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Why try

(8 Posts)
HopelessGiGi Thu 27-Apr-23 20:15:26

I'm grateful to have found this forum, I'm hopeful that I can gain strength and understanding from the dialogue.
Today, I feel like it isn't really worth trying anymore.
I'm fully aware I placed too much importance in the relationship I had with my son. I gave too much, done more than I should, and didn't say no nearly enough. I wanted his life to be better than mine, less traumatic and painful.
Now, I'm left with the one person I felt would never leave me, did just that. I lost my Mom and Dad within a year 2021/22 and left in the family is just us.
Does it ever get easier? I get my hopes up during the times he's engaged only for this to happen again.
I'm in such a dark place that I truly don't see how things could improve. He won't communicate with me if something is wrong, not allowing me to know...just silent treatment. How am I supposed to know? Then I walk on eggshells all the time the little bit I do get to see him and my grandson for fear I will be cut out again.
I know I am rambling, I'm sorry. I just need to feel someone somewhere is going to read this and may understand.
Thank you for listening.

Theexwife Thu 27-Apr-23 20:19:28

You have brought him up to be independent, as it should be. Now he must be allowed to sort out his own life and problems. If something is wrong in his life he wants to deal with it himself, in the nicest way it is none of your business.

It is better to wait until he wants to be with you rather than he needs you.

Hetty58 Thu 27-Apr-23 20:44:00

HopelessGiGi, I do feel sorry for your son - as he seems to have a needy mother. Where is the purpose in your life? You can't live it just for contact with your son.

Find somewhere, anywhere to start rebuilding your own life, your confidence and happiness. Try different activities. It could be volunteering, study, work, community projects, clubs or church groups.

A neighbour felt 'abandoned' when her daughter married and went to live abroad. She was very low and couldn't see the point of living. She joined a walking group and now, she runs the local primary school allotment project, she's very involved and truly happy again.

Smileless2012 Thu 27-Apr-23 20:49:55

There's no need to apologise HopelessGiGi it's hard to get our thoughts in order when writing them down when we're hurt and worried.

There's a support thread on this forum for everyone whose life has been affected by estrangement which may be a good place for you to share flowers.

maddyone Thu 27-Apr-23 20:58:06

I’m so sorry you’re suffering HopelessGiGi. You’ve lost both your parents quite recently and this is bound to be difficult for you. You will probably be feeling very alone since you’ve lost them both in such a short time. It sounds as if you only have the one child and of course he is everything to you since your parents have gone, but you need perhaps to just allow him some space and he will sort himself out and return to you.
Please look at the Estrangement thread, I think you will find support and understanding there.

Madgran77 Fri 28-Apr-23 17:57:35

I second what Smileless has said. Go to the thread "Friendship, Support and Advice if Estrangement has affected your life" ; it is in the Estrangement forum like your post here.

Judy54 Sat 29-Apr-23 16:35:16

Always keep the door open and let him know that you are there for him. Wishing you well.

VioletSky Sun 30-Apr-23 10:19:41

I'm sorry for your loss

I think maybe the best thing you can do for your relationship is to get some support for past trauma and loss.

It will also help to do some sort of group talking to find an outlet and people who understand.

I also have a lot of trauma in my past and it's important that our children don't carry those burdens as what harmed us will harm them too.

I hope you can find some peace