference in the amount we spend is surprising.

Sorry you've been affected by your booster but glad it's not as bad as the last time. Unpleasant though so I think a sofa and telly day is a good idea.

I wouldn't apologise for anything I haven't done either Allsorts. Why should we? What's the point? None of us have that magic wand but at least we have one another.

A lovely morning here, mild and sunny. An improvement in the weather really helps to lift your spirit doesn't it so I hope you've all woken up to a bright and sunny morning.

Hugshelp, your son is in turmoil. I would not apologise for anything I hadn’t done. My daughter could never give me a specific, just that she and everyone really hates me,, I asked why, she said I can’t just think of things like that, on the spot, it’s a feeling. So I gave up.
Wish I could wave a wand for everyone for happy families but instead send all best wishes and enjoy what you do have.

Glad you've got such good health care Whiff. Our doctors are a bit lacking in certain areas. Our DD got new ones when she moved and she can't believe how much better they are so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for when we move.

We haven't been to Aldi for ages, we got used to deliveries, but once I'm recovered from this jab we're going back to our Aldi shop. We really need to save some money on the shopping now. Oh brownies, yum!

I'm glad you found a treasure of an odd-job man DSL - it really helps when you can find someone reliable for jobs.

I look at some of the accusations EAC make smiles and wonder how much projection is going on sometimes. I was reading an article yesterday about the mental health crisis in young people and wondering how it got to this, how large numbers of the younger generation seem to be permanently angry and unhappy. I do wonder how much social media plays into that.

Feel like I've been hit by a transit van atm, which is decidedly an improvement on the juggernaut the last jab sent. Sofa telly day for me I think.

Whiff you must rattle with all those pill you take

Think I used to rattle with taking lots of vitamins, now only take vit. D, iron, & magnesium with Zinc. My stomach couldn't cope anymore with taking so many, so had to cut down.