Can bad behaviour be justified?

I can understand being upset at being cut off

However I can never condone stalking someone, online or in person just to see them. What an invasion.

If it’s not acceptable by a former partner, why do some accept or justify it by family.

Thank you Smileless. I'll keep trying.

It's good to know that you are speaking again but I'm sorry it's had a permanent detrimental affect on your relationship with your GC.

Maybe with time that too will improve, and you and your GC will be able to fully enjoy that special relationship.

One of my friends tries to put a positive spin on her behaviour FarNorth and I think she thinks that will help me feel better about it but it doesn't

No VioletSky you should not have to accept this behaviour. I’m not sure how you can stop it though without closing all your social media accounts.

VioletSky it sounds horrible and whoever was doing it it would be wrong. Mothers may love their children and want to be part of their lives but they have no RIGHT to that.

I wonder would it help if you asked some of your friends to block her as well. I know someone who was trying to use my Facebook to spy on a family member she was estranged from. I had to block her request to be my friend because I knew what she really wanted.
Hope you can stay strong and it isn't too much for you.

Looking can't be prevented if your friends want their posts to be open to all.
Making comments on the posts is making a nuisance of herself.

Are the people saying it's all right for her to stalk you, the same people who post photos with you in them?

nadateturbe I'm glad you are back in contact and hope you can keep building things back up.

I think if my mum had just been looking, I'd have never known and it wouldn't have caused issues but eventually she always draws attention to herself as if she can't stand that her presence is not acknowledged and she needs me to know it is her.

I hope I am explaining that well

It was awful VioletSky. We're speaking now but it affected bonding with the gc permanently.

I understand where you're coming from now. And yes what your mother is doing is definitely wrong, totally unjustifiable and it seems wrong that nothing can be done about it. It must be extremely difficult to cope with.

That is shocking, why would a mother become that bitter and want to cause such annoyance. I wouldn't know what to do.

nadateturbe that's an awful situation for you and I understand you must have felt desperate.

The thing is that my mother did not take any of the opportunities she was given to resolve things and she did not take the opportunities she was given to see my children when I was very unwell and needed space from her.

My older children came to me in that time and said that they did not want to see her and shared their issues which is why I then did estrange.

I think her stalking of us is more a control thing for my mother, I don't get to tell her what she does or who she looks at or hide my life from her.

She likes to make sure I know she exists, she is watching, she knows information about us.

If she had put half that effort into listening to us and changing her behaviour we may not be estranged but instead she continues with wrong behaviours.

She doesn't reach out or apologise or call or come to my house, she just sends written messages telling me I am cruel and harasses us by pretending to be other people online.

I can't understand how that is justified and can come from a place of love just because she is my mother.

It's that pull isn't it nadateturbe the love we have just can't be turned off. That said, if you'd been spotted you could have been accused of stalking; it happens.

I can understand the temptation to look for photo's and information on line when that's the only way to find out if they're OK.

Not something we did, just too painful to see those we're not allowed contact with.

Many years ago my son and DiL stopped speaking - her fault entirely. I used to park my car at the shops close to where she lived in the hope of catching a glimpse of my grandchildren. If fb had existed I would have been using it. It sounds like a very sad situation to me. However I don't know the whole story.

Missing someone does not justify harassment.

I think we can all be expected to make bad decisions and behave badly. We are human and no one is perfect. Making mistakes helps us grow.

If, though, a person does not accept responsibility and learn from their mistakes and bad behavior continues, that is a problem.

Perhaps she is missing everyone.

I am listening and will consider it

The oddest thing is, she knows where I live. In all this time she has never once knocked on my door and tried to actually talk to me.

She must be a huge coward to do it on fake profiles instead because honestly, I'm just not a scary person at all lol

Violet Sky , this is not acceptable behaviour. Your mother is stalking you! I have no idea how you can stop this other than come off Facebook - drastic and you should not have to do that , but needs must ! This must be very distressing for your children too they do not deserve this behaviour from your mother. I hope the lovely people on GN can give you more help than I can .

I don't think that behaviour is appropriate.

I imagine she feels it is justified though from her perspective, as she has her own view of the estrangement between you.

Somewhat surprised by the police response to you too!

There is a government focus on making social media sites more responsible for what it is used for which is good.

welbeck I have tried that but they said that anything in the public domain is fair game... Which I didn't agree with at all and I think might have been taken seriously if an ex or someone else was doing it

can you report her to the police for harassment ?

No it isn’t justified at all. I would report her fake profiles.

Would never accept any wrongdoing that should say