Advice regarding my GD living in Australia

You can give them a little bit of autonomy but remain in control.

Putting the coat on? Which arm are you going to put in first?
Getting into the car and the car seat? Which leg first, which arm first.

No compromise about the coat and the car seat, that is a given, but they can choose the way they do it.

Iam64

Don’t ask 3 year olds what they want in these circs. It’s not like giving them a choice between red socks and green socks. Parents compromise, put their child first, establish good routines they can be flexible about where needed.

This. Three year olds don’t know what they want. Both parents need to reach a compromise.🙂

Don’t ask 3 year olds what they want in these circs. It’s not like giving them a choice between red socks and green socks. Parents compromise, put their child first, establish good routines they can be flexible about where needed.

The child isn't a toy to be shared around.
If it's her time with her dad, then that's how it should stay.

The adults are old enough to entertain themselves when she isn't there.

Routine is best at that age

X posted Grams2five sorry

Probably because they are 3 Violet and may not understand the details of the choices?

May be reasonable to ask them something but at 3 I'm not sure I'd be heavily influenced re booking a holiday! 3 year olds love most things if presented as fun I think.

VioletSky

Why doesn't someone ask the child what they want?

Because I believe the child in question is just three years old

Why doesn't someone ask the child what they want?

maddyone

Callistemon21

We only know one side of this story, in fact we don't even know the mother's side of the story, only that of the grandmother who is disgruntled because her usual holiday plans have been thwarted..

Yes, she needs to compromise on her holiday plans. There is much she could do whilst also visiting her granddaughter.

It's not good if the parents are at odds in front of the little girl. He might be a rotten husband but could be an adoring father.

We just don't know.

ScT
Please skip over my posts too.

Callistemon21

We only know one side of this story, in fact we don't even know the mother's side of the story, only that of the grandmother who is disgruntled because her usual holiday plans have been thwarted..

Yes, she needs to compromise on her holiday plans. There is much she could do whilst also visiting her granddaughter.

maddyone

I’m sorry you don’t like my posts on this thread ScT but that doesn’t mean you need to be quite so aggressive in your own posts. It’s no more your business than it is anyone else’s how all the parties come resolution regarding this issue.
If the thread is distasteful to you then you have no need to participate. You certainly have no need to be so confrontational towards myself or any other poster.

You can choose not to read my posts. I am going to respond how I see fit. I don't want to engage you in a discussion regarding who likes whose post. It's irrelevant.

The topic at hand is a delicate one where someone is asking to meddle in an already difficult situation, much to the detriment of a young child. You can either address that or skip over my posts.

We only know one side of this story, in fact we don't even know the mother's side of the story, only that of the grandmother who is disgruntled because her usual holiday plans have been thwarted..

I’m sorry you don’t like my posts on this thread ScT but that doesn’t mean you need to be quite so aggressive in your own posts. It’s no more your business than it is anyone else’s how all the parties come resolution regarding this issue.
If the thread is distasteful to you then you have no need to participate. You certainly have no need to be so confrontational towards myself or any other poster.

I admit the conversation has become heated, but passions will flare for some when there is discussion of separating children from parents who are entitled to time with them. One would hope the stability of the child was more important than a holiday.

If there are safeguarding issues surrounding the child and her father it's a pity they weren't prioritized prior to the Op's holiday plans being disrupted.

I don't know if the father is unsafe for his child, but the OP's daughter doesn't seem to think it's a bad idea for the child's father to take her all the way to Italy without the mother present. If safeguarding is the subject, perhaps the Op would have lead with that on both threads.

The OP isn’t posting. I hope she’s reflecting given the number of comments here focussed on the needs of the child. In the Australian family law is like ours, with the needs of the child central.
The OP suggested a history of domestic abuse. We have no details. DA impacts children’s emotional and psychological welfare “even if it’s only the mother assaulted” as some have termed it. Infants are thought to be unable to differentiate with a direct assault on them and one they witness mum subjected to.
This thread has become heated. I’m probably adding to that by referring to DA.

You referenced four adults needing to compromise. The OP is about a grandmother asking for legal options to meddle in the visitation agreement of a divorcing couple. Where are the other parties coming from? This situation is ultimately up to a mother and a father to do what's best for their child. I find the entire idea of this thread distasteful. The idea that anyone would ask how to legally cause even more disruption to a child in the middle of a divorce is selfish and wrong on many levels.

I think your responses tying this situation to any other are also unnecessary and potentially detrimental, but I cannot control how you post, maddyone, so I would suggest you not try to control how I post.

Who said the child has four parents? I said the four adults need to compromise.
Your responses are extremely and unnecessarily abrupt when you dislike the smallest thing another poster has written.
Perhaps be a little less confrontational yourself.

"The four adults need to compromise"

The child has four parents? Last I checked there is a mother and a father. Divorce and visitation is complicated enough without additional adults meddling and making this child's transition harder. The OP can feel disappointed but she has no place being a decision maker in this child's visitation with her father. It's that simple.

Leave the divorce and visitation up to the parents to sort. If the father says no, the other adults will just have to learn to cope. It's in the child's best interest to not have her already infrequent visitation with her father interrupted while her parents navigate this separation.

Yes I think that’s right BlueBelle, but not all fathers who are abusive are abusive to their children, but instead only abusive to their wives/ex wives. Unfortunately abuse to the ex wife does have an effect on the children, especially if they’re not babies.
I haven’t seen any suggestion from the OP that the father is abusive. It’s my opinion that he is intransigent and all parties are unwilling to compromise. This doesn’t bode well.
When we were in New Zealand visiting our daughter and grandchildren, when the children were with their father, my husband spent a lot of time decorating for my daughter, building a rabbit run for our grandchildren’s rabbits, doing her garden, building flat pack garden furniture, and other jobs to help her. I took the opportunity to spend some I-I time with my daughter and we went out for lunch a few times at the weekend when she wasn’t working. I also did absolute mountains of washing for her. Because of her ex’s very difficult behaviour and refusal to pay the child support the authorities have told him to do, we bought tanks full of petrol for her and groceries when she had no money left. He would see his children without food rather than do as ordered by the relevant authorities.
There isn’t a suggestion that this is the case here, but we have scant details. The four adults need to compromise, it’s that simple.

BlueBelle

If the father is unsafe or abusive I presume the mother would have had a court order against him having the child alone surely she won’t be letting the child go with him if he was an abusive man

Why does the poster have to do what they ve always done why not have a holiday nearby where the child lives, then the father can see her as normal and everyone ‘should’ be happy

I think the poster wants the holiday she was expecting or else the very first line of her two threads would have been
“I m so worried about my grandaughter as she has an abusive father”

exactly..it's just common sense.. I think she's aggrieved because her plans have been disrupted.. so selfish and entitled

If the father is unsafe or abusive I presume the mother would have had a court order against him having the child alone surely she won’t be letting the child go with him if he was an abusive man

Why does the poster have to do what they ve always done why not have a holiday nearby where the child lives, then the father can see her as normal and everyone ‘should’ be happy

I think the poster wants the holiday she was expecting or else the very first line of her two threads would have been
“I m so worried about my grandaughter as she has an abusive father”

I would take my daughter on a nearby holiday so that my grandchild could still see her father and mum and I could have some nice "holiday time" together as well.
I know I would enjoy holidaying with my son who is the other side of the world for a few days in-between enjoying being also with my grandchild.

Do cone back and let us know what you decide please Cleverfairy13.