Things to avoid saying to an estranged parent

Smileless2012

You might find your support would be more effective if you weren't referring to the other posters on this thread of spouting and describing their behaviour as disgusting Badger and describing us as "angry grannies".

I have a feeling that the support you intended to show the OP may have not had the affect you were hoping for.

I was going to say that it's odd for a first time poster whose been reading the threads for years, to post in support of another poster in the way you have chosen but funnily enough, just over week ago the same thing happened, with someone who'd been 'lurking' as she described it for 8 months before feeling compelled to post.

Well, don't know about you, but this granny doesn't feel angry or guilty about anything lol.. ?

There does seem to be a pattern emerging on these threads though.?

Strange.

Chewbacca

I've just learnt about travel insurance difficulties for the seriously ill; something I'd not known before either. Every day's a school day on GN!

I know when I tried to get health insurance to go to America and visit my son, it was an eye watering amount..?

And that's without the physical difficulties.?

Still, as you say, we all learn something new, every day, which is good. ?

Allsorts

Violet, I can't find the six suggestions you had in mind when you started this thread, I must say it's not something I have thought about. I would like to know your thoughts though please as coming from your perspective it could be helpful.
Badger, why are you answering peoples comments with aggression, there has been none aimed at you, it's making it deeply personal, when people are coming up with suggestions, I only have one suggestion, treat others as you would wish to be treated.

Different thread Allsorts

The 6 conflicts thread isn't really about estrangement reasons perse but preventing it

Honestly, I'm keeping my head down and don't know what to do because, actually this isn't to do with me at all, I think I'm just the only EAC that posts here on a regular basis....

But it does take 2 or 3 or 4 to have an argument and people can choose to disengage

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Violet, I can't find the six suggestions you had in mind when you started this thread, I must say it's not something I have thought about. I would like to know your thoughts though please as coming from your perspective it could be helpful.
Badger, why are you answering peoples comments with aggression, there has been none aimed at you, it's making it deeply personal, when people are coming up with suggestions, I only have one suggestion, treat others as you would wish to be treated.

No it's the content and delivery of your posts I find odd Badger not that you posted for the first time in support of another. Read my post "in the way you have chosen".

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

You might find your support would be more effective if you weren't referring to the other posters on this thread of spouting and describing their behaviour as disgusting Badger and describing us as "angry grannies".

I have a feeling that the support you intended to show the OP may have not had the affect you were hoping for.

I was going to say that it's odd for a first time poster whose been reading the threads for years, to post in support of another poster in the way you have chosen but funnily enough, just over week ago the same thing happened, with someone who'd been 'lurking' as she described it for 8 months before feeling compelled to post.

I've just learnt about travel insurance difficulties for the seriously ill; something I'd not known before either. Every day's a school day on GN!

Just popping into say we have just had a discussion about passive aggression and it is NOT what I thought it was.

I thought passive aggression is the hidden messages meant for you in people's communication. The little digs, the " we know what you did last summer" type whispers. The, "I will pretend to be friendly in front of others but I want you to know I hate you" stuff

Turns out passive aggression is just pretending to be upset and offended for attention, sulking and silent treatment...

Live and learn I suppose

you guys? icky?

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

That's very kind of you Badger, I'm sure she's most appreciative.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Taking up ‘sides’ expecting respect and kindness for your favoured poster then telling another poster you don’t care how they feel may be honest but it’s likely to polarise discussions.

Yes, it's a strange juxtaposition isn't it? "I expect respect, kindness and consideration but I don't care about you ." Quite an angry, accusatory outburst, accusing others of being angry and accusatory! Looking back over this thread, specifically to look for such examples, I've found mainly supportive, civil and friendly posts between EPs and those, like me, "an estranger" and I've honestly never felt stigmatized or judged by an EP - quite the opposite in fact.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

posts that look bitter, dishonest and incapable of taking responsibility for their poor behavior.

I assume that that description above is what you mean by "looking through a guilty lens".

It seems a strange way to express it, and I can now see why I didn't understand the phrase if that is what you meant; I cant see the connection but hey ho. Hopefully others can

We are all different, we experience things differently. Some days we are more easily upset than others.
Taking up ‘sides’ expecting respect and kindness for your favoured poster then telling another poster you don’t care how they feel may be honest but it’s likely to polarise discussions .

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I sometimes think it's about 'do as I say and not as I do' Madgran.

I sometimes think that problems can arise because different people have different ideas about what "taking responsibility|" means in the context of public forums. Which just goes to show we are all different and see things differently

As you posted at 19.54 Madgran explanations were given by those who questioned why this thread was started. I said that I wasn't suggesting vs had any ulterior motive, but understood why some were asking questions, as I too thought it odd that despite the title, vs didn't at the time and hasn't since, offered any suggestions as to the things one should avoid saying to EP's.

The fact that this discussion was both informative and constructive was why I, and I think two other posters were surprised when we read last night that vs was going to ask GNHQ to delete it, and were pleased to see that this was not going to be the case.

You've been asked to explain what you meant when you referred to EP's posting through a lens of guilt Badger but have declined to answer. Your right of course, as it ours to ask.

You have posted Badger that you don't care if I find anything you post inappropriate and have hit the nail on the head. When people don't care what others think about what they have posted, the thread as this one appears to be doing, deteriorates.

If we wish others to be aware of what we consider to be inappropriate and take responsibility for it, we should extend the same courtesy.