Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

So sorry to hear about your MIL PF. I had a fantastic MIL with the first husband. Infact she was much nicer and better than him. She was the one that said I should leave him years before I did. He was a wife beating pig and she had endured the same with her husband. She had 4 boys and 2 girls and I married the eldest. Her life was one long misery and I wish I had paid attention from the beginning and listened to her. She was a fantastic gran to all of her grand children. I loved her to bits and was devastated when she died at the age of 57 back in 1986 of cancer. I cried so much. She gathered me up and welcomed me into her home and family from the beginning at the age of 16. I was naive and young but she looked after me more than my own mam at that time. My second MIL never really took to me or my youngest son no matter what I did. Maybe because I was my DH’s 3rd wife and she had got fed up with the whole thing. A strange woman who was cold right through to the core. Sorry, but I didnt shed a tear when she died.

Teeth - Temporary fix today and I have to decide what to do in the future. Not sure. All very expensive!!! I think I should have gone to the vets instead - that probably would have been more expensive!!!! Teeth are a problem when we get them and continue to be a problem, arghghghghghg!!!!!!!!!

One good piece of news though - My eldest son’s kids (my grand kids) have texted me. So pleased. Also My daughters, daughters (my grand kids) are coming to stay for the last saturday in the month. All is not lost.

Well, I must go to bed as it is now 2am!!! I just couldn’t sleep earlier as I have had a headache all day!!! Grrrrrr. Night night to you all and thank you for all of your support.

Sorry for rambling!

You've really been battling through DSL, here's hoping you do have a much better week.

Good luck at the dentist PP. My teeth have gone brittle and keep breaking. I wonder if that's what's causing you the same problem. Not that I think there's much to be done about it.

Glad you're feeling a bit brighter smiles - hope it's a better week in store for you too.

Glad you're finding the site interesting PF.
I'm so sorry to hear of your unexpected loss. I do hope the funeral isn't too traumatic but it does sound like you will have some wonderful memories to look back on in time.

We went to visit a lovely church today. Doing a bit of looking around prospective places to move to and finding a few snowdrops to enjoy.

That makes us all guilty then Allsorts because we all have big wobbles. Don't be so hard on yourself and when you need to talk about it, well you know where to come x.

PF I’m so sorry your lovely mil has died, trust you will have the support of your family, very hard for you all after tge loss if you dh.
Thank you DL, Smileless, Whiff, Purple Pixie and everyone, I am guilty of having big wobbles, it’s all inside me, but you all being there helps me so much. Thank you,

So sorry to hear about your m.i.l. PF.

15 months to the day of losing your DH and with her funeral going to be at the same church will be very triggering for you all. I'm glad you had a long chat this morning and shared memories.

We're lucky when we've had a close and loving relationship with our m's.i.l. Mine got off to a very shaky start but we ended up with a lovely relationship in the end, the memories of which I will always treasure.

Petitfromage ?

Good afternoon everyone. I just wanted to pop in to say hello and that I hope the week goes as well as possible.

Also, to say thank you to hugshelp for the link to the writing website, which looks really interesting,

Sorry not to have posted for a little while, but I lost my lovely MIL a few days ago, so we are all still in shock, although she went peacefully and had a wonderful life. I could not have wished for a better MIL, or grandmother for my children. She died exactly 15 months after DH, and the funeral is to be at the same church, so it is all a bit triggering.

She is another person whom DD1 'cancelled', but I am pleased to say that we had a long chat this morning, reminiscing about past times. MIL was very much a part of their childhoods.

Life is so short, and family arguments so painful and futile. There are never any winners.

Sounds like you had a great time Whiff, it's amazing what those cooking utensils can be used for that's much more fun than cooking.

Aww thanks Allsorts that's made my day.

Great to see your post Yogin, good grief that took a long time. Our move took from 8.30 am to 4.30 pm and we had loads. So, are you all unpacked, everything put away and all sorted?

Thanks Granniesunite and hugshelp.

maybe you're over doing things a bit DSL and need to slow down a bit. It's good to keep busy to keep your mind of things but you can over do it, so make sure you're looking after yourself properly.

6 weeks of silent treatment. Best not say what I think about that.

You know what PP I agree with you and DSL "Sod them". Hope you got that tooth sorted out.

I am feeling a little brighter today and have decided not to fret about it but go with the flow, or lack of one, until this passes as I'm sure it will.

How could it not with all of you to support me and of course my Mr. S..

I agree - Sod them!!!

It would have been my mam’s birthday today, 7th February. When she died I said that I wanted to take her ashes back to the North East where we both came from - also to be with my dad. I listened to both of the eldest kids who asked for her ashes to be scattered here in the East Midlands where we all live now. That was back in 2009 and neither of them have ever visited her. If I could scoop them up then I would take her back home to the North East but I cannot. I am going over to the crematorium later today with some flowers and I will sit and talk to her for a while. She will not believe how they have treat me over the years.

Firstly though I am off to the dentist for them to try and repair the latest tooth that I have broken. I am falling apart!!!! In more ways that one.

Catch you all later.

Whiff Well done on opening another support page for us all.

Congratulations Petit on the birth of your new GS, how your s.i.l can keep you from visiting your D&GS is beyond cruel!

Hello Smiles hope you are well.

Only read the first couple of posts. So busy after my move, took from 8.30am till 9.30pm!! Really miss my Robin first thing in the morning and my other birds. Bought lots of nice new bird feeders to put up, in the lovely mature trees here, bought my bird bath with me, about the only thing I took from the garden as the move was taking sooo long! Just needed to leave in the end.

Back tomorrow to read more post....

Sorry to hear you’ve had a few bad days DSL hope today is better for you.

Smilelesshope too you’re feeling more like yourself and the folic acid helps allsorts is right .Emotional upset takes it out of you..

When the sun shines it’ll help us all so roll on spring and some decent weather it’s freezing here…..

Hope today is a good one for you all and whiff is recovered from imaginative play . Love it.❤️

Good Mornjng....

Here's to wishing us all a better week this week. Yesterday was grim, spent more time than I care to mention in tears. I was ok on the actual anniversary on Friday, just think it just caught up with me yesterday.

Its been 6 weeks this time of silent treatment, and of course not such much as a whisper of was I ok with the anniversary, was I warm enough when the heating packed up.

Sod them......

The good news is the issues with both the heating and the lighting are now sorted and now that the anniversary hurdle has been navigated, it's onwards and upwards.

Time to work on me. My fibro is pretty bad. Yesterday I managed a few yoga stretches but I struggled. My skin looked awful so I gave myself a facial. Today I'm having a massage, hopefully that will ease the pain and stiffness so I can then start exercising again.

. I don't really like taking painkillers but I think I will for a few days, again to enable to start exercising properly.

Last week I decluttered The kitchen cupboards and the study. Slowly but surely I'm making progress. I'll get there.

Hope you all feel a bit brighter today. ?

For all of you who are having a wobbly day.

Smileless I think you are probably a very young 61 year old, so it’s not that, but you’ve had a lot of worry over Mr S, all resolved and sorted now I know, plus the other stresses you’ve had, no wonder it would catch up with any of us.

After my husband died I realised if I fought the tears I was only hurting myself. And he would have hated that. Last time I burst into tears out of my home was in a hospital I was waiting to go home and suddenly I was sobbing a lovely young woman walking by stopped and just hugged me . This was years ago. But her kindness meant the world to me. And I never asked her name but thanked her.

Surprisingly I am not feeling sad today. I was thinking about the first time my husband told me he loved me. We had been to our favourite pub in our favourite village. The pub was full . It was November 1975 he told me in the pub. It wasn't until we went to the car I said what did you say and he told me he loved me again. But I didn't say anything. Still remember the look on his face. I was 17 and didn't know what I was feeling was love or not. I asked my parents how do you know you are in love and they said you just do. So I ask my friends. They said it's when all you can do is think about that person and want be with them all the time. Still wasn't sure. Then I realised I did love him. But it was a few weeks later before I told him. He thought he had blown it and I was going to dump him. Still makes me smile to this day.

My daughter and grandson's came yesterday afternoon and nannies bed was a boat and we went to pirate island to get the treasure . All my plastic utensils where attached to wool for anchors. He has a wonderful imagination. His brother just enjoyed bouncing on the bed.

I do wonder if my son even remembers what today is or that it was his dads birthday on 2nd. I hope he does . He can write me out of his life that's his choice. But his dad didn't choose to die. And hope he tells our grandsons about him.

Life is funny we never know what will happen next. But that's what's makes it exciting. The good, bad and down right horrendous. It makes us who we are. And it's important we like ourselves and know we are good people and what our adult children and adult grandchildren have done is down to them. They are at fault not us. They seem to think they are perfect . When in fact there is no such thing.
❤️ to you all.

Goodness Whiff, it's been such a long time since I had a blood test that I can't remember, and it's been a long time since I went to the doctors.

I think I'll give folic acid a go, can't do me any harm can it. I always exercise with music playing and once I get going I really enjoy it. I use free weights, not Mr. S's. thing as he prefers to go off on his bike, which is something else I've been thinking about doing, but thinking about it is as far as I've got.

You're probably right Allsorts, we sometimes forget how much emotional issues can take it out of us physically, and we're not as young as we were. Perhaps it's imply old age, but at the age of 61 I'm hoping that's not the reason.

I'll see how I go and if there's no improvement see if I can make an appointment for blood test, just in case.

Churchill was right DSL and the faster we walk through it, the sooner we'll be out of it. Some of the old sayings are the best, and 'better out than in' is one of the really good ones.

When you suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason, it's because you have to let it out. It's a good thing, and I remember being told a long time ago that if you're the type of person who freely expresses emotion, it's when you can't cry that you know you've got a problem x.

Perhaps the time hasn't yet been right for you to confide in your son PP, I'm sure when the moment presents itself, you'll know.

So sorry to hear that DerbyshireLass but it has happened to me a lot in the past. One day I was feeling really happy and looking around the supermarket when a tune came on and that was it - I was in floods of tears. One of the members of staff was so lovely but I just wanted to get home. I cannot listen to “White Christmas” without crying my eyes out. Why? Because it relates to a happy time of just me and my parents long before I met my horrible first husband.

Well.......driving back from the supermarket I suddenly burst into tears. Sobbed all my way home.

Oh well, as you say, big girl pants on......

DerbyshireLass - I have been way down on their list for a long long time. Nothing has changed and I know it probably never will but it doesn’t stop the tears flowing. I have had two lots of counselling in the past for stuff that I had to endure during my first marriage to a wife beating pig. So I know that I am strong as I have come through some horrendous times and come out the other side. Maybe consider having some more counselling in the future. I have yet to tell my youngest son of that dreadful phone call from his half brother on 20th December.

DH busy today in his man cave and I have to crack on with the crocheted tops which I promised my grand daughters. Life goes on. Head up and big pants on!

Good morning my dear friends.

Sending ❤️And ?to everyone who is struggling at the moment.

Nanalouise - my heart goes out to you, watching a loved one suffer so much is absolutely gut wrenching at the best of times but to have the grief and worry compounded by your uncaring EAC coldness must be very heard to bear.

Smiles - sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Whiff is right, maybe see your GP if you don't feel better soon.

Pixie -these "blue"days are hard aren't they. I too have been feeling a bit low. No real reason, nothings changed. It's been 6 weeks now of silent treatment. Of them being "too busy". Well at least I know where I stand. I am way down on their list of priorities. I just have to suck it up. Accept that they aren't going to change their ways any time soon.

On a more positive note the electrician came on Friday and sorted out my lighting issue.

I am tired and at times feel very disheartened but I am Just trying to focus on the steps I need to take in order to reach my goals of improving my health and well being and moving house this year.

Churchill is attributed as saying "when walking through hell you just have to keep going".

I have to remind myself at times that I have survived worse than this. I got through the nightmare years of caring for my husband through his terminal illness so I can get through semi or even permanent estrangement with my son.

Supermarket shopping today....oh the excitement. ?

I’m going on the writers site. I’ve already written about my life, just need to collate it. I have always written poetry at pivotable times, good and bad, when I look back at them it conjures exactly how I felt just at that time.

Oh dear, smiles it's awful when we get in a fug and can't even say what's wrong. I do hope it lifts soon. Maybe, as Whiff says it's work getting a health MOT to see if has a physical cause. I know a couple of people who felt indefinably grotty and found they were short of vitamin D and that helped a lot.

I'm sad for you Nanalousie. Wish there was something we could do. x

Do what's right for you PP, there's not much else you can do.

Loads of good advice there Whiff.
I write fiction. I keep notepads all over the house to jot down odd daft ideas then go back to them later to see if I can make a story from them. Just daft observations or random thoughts. Also, WHQ set a prompt each week - a phrase, some pictures, something to play around with. Some people listen to music for ideas. Or just people watching and imagining what their lives might be like.

?Hope you are feeling bit better Smileless, it’s not like you to get low. You have had a lot to contend with over the last year and perhaps now your body is letting you know to look after yourself more.
Nanalouise, it hard what you’re doing, I remember at times being on automatic pilot, I’m so glad I was with him throughout it all now, but it was hardest thing watching the love of your life suffering. Life is very tough at times. Take care of yourself.

Smiles when was the last time you had a blood test? I was feeling off early last year just thought it was because I keep having UTIs and kidney infections. But a blood test showed my sodium and folic acid levels were very low. I had upped my fluid intake my GP told me to only have 8-10 drinks a day not the 12-14 I was having as I had diluted my sodium levels to much. Also needed a 3 month course of folic acid tablets. Felt a lot better after within a month of taking the tablets.

Before my husband died even if I wasn't ok always said I was. But after both the children told me I had to tell them if I was wasn't feeling myself. Those where the days when my son cared.

You have been through a lot the last few months and it's bound to take its toll on you. But it's lovely to see you are being pro active and started exercising again. I always feel better after I have done mine. My husband would laugh his socks off me liking exercise . But they have helped me with my strength and stability. I don't need to use my stick during my class. Hope you do yours to some nice music. Does Mr S do them with you ?

Nanalouise cancer just doesn't effect your husband but you to. It's hard to watch someone who is the other half of you suffering and there is nothing you can do. I know how helpless I felt. I wished it had been me and not him. Unfortunately we always knew my husband wouldn't live 5 years. But he was determined we live a normal life . But he didn't have chemo or radiotherapy after the cancer was removed as they got it all. But he had palliative chemo when he was terminal. And he changed so much. So I understand how you feel.

I hope all your husband's treatment means he lives a longer life . Sorry you haven't got the support of your daughter and your granddaughter doesn't know you anymore. Do you have other children ?

I know you are being as strong as you can be and holding all the worry and pain inside. I just hope you can let some of that pain out in private. I used to wait until everyone was asleep before I could let go. You are probably exhausted physically and mentally. I know I was. But didn't realise at the time how much it took out of me. Hopefully you looking after yourself. Do you have anyone you can talk to ? Hopefully you have a McMillan nurse we found ours a wonderful support.

Purplepixie hope tomorrow is a better day for . We all have sad days. But I find if I don't let myself feel sad it just makes me feel worse. Hopefully you will do one of your beautiful paintings soon to show us.

Hugshelp do you write fiction or non fiction.? And where do you get your ideas from?

Nanalouise