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Estrangement

Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

(1000 Posts)
Smileless2012 Sat 04-Jan-25 10:59:10

Just as we know the pain and anguish that words of anger, bitterness and sometimes hate can cause, we also know the power of words to comfort, support, understand and sometimes help to heal.

This is and always has been the reason for this support thread, it's why it was started so long ago and why it continues. The fact that true friendships are made as regular posters share much of their lives with one another, good and bad, is a wonderful bonus there for all who continue to post and for new comers too.

Whiff Fri 23-May-25 13:01:26

Babs has good news Mr B will be going home . And she hopes to be back here soon . Mr B still has a journey to get better but they will have good support . They have already been through so much and life for them both has changed but they are still together and that's the main thing .

Spring20 Thu 22-May-25 19:30:41

Good to have you back Whiff!

Whiff Thu 22-May-25 12:08:57

Sorry had already mentioned my journey as it's seems I posted while away and forgot . Won't bore you with what happened trying to leave Prestatyn. It wasn't to do with me but someone else but did get back to Llandudno eventually.

Spring your poor husband . What a shock when he bite it.

Smiles haven't watched Eurovision for years as it's all political voting nothing to do with the song is any good. You always know which countries will vote for eachother. Wish we didn't bother entering. Just remembered last time I watched Terry Wogan did the commentary.

Portrait can't remember when it last rained here which is unusual. My water butt is dry . So had to use my outside tap filling my watering cans . But I only water my pots and my veg the rest of the plants have to fend for themselves. And top up my pond so the birds can have a drink.

Yogin it's hard when it's your grandchildren's birthdays like Easter and Christmas and you can't sent them a card or present . I had to stop myself from even looking at things they might like 2 years ago as I was only hurting myself. Plus I don't know if my son and daughter in law have told them I don't care or I am dead. They will be 9,7&5 this year. But I do wish them happy birthday, Christmas and Easter out loud.

Smiles hope you are enjoying your time with family . And them with your friend . Packing for all weathers is a pain . Hope you are lucky and have the good weather I had last week and it's hot here this .

I am getting better at not over packing only had few clean clothes to bring back this time .

Back to my normal routine this week.

Take care everyone.

Whiff Thu 22-May-25 11:27:18

Bridie sorry you had someone close to you take their own life and not know why. Same with your estrangement.

Estrangement is hard to accept especially as you don't understand why . For me I know I am not at fault . It was my son's choice and the things he said in his email in 2020 where twisted . Even throwing back in my face we hide things about his dad's cancer but he never wanted the children to know how much he was in pain physically and how much he died want to leave us. I did asked my daughter if she thought we hide things from them she said yes but dad didn't want us to know . I did ask if she wanted to know this was in 2020 she said no . As it was private between me and her dad. She respected his right as he was only protecting them . Like parents do.

Yoginimeisje Thu 22-May-25 08:34:01

Enjoyed reading your post Whiff Glad you had a good time, albeit with a few hitches.

Whiff Wed 21-May-25 12:44:35

Dam just lost rest of my post . Here's the beach and pier . As off to craft group.

Whiff Wed 21-May-25 12:01:46

Before I catch up with all your posters better tell you about my holiday. As many of you know nothing is ever straightforward with me. Taxi came at 7.30 am . Travel assistance got me on the train to my first change . The train ahead of us broke down so we sat going no where for 15 mins then when we did move had to get off at the next station as the train had to go back to the city because of the timetable. Guard got me off the train and radio ahead for travel assistance for me.

Got to my first change ,lift was broken . It was a long walk to cross over to the platform opposite where I watched the train I should have been on go. So a wheelchair was fetched . Had man pushing me and a woman had my luggage. Had to go along the platform down a steep slope. He had to ring and stop the trains then pushed me across the tracks and then ring to start the trains again. Once on the platform I went to get out of the wheelchair but said it's a long train and want to make sure I get comfortable. 🤦.

While waiting for the train phoned Llandudno station and asked they put out a message over the tannoy for my aunt and uncle who where meeting me . Which found out later they didn't do.

Train came got on and when the guard came made sure I had assistance at the next change and then off at Llandudno station. Arrived at 1.30 should have been there at 11.02. But I got there.

Taxi office was next to station went to order a taxi but they showed me the hotel was only up the hill and could be 20 min wait for taxi. So I walked up the hill . My arms where dropping off by the time I got to my hotel.

Got into the lift pressed the button but nothing happened so lean down and shouted to the receptionist the lift not working . Had to hold the button in 🤷🤦.

Finally got to my room and had been up graded so lovely surprise. Never had a room with a fridge before. There was a coffee machine you put pods in and some teas plus 2 small bars green and black chocolate. Luckily when I went out of my room a man was doing housekeeping and asked which was ordinary tea he said none so got me some PG tips plus more chocolate. I asked him his name and he asked where I had come from . Turned out he was from over the river from the city and wasn't until the end of the week I found out he was the manager .

Went to put my things in the shower room no plug for the sink . So went to reception. What I said I thought was correct it's only when the receptionist said you have no sink I realised the words had come out wrong and said no I mean a plug for the sink . I explained about my HPX. Short version.

I didn't have my aunt or uncles mobile number so kept trying their landline . They hadn't got mine with them when they went to the station. On there way home they got stuck in traffic jam for 2 hours. A farmer pulling a trailer with 3 cattle in it over turned . A call went out to other farmers with trailers,vet ,and police markers men in case the cattle ran and hurt someone. Luckily when I saw my aunt and uncle the next day. It was on the front page of the newspaper the farmer just bruised and the 3 cattle where fine and 3 farmers came with trailers and made a corden so they couldn't escape each took one animal and back to the farmers farm .

See it's not just me that weird things happen to 🤣🤣🤣.

Anyway had a walk to the beach which wasn't far . The pictures are of the beach never seen such big pebbles and the pier was to far to walk. On the way back went to the ice parlour across from my hotel . Delicious.

Had dinner and as usual had to ask it to be cut up in the kitchen for me and used spoon and fork to eat . Back to my room the dead bolt didn't work . When the door was open and turned it came out but not when the door closed. So back to reception and the maintenance man would do it next day . But I knew no one could get in without a key card . What gets me is the person who had the room before me didn't report the missing plug or dead bolt not working . Plus housekeeping didn't notice the missing plug . Only just thought about the plug writing this .

Anyway had good night's sleep and after breakfast saw my aunt and uncle had a walk and had a cuppa in a cafe . They where coming to the hotel to have dinner with me . Which was nice and arranged to spend the day with them on Thursday and they would have dinner at the hotel again.

I saw them more than I expected but glad I did . They are 86 &83 they forgot I am older at 67 and my brother will be 66 this year. They took me to a place called Tweedmill it was nice then we went to their bungalow . It's lovely with a mountain behind it.

Wednesday I had the day to myself. So decide to go too Colwyn on the bus . Had day ticket .Colwyn hiller than I thought . I love old churches so went into one it was beautiful always amazes me how they did things without all today's equipment. Plus it cake and cuppa morning you just paid what you wanted . Decided to get the next bus and see where it took me . So went to Prestatyn. Lovely journey and a lady told me the bus was 10 past the hour to get back.

Smileless2012 Wed 21-May-25 12:00:45

I'm glad you're alright today Yogin. Our hearts remember what our minds wish we could forget x

Yoginimeisje Wed 21-May-25 08:02:09

Thank you Smiles Birdie & Allsorts

I feel fine today, just strange how I felt like that, not realising it was GS birthday!

Have a nice day everyone x

Allsorts Wed 21-May-25 07:48:21

Yoga, it's so hard. I think your gc will be in touch one day out of curiosity, if nothing else, but we have lost those formative years with them, they don't know us. Overriding all that is our child, part of us,who from the moment of birth, before that even, we loved fiercely would do anything for, thought we had forever, walked away, we were and are inconsequential. I understand that grandma who wanted to end it all, but we don't,we carry on because we have others we love and love us. We make new lives around that big hole in our lives. It is like losing your partner, nothing is the same. Sending you a big hug, we all know just how you feel.

Bridie22 Tue 20-May-25 13:34:45

Sending lots of love and hugs x

Smileless2012 Tue 20-May-25 09:02:26

Yogin flowers your heart knew it's your GS's birthday today which is why you're overwhelmed with sadness.

Apart from experiencing our own we've seen so much pain and suffering over the years, and for us a lot of years here on GN. It isn't just our own estrangements that can overwhelm us, it's the estrangements of others too.

Sending you love and (((hugs))) x

Yoginimeisje Tue 20-May-25 07:36:31

Overwelmed with sadness this morning, woke at 5.30am thinking of all the sadness of this situation, could have cried. Thought of the poster who went to her GD house to delivery Xmas gifts to be met by the babysitter, her GD standing on the stairs, the grandma asked for a hug and the GD said; we don't like you!. The grandma got back in her car and seriously thought about ending it all. Then the other poster that would stand at the school gated and call her GDs over; they said we love you mama, but we are not allowed to talk to you. And the other that was frog marched out of her D house by her son.i.l. The first grandma did get a happy ending, as after that she was allowed contact again.

My GS birthday today, my GD's was last week, strange how it hits you, I didn't even know it was his birthday till I looked at my calendar. Wonder if it's telepathy, my estD and I were with each other.

Smileless2012 Mon 19-May-25 11:19:07

Morning everyone, hope you all had a good weekend.

Poor Mr. S., it's going to be a while before he lives that down Spring grin.

We had better than expected weather on Saturday but not so good yesterday and of course the weather's changing at the end of the week just in time for us going away on Thursday.

Staying with my cousin in Chichester for 6 nights and meeting up with extended family members I haven't seen for many years as well as visiting places from my childhood. Then spending 4 nights in Portsmouth with my best friend.

Such a pain packing for holidays in this country, trying to cover for every weather eventuality. End up taking far too much and with everything we need for the dogs the car's always loaded but at least we now have a storage box for the car which will give us a bit more room.

Hope you've recovered from your holiday Whiff; looking forward to hearing all about it.

Sending love and (((hugs))) to you and Mr. B. Babs x

Spring20 Sat 17-May-25 19:27:17

For those wondering- no he didn’t enjoy his unexpected breakfast 😂!
I too really don’t get Eurovision, and am astounded by how popular it is with young folk. I used to watch it for the sarcastic commentary of Terry Wogan and then Graham Norton - but still fell asleep before the end. Sending love to you Babs, and hope you recover soon from your travels Whiff. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Whiff Sat 17-May-25 19:13:26

I came home yesterday but will tell you about my holiday tomorrow. Love going away but it takes it out of me . 😊

Portrait Sat 17-May-25 15:57:41

So much strong wind last night. I was worried it would topple some trees in my yard but awoke to just some smaller branches down. This time of year it is rainy and so lush. Like rainforest lush. It's beautiful even if a little dangerous for the mosquito and tick born illnesses that can occur. Hubby was sleeping upstairs while best friend fur baby and I stayed awake during the wind storm. The rain never came.....

Bridie22 Sat 17-May-25 12:40:29

Loving Eurovision, not sure we will win though🤣
Hope you had a lovely break Whiff, sending hugs and good wishes Babs x

Yoginimeisje Sat 17-May-25 09:09:07

My little GD loves tom. ketchup, have 2 in cupboard and she's now moved onto BBQ confused

For the first time I have actually watched Eurovision and really enjoyed it, love our entry and think it has a chance. The show is a lot different to how it was, everyone happy and enjoying it all. So nice in this bad world of ours now.

Allsorts Sat 17-May-25 08:54:15

Smileless, I never bought ketchup and mine only tried it when they went to grandma, neither took to it but my grandchildren don’t seem to eat a meal without it. Don't like very sweet things except chocolate, children the same. Never eat a cream cake or gateaux, rather eat a scone. Still weigh a little too much.
Love to Babs and her husband.
Waiting to hear how Whiff got on.
Never watch Eurovision.

Smileless2012 Sat 17-May-25 08:41:06

Morning everyone.

Hope you enjoyed your holiday Whiff, am I right in thinking that you're back home now.

I'm rather partial to tomato ketchup Allsorts but only Heinze and never on toast. When our boys were little, they thought my m.i.l. was great because she'd make them tomato ketchup sandwiches!!!

Anyone watching Eurovision tonight? Personally, I can't think of anything worse and can't get 'what the hell just happened' from our entry out of my head which is extremely annoying.

Hope Mr. B. is continuing to improve Babs flowers x

Allsorts Sat 17-May-25 04:55:52

Spring, did he enjoy it? I can't eat tomato ketchup all I taste is the sickening sweetness.

Smileless2012 Fri 16-May-25 18:04:27

Oh poor Mr. S. Spring I probably shouldn't have but that did make me chuckle blush.

Spring20 Fri 16-May-25 17:10:31

Sorry to hear of your sil Smiles. Hope you’re enjoying some lovely sunshine Whiff - how disappointing the train station couldn’t pass on your message. Portrait your situation sounds so tough, but am sure you and your husband will work out the best way to handle it. We’ve had a few days away after my husband had an eye op. At breakfast in the guest house he spread a tiny tub of tomato ketchup on his toast thinking it was strawberry jam! So much for the eye op!!!

Allsorts Fri 16-May-25 06:43:21

Bridie, if you have experienced someone very close taking their own life it does haunt you. No one who hasn't experienced it can comprehend. That on top of estrangement is incomprehensible. Just know we are always here for you.

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