Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Smiles glad everyone enjoyed your surprise party for your vicar.

Yogin being excluded from family events is horrible especially when you know they did it on purpose. It's cruel . Glad your son didn't go. Shows how much he loves you . Hope is job is working out well. Not much fun driving in all this weather but at least he is high up but must have gotten soaked when he had to get out of the cab. My brother always kept 2 sets of dry clothes and towels in his cab. Bet he has noticed how car drivers are idiots when they are near a HGV. Especially if they drive to close. They don't realise how much spaced they need if they have to brake or stop especially if they have a full load on.

Allsorts as always a lovely post. That's the thing about the support thread we know what it feels like but do everything we can to help eachother. Even people who only read but don't post. It shows there is life after estrangement.

I am done with my son. But I won't let what he has done hurt me anymore. I haven't got the time or energy to waste on him. If he wants me back in their lives I am here but it will be on my terms and can never forgive ,forget it trust him ever ago.

I don't know how you have all managed all that time . But because of your openness I have survived it but decided I am done hurting because of him. It's only because of you I can do that.

Smiles I didn't realise people still had choirs at funerals . But I am sure your singing helped the family and friends there . You have a lot of concerts coming up hope your voice holds out. Glad you have since K and hope the new job works out for her. Sorry the one she started after S's death didn't work out but it was probably the wrong time for a change. Hopefully she can find some happiness in the home they shared for so long. But at least they have you and Mr S next door. Hope your journey to the lodge is a safe one. With your fur babies you have to make the decision you can't holiday without them. And face the fact you may never see your son in person again but hopefully one day he will surprise you and make the journey from Oz . But at least you can see him via technology and know how much he loves you both.

I wanted to go too Cork next year my daughter said are you kidding me. I know she is worried if I was ill she couldn't get to me quickly. So decided she's right . I knew myself because of my mobility flying would be to much for me. Hope this makes you laugh . I can get on and off the bus even if they don't lower it but have to do it slowly and carefully. Thursday got my right leg off but my left foot decided not to work and stuck on the bus. The driver ask me if I needed help but said thank you but it will come off so with a pull it did. Then the dam thing worked perfectly so I could walk . Why it stuck and wouldn't work no idea not happened before. HPX the gift that gives giving 🤣. But thanks to my friends on the Facebook group I know I am normal and not weird anymore.

Posted so I didn't lose it.

The house they own is a 3 bed each is double bed size. Her mother lives with them. It was supposed to be temporary but it's 8 years now. I sometimes think is she gloating she is the favoured mom or living in fear of putting a foot wrong. I got on well with her but had the woman no pride. To me she is sponging off my son and her own daughter. After her divorce she had enough money to buy her own property. The idea was she stayed with them while she looked. The house they live is not big enough for 3 adults,3 children and 3 dogs. Because of her my 3 grandson's have to share a room . They are 7,5 and 3 . Only went upstairs once few months after they moved in . They only had the 2 boys . But not a single bed or cot was made ,clothes everywhere in each room. Their bathroom is downstairs. All the years I visited then always had to clean the toilet before I used it. It wasn't dirty but dusty . While my son and daughter in law worked what the hell was her mom doing because it wasn't doing any cleaning. Also she smokes can't see she has given up. She smoked outside but always smelt of smoke.

I am not a jealous person . Only once did I feel jealous once I was out with my parents and as usual they held hands this was not long after my husband died but I told them how I felt. But told them not to stop holding hands. But I had to tell them as I cried. But they understood.

Writing about my daughter in law's mom isn't jealously but fury. I am proud I put my own roof over my head and food on my plate. I would never want to live with my daughter permanently. I did for 4 weeks while had a lot of work done on my bungalow few years ago. But first time I went up to my room to give them family time within few minutes my daughter came to see if I was ill. But explained they needed their own time . I was happy sitting in the armchair they had put in my room cross stitching. I have never done any stitching when the boys are about incase one gets hurt on my needles.

When they where out I did housework for them. My daughter told me I didn't have to but I couldn't be idle. I offered house keeping money my daughter said no. But I knew where they kept some cash so put £50 on the bottom of the pile. Once home after the work was done I was dusting and found the £50 hidden behind my clock. My daughter said they didn't need paying and did I think they didn't know how much money was in the drawer. If I had done that if I had stayed with my son and daughter in law they would have kept the money.

I suppose you are the same as me and realised all the things I wasn't allowed to do with my son's boys but which is did with my daughter's. I know Smiles your grandson was only months old when your estrangement happened. I am lucky I did had a few years with my son's 2 eldest and saw them every week once I moved here for 7 months before Covid hit.

Even though I was still having the limbs jerks my daughter and son in law trusted me on my own with their eldest changed nappies etc. But my son and daughter in law never trusted me in the same room with theirs.

My daughter always said you never hurt us so why would you hurt your grandson. My limb jerks started in 1988 when she was 4 and my son 6 months old. I was a hands on mom only thing I couldn't do was take them out by myself as my walking was so bad.

Have been on Clonazepam since March 2020 not had a limb jerk or seizure since after 32 years of not being able to control my body it's been bliss. But few months ago my daughter's eldest said nannie why don't you do this anymore and he mimic what my arms did and then said it was funny.

My children grew up with a disabled mom and my grandsons are as well. I had been told since 1988 I am disabled but I never used the word to describe me as I thought it was wrong without a diagnosis. I was an idiot but since my diagnosis I do describe myself as disabled . Have been since birth.

But all the hurt my son has caused doesn't come close to the pain I feel everyday and the grief I feel everyday for my husband. As others know grief like love never dies and grief gets worse as the years go by . My husband has missed so much. I still feel the rage and anger at him dieing but it gets me through everyday. It seems so unfair my fit healthy husband got cancer and died. And I live on. But that's life . So I live my life to the full like he made me promise. But only been able to do that since my move here.

Smiles,Yogin and Allsorts it's been such a long time for you but you show estrangement doesn't have to ruin or rule your life. I couldn't have gotten through the last 3.5 years without you kindness ,wisdom and never ending support. When you where estranged you must have all felt very lonely and it had only happened to you . It would have been a taboo subject in those days and of course it had to be the parents fault. They must had done something terrible for their child or children to not want them in their lives.

But thankfully it's coming out of the shadows and it's our children who decide one day what don't I need in mine and families life . I know let's get rid of our parents. In my darkest days early in the estrangement I wondered if my son thought I would be dead. As then he and my daughter in law could wallow in condolences.

Don't know about you but I never saw it coming. And what hurt the most at the time is my son gave me a wonderful birthday and even talked about putting paving down to make the garden safer for me. Also he knew there was a problem with my heart as my first bubble echo got cancelled as Covid hit and was waiting for a new appointment.

4 days later the text telling me he had sent me an email and his sister and not to contact him. My kind, loving ,caring son showed himself to be cruel and a coward. He ended with the sentence I don't like you mom but love you give me a few months. Which I did . That was in May 2020. I sent him birthday cards for him and my grandson plus birth card and presents as I knew my new grandson was due in the July. I had put a letter in his card said nothing about his email. But a friendly letter also told him I had a hole in my heart. When everything came back all unopened and the babies presents crushed I was glad my daughter and grandson where here when the parcel arrived.

I decided months ago to text him in all this time only text him 3 times. Once to get his bank details as I sold the number plate my husband left the children in his will , to let him I know I had a diagnosis for what had been wrong with me my whole life and was sending a letter and copy of neurologist report and how to get tested if he wanted to. Heard nothing . Not even at least you know mom . And then the last time few months ago and got abuse back. So I am done.

I still have a son and 3 grandson's and will never deny they exist. But I love the son I knew not who he is now.

I saw and was told things that happened happened to my grandsons but never interfered or told them it was their fault they got hurt as children do get hurt no matter how safe you make things. Bet their youngest doesn't know when my son told me they were expecting another boy he told me he was hoping for a girl. But he had mumps twice once when young and then again in his early 20's . Told him he was lucky to be a dad and anyway the mumps probably killed his female sperm.

I have no fear my grandsons are well looked after and loved as the children are their world.

But what gets me and you probably did the same you put up with crap for years and being let down by them and never said a word. What's worse for me both my son and daughter in law know what a bad mom,mother in law and nan is they knew my husband's mom.

How annoying Whiff especially when you typed a long post.
I'll look forward to reading it tomorrow.

Bugger been writing for a hour and GN switched off. Will try again tomorrow. As writing early morning is easier for me if it's going to be a long post. Which it always is with me.🤣🤣

Morning everyone.

Had a very interesting evening last night as we went to a talk given by a retired DCI who among others, had been responsible for the capture and successful prosecution of the serial killer Peter Tobin.

A group of us went and had a lovely meal before hand. Our friends came and 'dog sat' as we knew we'd be out for sometime and don't like to leave them for too long.

The dogs know them and were fine but even so, they said that they clearly missed us not being here, especially our Cockapoo. Made me realise that there's no way we could go on holiday without them, even if our friends stayed here to look after them.

I'm pretty sure our little poodle would be OK but not the Cockapoo. Visiting DS in Aus. is definitely off the table now, even if we could afford to go which was the main reason we've been trying to come to terms with the fact that we wont be able to go and visit him again .

Looking forward to going to our lodge on Monday. We were supposed to go tomorrow but there's a rehearsal for a concert in December organised by my singing teacher and the other teacher.

The pupils performed the last song at their summer concert and I wasn't going to take part in this one as it means sitting around for nearly two hours. When I told her, she was very disappointed and said they really needed me because I have a powerful voice, so rather than sticking to my guns I gave in.

She said there'll be a solo for some including me, so I'll see how it goes at the rehearsal tomorrow. With music to learn for choir and the church choir, I could do without having to learn this as well TBH. Still, it helps keep my mind occupied.

that wont be me, it will be all over soon oh yes Yogin that's we thought. That's what everyone thought. 'Just give it a few months, he'll be back and all will be well' is what we were told and of course what we told ourselves.

How could it be otherwise? How could our strong and loving relationship suddenly fall apart? We had no idea did we dear friend .

Yes, lovely post Allsorts

Glad your farewell party went well Smiles and nice to hear your 'girl' is moving back. Yes, 11yrs Smiles unbelievable! I remember being on here at the beginning and a poster said it was 2yrs for her and I thought 'that won't be me, it will be all over soon' !!

Good about your shed still standing Smiles. We put our shed up when we moved here and it was a big job, just as well my son is so tall.

Thanks Madgran .

Her new job hasn't worked out so this seems like a good time for her to see if she really wants to leave here. We will of course always be here for her, with as much or as little support as she needs and I think knowing that has enabled her to give this a try

It is good that she has you for support Smileless Someone who will allow her to talk when she wants to and just be there when she doesn't.

A lovely post Allsorts, thank you .

Just got back from church as the choir was asked to sing for a funeral. It was a lovely service and very moving which was surprising for me because I didn't know the lady.

Pleasant surprise when we got home because our lovely girl's car was outside. Worried that something might be wrong, we knocked on her door and she's told us that she's moving back after Christmas!!! We're thrilled as the girls were such a big and important part of our lives.

She can return to where they both worked, and wants to see if she can make a life for herself here without her beloved S. Living with mum and dad isn't really working for any of them. The house is small and she doesn't feel as if her life's her own.

Her new job hasn't worked out so this seems like a good time for her to see if she really wants to leave here. We will of course always be here for her, with as much or as little support as she needs and I think knowing that has enabled her to give this a try.

I do think that as you say Allsorts it's good for others to see that there is a life after estrangement because in those darkest and most painful early months, it seems impossible.

When the 3 of us; you, me and Yogin first met here, there wasn't anyone here who had a few years under their belt so to speak. We were all so newly estranged, and I've often thought over the years how we'd have benefited from seeing how others managed to re build their lives and be happy again.

That's just one thing that makes this thread so important as in addition to it being a place to share, to be understood and supported, it can also be a provider of hope, that even if there is no reconciliation there remains a life to be lived and enjoyed.

Smileless and Yoga, 11 years is a long time, I remember when you were going through the very bad stage, as I was, of being bewildered by it all, trying to make sense of all the nonsense, trying to salvage something that they didn't value. You are both such warm people and your children are the poorer for what they did, you have made different but happy lives something that 11 years ago seemed impossible. It’s good that people new on here can see there’s light at the end of the tunnel, I think we never really believe it could have happened though as it was the furthest thing from out minds and we do appreciate more the people that matter,

Morning everyone.

Had a great time on Saturday. She didn't know there were going to be others here so it was a real surprise for her when she arrived. The food received lots of compliments and there was plenty of wine, beer and gin so all in all a very good night.

The shed's fine Whiff and Yogin, thank goodness because it was a real pain to assemble and the thought of having to do so again wasn't a pleasant one, despite the fact that we always find something to laugh about, even if whatever it is we're doing doesn't go to plan.

Writing things down can be very cathartic as it gets those feelings out of your system. Wrote a lot to our ES that was never sent and did find it beneficial. I've kept the poems and read them when we were moving here. They were heartbreaking and it amazed me that we ever managed to get through it.

I honestly think being estranged makes us overall more sensitive and open to being hurt Yogin and even without it, who wouldn't be hurt to have been excluded from a party that all other family members have been invited too?

Allsorts we never stop asking those questions do we. How could they and why? I wonder if they could give an honest answer if we ever asked them; I doubt it.

ES continues to pop into my mind and appear in my dreams. Is it like that for them too?

It will be 11 years in few weeks for us, 11 years for you too Yogin and when the anniversary comes around, I remind myself of how well we have done, each and everyone of us and I'm proud of myself, Mr. S. and all of you as we carry on with our lives and make the most of what we do have.

DL I understand the distraction technique but there will come a time when photo's of your DH and listening to the music you once listened too together will bring you peace.

You're doing so well and he will I'm sure be proud of you x.

Awful about your DH Allsorts You're right about it making no difference writing, but I think it makes you feel better just writing it down. I'm sorry you feel sad , you will still get some good times and be happy you are still here.

I wrote a short letter to my sister-in-law about my being excluded from P party as I have no doubt this comes from her. I didn't send it, left it sitting for a week and then decided not to send, glad I didn't, it wasn't an unpleasant letter, just saying how hurt I felt and can we please move on.

When I settled back in UK after 15yrs of travel, I never got an invite from my brother, my dad said to me once are you invited to S party? I replied no dad, I'm never invited, but don't worry about, I'm not and I'm really not bothered which I wasn't. But my dad said if I'm not invited, he would tell them that he & my mum weren't going, after that I always got an invite.

So don't know if it's age that makes me more hurt at things people do and say or if it's the estrangement making me much more sensitive. My heart is definitely damaged by what my estD did and is still doing.

DL , my husband was misdiagnosed, through that his cancer spread and he died. There was so much wrong that I put a complaint in, although I didn't feel up to it, I said I didn't want money I wanted them to admit their mistakes, which they did every one. To make sure try didn't happen again. If I was suing for money I wouldn't have got the outcome I did, now I think it was a waste of time putting myself through it as they haven't learnt one bit. I still all these years later look at the paperwork and the apology. It hurts just as it did then.

Sorry you feel sad being excluded Yoga, I too at times feel side lined now I'm older by some people, without my daughter I have a small family and wonder why I am here sometimes. Today she was on my mind, how could she treat me as she has, but it's not only me its all sides of the family, her friends are her family now, with money and the same lifestyle. Family are there when others are not.
Smileless have an enjoyable time with your friend, I could eat a piece if lemon meringue but if I make one I would eat the lot.

Whiff Ouch! your poor DD and those forceps!

DL I was the same about pictures & certain songs. Put all the pictures away of my estranged DD&GC, they will stay in the cupboard.

I'm still upset about being excluded from my nephew's housewarming party. They may marry in the coming years, so I fear I will be excluded from that too. It's made me feel so sad.

My car is in for a winter check this morning, new tyres being fitted, I will have to walk back home and walk there to collect, so doubt we'll make the park today.

Had a lovely walk yesterday afternoon in the sunshine after watching Titanic. I thought 'can't be bothered to cook Sunday dinner today', last week my son was in so late, about 10pm, that it was too late for his dinner. So, taking my time with my walk, when I got a call from my son to say he's finishing early and looking forward to his big dinner! So rushed home to cook. Don't mind the cooking, it's the clearing up after I hate.
Watched 'Strictly' first before venturing back into the kitchen.

Hope your sheds OK Smiles

DiamondLily everyone handles grief in their own way. I only have 2 photos of my husband in my living . Our wedding pic and my favourite one of him take on holiday in Scotland decades ago. After he died I couldn't look at our wedding photo album. But when it would have been our 40th wedding anniversary wanted but couldn't but did days later. It didn't make me sad but I laughed at all the things that went wrong that day. It's a wonder we did get married in the end.

The other half of you dieing is difficult enough. But having to deal with his children and what happened during your husbands time in hospital makes it far worse. And if like me all the bad moments are all you can thing about. But it's very early days for you .

For the first 14 years I relived his final 2 weeks it was like watching an old film. I never told anyone.
When the children where still at home I hide what I felt like. Then went they left home they text me on the date he died to see how I was . I used to say
I am ok . But on the 14th anniversary my daughter phoned and it all came out how I had felt for years. She told her brother and they both told me I should have told them. I vowed that day never to relive it again and haven't.

Since the estrangement with my son of course heard nothing . I wonder does he even remembers and has he told our grandsons about their granddad.

My daughter boys know as she talks about her dad and I talk about funny things their grandad did. The little one doesn't understand but his brother asks questions but he's nearly 6 and his brother nearly 3.

But as other widows here know if you found the other half of yourself and they die you are never whole again. Well that's how I feel. But I am lucky to have been so loved and loved in return. Some people live their whole lives and never had that . I have a friend who hasn't. And it took my brother to find his 3rd wife to know what that feels like. After 2 weeks he said he now understands what I had with my husband.

Love never dies and found grief doesn't and at times it over whelms me out of the blue.

Like the estrangement with my son think I and ok and am done hurting anymore over it. Then it hits me but it doesn't make me cry but so bloody angry I could hit him. And shout at him what did I ever do to deserve this .
I am glad you have the support of your own children . People ask am I lonely but I am only lonely for my husband. I like living on my own. Especially since I move here. I am living the life I should have but couldn't. I slept well every night. Something I never did my old house but moving changed my life for the better.

I know others who have moved here feel the same way. Wonder how Hugs is getting on?

Sit fit class this afternoon we have to take a tea towel no idea what we are going to do with it. But should be fun. Moved into the cafe last week as it was to cold in the church.

For the first time have brought 4 thermal tops. Does that mean I am turning into an old lady 😱. 🤣.

Hope it stays dry today for you all.

Whiff - it's odd, but the only way I'm coping is to avoid all reminders of DH. I can't look at photos, listen to music or anything else. Distraction is the only thing that works.

I hope this will pass in time, but I'm just going with the flow at the moment.

I don't expect to get very far with the hospital, although I hope they take it on board.

They cover their own backs, and I know that. I've got very little faith in the NHS, although that dates back years, through the ways they practically wrecked DH and myself physically.🙄

DD works for the NHS, and tries to point out that they do some good stuff, and I'm sure she's tight.

But, I feel as I feel, at the moment.

So, we'll see where it goes.

Off to DDs today, for them to force feed me some sort of Sunday dinner.

I have, finally, sorted out the pensions, bank etc. I need to change the SKY account to my name, but it's always a pain dealing with them, and it's getting paid etc, so no worries. I just can't deal with their carry on at the moment.

Got new burglar alarms etc being fitted next week. The landlords doing it - so, not sure how much hassle this is.

Ah well - all have a nice day x💐

Smiles hope everything went well with your vicars farewell. You put on a feast yum. The vicar at the church where we have my sit fit group is new and her name is Poppy. Some of the church goers think having a vicar called Poppy is odd. I asked why they just said it needed to be a proper name. Which is ridiculous. She's only in her late 20's and it's her name. It doesn't effect how she is as a vicar. Did point out you judge people on their actions not their name. Wonder how they would feel if the vicar's name was Judas.

Glad I am an atheist. Church politics can get very messy. Did read the Bible once as a teenager only story I like was Esther's. But I just read it as a novel.

What annoys me is when people tell me I am wrong having no faith. I don't tell them they are wrong having one. My parents where Christians but didn't believe you needed to go too church you believe . As they said God was everywhere.

When I lost my wedding ring the other week but luckily the waitress found it where I had been sitting and knew it was mine as I am a regular in there. A friend said I could just by a new one and have it blessed. She's a friend from where I used to live and was divorced in 1996 and not had a relationship for decades . I pointed out I couldn't just buy a new one even though I did buy my own wedding ring my husband hadn't got the money at the time. £85 was a lot in 1981. And what made her think it had been blessed . Yes we where married in a church but the vicar knew we where atheists and change the wording of the service for us. But he was happy to marry us as after he asked us if we believed in the marriage vows and would keep them . We said we did . The only alternative was the registry office and in those days it was just an office.

We had the children where christened but it was only because my parents asked us to and we loved them so much and it meant a lot to them . Their god parents where Christians. So the vicar was happy to do this . Again he altered the wording for our bit.

We left it up to the children whether or not they wanted to go too church neither did .

Yogin sorry your daughter suffered at the hands of a nurse. My daughter had an awful delivery. If they had been honest with her she would have had a c section. But they said she needed forceps. What they didn't tell her they need long internal forceps to turn the baby and short to pull him out. They knew from her 20 scan he was a big baby. She suffered terrible internal pain for 9 months. She couldn't understand why and she knew others who had forcep delivery and they where fine after 6 weeks. Only her GPs badgering the hospital released her records and my daughter could then understand why she was in so much pain. She said mom he is an only child. But once healed it was the next on will be c section. And he was .

Smiles hope Mr S found the shed intact. Last year when Arwen and the other storms hit . They blew out most of the panels of my greenhouse.. When my son in law and daughter replaced them earlier this year he glued them in place and put on extra external clips. I sealed inside with heavy duty waterproof tape and threw a weighted netting over the greenhouse with the add of my trusty walking stick to push it about got it all covered and weighted the bottom down. Luckily I put all the winter padding in before the weeks of rain so it's all ready for planting seeds January/February.

The village my brother and sister in law in got flooded in parts . Luckily they live on a hill and the water just rolled by.

Heavy rain here again . Hope you all stay dry. The dog walkers have all had waterproof coats on their dogs. Feel sorry for the little breeds especially as someone has 2 sausage dogs couldn't think how to spell the breed🤦.

Have to check with my brother how their chickens are doing .

Had my youngest grandson yesterday and we baked for the first time. He was very good but wanted to lick the bowl when it was full off mixture. He ended up with a spoon and bowl once I had put the biscuit mix onto the trays. In our family my nan taught my mom to cook and my dad. Cooked with my 2 from very young and my children cooked with theirs . I assume my son and daughter in law still do it. But I have only cooked with my daughter's boys. Her eldest is very good measuring and reading part of the recipes . Also if I need anything rolling out he does it as I can't use a rolling pin anymore.

Well better finish my ramble. Hope you all keep well and dry .

DiamondLily lovely to hear from you. It's no wonder you can't eat or sleep properly after the way your darling husband was treated. Glad you put in a complaint. But it was good you praised where he was treated properly . A well balanced complaint.

I did that after my husband died. There wasn't room on the cancer ward. He collapsed at home and had to call for an ambulance. The young Dr on A&E pulled me to one side and said does he know he was dieing. Must admit I wasn't nice to her and said in a loud voice of course he does. This was few days before his 47th birthday. The day before his 47th birthday spent in hospital they forgot to give him his morphine. He was on full oxygen and in to much pain to complain. I went mad. Then the Drs instead of waiting for me told him on the Tuesday he had 5 weeks to live. I told them he was coming home. Because of needing oxygen tanks he was brought home on Wednesday afternoon within minutes the district nurse arrived. He died on the Friday.

My complaint was ignored but it made me feel better making it. I was 45 and with everything going on and coping with everyone else's grief and me foolishly thinking I had to be brave let it go. The me now wouldn't . But with age brings wisdom also my tolerance for crap is low now.

I hope you at least get an apology. I know it won't help but it will show they admit they where at fault . But in this sue you society they may be frightened you are going to sue the hospital.

I hate this sue you society. The reason people who have a true need to sue are getting pushed aside because of the stupid number of people suing over stupid things like tripping over a paving slab. Silly example but it made the headlines decades ago when we had a newspaper before my husband's cancer. The council had to pay out . Normal people would just look around to see if anyone noticed they where a klutz.

I hope your husband's children are leaving you alone.

DL grief never ends . Yes you get through each day and even now for me it can be a struggle and it will be 20 years in February my husband died.

I well remember not wanting to have a wash or brush my teeth and had to fight myself to do it. I just wanted to curl into a ball and be left alone . But I couldn't do that. I had the children at home until 2006. But even with them I was lonely but only for my husband and still feel that way to this day. Once the children left. I had to put my parents and mother in law's needs first.

To be honest looking back I didn't grieve then as I should have . The anger and rage I feel over him dieing gets me through everyday. But it's what I need to get through my life without him.

I still reach out in the night to his side of the bed . In the early years if widowhood I slept with a toy snowman he won at the GP surgeries Christmas raffle. My clown of a husband said finally his luck was changing but he was dieing . He also won a big hamper of goodies in the cancer unit that treated him.

My cousin still can't sleep unless he has his wife's pillow behind his back 6 years after she died.

Is there something of your husband's you could cuddle or wear in bed which would give you comfort. My mom wore my dad's dressing gown until it became to heavy for her.

For years after he died I always knew I had a bad night because I would wake on his side of the bed.

I hope your operation goes well and you take your time to rest and heal afterwards.

I can't say the grief lessons with time as I have found it gets worse as he has missed so much. But you learn to cope. I call the first 10 years of bereavement the early years as that's my experience.

It's not just grief that weighs you down but having to make all the decisions on your own. It's hard but does get easier but not for years again my own experience.

My best friend husband died a year next month. She hasn't found making decisions hard. But she was 26 when she met her husband and married 2 years later. He was 7 years older and they both had years of independent living and making decisions.

But I was 16 and my husband 18 when we met married at 23 and 24. We both lived with parents until we brought our first house in 1980 and moved in together. As the house needed a lot of work.

Our life experiences makes our grief unique to us. What makes you think I have had decades to think about this. Just take it one day at a time and a week has gone by then a month etc.

Take good care of yourself.

Our dogs didn't get a walk at tea time Yogin it was raining hard and the wind was really strong so it would have been too much for them to cope with. Glad you and Joey managed it.

No idea who'll be replacing her. It doesn't affect us in that sense because we left that church about 5 months ago and apart from my being in the choir, we are not involved and intend to keep it that way so we can avoid the church politics that can cause so much bad feeling.

The wind has dropped here thank goodness as has the rain. The sea front was closed off from tea time and there were flood warnings in place for residential and business properties.
Mr. S. has gone through to see if the shed in the flat's garden is still standing, so fingers crossed.

Morning all

Yes, terrible weather. I waited till the afternoon to take Joey out for his walkies yesterday, and we were very lucky, it was lovely, sunny and dry!

Enjoy your get together today Smiles Do you know who your new Vicar will be?

Afternoon everyone.

Lovely to see your post DL but sorry to read that you're still having problems eating and sleeping. Maybe now you've made the hospital aware of how distressing the initial treatment your DH received was, you'll begin to feel a little more settled .

I hope you've all battened down the hatches against the horrible weather we have today. We got our weekly shop this morning and were glad to get back home out of the wind and rain.

Busy afternoon for me now as we have a houseful tomorrow for a get together to say 'goodbye' to our lovely retired vicar who finally moves on Monday. We'll be keeping in touch of course because she's become a dear friend, but we're still going to miss her not being close by.

So I have a lasagne, macaroni cheese, sherry trifle and a lemon meringue pie (her favourite) to make; better get cracking.

Morning DL nice to hear from you. Sorry you are still having problems eating and sleeping. I was the same when I was first estranged from my DD&GC, just couldn't eat or sleep. It's still early days for you, just eat what you fancy even if that's a bar of chocolate. Milk is very good so perhaps a milk shake.

Very tricky complaining to the hospital. I know when you feel things weren't done properly you want to get it off your chest and it does make you feel better once you've done it.

My DD complained to the hospital after her last baby. The nurse that put the second pessary in to induce the labour ruptured her uterus! Nothing came of the complaint.