Yoga, it's so hard. I think your gc will be in touch one day out of curiosity, if nothing else, but we have lost those formative years with them, they don't know us. Overriding all that is our child, part of us,who from the moment of birth, before that even, we loved fiercely would do anything for, thought we had forever, walked away, we were and are inconsequential. I understand that grandma who wanted to end it all, but we don't,we carry on because we have others we love and love us. We make new lives around that big hole in our lives. It is like losing your partner, nothing is the same. Sending you a big hug, we all know just how you feel.