DGC in hospital with e Coli Infection

Pammie1

Hithere

You clearly blamed her for getting her child sick - are you honestly surprised of the outcome?

Stop cleaning her house unless she asks you - you sent her a message she didn't fit your standards

What else did you do that she felt inadequate in your eyes?

Apologize for judging her if you want to mend your relationship

And what - let the baby go back to a dirty flat to be tended by a mother with poor personal hygiene ? A serious infection like this is a red flag, and OP is right to treat it as one. The infection may have been picked up during birth, but there is obviously a problem which is worrying the OP enough to post here. She doesn’t need judgement she needs advice on how to keep her GC safe.

This. The baby comes first here. 🤷‍♀️

Zumba369

Thanks for the sage words everyone. Unfortunately, the health visitor doesn’t visit after the first week in my daughter’s area. Her DP tries to help by doing the laundry but he recently lost his job and just seems overwhelmed by everything. This might sound stupid but I think her mobile phone/case could be a source of infection. It’s at least four years old, is falling apart and she takes it into the toilet with her 😔

The vast majority of infant e. coli infections are acquired during the birth of shortly after in the hospital itself—infant and maternal wards house a wide variety of serotypes at any given point, it’s just one of the realities of healthcare.

I can see very much why a brand-new mother with a partner who is unemployed but only helps with laundry would have a messy home. I would be extremely stressed handling the post-birth recovery, breastfeeding, etc. while also feeling like I have to take care of another “overwhelmed” adult (and manage my mother’s expectations). He is also responsible for the state of the home he lives in; I can see why your daughter might feel ganged up on or unfairly judged in your discussion of maintaining the baby’s environment. The fact that the father is barely mentioned in your post seems unfair to me, as an outsider.

It also sounds like your daughter grew up to address her own hygiene needs, as you said she takes pride in? Have you actually see that she doesn’t wash her hands properly or is that something you’re projecting? I know anxiety is high for you right now, but it’s even more so for her. I think a gentle apology and some belief in her from you would probably go a long way in mending things.

I agree everything that babs has said.

My DD is Autistic, not yet diagnosed as she's extremely clever and school just couldn't be bothered...anyway, she's in her early teens and I get the hygiene thing which I've always been in control over.

I'm also very aware of the cohabitating issues that will go hand in hand with Autism like anxiety and depression especially in girls / women.

She will need your support, not criticism, her brain is different to neurotypical people and won't understand the importance of hygiene and looking after herself, it's actually a safeguarding issue and she should of had support waaaaaay before now.

If you have serious concerns about the situation you need to report to SS. They will do an assessment.

Hithere

You clearly blamed her for getting her child sick - are you honestly surprised of the outcome?

Stop cleaning her house unless she asks you - you sent her a message she didn't fit your standards

What else did you do that she felt inadequate in your eyes?

Apologize for judging her if you want to mend your relationship

And what - let the baby go back to a dirty flat to be tended by a mother with poor personal hygiene ? A serious infection like this is a red flag, and OP is right to treat it as one. The infection may have been picked up during birth, but there is obviously a problem which is worrying the OP enough to post here. She doesn’t need judgement she needs advice on how to keep her GC safe.

Oldbat1

Health visitors visiting? Not in my dd area. Certainly not after the first week of giving birth.

Nor in this area. DD was expected to take the baby to a room in the local school where she had to "self-weigh" baby. And that was following an emergency caesarian

Around here, new mums get regular visits from a HV. It starts weekly and then gets to monthly.

But, hygiene is important with a new baby, and I’m sure the HV will reinforce this. If there are concerns, then they will involve Social services.

Meantime, try to support your daughter.

She obviously needs it.

' listen' to Luckygirl, she has sound advice. Your DD may or may not have autism, either way do try to turn a ' blind eye' . I recognize how difficult that is and I can see you are in Mum mode and just want to help.Whatever the reason your DD will not change! Try and use your emotional energy to repair the relationship with your DD. Apologize even if you feel you are not to blame. She needs you just now , so take the pressure off . Rebuild your relationship and enjoy your beautiful new GS. Remember babies are fairly tough cookies! Good luck and congratulations.💐

Oldbat I think you are right. When my DD2 had her second child in 2021 (a home birth) I’m pretty sure she said she had no aftercare except one midwife visit and no health visitors.

I doubt it’s the mobile phone case, if it worries you, buy her a new one, you could say you’re concerned she might lose her phone.

Managing the house is up to her partner too, occasionally helping with the washing isn't good enough. Even while he is at work he should be doing a lot more than occasional washing

I'm autistic and do not have issues with personal hygiene but what I do have is comorbid depression and anxiety which can make that difficult

This whole family needs help, someone needs to step in and make sure they get it

Oldbat1

Health visitors visiting? Not in my dd area. Certainly not after the first week of giving birth.

My 16 month DGD still gets Health Visitor visits. She had one last week. All well and thriving.

Thanks for the sage words everyone. Unfortunately, the health visitor doesn’t visit after the first week in my daughter’s area. Her DP tries to help by doing the laundry but he recently lost his job and just seems overwhelmed by everything. This might sound stupid but I think her mobile phone/case could be a source of infection. It’s at least four years old, is falling apart and she takes it into the toilet with her 😔

You clearly blamed her for getting her child sick - are you honestly surprised of the outcome?

Stop cleaning her house unless she asks you - you sent her a message she didn't fit your standards

What else did you do that she felt inadequate in your eyes?

Apologize for judging her if you want to mend your relationship

I think Luckygirl's advice is spot on. I hope your grandson is back to full health soon

Most likely outcome is that ecoli was 'caught' during delivery ( just one of those things) ....and baby not presented with symptoms til a couple of weeks later ..... can't really blame your DD for seeing red ......she will have felt really awful anyway ..

Health visitors visiting? Not in my dd area. Certainly not after the first week of giving birth.

A tricky situation, but as has been said the midwife and then the health visitor should visit, if they see anything that gives cause for concern they will raise it with the new mum.
Try not to judge, at this stage your daughter will feel very vulnerable, especially when her baby has had to go to hospital. She needs your help right now more than anything. And though your daughter has a history of poor hygiene it is worth noting that post natal depression can result in a mum neglecting her hygiene, so go gently, and tbh am not sure why the fiancé isn’t getting a mop and bucket out, why leave it all to you or your daughter?
If he’s working there is still time at the end of the day or weekends to help out with cleaning.
Just a thought.

I do not think there is anything you can do. She is of course annoyed that you scrub her flat (with the criticism that implies) - the flat was always dirty and untidy and I had to work like a maniac each visit to ensure the flat was as clean as possible - and that you have basically accused her of causing her baby's illness at a time when she is frantic with worry over him. There is no way of knowing how baby came to develop and e coli infection - they happen in the cleanest of environments.

When baby goes home the midwife will be visiting (and then the health visitor) and will deal with any concerns about hygiene. I am guessing that they will have seen far worse in their time, and will know how to deal with it all in the appropriate way.

I was a social worker and believe me I saw some pretty chaotic environments in which babies were brought up in the slums of Birmingham in the early 70s. As long as the midwife and HV were going in they would help to create a minimum baseline of suitable conditions, but recognised that actually babies do survive in some pretty basic and less than ideal circumstances - they develop good immune systems and seem to thrive.

Your DD is going to need you as a support and one of the prime aims must be to keep friends with her. Maybe best to proceed gently and offer support in a low key way without her feeling criticised. And do not forget that she has a partner there. It is down to him to be a support too - it is his home too and any mess is also down to him; and sorting it out down to him. You need to keep him onside too and not be the MIL who barges in and tidies up!

I know you are worried about her and the baby, but they are a family now, two grown adults and a baby, and in the end they must do it their way. If the midwife and HV have concerns they will take the right steps.

I hope that baby is well soon. They are in the right place.

Petra, I was thinking exactly the same thing. I'm sure the health visitor would have flagged up the living conditions anyway.

But you may find that her reaction was precisely because she now sees the situation - and your comments were too close to home (with a sick baby in hospital).

🤞

It could well be that your daughter is carrying the virus without symptoms, in which case it could have been passed onto the baby in the birthing.
Don’t be surprised if social services get involved.
Many years ago a district nurse friend reported such a case.
I do understand the problem with neuro diverse children and personal hygiene.