Fostering? Have you/would you?

I work in children's safeguarding ....have lots of contact with Foster carers....its a real commitment....might be better starting with offering respite....kids come with loads of baggage even tiny ones ....and the threshold for removal is now so high that these kids have been exposed to so many ACES ....and their behaviours can be very challenging.....you might be best going to an open day ....our LA does 2 a year .....you need to consider that even with a baby or little one your days are still going to be quite structured....dropping off a contact centres...picking up....attending health assessments....Cic planning meetings and reviews ..... talk to as many people as you can....learn about the good, the bad.... and the ugly

I haven't myself, but both my friend and her parents fostered for many years, so I saw at first hand the difference they made to the youngsters in their care, many of whom had special needs. It can be an extremely rewarding job, but it's also very hard work and can be extremely challenging. As LOUISA1523 says, do your research and talk to as many people as you can. Many local authorities hold fostering open days, when you can go along and talk to people and find out more about what is involved.

I am aware of the baggage as I've worked with children in the past/attended case meetings with Social services for them etc I'm not under any illusions, that's why I said respite or short term... I think full time would be too much, even though I have the best intentions.

I am also thinking I may go back to uni, instead. Something good for someone needs to come out of the (many) painful losses. Looking forwards, there is a big hole of nothing, so I am looking at possible ways to make something out of nothing.

I have neighbours who fostered for years in their previous house. I can understand why as they are the kindest, most patient people. I couldn't do it. I'm too old and like my own space

There is a scheme in place in some areas called "shared lives". (Or something like that)

You are matched up with an adult with learning disabilities, and adopt them into your home and family.

I think it's a marvellous idea, and you'll be paid, too.

I would and have considered that, but other events made it impossible.

Not for me, I’m too selfish, I enjoy my own time as well as with MrJ. I love my children and grandchildren, we see both regularly, they’re all here tomorrow, but I also enjoy our flexibility to go out or away, just considering ourselves.

I did it when our kids were young. I found it difficult to part with them,they had become part of the family. There are some sad stories out there. Our daughters just accepted the little boys as their brothers.

I’ve often thought about this but know for sure that DH and other family members would be strongly against it.

OnwardandUpward

Have you ever thought about fostering, or actually done it? For kids or adults with special needs? (perhaps short term or respite)

My DH does not want to and I still have a child at home to consider. But I may do one day, if/when I am (sadly) alone at home.

I still have a lot of love to give and I would be interested in your ideas. I fully accept I cannot be a GP (or parent even to DS) unless there is a miracle in their life, so I am looking at options for a fulfilled future and to make a difference in someone else's life.

Could you? Would you? Have you?

Why is this in Estrangement. Could you ask HQ to move it to a more suitable forum?

My best friend has been a foster carer for many years. They take teenagers and have also taken a few single girls with babies.

She has done a superb job and 3 of them have gone onto Uni but came to her having hardly attended school.

She has had kids who have never owned a toothbrush, who think a healthy diet is pot noodles and instant pasta, kids who have never eaten at a table and so on.

Hard work but very rewarding.

There is a charity called Sussex Nightstop which offers short term stays in people's own homes to homeless young people.

Maybe there is something similar near you? Your DH might not object to occasional 3 night stays and you could really make a difference to young people's lives..

No, never. I love my own children but would not be up to having responsibility for others.

I was an independent visitor for many years, this is a voluntary role to spend time with children in foster care or LA care.

I did many weeks of training despite already having done safeguarding etc, it was a fulfilling role , I really enjoyed it.

I learned a lot and my advice to anyone wanting to foster would be to dip their toes in first witheither respite care or being an independent visitor.

Fostering is not for the faint hearted, you need to be strong and well supported with loads of energy and a very open mind.

No I haven’t as I had my hands full with twins, and it just isn’t possible now for many reasons.It’s a wonderful thing to do and I really admire those who do.What could be better than giving a loving home to a child who needs it.

Just like having children, filling a hole may not be the right motivation for fostering because these children need all your strength and you need to come at it from a place of strength

It's an admirable goal but healing from the trauma of estrangement needs to come first

Mother nature called but I had to wait four years for my son to arrive. I would have definitely fostered if I could not have had children.

Mine is, so I would't consider it while I've got him because I want to fully enjoy him, but if I am widowed I would do either kids or Shared Lives.

VioletSky

Just like having children, filling a hole may not be the right motivation for fostering because these children need all your strength and you need to come at it from a place of strength

It's an admirable goal but healing from the trauma of estrangement needs to come first

It's definitely too soon at the moment, you're right about that VS. Funny, but as I was outside I was just thinking it's not right to fill a hole.

I think it's more about me making a contingency plan for the future of something I may be able to do if the house gets even quieter

At the moment I have my husband and still a child at home, so now is not the right time. I'm also considering uni though because I haven't ever had much time for myself.

When my own children were 4 and one and a half I started to foster babies who were waiting to be adopted. At the time the mother had to wait 6 weeks after the birth before they could go for adoption so I got them at 7 days old . They just fitted into our family fine . I never had a full night's sleep any way so getting up for another was no problem . I loved doing this and wept buckets when they left us but when the abortion act really kicked in the flow of babies stopped. At one time the SW would phone me and ask if I wanted one with certain problems or an older baby and I could choose.
My DD still remember how she fanticised about her real mother and would ask to go back to her when we fell out . I had to say she was stuck with the one she had. Our children were never bothered when a baby left us .
I remember being at a creche at the church and dressing one of the babies and a friend remarked that I looked like I had been doing it all my life.
Sadly my own health and lack of babies stopped our fostering . I got so mad at people who said they were too soft hearted to do what I did . How did they think I felt when a baby left us .
All this was in the 1970s when unmarried mothers got no help at all to keep their babies and some of the ones I cared for had mothers who were teachers and middle class but the girl's father would forbid the mother to keep the baby and they had to accept it . They were supposed to come with some clothes from the mother and sometimes they were sad little bundles.
I always feel that at least I did some good in the world getting these children off to a good start when I was always told if I did not take them they would go to the orphanage . I would love to meet them again .

That's such an amazing act of kindness Floradora

I'm sure your soft heart had plenty of bonds that were painfully wrenched when you passed the babies on . You did so well giving them a good start in life.

Back then there probably wasn't any disposable nappies either. I can imagine how much you missed the babies. It's so sad the mothers were forced to make that decision and I'm sure each baby was wept over twice, once by the real mother and then by you.