How to tell someone life is too short ?

*I agree that life is too short for daft family squabbles, but, as I’ve said, you really just need to concentrate on mourning your DP and moving home.

Worrying about an adult son throwing tantrums, and a grandchild, not born yet, is never going to help you.💐*

OP, this is the best advice. You need to worry and concentrate on you.
Not him, her or them.
You can't change anything about other people but you can change how you act and react.

'@march do you honestly believe that having an adult conversation about TIME being short then instead needs to result in estrangement? I don’t understand this . It’s not intended as a lecture it’s a sentiment. I’m meaning time goes by so fast , you will soon end up feeling regret which is so destructive and damaging to live with . Well I think so anyway . I’m trying to avoid the possibility of regret . Also my son will be estranged from the whole side of my family should he continue like this . My family are following suit. Time is running out for my dad , his grandfather and I know he will regret this . This has a lot to do with it .'

No, but it won't help will it? We all know life is short, we have all lost people unexpectedly and had really crap things happen, one thing after another, one loss after another, situations that made us think 'what am I doing?'

But your DIL has got to be 8 months pregnant? having someone add more stress to an already stressful situation will only impact her feelings towards you more.
Your son will feel it too. She's already told you she feels harassed by you.

Your husband's family is his wife and child too. If they choose to miss out because they can't control his actions and how he handles separate situations, it's all about cutting their nose off to spite their face really.

Ladysuisei

@ MissAdventure thank you - I feel like I’ve done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson . The comments have been awful considering the subject of the post wasn’t exactly heavy

The internet, if you post publicly, offers different opinions. Most offer it from their own perspective.

I agree that life is too short for daft family squabbles, but, as I’ve said, you really just need to concentrate on mourning your DP and moving home.

Worrying about an adult son throwing tantrums, and a grandchild, not born yet, is never going to help you.💐

Hello Ladysuisei, & I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I can hear how heartbroken you are & I can understand that - I was in a similar situation to you a few years back. But I have learned many things since then, and one thing I can tell you is that, in any argument, it is never 100% one person's fault. However painful and one-sided things feel, it can be really helpful to try & put yourself in the other person's shoes and see how that would feel to you. For as long as we refuse to accept any blame at all for the situation we find ourselves in, and hold onto anger and feelings of betrayal, we will never get anywhere - nothing will be solved. You have had a dreadful shock bereavement, and nobody would dispute that that would be just awful for you, and would be all-consuming for you. So...at the hospital in August 2023, when your DIL was facing a miscarriage, and your son thinking he was losing a child and worried about his wife, maybe he felt the same? Maybe he just couldn't deal with your feelings at the same time as his own? I'm sure he loves you, and I'm guessing his reaction at the time was just compounded by fear. Maybe you could forgive some of his behaviour of you think about it like that? I do really recommend 'taking a beat' and talking things through with a counsellor, so that you can get to a calmer state of mind before trying to tackle things with your son - I would bet a large amount of money on the fact that, like me, there are things you could work on too in order to improve the situation you find yourself in. It is surely worth a try?

It is not VS who likes stirring her own special sort of trouble.

Ignore her if you dont like what she has to say

Ladysuisei

@VioletSky I am not going to enter into mud slinging but you seem to enjoy stirring your own special sort of trouble. I comment mainly on the friendship thread . Funnily enough I don’t have issues with people on there

Except, you did have issues with people on there before you apologized. You got into a confrontation with two other posters because they gave you honest feedback. The discussion is still there for all to read. I think you should really take a step back if your immediate response to contrary opinions is to lash out in such rage. The way you and your son respond to stressors is so incredibly unhealthy.

I genuinely think you want nothing but sympathy and agreement that everything you say and do is jutified

I can only give you the sympathy

I will leave this thread

@ MissAdventure thank you - I feel like I’ve done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson . The comments have been awful considering the subject of the post wasn’t exactly heavy

@VioletSky I am not going to enter into mud slinging but you seem to enjoy stirring your own special sort of trouble. I comment mainly on the friendship thread . Funnily enough I don’t have issues with people on there

@josie - that should read ALL victims of abuse . Point being some people estrange for much less serious reasons than abuse .
Some people estrange because they get fed up with “ difficult “ people. Or because they simply are selfish . I am entitled to an opinion. I certainly do not condone abuse having been a victim of abuse for 18 years . This is private business and I don’t talk about it within this forum

Disagreement is not unkindness and there is no excuse for minimizing people's abuse simply because they aren't telling the OP she is right. If that's responding accordingly, well then I see where her son gets his disrespect. Just awful, awful behaviour. The internet is filled with varying opinions. Those who cannot cope when others don't agree should step back until they can get their emotional issues under control. There is no excuse for OP's behaviour here. None.

I don't read it that way at all.
I think the op has had little to no kindness shown to her, throughout her posts.

She has responded accordingly.

LadySuisei you have stormed into gransnet and upset a lot of people here, estranged children and estranged parents

You came to a thread about narcissistic abuse by abuse victims saying they were wrong to use that term and then said it about your own son on a different thread.

You have made some extremely awful comments and are unable to back up any wrong doing on your son's part other than the distance between you you don't like

You are very clearly in need of serious help as your behaviour here show your behaviour towards others is not healthy at all and your behaviour here shows how you are treating your family

Please get help

@Ladysuisei Moving on from the other discussions in the thread so far, what do you want to get out of the thread? What would be the most useful advice or support, bearing in mind most people seem to be advising you not to raise this subject with your son?

@march do you honestly believe that having an adult conversation about TIME being short then instead needs to result in estrangement? I don’t understand this . It’s not intended as a lecture it’s a sentiment. I’m meaning time goes by so fast , you will soon end up feeling regret which is so destructive and damaging to live with . Well I think so anyway . I’m trying to avoid the possibility of regret . Also my son will be estranged from the whole side of my family should he continue like this . My family are following suit. Time is running out for my dad , his grandfather and I know he will regret this . This has a lot to do with it .

In this part of what you said - “Needless to say , anyone who has been abused by a parent would be well advised to estrange them, however I don’t believe anyone on this thread can look in the mirror and fell themselves in all honesty that they are victims of abuse .
Victims of their own selfishness would be more accurate.”

JosieGc

“Sadly the selfishness of certain individuals on here knows no bounds . Needless to say , anyone who has been abused by a parent would be well advised to estrange them, however I don’t believe anyone on this thread can look in the mirror and fell themselves in all honesty that they are victims of abuse .
Victims of their own selfishness would be more accurate.”

Blimey Ladysuisei this is an awful thing to say. I know you are hurting and grieving and have compassion for what you are going through , but you cannot make damaging remarks like this to other human beings, you have no right. You know nothing of others experiences of abuse.

You literally minimized the abuse of those that responded to your thread. This is deplorable. Shame on you.

There is no question that its not acceptable, verbal abuse is not acceptable. But you did make the discussion about abuse, including other types of abuse, by invalidating abuse survivors and victims. Thats’s the part that’s not okay. That is damaging and hurtful to others.

@Josie I’ve acknowledged that abuse ie shouting and threatening is not acceptable, I’m not interested in making this about another abuse discussion.

I think the 'life is too short' is aimed at you, something you need to think about, you need to take on board, it want used for you to convince your son to do anything.

Life is too short, what you're doing, pushing at will end in estrangement if you carry on what you're doing.

Yes that is not okay either. No abuse is okay, ever. But you dont get to imply others have not been abused when discussing your sons abuse of you. Does that make sense?

@Josie the context is verbal abuse . And this is what I suffer at the hands of my son . How can you take something so out of context?

@User you know full well I’m not condoning abuse within this thread . I thought you’d decided to bow out gracefully a few comments back ?
I’m saying my son is abusive towards me but I make the decision whether or not I will tolerate this nobody else .

How disgusting that you should bring sexual abuse into my comment . How dare you presume to make a remark like this to me when I’ve discussed advice on talking about life being too short . What has that got to do with sexual abuse ? I presume you have dealt with the perpetrator appropriately. I won’t offer any further comment on this I’m afraid.

“Sadly the selfishness of certain individuals on here knows no bounds . Needless to say , anyone who has been abused by a parent would be well advised to estrange them, however I don’t believe anyone on this thread can look in the mirror and fell themselves in all honesty that they are victims of abuse .
Victims of their own selfishness would be more accurate.”

Blimey Ladysuisei this is an awful thing to say. I know you are hurting and grieving and have compassion for what you are going through , but you cannot make damaging remarks like this to other human beings, you have no right. You know nothing of others experiences of abuse.

Ladysuisei

@VioletSky believe you me , he is verbally abusive. He isn’t just raising his voice put it that way .

I don’t understand why you say I’d intimidated you btw ? Not making sense that sorry

Tell us what he said

So we can understand properly what you are facing