How does mom and son have such a great relationship, now estranged?

Perhaps if you could take a step back and concentrate on getting your life sorted out more and develop other interests, in the future you could see how problems arose between you and offer the olive branch, accepting your part in it as things usually have two sides. Looking back its what i should have done but didn't and now Ive been estranged years with no prospects of anything being any different.

Well, it very much depends on what has caused this.

If it’s nothing you have done, then concentrate on your life. It this is something you’ve caused, then best to knowledge it, apologise and try to sort it out.

Hello CElie. As DL has posted, if you know this is because of something you have done then an apology is the place to start. If not then there's nothing you can really do and that's also the case if you don't know why.

In response to your thread title, I wish I knew.

We had an extremely close and loving relationship with our youngest son until he estranged us more than 11.5 years ago when he was 27, not long after he'd married and within a year of our first GC being born.

What has caused the rift?

A marriage or new partner/girlfriend/boyfriend can sometimes cause a shift. Not always for the better.

You're right about that fancythat [sad}

Careful assuming you had no part in the conflict, because that is a death sentence for the relationship. The only time when one party has no fault at all is an abuse situation. Aside from abuse, it is helpful to think about what you could do differently. Both sides should be reflecting on the conflict from that perspective.

A lot of times, people stop communication when they give up on the chance for a change. If you show yourself as receptive to feedback it can go a long way in resolving conflict.

It won't always work, but if you come at it in a humble way the other person may meet you in the middle. Ideally, everyone will identify how they could do better and work on it.

The disagreements over the past year are key here. You don’t need to explain to us, nobody is owed that on here. But you need to address this in order to hopefully move beyond it. This is still very much just a temporary rift rather than an estrangement, so there is hope that things can change. Is there a member of the family who could be described as ‘neutral’ who could mediate between you, perhaps arrange a meeting away from your homes and the pressures you have both been under. If one of you was the instigator of the disagreements then that needs to be admitted and an apology forthcoming, equally both of you will have probably said things in the heat of the moment so apologies should come from both sides for this. Clearing the air will be hard and might not happen straight away but you can try your best, and at the end of the day that is all any of us can do.
Good luck 🤞

Babs03 I agree. Clearing the air, with both sides being honest is the way to go. Silent resentment, festering and brooding never solves a thing.

Disagreements and misunderstanding can erupt from very little - apologies can help a lot. We all say things in the heat of the moment.

As you say, neutral ground, and discussion just involving the people involved, can really help move it on.

But, it does depend on what the disagreement is about, obviously.

Silent resentment, festering and brooding never solves a thing and can and does lead to estrangements that could be avoided DL.

How long is it since you saw your grandson?

Disagreements can fester in families and children are often the ones caught up in it. You say the rest of the family is close, does this mean you have other children?

For the panic attacks you should go see your GP. I know what a terrible feeling this is.

My advice is to ignore the doom sayers- get your self-esteem back together and form an action plan. It starts with apologies, even if it wasn't your fault. Arrange any possible meetings on neutral ground. It may take years, so be prepared but small steps at reconciliation are what is needed here.

What you need first though, is confidence in yourself.

Smileless2012

^Silent resentment, festering and brooding never solves a thing^ and can and does lead to estrangements that could be avoided DL.

Well, if someone is silently festering, and don’t tell you why, the situation can never be resolved. It takes an honest and forthright exchange of views.

Communication, from both sides, is key.🙂

Please go and see your GP about the anxiety and panic attacks, it's not good for our physical health either as older women and it can be managed.

The best way to have a good relationship with your grandchild is to have a good relationship with their parents.

It's really important to take some time to reflect on where things have gone wrong and think about what changes need to be made to have a good relationship

Remember a good relationship meets in the middle. Every adult involved is allowed to have boundaries and respect towards each other as adults

I hope things resolve for you

It takes effort from both sides, impossible if one side has slammed the door..

It starts with apologies, even if it wasn't your fault.

This is key.
Just do it - because you care.

Everyone involved in the relationship has to want to make it work, or it wont.

NotSpaghetti

^It starts with apologies, even if it wasn't your fault.^

This is key.
Just do it - because you care.

This is so true, often in disagreements it is hard to think straight and the simple act of saying "I'm so sorry, I wouldn't ever want to hurt you" can break down high walls... And then opens the way for deep and meaningful communication and reciprocated apologies