The next thread for friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Smiles I love the smell of Lillies, although I don't buy anymore due to the messy stamens.

Pipps It took me 6yrs to come to terms with my estrangement, so early days for you, at the beginning I was in a terrible place with it all. Like Smiles over 11yrs now

Whiff nice to hear your brother is doing well.

Allsorts yes, keeping busy is the answer.

DL best of luck with everything. Hope you will be with your DD on the upcoming ann.

Whiff, I know you are staying at Berwick but know you were going to see Newcastle whilst there. Sure it will be a good holiday and with travel assistance go seamlessly.
DL, I know it’s not easy, on the 23rd you will have had the first of every anniversary. Sorry the problems about the baby is dragging on and you’re right all you can do is support your d and sil
Pipps, it’s a huge change when you’ve been a big part of someone’s lives. I filled my time and did everything, voluntary work, holidays etc to concentrate on other things, it’s lurking there in the back of your mind but at least being busy helps. It’s early days.

Hi everyone. I haven’t been on because I’ve found life a bit difficult for a few days - possibly because I’m heading up to the first anniversary of DH dying. It’s on St George’s Day, which is sort of fitting because I always laughingly called him a little `Englander. 🙂

Anyway the court saga with the baby rumbles on - I’ll be glad when it’s done, whatever the outcome. Social workers wear me out lol 🙄

I’m just trying to support DD and SIL. I don’t know how this will pan out.🙁

I’m still ploughing on. Some people have lifted me - even my ex phoned last week, kept me on the phone for an hour, and made me laugh, despite my mood. Support comes from the strangest places at times.😗

Pipps - welcome, but sorry you’re here 💐

Whiff - glad your brother is ok, and hope your DD is feeling better. x

Hope everyone else is ok and having a nice day.🙂

Smileless
11 years is such a long time. I am so sorry that you have missed out on your GC's lives so far. I honestly think that is even more difficult. I really couldn't imagine not knowing them. So cruel to deny children the joy of GP's. Some families are really unbelievable.

There will always be something missing Pipps and after more than 11 years I still have blips from time to time. Our ES's children are our only GC too so I understand, although I think it's much harder for you as you've been a big part of their lives.
We never were, which I think makes it easier.

Take each day as it comes. You're doing well and there will always be someone here to listen and support you whenever you need it .

Thank you Whiff.
I am trying so hard to move on with my life. I know I am getting better each day and then out of the blue I have a blip.
The hardest part is, she is my only C, so they are my only GC. I live on my own....which is by choice I hasten to add.
It can get very lonely, especially as I was a huge part of the GC's lives and they were my absolute world.
I do have other hobbies which I have thrown myself into whole heartedly since this estrangement happened, but there is always something missing!!

Allsorts I am going to Berwick upon Tweed. Good job I am having travel assistance as would hate to get wrong trains. Journey both way 2 changes and just over 5 hours . Going 6th May to 10th.

My brother sent me a pic of himself he looks well so pleased to see that.

Pipps we do talk about anything and everything as well as estrangement and how it effects us. Even though estrangement deeply effects us I for one won't let my son stop me living my life to the full. I had a loving and caring son for 32 years no idea who he is now . But I am no longer the mom he knew. I have more good things in my life . What he has done was his choice but it's my choice not to let him or my daughter in law hurt me . I am done being hurt by them . I will always love my son but never forgive or forget what they have both written about me especially what my daughter in law wrote on Reddit about my husband's death. Any love for her died when I read what she wrote. I will never trust my son again.

My grandson's are 7,5 and 3 . I don't even know the name of the youngest or his date of birth.

But my grandson's with my daughter and son in law are 6 and 3. I am lucky to have such a good relationship with them . When the estrangement happened my son in law said he knew something was wrong for years but didn't want to hurt me by saying anything.

That's the big difference between the families one chose to hurt me in the worst way possible. And cut all our side of the family out of their lives

But the other shows me nothing but love and caring. And includes the rest of the family and my friends.

The children where raised the same it's down to the people they love. And there is no rythme or reason to who we love. But I know my 3 grandson's are my son and daughter in law's world so I have no worries that they aren't loved and cherished.

No worries at all.
Estrangement can cause all sorts of other problems in our lives. It's not just about the immediate tough times living without our family members. My estrangement has opened up so many other things too.

It's a beautiful sunny morning here too Yogin but a bitter cold wind so too cold for walking on the beach for us. [hmm[ I would look into whether or not caravan parking's allowed, I'll be surprised if it is.

We do talk about other things that are going on in our lives Pipps as you can probably tell, because although it can feel like it at times especially in the beginning, there's more to us and our lives than the fact that we've been estranged.

It does look as if your s.i.l. has an ulterior motive here but I hope that wont enable him to get out of paying back what he owes.

Good news about your brother Whiff but sorry that your DD is unwell. Hopefully blood tests will shed light on any underlying issues.

Had a bit of a clear out yesterday. The old table, chairs and parasol were taken to the licence refuse centre and I packed up some never used glasses and mugs to take to a charity shop along with 3 books I'd finished.

Had to discard half of the flowers from DS last night as they were lillies and the scent was overpowering, especially in such a small space but I still have the roses .

Whiff so sorry to hear about your nightmares, hope you get a good night's sleep tonight and your DD is feeling better today. xx

...should say, the parking bay is big enough for 3 cars, but in 2.5yrs it's never been mine!

Morning all, beautiful sunny day, can't wait for my walk on the beach.

Thank you Allsorts Whiff & Smiles Nothing to be done as the parking bay is for everyone, but as it's in front of my property you would think I'd get to park there sometime.

When it was the Queens Jubilee, my DD came round with GC, I told her to park adjacent to next doors caravan as I believed he was out all day and my DD was only staying for a couple of hours as the GC had a birthday party to go to. When she went out there was a big note stuck on her windscreen saying DON'T PARK OVER MY DRIVEWAY He knew it was my DD&GC car.

I bet that Pipps must be thinking 'what is that Yogini going on about parking when this is an estrangement page...sorry Pipps we do digress onto other matter sometimes.

Yoga, Whiffs suggestion is an excellent one, it would be worth getting your paper work together and seeing the council and police, that would wipe the smile of his face if justice was done.

Whiff, I am so sorry your daughter is unwell and agree she needs a full blood test it's been one thing after thing after the other. You were such a help all you did, thank goodness her husband is back now to share the load. You are bound to feel anxious, with your falls, your brother and now your daughter but your brother is on the mend, op over and done, you're a lot better after your falls, just your daughter now. You've your holiday in a few weeks, I've warned the citizens of Newcastle to look out for you.💐

Pipps glad you found this support thread but sad you need it. As been said many times before estrangement is a living grief. Our children as still our children and ou grandchildren are still ours as well. That's very cruel of your daughter telling your grandchildren not to speak to you. Living close by and seeing them must be torture . Smiles like she said they moved so they wouldn't see their son and grandson.

I am lucky my son and family lives 40 mins away from me so no chance I will ever see them. And I don't go to the city unless it's to the Brain Charity or rail station. So no chance of seeing my daughter in law.

My daughter text early Thursday morning she was ill and her youngest couldn't go to nursery as he was ill. So I went to look after him . My daughter was so ill she cried in my arms been a long time since she did that . She worked from home and had online training and meetings to attend on the morning by lunch time she lost her voice. But at least she slept on the afternoon. Worked out how to use her washing machine and tumble dryer so got my grandsons 2 sets of bedding washed and dried as he had 2 nose bleeds in the night. My daughter then soaking in cold water in the bath and me giving them a scrub it all came out. My son in law his home today after a week away working and no travelling for work planned until after Easter. Told my daughter she needs a complete blood test as her immune system has taken a battering since before Christmas. The boys recover quickly but it takes her longer to get better and then she catches the next thing off them.

My brother's operation went well. Can't remember if I said he was in theatre 3. 5 hours with spinal tap and sedatives. My sister in law text at 5 on Wednesday they had just picked him up and they got home just after 8.
He phoned Thursday while we where having breakfast sounded he's normal self. Said staff where brilliant but food crap. He has appointment for 6 weeks at his local hospital for physio but he had already done his exercises before phoning me.

Hearing the Princess of Wales being treated for cancer brought it all back when my husband was told he wouldn't live 5 years at least out children where 17 and 13. And 20 and 16 when he died.

Been plagued with nightmares this week . I know it's only because of worry over my brother and daughter. Hopefully won't have one tonight.

My 2 falls the week before while not hurting apart from bruising and the worry set my anxiety into overdrive which has a knock on effect of effecting my mobility. Thankfully Thursday my anxiety had gone and concentrated hard on keeping my mobility under control when my daughter was with me.

Sorry Pipps this has been a ramble about me . But you are not alone and we understand what you are going through.

Yogin if you have the parking space as part for buying the apartment could it be marked off on the road by white lines and your home number painted in it. That way your neighbour couldn't park there without being fined and towed away. No idea if it's a thing . I know it can be done if you are disabled I have seen the area marked off with house number in it.

Smiles hope you got your new outdoor furniture and enjoying yourselves at the lodge.

Allsorts your posts are always full of helpful advice and support. I hate injustice to and fight for what's right. That's why it took 35 years of fighting to get the disability benefits but I won in the end. But only because the Brain Charity helped me and got me a solicitor pro bono. The DWP who deal with disability benefits are run by the worse sort of people they hide behind paperwork and don't see the hurt they inflect on people. No wonder people give up fighting at the first hurdle . But so many people need PIP and after state pension age attendance allowance. If they got help from citizens advice then they would get it . Plus any pension credit they are owed. At least the universal credit people you see them face to face and have nothing but praise for them . Any way better get off my hobby horse.

Hope you all have the best day you can.

I am so sorry Yoga, you don’t deserve the way you’ve been treated, I cannot understand why you got a ticket if your car was lawfully parked. I don’t know how some people sleep at night.

Thank you so.much for your kind words.
I have actually been thinking the same.
He really is a nasty piece of work. Only out for what he might get from people that he becomes friendly with. There would always appear to be an alterior motive in any thing he does for people.
My only saving grace is my D is happy...and that really is all I could ask for.
I would never put him down in front of her despite having mixed feelings about him.
It really is such a sad situation to be in and I just know that it is very unlikely to be resolved.

Sorry Yogin I hadn't realised that that was why you got a ticket. Now you have a letter from Highways, isn't that enough to stop you getting a ticket if you do park there?

Allsorts I did all that with the Highways, but nothing can be done, I paid the fine. When I parked there, he knocked on my door and asked me to move my car, I said I will move back over my house and you can repark your car over yours, he didn't, I stayed there and had a ticket at 7.30am the next morning.

I've already told him the parking bay does not belong to him, showing him diagrams and a letter from the highways, but there he stays, nothing I can do and yes, I feel bullied!

Allsorts you are not to blame for your estD bad behaviour, you come across as a good and thoughtful person, don't beat yourself up over someone else's rotten personality

Smileless2012

well I wouldn't be able to resist parking my car in the vacant space in front of his house*Yogin*, and when he complains saying 'yes, it's annoying isn't it'

Yes Smiles just what I did and got the parking fine!

Allsorts he's not doing anything unlawful, just being a bad selfish neighbour!

So sorry Pipps Stay here with us to get some good advice and support

Third party intervention in parent/AC relationships that results in estrangement is not uncommon Pipps and standing by one's partner should not IMO include standing by abusive text messages, which your s.i.l. sent.

Where as I can understand yours and your D's knee jerk reactions, you saying he was no longer welcome in your home and your D saying she wouldn't come either, using the children to punish you is cruel.

Is it too late to have a conversation? Your s.i.l. should apologise for his text and for calling you a narcissist and you could apologise for saying he was no longer welcome in your home.

I do wonder though if there's more to this than the historically strained relationship you have with your D. The fact that he owes a member of your family money, rather jumped off the page.

Could he be taking advantage of this situation to avoid paying this money back? Could he have manipulated what amounts to a disagreement between a mother and her D for his own ends?

We often see in cases like this how the estranging person/people get their story out there first with surprising speed when we the estranged parent(s), are still reeling from what's happened and the last thing we think of doing, or would want to do, is broadcast this.

Your GC have been told not to talk to you, so if you see them maybe even saying 'hello' would add to their inevitable sadness and confusion, but a smile from the GM they know and love may help them to understand that this is not their fault and that you love them .

Thank you
I do appreciate your reply I felt like it was only me suffering, but coming on here has made me realise that I am not alone.
Totally agree when you say all mutual acquaintances have turned to her side.
So hard to even leave the house sometimes for fear of bumping into one of them.
My side of the story is known by my close friends, but the majority have chosen to stand by her. Probably because I don't feel the need to broadcast it to everyone.
I am a great believer in karma!!
Might I also add that if my D ever knocked on my door, I would welcome her in with open arms... I am her mum, that's what we do. However, I also know that it wouldn't work the other way around!!

Sorry it was so,long, just wanted to help,two,people not being treated right.

There iscthe emotional pain of your estrangement, that's the really painful reality, if they don't talk to you but throw random accusations out with out any factual evidence you can't reconcile. I tried everything but her agenda was me out and whatever it took she did it. Everyone we mixed with her at one time went along side her, she cut off both sides of all family as they knew the truth, . I live with the guilt every day that they suffered because of me.
Regarding your brother, I cannot understand why he lent vast sums of money if he expected it back without having an agreement first. Legally that will be hard to prove but if there is evidence of big withdrawals to the man on certain dates maybe you could try, get free advice how to go about it. I never lend as I was ripped off my a very close friend who I had known for years, they moved house have a lavish lifestyle but never paid me back although I was struggling as my marriage had broken down, it was money I could not afford but they spun some story saying it was a cash flow problem and I would get it back within the month. I never lend anything now, if I have it I give money, never lend.
Yoga, whoever issued that parking ticket go and see them or ring them up anything, explain the probkem to them and what would be the consequences if you used his space as he's always in yours. He is saying he owns both, utter rubbish, it's probably first come first served. He's a bully. Ask the man where is the evudence he has bought that part of the road as it comes with your flat, one to each flat, he's trying it on and gets away with it. when you are sure of your facts, see his response, if he's still pig headed send a letter with your findings by recorded delivery. Just get everything watertight first. You go Citizens Advice taking all your finding and then get their insight. I would tell him I'm going to the local papers and see if they can sort it, I'm like a dog with a bone with injustice. That's why being estranged hurts so much, there's no resolution just acceptance.