Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Best of luck today, Smileless - funerals are awful things to get through, but it brings a sense of closure as well.💐

Our dogs at at the groomers too Yogin, Mr. S. took them down at 9.00am.

The weather's the same here and I think we'll have sunshine all day which is, as say Whiff how it should be, shining down on a beautiful young woman who filled the lives of all who knew her with her own unique rays of light.

I'm a frightful mess right now, and hoping that I'll be all cried and and calm when the cars arrive at 2.30.

Thank you all for being here for us. I know you always are, always have been and always will be, just as I am here for all of you. xx

Morning all

Lovely & sunny here but a lot cooler. My little dog went to the groomers yesterday, looking very handsome, I tried to get him booked in earlier as I was worried he was too hot with his big coat on, I was counting down the days till he got groomed and as soon as the day arrived the weather turns cold

Well done Whiff on getting your PIP award you can relax now.

Smiles hope all goes well today xx

Smiles will be thinking of you and Mr S today. I hope the sun shines as you have always talked about your girls in a positive way and while funerals are always hard to die young and so quickly is horrible. And rain always makes funerals harder it's as if the sky is crying with you. 🌹💞

Justbecause, I hope you are ok. Please don’t let certain posters put you off coming on here for support, ignore their comments, this forum is about supporting people who are reeling from being cut out of their families lives. People that do the estranging look at things from a completely different perspective,, it doesn’t relate to ours, it hurts when we are accused of being bad parents when they don’t know our story. It’s how we deal with it. We understand how you feel as we’ve all been there. I will try to pm you.

Whiff, congratulations, I kept thinking of you all afternoon with everything crossed. It will make such a difference to your life. Treat yourself to something special to celebrate. 🤸🏼‍♂️🎉

Whiff

Just a quick one I am tired. Tribunal panel where lovely. A representative from DWP was supposed to be there but didn't turn up.

I have been awarded enhanced for both parts of PIP back dated to when I applied.

After 35 years I have finally got disability benefits 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Well done! Make sure you let any other benefit dept you are claiming from know. Although PIP means more money, it brings a gateway premium with it, that can increase other benefits.🍾

Oh Whiff that's simply wonderful, wonderful news. I'm so pleased at the result but so angry that it's taken so long and so much effort for you to get what you deserve.

Thank you crazy.

That's fantastic news Whiff, very pleased for you 👍

Smileless - Will be thinking of you and Mr S tomorrow. Also all who are grieving 🥲

Just a quick one I am tired. Tribunal panel where lovely. A representative from DWP was supposed to be there but didn't turn up.

I have been awarded enhanced for both parts of PIP back dated to when I applied.

After 35 years I have finally got disability benefits 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Yes, I will stick the decision into the ether for now. There's plenty of time, and I might feel differently by then anyway.

I can't even think about Xmas this early anyway.🙄

Hope your singing practice goes well. 🙂

Morning everyone.

Keeping everything crossed that the tribunal goes in your favour Whiff.

We always find Christmas difficult TBH DL making the best of it even though it's just the two of us, which is why the girls popping in if they were here Christmas day and always coming round on Boxing day meant so much and will be greatly missed.

Oh dear, I can understand why they don't like the thought of you being on your own and probably haven't considered that being around them, without your DH, will be even harder.

Maybe say you'll think about it will reduce the pressure.

Had my singing lesson this morning which went very well and was a welcome relief from thinking about the funeral tomorrow.

Have a couple of new pieces to practice before next week which should help in terms of trying to get back to normal, whatever that means .

Well, Smileless, you will sort of make new memories, so perhaps it'll be nice.

Christmas is a strange thing. It can be joyous and happy, but it can also be the complete opposite, if you're low about something or there's too many painful memories of Xmas past.

I'm currently having a struggle with DD and SIL about my plan to be left alone on Xmas Day, and popping over on Boxing Day.

They've bought in reinforcements now - I'm getting messages and phone calls from the GCs telling me I can't do that lol

I expect I'll have to surrender and force myself through it.😗

Whiff - good luck with your tribunal x

Wishing you the very best of luck for the tribunal tomorrow Whiff.

Although we've often talked about doing so, we decided at the weekend to spend Christmas at our lodge because neither of us can bear the thought of being here, with the girls house empty next door.

I'd been making plans in my head and then got a 'phone call from my dearest friend in Portsmouth this evening, inviting her and her DH for Christmas.

He's never seen this house and always been reluctant to come up but this was his idea.

So now I have some new plans to think about.

Doing OK thanks DL and will be glad when Wednesday's over, if only for K's sake.

I can understand you having reached the point of hoping that your GS isn't the father but that little one will benefit from him being so because of the extended family that will make her a part of.

Smileless2012

She needs to be careful DL as she's already breaching the terms and conditions of her suspended sentence and could find herself locked up.

Thanks Spring. Was in tears this morning while doing my exercises. It suddenly hits me that we'll never see her again and I still can't believe that she's gone.

I know Mr. S. will do her and K proud.

It can be helpful to hear the perspective from the 'other side', but bitter recriminations aimed at those whose experience is totally different but no less painful helps no one.

Yeah, she does. We have all had a letter, hand delivered, today (some sort of Court thing), laying out the non-contact terms of her sentence.

Unusual for a Sunday, but I guess it's the system.

Meanwhile, the DNA people are going to DDs address on `Tuesday to do a DNA test with my `GS.

Jeez, I really have got to the point that I'm hoping he's not the father....🥴🤐

But, who knows?

Hope you're feeling better x

Helenwaspushed…let’s discuss on the other thread if you’d like to, but how do you know I’m not medically trained. Not a correct assumption on your part.
I actually referred to narcissistic traits which many are displayed . Tbh we are all a bit narcissistic at times doesn’t mean you’re a narcissist.

Oh that’s good the post has gone!! I was going to ask them to delete…I actually posted it here as I was wondering if it was okay. So pleased it’s all sorted.

Thank you

Thank you Madgran. Time for a new reality to become reality makes perfect sense not only regarding bereavement but many other difficult and painful journeys, including estrangement.

Thank you Whiff. We are like family to one another the difference being that the four of us chose one another and to an outsider must have been a very odd group but to each one of us it was, and for the three that are left always will be one of the most precious.

Smiles you haven't just lost a neighbour but someone you loved and your tears are for her and her partner. And unfortunately time is not a healer where deep felt grief is concerned you just learn to cope. The girls are family to and Mr S. Family you chose as they chose you both. Also dieing so young and so quickly doesn't give anytime to say a proper goodbye.

It was hard enough for me and the children when we knew my husband/ dad was given 5 years to live he lived 3. We had less than 4 months from the terminal notice until I had to tell him to stop struggling and we would be ok. But at least we could say goodbye before he became unconscious.

Helen didn't know a doctor could diagnosis narcissistic behaviour?

Justbe post what you want here. Smiles ,Yogin and the other long term posters have made this a safe place for us estranged parents. I found a place where others were going through the same as me. Where other threads say we are to blame for our children's actions and we know what we did wrong. No one here has blamed me or others for their children's actions.

My son dumped me via email then follow up letter. Calling me vindictive and manipulative 2 things I have never been . But of course there will always but those on other estrangement threads who say I must have done something and know what I did.

Wasn't going to post on here today but felt I had to. Wasn't going to let an estranged parent being picked on on this thread. It's not what we do here .

Message withdrawn as it refers to a deleted post.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Smileless Was in tears this morning while doing my exercises. It suddenly hits me that we'll never see her again and I still can't believe that she's gone

That is so hard Smileless. So sorry, it takes time for the "new reality" to "become reality" doesnt it, and so hard to go through.

She needs to be careful DL as she's already breaching the terms and conditions of her suspended sentence and could find herself locked up.

Thanks Spring. Was in tears this morning while doing my exercises. It suddenly hits me that we'll never see her again and I still can't believe that she's gone.

I know Mr. S. will do her and K proud.

It can be helpful to hear the perspective from the 'other side', but bitter recriminations aimed at those whose experience is totally different but no less painful helps no one.