Estrangers and their 'entitled' expectations

Exactly Smileless2012
You could go NO contact without anyone outside the Estranged Parent needing to know!

sassysaysso

Don't do anything in anger you may regret at a time when it is too late to change anything.

But if you're dead you won't know 🤔

Lost contact isn't the same as no contact NotSpaghetti. No contact is a conscious decision and more often than not, the one(s) being estranged/going no contact is told they're not to make contact again, even if they're not told why.

It's not about moving away or losing touch and is often preceded by abuse, control and/or manipulation.

Flower21
I think you are wrong that estrangement is a modern disease.
It happened all the time in years gone by but wasn't spoken of.

When I was a girl people just moved away and then were somehow not heard of again.
No contact was "lost contact".
A (so called) "difficult" adult child left for America or Australia or moved to the city and was never seen or heard of again.

I'm sure it was easier then to be honest - few photos, phones, not a lot of money, less travel and no social media.
No excuses needed.

No, most definitely not.

Not everyone's the same are they MissA.

Sara1954, interestingly, after he died my lovely friend was included (by her stepmother - the wife of her estranged father) in family invitations. She has been to several family gatherings since and is in touch with her sister, step siblings, neices and nephews.

User138562

I'm intrigued by the ongoing insistence that estranged AC will regret it or suffer somehow. It seems some people find that idea comforting, which is interesting to saw the least.

Rest assured that we don't want anything but to be left alone by our parents. Anything else you think is happening is fantasy.

Some do though.
They are on this thread.

Why be sceptical Sara it does happen, parents do become estranged without ever being told why. I know that the reasons shared on GN from those who have estranged are not why our son did, but that doesn't make me sceptical, unwilling or unable to believe what they say.

I don't understand why any one who has estranged will see not being a beneficiary as an act of spite, it will only be so if that's how it's interpreted. If an inheritance isn't wanted anyway then the person who disinherited, if that was their intention has failed haven't they.

Despite our ES's wife being controlling and manipulative sassysaysso, we would never have blocked communication with him and would have done everything we could to maintain our relationship with him and our only GC.

Flower I am doing time... describes it very well. We feel as if we've been judged, convicted and given a life sentence and for some of us, we have no idea what crime we're supposed to have committed.

I'm not aware of any ongoing insistence that estranged AC will regret it or suffer somehow User. There is perhaps for some the possibility, but as we can only talk about our own experiences and feelings in relation to those, it's impossible to say.

Maybe some EP's if they feel EAC will regret what they've done or suffer in some way do find it comforting, just as some EAC are comforted in the knowledge that they will never see their EP's again because they will never reconcile or their parent(s) have died.

I don't suppose EAC are immune from fantasising anymore than EP's.

Anything else you think is happening is fantasy if this is the case it can also be applied to an EAC whose disinherited believing it was done as a final act of spite, and/or because their parent never loved us.

User138562

I'm intrigued by the ongoing insistence that estranged AC will regret it or suffer somehow. It seems some people find that idea comforting, which is interesting to saw the least.

Rest assured that we don't want anything but to be left alone by our parents. Anything else you think is happening is fantasy.

I think that is true. The natural process in life is for grown kids to take off and not rely on parents anymore, so if they take it one step further and have nothing whatsoever to do with said parents for whatever reason it probably feels liberating in many cases.
But for parents of grown children who decide to do this it can be heart breaking and affect their emotional and psychological well-being, I suppose you could reply ‘well perhaps they deserve it’, and am sure some do, my own husband was mercilessly abused by his father. But what about those who don’t deserve it and have actually suffered emotional, mental, and even in some cases physical abuse from a grown child?
It isn’t the natural process for them to feel liberated and boast about how much better off they are without their GC in their life.
They are left stranded, very much alone, and without a smidgen of sympathy or support from a society that automatically rules in favour of the GC.

I'm intrigued by the ongoing insistence that estranged AC will regret it or suffer somehow. It seems some people find that idea comforting, which is interesting to saw the least.

Rest assured that we don't want anything but to be left alone by our parents. Anything else you think is happening is fantasy.

Just to point out, as I know there are quite a number of Scottish members on here, that you cannot disinherit a child under Scottish Law.

Flower21 you should know better than to make sweeping statements like that on GN and not be challenged.

Aveline, you have no way of knowing if my experience is limited. In actual fact, it is sadly not. You should inform yourself before you pass judgement on me or my post. Read the replies my post has generated and you will see how widespread estrangement is. It is becoming a modern disease. I cannot expand on my particular case as it would be easily identifiable here but believe me I have suffered and endured for many years at the hands of an entitled, brutal relative with narcissistic traits. Their estrangement of me has broken my heart and I feel I am doing time in as sure a way as an emprisoned criminal. I am only just beginning to take more care of myself and seeing that person for who and what they are. Money is a big factor in their life and the only way for me to assert myself. If I am found lacking and you don't want me in your life then my money isn't for you either. I posted here to ask how others deal with that. Please keep writing, you are really helping. Thank you.

My parents had already made it clear that three quarters of any "inheritance" was going to my golden princess of a sister long before I estranged my parents. This was because I had given them no grandchildren.

Liverpool funerals (and weddings) are renouned for family rows. On the eve of my fathers funeral my mother expressed how "bitterly disappointed" my father was that I never "gave" them grandchildren. I had earned the highest degree that its possible to achieve in this (or any other) country and forged two successful professional careers. But that was not enough.

Even a mental defective can give birth to a child.

My will leaves everything to one nephew (by marriage) and my blood kin can go swivel.

That is a very blunt statement sassysaysso! I can I assure you I'm very good at listening given the chance.

NotSpaghetti, that is what I would like to happen, but I don’t think it will, I don’t think they expect anything from her, it will all go to my brother and his children, to be fair, he’s earned it.

sassysaysso

My mother and I were estranged and when the time came she disinherited me. It saddened me, not because I was being grabby and wanting a handout but because it was the last opportunity for her to show me her love which had been missing from my life.

I felt the same, it felt like her final act of spite, and she had a degree in it so no surprise there.
In terms of an inheritance I certainly didn’t need/want it and I certainly didn’t expect it but will say that it would have helped my children’s first step on the housing ladder and they were her grandchildren after all… she could have chosen to leave her inheritance to them. She didn’t love me.

Flower
Do they really believe that they will get away with breaking hearts and ruining lives and then later collect their 'entitlement' in the shape of inheritance?

No I would be surprised if they wanted an inheritance if they were estranged... I like to think I'd still leave them one though if this dreadful situation pertained.

The only estranged person I'm close to these days was pleased that her father gave what would have been her share of the inheritance to her children (missing her out) - but she said she would have been happy to have had nothing come to them.

I think if you estrange someone you want no further relationship - surely?

Communication may be blocked when one party recognises the other party will just deny deny deny and just continue manipulative and controlling behaviour during any conversation. Part of communication is about listening.

I felt this too, I certainly didn’t want to inherit and it would have gone to my children, her grandchildren, to help them on the housing ladder. I interpreted her actions as her final act of spite, and heaven knows she had a degree in spite.

Bridie, I think that’s the Point, I don’t think most people, myself included, want the lines of communication open.
But I can see how upsetting and frustrating this must be if you want to try and resolve things.

a lot of estrangements are to do with abuse from either a parent or a child. I don't think money is a factor at all for most people

I agree Sara1954 that there maybe faults on both sides, but if communication is blocked its impossible to have any conversation.

I should have estranged myself from my mother, she had NPD.
She was manipulative, lying, controlling and downright nasty.

It wasn’t an inheritance that stopped me, it was the lies and the damage I knew she was capable of, I have a branch of the family and a solicitor that believes I coerced her for money.

Thankfully I am enjoying my life so much more now she is dead.