Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Am writing this whilst sitting in the family room waiting for staff to change Mr B.
It did strike me the other day how utterly senseless it is for our adult children to make life so unbearable and heartbreaking when terrible things can just happen out of the blue, things we can’t prevent.
It is later than we think so hold those close to you closer and don’t agonise about those who have walked away. That is their path.
And enjoy what is good right now in this moment no matter how small it might seem.
Love to you all 🙏🏾❤️

Spring glad you had a good time with your visitors. It is lovely to get out into nature but I like it if their aren't to many people around . But I do love my garden and my gardener keeps it weed free for me . The front is ablaze with colour will take a pic .

Will have to leave my ramble as got a visit from the falls unit this morning. Would you believe it been writing this since 5 takes me so long as what I think I write when I preview it isn't it at all🤦🤣

sillawhipp hope you enjoyed your lunch you must have a big table .

Smiles glad you enjoyed the morning service and found a nice church to attend . Do they have a choir you could join as I know you love singing . Glad you got to have face time with your son . He must be very good at DIY to buy a van and make it into a camper van . At least he could put everything he needed . Far safer to stay in than a tent . He is still brave being in the bush. Many years ago in Wales in the early days of us courting we saw an adder sunning itself on a rock and gave it a wide berth. My daughter in law's brother is a pest controller out there. And had to run away from a brown snake as it was about to strike . As you can imagine they get paid very well .

Hope he has a lovely time and sends pics of his adventures.

Bet your garden is looking beautiful and been able to sit out .

Portrait I wouldn't like who my son is now as he is a stranger to me . He destroyed the trust I had in him and I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law have done . Next week it will be my birthday and 5 years since I last saw and spoke to him . But if he hoped he has spoiled my birthday then he is a fool.

Why would your daughter think everything can be the same after what she has done not just to you and your husband but family and friends. I am sorry she is still having digs but you are the better person by ignoring them . For me even though I still love my son and my grandsons I would rather have no contact . If he did want to see me I would agree but it would be on my terms and after I had my say he wouldn't want to see me again but at least I would have my chance to fight back . But it will never happen because he knows he's in the wrong and to frightened to face me. As he is no longer the son I knew I am no longer the same mom . As I would not bite my tongue this time .

Hope you had a good Easter with family and friends who love and care about you both . If you do seek out counselling don't let the counsellor make you feel it's your fault your daughter estranged not just her parents but family and friends. My best friend is now a retired counsellor and she put on that voice when I told her about my son but told her to knock it off as I don't want nor need counselling. I don't mention him with her . Unfortunately they couldn't have children and she was widowed 2.5 years ago . But for all decades of being a counsellor in all family matters she can't help herself with her grief. So I try and help as much as I can luckily I have known her since we where 18 and she knew my husband and the four of us went out together and they both saw our children grow up.

I found this thread more helpful than any counsellor could as to my mind unless you experience a thing then you don't know how it feels. But everyone has to find a way to cope their way .

As usual days late catching up. Had lots of new people join the HPX group so been answering their questions and asking some of my own that I had never thought about . At craft group someone asked if I didn't mind telling them what I had. Of course I never do as I try and spread the word about hereditary Hyperekplexia as it's rare. When I said my symptoms got worse when my son was 6 months old asked if I thought having him triggered them. Never thought of it before but even if having had I would still have had him . Unfortunately no women with with my gene mutation had children as it's rarer than the GL ones. So still don't know.

On a BHF forum for heart problems and been trying to help people there. As I still remember how scary it was having the GP tell me and my daughter I had heart failure. Seeing the cardiologist he said they will have to find different way of saying as people think they are dieing . Funny enough I didn't mind my GP saying supposed used to having no diagnosis it always nice to have one . Heart failure just means your heart isn't working as it should.

After fighting for 35 years to get disability benefits I try and encourage people to fight for their rights. I know there are abusers out there who get benefits because they lie . But the majority are in real need but because I know how I was treated which was appalling and it's only because of the Brain Charity who got me a solicitor pro bono that I got enhanced PIP for both parts.
I am no expert but I do try and give people advice and explain how I have to do things and how everyone has to find a way to do what they want may seem odd but if it means you remain independent then it's worth it . I never want to be dependant on anyone and of course that would end being my daughter. I never what her to go through what I did. But being brought up with a strong sense of family meant I couldn't abandon people even my mother in law who I hated for 40 years.

Here I go rambling 🤣.

SparklyGrandma my grandson and daughter liked the biscuits. The youngest is funny he only likes biscuits doesn't like cake but his brother loves both. They took the rest home out of my way. Both made me an Easter card . The younger one wrote his own name didn't matter he got a couple of the letters in the wrong order. Hard to believe he will start school September. That's means all 5 of my grandsons will be at school as my son's youngest will start as well.

My daughter's youngest gave me a Maltesers bunny and his brother a little Lindt bunny . Which I ate as soon as they went I have no control over chocolate 🤦.

They had a good holiday but the youngest was sick a couple of days and my daughter was as well. Luckily the air b&b had 2 bathrooms and 3 bedrooms . She always picks nice ones .

Thanks for the update on Babs, Whiff.
Babs, thinking of you and glad things looking so much better for your husband.
DL , I hadn't noticed any spam it must have been removed before I came on but thank you. There is some bored, sick people about.

That's hopeful news re Babs, Whiff, fingers crossed for his recovery,
Well done Diamond Lily, enjoy your gardening,

Just an update save Babs . Her husbands infection gone . But MRI found 2 more clots but bleed seems to have resolved itself . Even though it's a risk he is now on blood thinners so hopefully they will dissolve the clots . He's in AF but being well looked after. And the family are looking after Babs . But of course she is worried about Mr B . But he is a fighter . For those who are religious I am sure Babs would appreciate your prayers.

Luminance this is a safe site but there have been others who have tried to cause trouble but the longevity of this thread speaks for itself . Smiles ,Yogin and long time posters have kept it going for over 12 years.

Be back to my usual rambles soon.

Snap DiamondLily.

It was my estAC birthday this week. 40 something. I felt surprisingly..not much when a rellie commented. Is that bad?

www.gransnet.com/forums/estrangement/1344125-Support-and-friendship-for-those-whose-lives-have-been-affected-by-estrangement?pg=25#

Smileless I agree about being ourselves, it’s lovely. I have my gardener coming this weekend and have things to plant, organic manure to put on the flower bed. I will have a lovely day talking about plants trees, with my gardener and playing in the mud! I’ve come full circle! 🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱

Is that a safe website?

I have reported the endless spam on this site today. 😊

Hope everyone well. 💐

Raising awareness about parental and grandparent alienation.

chng.it/9f2hZKj24Q

Mj 😊

chng.it/9f2hZKj24Q

Campaigner and writer
Raising awareness about parental and grandparent alienation.

Mj Manley 😊

Morning everyone.

'Happy Easter' in Welsh; that's lovely Sparkly .

I couldn't be my squally bubbly self with my esAC that's very powerful. How could we ever be ourselves, the people we always were and are with our EAC if there was reconciliation because it was presumably being that person that led to us to be estranged in the first place!!!

Maybe there is a positive to being estranged . We can be who we are without fear of being judged and potentially abandoned and be free to be who we are with those who truly love us.

Babs love and (((hugs))) x

Happy Easter everyone.

I think there was a comment in a recent BBC Radio 4 program on Estrangment where a question was asked; Do you think your EsAC knew they were ruining your life?

It was a relief to hear that said. I couldn’t be my squally bubbly self with my esAC Portrait so you have every right to operate within the boundaries you are setting.

Smileless your new church near your new home sounds lovely.

Happy Easter in Welsh.

Agreed there are some who don’t care Smileless, but for those who wonder why they can’t just walk back easily into our lives, I genuinely think they can have no idea of what their EPs have gone through. Even so it isn’t an excuse - they must know estranging is seismic. Enjoy the golf - sounds a lovely environment to have moved to. As I get older being out in nature is becoming more and more important. Have you bought the gear yet?

I agree that some have no idea but I do think that there are some who just don't care Spring and either may think that they can just pick up from where they left off.

The sun gave up here at lunch time and it's raining now but looks OK for tomorrow so all being well I'll be playing golf with L while Mr. S. goes bowling.

Never thought I'd be saying that .

Happy Easter all! I think AC who estrange can have no idea of the depth of pain and the heartbreak it wreaks in the lives of their parents. If they did they’d know things can’t ever be the same afterwards. It’s why such parents seek out support groups like this - they are desperate to find a way back to some semblance of peace and the comfort of other EPs who really are the only ones who get it and understand. Glad you enjoyed the Easter Sunday service Smiles and got to chat to your son. We had visitors for 3 days….and much as it was good to see them, it’s nice now to be back to just the 2 of us again! Sun trying to shine here….

Morning everyone.

Sometime ago a thread was started by an EAC who'd initiated contact with the parents she estranged and couldn't understand why they were being cool and to a certain extent distant Portrait.

It should be obvious that those you refused to have any contact with are going to be wary of re engaging but as in your case, that doesn't seem to register.

It's good that you have boundaries in place and are enforcing them. Ignoring digs rather than 'taking the bait' isn't always easy so ending the call asap is always a good idea.

I don't think any EP ever thinks they'll reach the point where being estranged is preferable to a roller coaster relationship with their AC, where the 'sword of Damocles' is forever hanging over them.

Hope you got everything in the garden done Yogin. It does us good to get out in the fresh air which we did by taking our dogs for a lovely walk in the fields where we now live.

Yes he is very capable Allsorts. Be bought a van and has kitted it out as a camper from scratch!!! He has seating that makes into a bed and a kitchen area; most impressive.

It's Autumn there now so more comfortable temperatures during the day and much cooler at night so he has a heater too.

I'd be scared stiff too; the thought of snakes, spiders and creepy crawlies would be enough to deter me.

You are lucky Portait to have your husband and other family. I can well understand you can’t trust your daughter. I live alone and rarely see my son and family, he does ring. my d estranged many years ago and lonely as I get I could not have her back in my life, she has shown her true feelings about me in the cruelest way, she doesn't know if I am alive or dead so its unlikely she would initiate contact.
Smileless I am glad you got to spend time seeing your son and chatting. He is obviously a very capable person lone camping in a wood. What are the temperatures there.? I would be scared stiff but modern technology is amazing, wherever you go in the world you can face time and talk to your loved ones.

Good to hear you had a video chat with your DS Smiles His adventures, camping out on his own. I do the same thing; still advising them to do this and that when they are no longer children & can think for themselves [or should].

Portrait difficult situation for you and probably how all our estranged AC would act.

Quiet day today, get some washing on the line please and do some gardening.

Have a nice day all xx

Happy Easter everyone! I hope we all find something wonderful in our day. Be it the family members who love us, our pets, a spot of nature or just a good book or show.

Yesterday after talking to my daughter I confessed to my husband that I preferred estrangement. He feels the same. We do not like the person our daughter has become. She is a stranger to us and we are building memories again, but these are not good memories. I am not going to go into details, but safe to say my daughter is not a nice person. She leaves a trail of heartbreak wherever she goes.

We will continue contact with boudaries. This has angered her because she expected not only my husband and I, but every family member, every friend she discarded to welcome her back as if nothing happened. She admitted to me that when she reached out after years of NC she expected our relationship to be what it was before she left, and was disappointed that it was not.

She called yesterday and kept making digs at me which I ignored. I think she is angry that she was not invited over for Easter. Maybe the issue is something else? I don't know. So I am just going to try to make the best of the day with friends and family and try to put it out of my mind. I think I will seek out counseling next week to help wrap my head around things.

'Happy Easter day' everyone.

After a rather gloomy start, the sun is breaking through and I'm just sitting here listening to the birds.

Fabulous service this morning, the best Easter day one I've ever been too followed by a lovely face time chat with DS in Aus. whose camping out in some woods somewhere; alone.

He laughed when I told him to be careful and make sure he secures the van before turning in for the night .

Sending love and (((hugs))) your way Babs x

Happy Easter dear friends.

Happy Easter to everyone🐣 and for those who are still estranged, just remember that not everyone else is with their children and grandchildren today, even if it feels like it. Happily, we are no longer estranged and we have 10 family members for lunch today - but that doesn’t include either of our children or grandchildren as they have plans elsewhere!! I just thought it might be comforting to remind people of that today 💕💐

Happy Easter fellow grand setters (if you celebrate) and Happy Long Weekend for everyone else x

I genuinely hope your weather where you reside, is better than here.

Whiff I hope the biscuits you make are enjoyed by your DGC and their parents.

Morning Smileless good you enjoying adult BBQs and get togethers.

I hear you about missing egg hunts and seeing all family at this time of year.

Babs03 sorry to hear you on your DHs ongoing health crisis. May I 🙏🏻 for you all?

Strength, courage, family love to you all.

Sparkly xx