Very low please be kind😥

So after the 16/10 you can extricate yourself from the joint lease. That is one problem solved. Your daughter should seek advice about housing benefit/universal credit that could top up what she pays from that date onwards.
So glad you have found a safe space with your ex husband. Stay there and give yourself time to figure out where you go from there. Keep going over to help with the children going to school if you feel this keeps you connected with the GCs, but if this becomes too stressful you might need to keep your distance for your own wellbeing.
Don't put up with this, abuse is a never ending cycle if you just keep enabling your daughter by accepting her abuse, break the cycle now before it breaks you.
And do see your GP, you sound depressed and need some help asap. Also don't hesitate to contact The Samaritans if you feel at the end of your tether.
You will get through this but you have to break free.
Wishing you well with this.
xx

jenpax the fact that her sister's have problems with this problem daughter, shows that the problem is not yours, but hers and in many ways she has been able to behave the way she has because you were doing everything possibl to allow her to do it.

The best thing you can do is seperate yourself from her physically and refuse to bow to her demands. In the meanwhile, go and see your doctor and also see if you can get some counselling to help you deal with this problem.

Please keep in touch if you can jenpax so we know that you're OK.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond

Jenpax, you can phone the samaritans if you feel you are having a crisis,( or just for a listening ear) or 999.

Please don't try to manage your feelings if the get overwhelming.

Some good advice here Jenpax but if you are having suicidal thoughts you might feel that you need more urgent help than trying to access a GP appointment. 111 now has a mental health option and there's also Samaritans
www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

I would also contact a Women's Centre if you can.. you are a victim of elder abuse and you really need some support..

Please see your GP for your suicidal thoughts and ask if you can see a counsellor.. your self esteem is rock bottom and this whole situation is so skewed that you think you are a failure..

you are an amazingly strong, resilient woman who has heroically brought up 3 children despite the most challenging circumstances.. I send you many best wishes that you gain some peace and clarity in the near future..

That's good to know jenpax it must be a relief; I'm relieved for you.

You have found a place of safety away from your daughter. Stay there. Sorry to be brutal but you can no longer live with her. I suggest you contact the children's father and tell him, not ask, that he takes responsibility for his children as their mother, can no longer cope and you can no longer help her. This is serious.

See your GP and tell him exactly how you are feeling and your present situation, physically and financially.

See exactly where you stand financially with regard to the lease arrangement. Check how much you are legally responsible for but ignore food and energy bills; these are the parents' responsibility.

Let go of the past. You have raised two children successfully and you have done your best for your third child and can do no more. If she fails her course, so be it.
You muststop this situation and stop attempting to make things work for your daughter. You cannot; she and her husband have to take responsibility. The children's safety is paramount.

jenpax

Yes I can its my ex husbands place and we have agreed that I will move in permanently as the toxic environment at the house could not continue

That sounds a good idea. Removing yourself from the situation will help no end. 🙂

Glad it runs out so soon!

You can't keep setting yourself on fire to keep her warm, you obviously need some self care right now, please look after yourself

Yes I can its my ex husbands place and we have agreed that I will move in permanently as the toxic environment at the house could not continue

Another positive Jenpax that your shared lease finishes next month, can you stay on in the flat you're currently occupying?

VioletSky

I think you need to start withdrawing from this relationship and stop giving more time and energy than you can manage

Please see the doctor about how you are feeling...

The lease though is a massive issue... Surely if you are on the lease you have some legal financial responsibility?

If your daughter took the lease out together with you, can she afford it alone? If she can't, she will eventually be evicted and the landlord will surely come after both of you for any arrears?

I think you need to figure that out as a priority?

The lease expires on 16/10 and I will pay my share (if a little late) up to that date I have already told the agents that I do not want to renew with her. Its the additional stress of finding the money up to that date which is stressful as when I entered into the contract my income was a lot greater

I think you need to start withdrawing from this relationship and stop giving more time and energy than you can manage

Please see the doctor about how you are feeling...

The lease though is a massive issue... Surely if you are on the lease you have some legal financial responsibility?

If your daughter took the lease out together with you, can she afford it alone? If she can't, she will eventually be evicted and the landlord will surely come after both of you for any arrears?

I think you need to figure that out as a priority?

You have done so much more than most parents would or could do. Your first duty is to look after yourself, be kind to yourself. Stop letting your daughter guilt trip you. You've done your very best, it's now time to put yourself first. And time for her to take responsibility for her own situation, she's an adult. Do not blame yourself for her failings. We all make mistakes as parents, you are no different, we learn on the job. Take good care of yourself. Treat yourself to a visit to the hairdressers, paint your nails, wear a little jewellery. Live a little. Life is so short. I hope that doesn't sound too flippant, it's not meant to be. I really hope your life improves for you very soon

What a great mum you are to your daughter and your granchildren, and how lucky your daughter is to have you in her life . There comes a time when to look at your own life wants and needs and you are now realising your worth . Well done for moving out . Sounds to me as if you have completely forgotten yourself. You deserve much more than being treated badly . You've had it tough while bringing your family up , no support and no back up and I can see how you didn't want your daughter to struggle as you did . But , it's your time for you now . All the very best for your future . Get some rest , get well and strong and don't let your daughter abuse you .

I have got soo depressed that I feel suicidal

Please, please seek help. Go to the GP, insist. Try a short course of meds to help you see the wood for the trees. Try a private therapist ( I know it's costly)

You are of value.

I've just seen your second post jenpax. Please contact your doctor as you sound depressed which is perfectly understandable. You need help, you are strong but even the strongest need help sometimes .

Oh jenpax you really must put a stop to your D's emotional and financial abuse.

At least you've moved out which is a big positive so now you have to stop being so available to her. If you weren't there to help with the children, what would she do? How dare she use her children, your GC as emotional blackmail to make you do whatever she wants, after all that you've done and continue to do for her.

I'm not surprised your other D's can't stand her. I'm sorry but no amount of stress she may be going through excuses this awful behaviour. I know that parent instinctively excuse their children's behaviour at times, but this inexcusable.

Your situation my seem hopeless but that doesn't mean that you are. You are not a failure, your D is the one who is failing. She's failing her children by using them to get what she wants and she's failing you, her mother.

Please contact your GP about having some counselling. You need help to set up and maintain boundaries to protect yourself.

You are not alone, there are other parents who are being abused by their AC and it really does help to know that it isn't just you and it isn't you at all; it's her .

Yes, you sound very strong - try to muster it up and sort out your life.

Stop helping - let her sort herself out. It’s not your job.

Best wishes. 💐

You certainly are not a failure!!!
You have shouldered a whole heap of stress, for many years, and just got on with it.

You have so much to be proud of.

A lot of people don't have an ounce of the strength you have.

The question now is, are you going to muster some of it up once more, and begin to make changes?

I have had other periods of depression but her behaviour has got worse and worse! Coupled with feeling more and more tired and looking back at my life and feeling what a bloody failure I am 😥

I suppose one can only ask if you can see why you feel so low, after how many years of this?

Sre you planning to change it, or do you just want to offload?"

I'm sorry you're so worn down with your life, but not at all surprised.