Granddaughter won’t speak to us

the problem with texting is that unlike speaking directly to someone english can be read in many ways. You could simply ask "are you coming tomorrow" which to you is a simple question but the reader can read it as a question, a demand, quite a stroppy comment etc. When we speak to someone we also take notice of their body language and gestures and read the meaning from those things as well as the words spoken. Texting is even worse as to keep it short we usually remove all the extras such as please , and if you dont mind etc. So to reply to a text which says what time is the train tomorrow is fine as it is just a fact . it is the 9.15. so nothing to misunderstand. anything other than a specific fact can very easily be totally misunderstood. You could just try asking friends or family what they thought you meant by the last text etc and you will be surprised at the varied answers you get! I taught english as a foreign language and the hardest work at that time was telephone work. The student was in a different room and we had the handset and they then just had to work with that. They got into quite a mess sometimes as all these other clues were not available for them. These days the text cause more problems than even a phone call for the reasons above. So , personally , if there is something important to say to a family member or friend I would speak to them directly on the phone so that you are less likely to me found wanting. Hope things improve for y ou . it is very hard to do nothing but at the moment I think anything that you tried to do would probably be interpreted in a hostile way.

Whitelaw12

Not sure if this the right platform as I'm new. I always wanted a bike and roller skate's when I was about 11 years old, but as only my father worked as a plumber and there was 3 of us girls, sadly it wasn't possible, though I did have a brand new drop handle bar bike when I was 15.

Whitelaw, welcome to Gransnet. You need to post this under "some small thing you always wanted as a child" which you will find in Chat.

You have previously had a close relationship

She cancelled on you last minute and you reacted poorly

What happened when replies went back and forth? Was all the nasty from her or was it both of you?

In any scenario like this, it is best to take responsibility for what you said only, without addressing what she said until she reciprocates by her own choice. That way, both of you know the other is being genuine when there is an apology

I would also take some time to examine your relationship with her for any issues and examine her relationship with her mum incase her mum is a strong personality she finds it difficult to say no too... Because genuinely, were I her mum, I would never try to muscle in on her plans to see you on your birthday after an incident that probably stressed out both of you

As you’re still seeing your GGC I’d leave your GD to get over her tantrum, in her own time.🙂

Unless there’s more to it and you sent her some awful text or your DH did, there’s no excuse for what she said to you.None.
I wouldn’t want her in my life.

I was so disappointed felt let down, did the wrong thing send a text and said just leave it don’t bother on reflection should have thought it not said it,
Anyway it got very nasty she said I am better without you and Grandad in my life so don’t bother contacting me ever again

After you said “leave it” did you get a nasty text back? Or were you both unkind in a text spat prior to her saying don’t contact her?

I think leave it for now, but consider what you’d do differently in the future

Possibly it was the lack of privacy that encouraged texts?

Time will help AXZDER step back and let her come to you.

I am very guilty of texting - everyone has busy lives and it may not always be convenient to talk. So, I text and always get replies, at their convenience. Suits us all .

Why is it rude to use a phone in hospital?

Sorry but I was in hospital but rude to use phone

Wait. Things usually resolve if left alone, imo.

Shelflife

She may have been shocked, does that explain her behaviour- no !? Is there more to this story than meets the eye ?

There's always more to the story. I got the impression their methods of communication weren't that good, for instance texting instead of speaking.
Text messages can be misinterpreted so easily, whilst conversations can be much more subtle and human.

Not sure if this the right platform as I'm new. I always wanted a bike and roller skate's when I was about 11 years old, but as only my father worked as a plumber and there was 3 of us girls, sadly it wasn't possible, though I did have a brand new drop handle bar bike when I was 15.

Did you say anything back to her when the messages got 'very nasty'?

I'd do nothing, there is nothing you can do really, things were said and feelings hurt, just let time tick over and see what happens.

She may have been shocked, does that explain her behaviour- no !? Is there more to this story than meets the eye ?

I second keepingquiet's post Axzder.

I don't doubt she found the episode shocking and upsetting but that doesn't equate with telling you she's better off without you and her GF in her life, and not to contact her again.

You've apologised and can do no more than that and are still seeing your GGC so concentrate on the positives .

I think she was probably very scared when you collapsed as she was "responsibl" for you. She had a little one who may have been scared too.

Her reaction is, I think, from shock and stress.

You do not do anything, beyond being open to any overtures made to you and keep sending cards and presents. Either time will solve the problem, or it won't. there is nothing you can do about it.

You let water flow under the bridge. In time things may change.
You say you still see your GGC and GD knows, so she isn't being so vindictive.
It all comes down to what you can and can't control, and you can't control other people's behaviour however horrible it may seem.
The question I would now ask myself in this situation is, would I now want this difficult person back in my life?
Work on the healthy relationships in your life, particularly with your son.