Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Bridie my cake was soon eaten . When we have our Christmas party I usually make 2 sweet things and 2 saviour. Always my brownies and cheese rocks as I call them I can't use a rolling pin anymore so they are spooned out. And my sweet potato and mango chutney samosas . Plus whatever I feel like. But would get into trouble if I didn't make those 3. Plus I make extra so they can take some home. Everything is done my way as my body wouldn't let me do things normally but been doing it since 1988. And not poisoned anyone yet. 🤣

Yogin my son when I saw him drove 5 days a week 12 hour shifts . Usually had Friday and Saturday off when I saw him m But there where set times for breaks . He could have been a mile from where he had to deliver the goods but have to stop for his break. He had to make sure he had 7-8 hours sleep every night to be fit for driving. Plus he couldn't eat anything with poppy seeds as all firms do random drug tests and poppy seeds show up as opium . Strange but true. Because of the tactograph drivers can be fined if they don't take their breaks when they should. My son wouldn't stay out overnight and sometimes ran out of hours and a driver go and take over from him and he was taken back to the depot to get his car.

My brother also worked 12 hour shift he worked 5 days a week but had to stay out 4 nights a week and slept in his lorry. As he picked broken down mainly farm machines and took them to the repair place and them pick the next load up. He worked Monday to Friday but would never work weekends .

They both drove HGV lorries sometimes tandem lorries. Especially my son. Driving a calor gas tanker like your son there are more rules because of the risks .

My brother was driving a tanker once it contained oil and got a leak so had to drive into a field and get the fire brigade out. Ruined the field but the farmer got compensation.

Both my son and brother had to keep fit as it's not easy driving HGVs and both had to climb over the trailers and both had fallen off . Luckily they didn't break any bones.

I remember when my son learnt to drive 9 years ago it cost him £1,100. But he had to drive for an agency for 2 years before being taken on permanently by a company.

I haven't told you this to worry you . But people think driving HGV is easy but it's not it's exhausting and you need to be physically and mentally fit. There are so many rules the drivers have to follow to the letter.

Smiles especially when it's totally unexpected and such a shock.

Did my first 1-2-1 yesterday after the summer break. Such a lovely family, I really envy them, very close to both sets of parents. If you had to paint a picture of the perfect family, it would be them.

M had a major op on his spine during our summer break, all went well, and he was back home the same day! He told me even though he now has no back pain, for first time in maybe 15-20 years, he described what sounds like a trapped nerve, he didn't want to tell his wife who would normally be with us as...her dad has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and it's doubtful he will make it to Xmas! Also, M dad is quite unwell too. I thought how can all this bad stuff happen to this lovely family.

Your right Allsorts about doubting yourself. I've felt down this week due to my nephew [who I get on well with] having a housewarming party, all invited but me. I put the story on estrangement 'loss' thread. So, I think things hit you harder when going through what we all have.

Morning all

Yes, there are regulations on hours for drivers, my DD sent him 2 clips on this yesterday. When he was told he had a 4.30am start after his late finish, he did look it up and it seemed he was ok as it was the next day! He knows if he goes over the stated hours, he will be heavily fined. As far as I know he is still 'shadowing', although he is doing all the driving & work. Next week he's on his own. My son did a week's course to get his special licence for this work and it cost a lot of money to do it. He then did one week in class with Calor gas and then 2 weeks shadowing.

I'd be worried too Yogin those are very long hours but he must be having the legally required breaks as Calor gas is a reputable company.

It could be because he's new not just to this particular job, but to long distance driving and once he's got used to it, he wont be so exhausted on his days off.

We had a lovely evening yesterday, tears and laughter as we shared memories of S. K's doing very well and I keep telling her that whatever she feels, does or doesn't do, is right because there are no wrongs when it comes to grieving, especially when it's totally unexpected and such a shock.

Those horrible childhood memories if seeing the dentist never leave us doe they Allsorts. It's always a white knuckle affair for me, even just having a check up and I dread seeing the hygienist even though she's excellent.

I've been told I have a tiny mouth (that makes Mr. S. laugh!!!), restricted jaw opening, sensitivity and an OTT gag reflex. The first time I saw my new hygienist and made her aware of all my issues, she tapped me on the head and said 'perhaps we should just put you down now'.

You're right that today, the most painful thing about visiting the dentist now is paying the bill but we do need to look after them don't we, and be thankful we can afford too because not everyone can.

Thursday is house work day so I need to get in the shower and get started.

Have a good day everyone.

Smileless about the dentist, every time I go I expect her to say some thing is wrong, I remember the slow drill and painful visits of my childhood, but now it's completely different, the painful bit is paying the bill. Teeth, eyes and hearing you just have to look after them. My son and daughter have lovely teeth, they never feared the dentist as I did, we used to have unnecessary work done I'm sure, now you get a second opinion for a filling almost.

Yoga, that's long hours got your don to work, I thought there was a law you could only drive for so many hours.Certainly not 16 hours driving. A lot of employers seem to have no concern for those that work for them, but there are good employers out there, perhaps he can find one. It's nongoid having two says off if your catching up on the sleep you've lost.
Smileless, sad there's that space now where your lovely girl was, it must be hard for her partner coming back and sorting what needs to be done, thank goodness she had you next door.
When you have been estranged Bridie it does make you wary, now and then feel insecure about my son, yet he has never let me down. It makes you doubt yourself sometimes.

Whiff hope you enjoy your craft group today, I bet they wanted you back for your lovely baking!

Smiles how awful being just the 3 of you, must be hard, nice of you to cook all the meals, hope you have some good moments. Wish I'd gone private when my wonderful dentist changed to only private 12yrs ago. Had crap dentist ever since and spent a small fortune on private consultations but not gone ahead with the work in the end.

DL think you need to drop in to see Whiff and have some of her delicious cakes to help put some weight back on.

Morning all

These dark mornings are horrid! I was awake at 5.30 and up at 5.50. just getting light now.

I'm worried about my son. He was out for work at 4.45am yesterday and not back till 8.45pm, was then told he had a 4.30am start the next day/today, so that will mean him getting up at about 3am! I really hope he will be home earlier than yesterday. He does 4 days of that and then 2 days off, where he is completely shattered! How can anyone keep that going!

I know your DH & brother were truck drivers Whiff [sorry if I've got one wrong there] what sort of hours did they do?
My son's driving a tanker for Calor gas and says he loves the work, but I think the hours are ridiculous.

Glad you've had a negative result Whiff and will be feeding your craft group tomorrow with your lovely Victoria sandwich. I'll be baking tomorrow as my friend from Portsmouth is coming on Saturday for 5 days. A Victoria sandwich is on my 'to do' list and a lemon meringue pie which I'll bake on Saturday.

Had a good singing lesson and choir practice yesterday. Two Christmas concerts already booked and probably at least another one to be confirmed.

Our dear girl is up fora few days so she came for her tea yesterday and will come tonight and tomorrow if she stays until Friday. Lovely steaks last night, chicken curry tonight and spaghetti bolognese tomorrow.

It was very strange with just the three of us. So many 'firsts' for her to get through and heartbreaking to see someone you love suffering.

Rather chilly and windy here today. Dental appointment for me at 12.00 with the hygienist having seen my dentist on Monday. Need an old filling re done at the end of the month; £144.00.

Our dental plan covers us for two check ups a year and two hygiene appointments, anything else is extra with 10% discount.
Mr. S. broke a crown and had it repaired for £66.00. She tried to get him to have a new one as not sure how long the repair will last but at a cost of £600.00 , he decided to make do with the repair and wait and see.

Grateful that we can afford to go private but dread having to have anything done as it's so expensive.

Have a good day everyone.

Good news Whiff, your group need you back with cake!!!

Glad to say my LFT was negative this morning. Checked with my craft group they are happy for me to go tomorrow. They all said yes. Anyway it's baking week. So Victoria sandwich filled with my cherry jam will be going with me tomorrow.

I think because I had my Covid jab Wednesday while I was incubating Covid helped lesson the symptoms. Feel back to my normal self .

It's definitely autumn as it's cold here today but sunny . Hope you all have a good day.

Afternoon everyone.

Good to know that all's well with your DD Whiff and fingers crossed that Wednesday's LFT will be negative. It's a good idea to check with your craft group about whether to go this week or wait until next week.

Being wary is just one of the legacies of estrangement isn't it Bridie and it's difficult for the most loving AC to comprehend that an unexpected and unusual period of no contact, however brief, can set alarm bells ringing.

Simply not receiving the regular text message or 'phone call can result in anxiety and fear.

Hope you feel better soon, and thankfully you got your precious ring back, I can imagine your panic.
You have a lovely caring daughter, but the worry of further estrangement causes us to be wary.
Take care.

Diamond Lil, that’s a lot of weight to lose, you have had so much else to cope with since the death of your husband. The death of a spouse is devastating even when it’s expected, you can’t really understand until it happens to you, so be kind to yourself and concentrate on you for now. Hopefully you will get your appetite back, it’s so easy not to bother sometimes.
Whiff, It is quite understandable how you got so upset about your ring.. Your daughter is wonderful and just worries about you. Get well soon.
Everyone else, hope you’re all well.

DiamondLily you are going through what I call grief weight loss. You can eat normally but the weight can drop off you. It's as if your metabolism goes into overdrive because the grief for the other half of yourself is so overwhelming. Grief isn't just mentally exhausting but it effects your physically. Well that's my theory. I lost 2 stone but out it back on and more. But my mom lost 3 st and never put it back on.

Not only are grieving for your darling husband but what your step children have put you through has taken its toll on your physical and mental health. Thank goodness you have good supportive family of your own. Age I think has a part to play in the weight loss and whether it stays off or not. I was 45 when widowed my mom was 80. But as long as you are eating nourishing food and drinking normally your body will adjust and finally settle to a weight. But this is my theory just based on my own experience.

To be honest I haven't read anyway about grief weight loss. Read about the stages of grief but no where have I come across the weight loss. But like I said it's my own theory.

Spring things are back to normal with my daughter. I let her know Saturday about my Covid result first thing she asked was how I was feeling then did I need any shopping. She texted yesterday as usual. She texts everyday just to check up on me. I frightened her on Wednesday she thought I was very ill . But will make sure I never do that to her again. Until my heart condition and HPX was being treated lost track of the amount of times she made emergency trips to the hospital with me . In the end she said I should have a reserved sticker on a seat. Thankfully the tablets are helping me and haven't been to A&E for must be 2 years now. Time goes by so fast I lose track.

Smiles in the 2 years I have needed help getting into a car only had 2 drivers refuse to help me and funny enough it was 2 weeks running. The taxi firm I use where not happy their drivers refused to help me but it's the drivers choice. If it happens again I will send the driver away and wait for a driver that will help me. Those that help me I always give a couple of pounds on top of the fare as a thank you.

Smiles glad you had such a great time and already booked for June. I see a man has planted a tree in place of the one that got cut down . Never understand the mentality of the person or persons who cut that beautiful tree down. It's not as if it was in anyone's way and it was in the middle of no where but growing in a gap in Hadrian's wall.

Will do a LFT test on Wednesday to see if I am still positive or not. If it's negative I will check with my craft group if it's ok to go or leave it a week. As one of our group has had operation and radiotherapy for breast cancer and don't want to put her or anyone else at risk.

Well that's about it . Wish it would be dry for a couple of days as lot needs cutting down ready for the winter in the garden . Needs a weed and my leeks need pulling up and greenhouse lining.

Take care everyone.

Thank goodness your ring was handed in Whiff. Knowing there are decent honest people in the world helps restore our faith in human nature doesn't it.

I'd be in a state of panic if I thought I'd lost my wedding ring, and I still have Mr. S. so I can only begin to imagine what it would be like for you having lost your wonderful DH.

I'm sure your DD will be OK, try not to worry but it's hard not too when you've been estranged by one AC. Hopefully by the time you read this you'll have heard from her.

Can't understand why a taxi driver would be so unhelpful. It may not have been possible to wait but he should have helped you out of the car. He's clearly in the wrong line of work.

Hope you begin to feel better soon .

That's an awful lot DL in a few months and if you lose any more, I really think an appointment with your GP's required just to check you over and make sure that you're OK.

Back home after a lovely break. Even though the weather wasn't very good, we had a lovely walk with the dogs yesterday and were so impressed with the cottage and the area, that we've booked a week next June .

Sorry to hear about your drama with your wedding ring Whiff, but delighted you got it back. Hope you can make it up with your daughter soon - she was probably just so worried thinking it was a health emergency. And now you have Covid! Is also on the rise around here. Take care.

I put my husband's wedding ring on a neck chain I wear. My wedding ring still fits ok, but my engagement and eternity rings are very loose, because of the weight I've lost.🙁

I'll have to see how it goes, and get them altered if I keep losing weight. I've lost 3 stone. 🥴

Hopefully, my diet will improve soon.

Feels like flu. Very tired and my limbs are hurting more than usual. But otherwise ok. No temperature.Breathing is fine and still can taste things.

Sorry to hear about your wedding ring scare` Whiff glad you got it back safely. Quite understandable that you called your daughter in a panic as she is the closes to you, I probably would have done the same thing. Strangely I was afraid of losing a beautiful cross of my mums & changed the chain just a few days ago as I was sure I would loss it if I didn't. It might be a good idea to have your wedding ring re-sized so you can wear it again, but I understand what you say about not altering it from when it was put on your finger by your DH.

Whiff

Just done my LFT as usual couldn't believe the result so took test again . I have Covid . Knew my luck would run out one day.

Whiff Aww, sorry to hear that. Same thing happened with my SIL. His GP said it could be a "false positive" because of the recent vaccine, but he still felt pretty unwell. Hope it goes soon. 💐

Just done my LFT as usual couldn't believe the result so took test again . I have Covid . Knew my luck would run out one day.

Yogin hope your son is enjoying his new job. I know my brother as a HGV driver liked being out on his own but once he hit 60 said he was an old man doing a young man's job. He decided to retire nearly 3 years ago due to mainly my sister in law's MS but also his job had taken its toll on his body. Glad he did as he's happier than I have ever seen him also there moving to the bungalow in Lincolnshire completely changed their lives . He has a small weekly pension but has kept his HGV license up to date just incase he wants to do any agency work. But their lives are full he would never have time.

Smiles hope you and Mr S are having a wonderful time . Sad about the tree being cut down . I don't understand the mentality of someone doing that. They have let the 16 year old go but arrested at 60 year old man . People still amaze me the stupid things they do and what purpose did it solve cutting the tree down.

This is going to sound really stupid and silly. Wednesday I went for my Covid jab then went to do some shopping and went to my favourite cafe for hot chocolate and a cake. Weather was awful so glad I had my new coat on. When I got home took my gloves off no wedding ring. Went into panic mode looked in everything for it then did a really stupid thing I phoned my daughter in tears . She had to get out of the shower as she thought something was wrong with me. She always showers after her exercise class. Said she would be up but it's only a ring. I phoned the cafe and luck would have it they found it and had it safe. My daughter came and rightly shouted at me I couldn't worry her like that. Then went home to give my grandson his lunch.

I ordered a taxi and said I would need the driver to help me with my legs as they need to be lifted in and out. And wanted the driver to wait as I won't be long . Driver refused to help me so had to struggle dragging my legs in then he refused to wait . Got my ring and put it in my chain I wear . Which my daughter had been telling me to do for over a year. As my ring has fallen off in the bungalow. I usually wear a ring tightener but forgot Wednesday. When I phoned for a taxi I told them about the first driver they where not happy. The driver they sent helped me and I wanted to be dropped at the post box which is only a road away as I needed to post a letter the driver said I will do it and take you home and he did. He was very kind. As I had explained what happened. He helped me out and I gave him extra to his fee like I always do because of the help.

The last 2 years 1 have needed help with my legs and I had 2 drivers refuse to help me in the last 2 weeks. I phoned the taxi firm to let them know how kind the the driver was.

Text my daughter to let her know I had my ring. I had promised myself I would never put her through what I went through with my mom and I did exactly what my mom did to me. I have felt awful every since. Also not heard from my daughter since Wednesday.

I know how nutty it sounds getting so upset over my wedding ring but it means a lot to me. Losing 7st it got loose but never wanted it resized as I wanted it as my husband put it on my finger. My wedding ring means to me my continued love and commitment to my husband. Other widows probably understand why and those of you who are married hopefully understand what it would feel like if they lost their ring.

I know it's a trivial thing but it means a lot to me. My fear is I have buggered up my relationship with my daughter. All because I panicked instead of using my logical mind.

The ring is in a drawer until a stronger chain I have ordered arrives. I wear a small pendant everyday it's the last piece of jewellery my husband brought me it's white gold and a fine chain. My wedding ring is 22ct yellow gold and to heavy for this chain. It feels very strange not to wear my ring but know I can't wear it again .

My eldest niece is getting married today in a forest so hopefully it stays dry. But she said she has brought some umbrellas just in case. There are only 20 at the wedding . Even if I had been invited I wouldn't have gone. Any way trains are on strike today so couldn't have gone anyway. My brother and sister in law driving down to it but be back home tonight.

Hope you all have a good day and hopefully it stays dry as things need cutting down in my garden . To wet yesterday.