Gifts to GC when estranged

Smileless I genuinely have no problem pointing out unhealthy behaviours when I think it is needed.

I have no need to "veiled" anything... and as an autistic person, it is not really something I am able to do

You are looking for problems that aren't there and it's getting silly now

Exactly, you used the word unsafe which validates what I've said about you throwing out unpleasant veiled accusations to EGP's.

Other words exist

I used them

But why are you talking about a child being unsafe? I'll ask you again, whose child are you referring too?

My post @ 15.23 was in response to Grams2five who doesn't mention a child being unsafe, and my response doesn't mention a child being unsafe either.

Smileless I've told you what I meant, I highlighted the word "unsafe" to highlight that it is fine to say that to a child if they are unsafe

It's the truth, take it or leave it

The comment of mine @ 15.23 you say you were responding too, does not include the word unsafe VS, so why did you respond as follows:

"There is a bit of a difference between age appropriate truth because a family member is unsafe.

And sending a grandchild on a potentially harmful guilt trip".

I stand by my comment that you "keep on throwing these rather unpleasant veiled accusations out to the EGP's posting here".

Neither me nor anyone else from what I've seen on this thread is trying to prevent you from commenting as yourself.

I'm not talking about any parent here, I am responding to your comment Smileless about it being inappropriate to tell children certain things and staying it is ok to tell children age appropriate truth

Your comment is completely uncalled for really

Maybe you and others can just let me comment as myself instead of bringing up my estrangement when it isn't appropriate or relevant as it just causes bad feelings and confuses the replies

In your post @ 16.34 and you emphasised the word unsafe by putting it in bold.

Smileless2012

In your opinion VS. Are you going to answer my questions about whose family you are referring too that has an unsafe family member and who that unsafe family member is? Or are just going to keep on throwing these rather unpleasant veiled accusations out to the EGP's posting here?

Smileless please show me where I said that

Ladysuisei

@SingoTime
You write such long winded , frankly very angry and factually incorrect replies . Try to chill out a bit - it would help you interact with others a lot better. That’s a bit of constructive advice for you . Hahaha!!!! Once more you make a ridiculous statement by stating that something is “ 10000%” …you really make me laugh . It simply is not possible for anything to be more than 100% !!!!!! Whilst angrily trying to get your points of view across, you immediately invalidate your position by making such a ridiculous mistake.

I am far from angry. My family life and friendships are in a peaceful place. One of my children is nearly an adult and his significant other and I have a really easy-going, genuine relationship. I'm sorry but I wouldn't consider taking advice on communication and interpersonal relationships from someone who is on the cusp of destroying her own. That's not an insult, it's a statement of fact. You have several angry exchanges with multiple posters across multiple threads. I write my responses based on the (inconsistent) information you wrote in multiple places.

Your own words can match my estranged MIL's quite closely. It didn't work out well for her. I'm just being honest with you in hopes you don't willingly follow in her footsteps. I do wish you peace. You seem to be in a lot of internal turmoil. That cannot be an easy.

In your opinion VS. Are you going to answer my questions about whose family you are referring too that has an unsafe family member and who that unsafe family member is? Or are just going to keep on throwing these rather unpleasant veiled accusations out to the EGP's posting here?

A box simply containing photos and heirlooms are fine

As I have already said Smileless

If there were nothing further in those boxes no one would have argued with my comments and I would have left the discussion a few pages ago

Oh dear VS are we about to go around in ever decreasing circles again?

No one is "sending a grandchild on a potentially harmful guilt trip", and in whose family is a member unsafe, and who is this unsafe member?

Age appropriate . How old does an EGC need to be to receive a memory box containing birthday and Christmas cards, family photo's and family history to be the appropriate age? At what age is it appropriate for them to know the truth that the GP's they never knew loved them and thought about them, especially on their birthdays and at Christmas?

There is a bit of a difference between age appropriate truth because a family member is unsafe

And sending a grandchild on a potentially harmful guilt trip

Yes, that's precisely what a memory box is intended to do Lucysu, to express our love that's all.

@Smiles well a memory box is an expression of love for your GC , not an opportunity for us to cause yet another family rift . I wouldn’t think any GP would deliberately and intentionally use memories for an ulterior motive. I just want my GS to know I love him , I loved him from the minute I was aware of his existence and I will love him forever. I suppose I will need to be a bit more eloquent than this but you get what I mean .
I’m finding this very emotional actually- some of the parents who have estranged their own parents and prevented access to beloved GC would do well to realise that we are not all bad people deserving of this [behaviour.

to tell our GC so.

A lot of this thread had been taken up with the appropriateness of EGP's leaving their EGC memory boxes which has included what is and is not appropriate for those to contain.

In that context, I don't think that it's appropriate for the parents of the GC who have become estranged, to tell them that the GP's they're estranged from are "just not very nice people".

Our ES and his wife sadly are just not very nice people, but it wouldn't ever be appropriate for me to tell them so.

Smileless2012

That's terrible maddy no wonder you're worried about your DD when you leave. Is there an equivalent to a restraining order in NZ that your D can have issued against him?

I don't think there are any EGP's who've posted who think that their GC long for them but it's reasonable to think they may be curious.

I posted earlier about a current tv program where adults are wanting to trace the men whose donated sperm was responsible for their conception. They're curious and a memory box from GP's never known, will go some way to alleviate curiosity if they want to view the content.

Questions should be answered in an age appropriate way. We didn't get on, there were a lot of arguments, we found them difficult to get along with etc. Is saying "they're just not very nice people" and appropriate response? IMO it isn't, just as an EGP leaving a message to their EGC that they never knew them because either of both of their parents aren't very nice.

In some cases smileless “they weren’t very nice people” is factual. We didn’t disagree on a football score. They actually weren’t good people. Weren’t kind, weren’t thoughtful, weren’t loving , weren’t empathetic or compassionate. They simply weren’t nice people, and as such weren’t nice to others.

@SingoTime
You write such long winded , frankly very angry and factually incorrect replies . Try to chill out a bit - it would help you interact with others a lot better. That’s a bit of constructive advice for you . Hahaha!!!! Once more you make a ridiculous statement by stating that something is “ 10000%” …you really make me laugh . It simply is not possible for anything to be more than 100% !!!!!! Whilst angrily trying to get your points of view across, you immediately invalidate your position by making such a ridiculous mistake.

So very sorry to read this maddyone Horrible situation for you all.

I’m hoping the police and woman’s aid groups are involved in looking after your daughter and grandchildren.

Shout long and loud!

Is there a way of getting her and the children back?
Have you spoken to the equivalent of women's aid and what do solicitors say?
I seem to remember you saying she can't leave the country but
if they can't get out, can they start again elsewhere?

Thinking of you. 💐

The trouble with restraining orders is the person has to obey it. 🙁

wouldn't be appropriate.

That's terrible maddy no wonder you're worried about your DD when you leave. Is there an equivalent to a restraining order in NZ that your D can have issued against him?

I don't think there are any EGP's who've posted who think that their GC long for them but it's reasonable to think they may be curious.

I posted earlier about a current tv program where adults are wanting to trace the men whose donated sperm was responsible for their conception. They're curious and a memory box from GP's never known, will go some way to alleviate curiosity if they want to view the content.

Questions should be answered in an age appropriate way. We didn't get on, there were a lot of arguments, we found them difficult to get along with etc. Is saying "they're just not very nice people" and appropriate response? IMO it isn't, just as an EGP leaving a message to their EGC that they never knew them because either of both of their parents aren't very nice.