Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

That's good news Whiff . It makes such a difference when you can have absolute faith in the medical team who are looking after you.

Lovely pic hugshelp squirrels are cute aren't they as long as they're not in your loft. I'd have been scared too Whiff, wondering what was making such a row and worrying about what damage was being caused.

It's a lovely sunny morning here but still chilly with that north easterly wind and like you WhiffI'll be glad when it gets warmer.

Loft not lofy.

Hugshelp cute picture. I had a squirrel in my lofy they are not cute then. The pest sounded like it was trying to dig it's way through my ceiling. Scared the life out of me. Had the pest control set traps didn't catch it . My roofers had got something to fit under the edge of the tiles it was hard plastic that was hinged and went into the gutter and stopped anything getting in under the tile edges plus they sealed every little hole they could find. I had mice in the loft and kitchen when I moved here. The executors of the will cleaned the bungalow but didn't tell me about the mice. Got pest control in and got rid of them. Had 4 large electronic rodent repellers on ever since.

Got runner bean plants to put outside today. And hopefully my pepper plants should arrive soon. Be glad when it gets warmer.

Take care all x

Oh, that sounds like it went pretty well Whiff and you said you've got good GPs so that really helps. Hope the medicines keep you as well as possible.
Glad you're still enjoying your classes.

We managed a nice trip to Golden Acre Park and this was my highlight of the day:

Smiles glad you love your choir . It's fun doing things with other like minded people. That's why I love my exercise class and craft group. We have a laugh ,chat, tea and biscuits. I just like other people's stories. Because of the age range in the 2 groups 20's to 80's we talk about a wide range of things and life experiences.

Thank you and Hugshelp. Spoke to my cardiologist he reviewed my MRI and echo again and I haven't got a hole but still got PAF and on the Flecainide and Apixaban for life. So discharged me into the care of my GP.

Had another new member join craft group today and 2 out of the sit fit group joined the maintenance class yesterday.

Back to spring weather again. Wish it would warm up. But won't put the heating on until October. Haven't had it on since beginning of last month. Hopefully be well in credit by the autumn.

Take care everyone.

Glad you enjoyed choir smiles.

Good luck with the appointment tomorrow Whiff.

Hello everyone, hope you're all OK.

It's a grey, breezy and chilly day here today and it made me think when I heard someone on the tv this morning talking about when people put their heating back on for the winter, as we haven't turned ours off completely yet .

Had a very enjoyable and uplifting choir practice last night as we prepare for our next concert on June 18th, I'd no idea how much in demand the choir was when I joined but it's good fun and I'm glad I did.

Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow Whiff and it's good to know you've no intention of popping off just yet x.

Thank you for your support. My husband was brilliant at work finances but all to do with the home from buying our first house I did. I just think why I let it get to me was on what would have been our 41st wedding anniversary I was fine. But the next day having the email about the price rise sent me off missing my husband. I have no problem making decisions . Once I decide to do something I do it. It is easier to make decisions as a couple and I miss that . May seem strange but I miss arguing with my husband. Making up was always fun. I haven't lost my temper since he died lost ,my sparing partner.

Went into the garden yesterday morning and nearly finished the weeding when it hailed. Be glad when the warm weather comes back.

My daughter and grandson's came yesterday afternoon. The youngest showed off his walking. Walked the full length of my bungalow from the living room window to my bedroom window. Which was just over 36' and back beaming all the way. His brother was telling my all about space. And I told him about the first dog in space not thinking about the fact the poor animal didn't come back. So quickly talked about the moon landing . He has a new favourite TV programme . I thought it would be a children's one but no it's Garden Rescue . As my mom would say old head on young shoulders.

My brother and sister in law's move to their bungalow has given them a new lease of life. Plus better health care and a better council. My brother only saw his GP couple of weeks ago had ECG ,blood tests and has a hospital appointment on Thursday. And seeing his GP on Friday for some results and going to ask about genetic testing.

The more I read about HPX and what families are going through with their children via the Facebook group I joined for suffers with it. I now realise what my parents went through with me but all they where total was it was growing pains. Watching videos of how it affects babies was very upsetting to think my parents had to go through that . They must have felt so helpless and confused. I am very glad babies who show symptoms are tested and help given to them and their parents. There are others like me who don't find out until they are in their 60's. But also who only found out in their late teens or early 20's their children had it. It's interesting comparing syptoms. While lot are all the same ,some are like me and have differences. But it seems to be which gene is mutated.

Got a phone appointment with my cardiologist on Thursday morning so will have the results of my latest echo. Not worried about as the tablets I am on help a lot . If they can repair my heart I will have it done if they can't I lived for over 60 years without knowing I had a hole and am still here . Don't intend to pop off just yet. Things I still want to do with my life.

Well rambled on as usual. Take care of yourselves and thanks for being here. ?

I didn't see that other thread Whiff; hope you're feeling a little better today . Any decision large or small, is so much easier if it can be shared, and it's the same with worries.

'A problem shared is a problem halved' and I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be when you lose your soul mate, that one person who you can never replace, to share your worries with, especially when they're about things over which we have no control, and these never ending price rises are frightening a lot of people.

We've had 2 years of frightening headlines, statistics and lock downs due to Covid, and now we have them about the rise in the cost of living.

Estrangement doesn't just give our hearts a battering, it gives our self confidence a battering too. Leaves us feeling inadequate in all areas of our lives, not just our relationships.

I hope everyone of you looks in the mirror today, and sees a strong, loving, intelligent and compassionate woman looking back at you because you are all, all of these things.

love and (((hugs))) to you all x.

Well you are a very clever lady Whiff most couples the man does all the finances, so big shock when they have to take over.
Hope you are feeling more upbeat today

Allsorts you are right. I suppose if we didn't have our wobbles we would hurt ourselves by keeping it bottled in and that would hurt us more . At least here I can admit how I feel and know I am understood and not thought as being a failure . As it's not us who failed our children but they have failed us. They turned away from us not the other way round.

So glad I found all you wonderful people . Knowing you are here helps me everyday . And being with a group going through the same thing makes us stronger . ❤️ to you all.

Whiff, you have done brilliantly. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have wobbles, the thing is that’s all they are. We are all the same really, it’s a horrible feeling being cast off and we do get a bit insecure sometimes, tge thing is it’s short lived and we carry on,

Yogin I have been widowed for 18 years and I was the one who always dealt with our finances when my husband was alive. I just had a melt down. I have been on my own since I was 45. My husband was 47 when he died. Our children 20 and 16. This was 2004. The government gave me £2,000 towards the funeral. But I gave it to the children as we always knew my husband was going to die and had already sorted out his funeral. He was given 5 years he lived 3.

After my husband died still had both parents and mother in law to look after . When my son when to uni didn't have to pay his tuition . He had a loan which didn't cover everything and he worked as well. But we had set aside money to help him just as we did with our daughter.

I have years of making all the decisions not just for me but my mom after my dad died . Had 10 years with mom. Plus helping my mother in law with all her decisions.

I was just having a bad day and the new payment pushed me over the edge.

I would hate you to think you I needed my husband to be able too make decisions. We both had our strengths and weaknesses and had been together for a long time since I was 16 and he was 18. It was my money which meant we brought our first house. He didn't save . But he always worked hard and provided for us. My plan to go back to work once our son started school didn't happen because my health went down hill when he was 6 months old and our daughter was 4.

I love my life here . I live it to the full . Ok it cost me my son and grandson's but that was his choice not mine. But if I hadn't of moved I would never have found out I was born with 2 different conditions. It's only because of the brilliant health care here that I know. I love it here and feels like I have always lived here.

Hugshelp thank you I know you are right. ?

Smiles good luck with continuing with your church 'job'. Personally I think you should have stuck to your guns and given it up, you're stuck with it now for years to come probably.

Whiff It's a worry when you are on your own, especially as you have to wait 2yrs for your state pension. I'm lucky in the respect I can continue working, part time, which doubles my income. You were used to having your DH to lean on and sort out the finances, but now he's gone it's all down to you, so must be a bit frightening for you. You sound like you are doing a good job on your own, nice new bungalow, lovely garden and a supportive DD, going to an exercise class and making new friends there. so count your blessings, it all sounds good to me. xx

That's a lovely way of looking at things and so true smiles.

Don't be ashamed of getting upset Whiff. You've been through so much and are a tremendously strong and caring woman. You're entitled to your feelings. We all get overwhelmed sometimes.
Life's hard and not getting any support makes it harder still. We're all here for you. I think sometimes we focus so hard on finding the positives in situations that we forget we sometimes need to admit things are awful and allow ourselves to deal with all the feelings that we distract ourselves from with our positivity.
Sending hugs.

Smileless good to hear that you and CW are clearer about moving forward supporting each other

Sound advice given to Smiles as usual. Glad you feel more positive about your role and I am sure you and the CW can change things for the better. My mom always said they put on the willing horse. She was full of odd sayings. Like telling me I will get a Charlie on my back because my backpack was always full when I went shopping.

As a couple of you notice I posted on another thread about my energy going up and sent lovely messages. Let's be honest I had a melt down. Was in tears . But after going in the garden realised it wasn't about that but needing the reasurance that I would be ok from my husband. It would have been our 41st wedding anniversary on Monday but I was fine all day. I was thinking of all the things that went wrong that day but what a wonderful day it ended up.

I never get upset about bills usually. We are all in the same boat. I have never been in debt ,been late paying anything or had a loan. I had factored in a 25% rise but was shocked it was almost 50% rise. Bet some of you have had it far worse than me. Just glad I downsized to my bungalow. On a water meter here and got a combi boiler. So save money that way only paying for the water I use and no wasted hot water. Plus I have a free bus/ local train pass so no fares to pay. My exercise class is only £2.50 and craft group free. So feel very silly about the tears.

My daughter offered me money if I need it but I don't. Won't have much savings left by the time I get my pension in 2 years but I am ok.

There are a lot of people worse off so feel ashamed of my melt down.

Hopefully everyone is feeling better about any wobbles you have had . Take care ?

Thanks everyone . You all give such sound advice on so many issues and it really helps to know that you agree with my decision.

Now we've opened up a better line of communication, we're going to talk on a regular basis so we can support one another. It's all too easy not to consider how much work and pressure others are dealing with when you just see someone in a particular role, and have no idea what that involves so assume that everything's OK.

We did that yesterday Madgran, especially how the behaviour of others can have a negative impact that they're not necessarily aware of.

We come across it so often here on GN, not just this thread but others as well, just how important communication is. How important it is that things are dealt with at the time, before they fester and grow out of all proportion. How many of us would have been spared the devastation of estrangement if we'd been given the opportunity to talk openly and honestly?

I took on the role at the beginning of last year and this morning is the first time I've felt positive moving forward. On the surface nothing has changed but underneath, so much has.

Caring for and supporting one another makes such a difference and this thread and all who post here do both so well. x

Morning all,

Smileless maybe you and CW can sit down together and identify and list the specific things, behaviours, etc that are causing the problems. Then identify specific actions, and make an action plan, including calling out/ discussing constructively the behaviours etc that cause the problems. This might help because otherwise, if others are unaware how close you came to resigning, the status quo, events and behaviours will continue! That is unacceptable for both you and the CW!

So tough Smileless. I wonder if you can use this time to divvy up some of the tasks and involve others, or even tell folk the role is impossible as it is and you are staying for the moment but need their good will. Sounds as if the CW is struggling too - hope you can support one another. Good luck!

You did the right thing Smileless. She is struggling as you are and understands your position, maybe together you can change things, , if not both of you can give notice of say 3 months giving the owners that be, the option of replacing you both or listening and making necessary changes that makes the tasks enjoyable. It's in their hands. You really would have felt awful had you not let your heart rule your head this time.

Well I had my meeting with the CW this morning. She was waiting outside the cafe and looked rather small. She is actually shorter than me and as DS is always quick to tell me 'there aren't many of them around mum' .

As soon as we sat down her eyes filled with tears and she asked me not to resign so I said please don't get upset and we talked. I told her that if I didn't go now, I felt it would be harder for me to go later on if things didn't change and improve but that I would think about it.

So once again I've allowed my heart to rule my head and decided to stay for the time being and see how things go. She was worried about it all dropping in her lap which it would have done, because let's face it, only an idiot would take it on; yep that's me, and I just couldn't do that to her.

Time will tell but God does love a trier.

Thank you for your wise words Whiff.. There's definitely an element of wanting to move in order to move on, as well as for practical reasons. Continuing to care for someone who has hurt you isn't madness, it's humanity, it's loyalty, it's a good heart. Expecting the world to give you all that you want while you give nothing but anger, that's madness, and it's one I see all too often these days.

Sorry, you're wobbling too Allsorts. Sending hugs.

Good morning everyone.
Sorry you are having a rough patch Pixie, it must be very upsetting when your husband won’t listen to your feelings. I think this is where you do though as we all understand.
Smileless, I think you are right leaving your role because it was so stressful. Don’t know what you are going to do about the meeting with the CW, I always believe in whatever position I leave, not doing so under a cloud and would explain why, whilst telling her you are not going to change your mind, the decision has been made, . If nothing else it might mean the next person doesn’t suffer the same difficulties. You did a good job, have nothing to reproach yourself for, so you leave with head held high. However, if it’s too much, you cannot face it, send a courteous short letter saying why and wishing them well. Then move forward.
Whiff, I am glad your son has the information he should have, as a caring mother and grandmother you did the right thing, now he has to decide what he will do, it’s in his hands.
As usual I’m having all sorts of little wobbles, seem to always surrounded by happy families and painting a smile on, nothing
changes.