Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

It must be difficult though Allsorts. If a GC of ours estranged our son when he'd done nothing to deserve it, I think I would feel uncomfortable knowing what he was going through if I was seeing them.

Thank goodness we'll never be in that position.

I've been here on GN for 12 years Luminance and there have always been very unpleasant responses to EP's. There's one this morning on another thread on this forum but thankfully it's an old one so I doubt the OP will see it.

Whether we engage or not doesn't stop them appearing and although GNHQ can't prevent them, they do delete them when reported.

When you've had lies told about you, when you've had the history of your EAC's life with you re written and totally fabricated, seeing the propagation of more of the same on line from complete strangers is for some of us, not something we're prepared to allow to go unchallenged.

It's a personal choice, the one I make and I have never regretted doing so even though there are times when I'm targeted and attacked for doing so.

How lovely to see you DL . After all they put their father, your lovely DH through I'm that they have the gall to re establish a relationship with you. They clearly don't know you at all do they .

I can tell from your post that you've got your mojo back and that's wonderful news .

Morning all x

Just popped in to say hello, and welcome the new members - my advice to them would be to ignore those hell bent on trying to start a row, and hurt those already struggling. 🙄

Like others, I had my “debates” with them, over time - but I just laugh at some of the idiocy and accept that the internet can be a strange thing. 🤷‍♀️

We all know our own circumstances best - not others.

My ghastly step kids have been trying, recently, to re-establish a relationship with me. They have absolutely no chance. It might be nearly 2 years since DH died - but I hold a grudge 🤐😉

They’re probably hoping for a handout from me. 🤐😉

But, how they treated DH still makes me angry, so best I keep them out of my life. They’re no loss to me.

The last two years, for me, have been about fighting through the grief, finding a new way of life, and getting my mojo back - and I’ve finally done it. 👍. I’m lucky that I’ve got a great couple of kids and IL’s in addition to the grandkids, and some wonderful friends. 😊

Anyway, I’m waffling, so welcome again to new members, hope Bab’s husband fully recovers, and hope everyone else is having a lovely day xx

🌺

I of course empathised with the situations of others, the first time I read them, they have been shared many times. I hadn't actually elaborated on my personal situation before which I only did due to it being brought up. However what we were actually talking about was the invasions to the forum and why it was occuring were we not? If that is putting dear Whiff at risk of suspension, I don't feel getting involved with it all worth the risk. And I do feel engaging with it only encourages more of the same when there doesn't seem to be available any other power that can prevent it.

I cannot see if a person estranged a member of my family it would stop me seeing either although it would alter the dynamics and things can never be the same. I would not need to bring the subject up when seeing either and after time hopefully it would get easier. Only the two directly involved can sort it. There are not a lot of families where two members are at odds. Of course if its your own child its massive, its called a living bereavement for a reason, we lose our grandchildren as well.

Yes Luminance your feelings are yours but your posts surprise me.

The only part of Whiff's post about how she'd been trolled by her ES's wife and the affect it had on her that you referred too, was that she'd twice been suspended for defending herself.

There was no understanding or empathy for what she's been subjected too and I don't recall you ever being understanding or empathetic in response to any of my posts either.

Perhaps had the "but" not immediately followed, I would have felt rather differently. However the "but" took away what was given. It matters not. These feelings are mine and I know how they impact me and feel no need to compare wounds.

I have expressed my understanding and empathised with you Luminance.

I must say I feel very disregarded by those comments. I feel no need to compare myself to others in that regard so I cannot understand where you are coming from making another feel that they cannot understand or be empathised with in the same way. I know my sister's faults and some of her daughters and understanding why this happened is why I am reading here. For my part I have caused or am no part of any issues between them.

I've acknowledged that it must be hard for you to see loved ones impacted by estrangement.

It was hard for our parents, our ES's GP's. It was hard for my brother and Mr. S's siblings to see what we were going through and particularly hard for our DS, and still is but the impact on the parent who loses their AC and often their GC too, is harder.

Luminance, if you had carried a child for 9 months, a much wanted child, loved them since the minute you saw them, then treated like rubbish, you would not say what you have. Your sister might have good reasons I don't know her story, two sisters, loved and bought up the same as each other can view their childhood completely differently. Of course mental illness plays a part in some estrangements I know.

Of course it affects me if it is persons I care about. And I do care about my sister despite knowing her well enough to know she may not see her own part in the mess that has occured and impacted us all. I am not sure it is right or fair to say how this impacted me does not compare? What is that based upon? Some families are right knit and others not. Some estranged people may feel more impacted than myself or some rather less. Are siblings less impacted than yourself? Grandchildren? Grandparents? I don't know that you can really say that. You might believe yourself more impacted but there are many stories just like mine. I spent a great deal of time with and loved deeply family members I now see seldom and that is through no fault of my own but a relationship between others. I joined the forum as a place for all impacted by estrangement. Is that not the case?

You're in a very different position Luminanc. You are not an estranged parent so none of the nasty sweeping generalisations about EP's are ever going to affect you.

Watching estrangement unfold between (your) own loved ones must be hard, but doesn't compare to experiencing it yourself.

Personal attacks are not the expression of a personal perspective or point of view.

I think that is a rather good point Whiff if defending yourself means you have been suspended from the site. That is a risk taken when arguing back and forth. If there is no "back" there is no "forth" so to speak. I really do not see the point and have simply ignored any comments I find to be combative. Why on earth would I give attention to someone who craves it? I give my views and move on. I'm in a rather different position watching estrangement unfold between my own loved ones. Of course I have my own perspectives. Arguments against them are just that, different views and no one has the power to talk over each other. If they believe they do that is a cause for concern I would say and yet still, no one's problem but their own.

I did get trolled on GN by my daughter in law in June 2020 on the original thread I joined GN on which was about moving house. She did it so I would see what she posted about me on Reddit . I had told everyone what happened to me . This was before I found the support thread. She wrote as a nan who said her grandson had seen something on Reddit and thought it was my daughter in law.
I was staying with my daughter and family while having builders in my bungalow. I was in lot of pain that day and normally wouldn't have pressed the link . But I did . After 2 sentences I past my phone to my daughter as I was in tears.

My daughter thought it was hilarious as she described her as being unemployable . Before my daughter had her eldest she had a budget of million pounds a year and 4 management teams working in student recruitment at a large uni.

I still loved my daughter in law even what she wrote about me was awful until I read one sentence.
FIL died to get away from MIL . All the love I had for her died . She never knew my husband and he died in agony from cancer . She meet my son the year after he died. Over the years she had showed me many acts of kindness. But when I read that I thought how can anyone who loves my son and the mother of my 2 grandsons be so wicked to write such an awful thing.

GNHQ banned her and asked me if I wanted to change my username but I said no it's what my husband called me.

I don't care if she has or is on GN in the past or now. I have been attacked and been suspended twice defending myself .

What I write is the truth and how I feel . I spent 5 years being bullied at high school and had vile in laws and hated my mother in law for 40 years . But we never gave up on my husbands parents because he loved them . My father in law told me I was defective. I was born disabled .

But we did what we always did and walked out but went back the next week. I looked after my mother in law until she died.

Estranged parents are easy targets for nasty posters because they never believe we don't know why our adult children turn their backs on use. And assume we must have been horrible parents .

But what some of them write is so twisted I would hate to think what they are like in real life.

That's why the support thread is so important as it's a place we can come and get support,advice if we want it, understanding and most important of all friendship .

We come together because of estrangement but stay because of friendship . And share aspects of our lives . We all have times when it gets overwhelming even if it's been years since we saw or spoke to our child or children. But here we can know it's safe and unload our feelings and I know it makes me feel better.
❤️

When I'm being targeted I have a pretty good idea whose responsible Luminance and why.

As for ignoring it, that's not my way regardless of whether it's me or someone else on the receiving end.

Sorry, that post was for Allsorts

That's ok, no problem. I just didn't think that the person who could be responsible would be on GN. Who knows, there are lots of lurkers!

Smileless2012

Whether it's with EP's in general or particular members, it's unacceptable and says all that needs to be said about those who do it.

Quite. However, some seem targeted and others not. Why might that be? Is it perhaps what has been shared or differences in situations or is it more likely to happen if it is engaged with? Perhaps ignoring it would benefit everyone here?

Marg, I read your post at 13.30 on Friday and realise I had misinterpreted it, your post today at 18.05 made me look back and see you don’t know the person. Sincere apologies.

Allsorts you say that the poster must know me but I don't recognise that. Which poster was it?

Whether it's with EP's in general or particular members, it's unacceptable and says all that needs to be said about those who do it.

These visitors seem to have some sort of personal issue, I cannot fathom if it is with estranged parents in general or with particular members?

Good morning everyone.

The mind boggles Whiff as to what anyone would post on a thread about food, that needed to be deleted!!!

I too think that the stability of those who make these cruel and nasty posts is questionable. It's often because they or their partner is estranged and they project their experiences onto others.

Of course it's understandable to see criticism of those they've estranged, just as it's understandable to see criticism from EP's of the AC and when applicable their partners who have estranged them.

It's the blanket condemnation of EP's that never ceases to amaze me; their projection onto us, people they don't and will never know.

Maybe for some, being estranged hasn't given them the peace and happiness they thought it would which is sad, but no excuse for attacking strangers on the internet.

We enjoyed our get together and BBQ yesterday despite it being rather chilly, but good food and great company was the order of the day and everyone enjoyed it.

It was the first time we'd put our dogs and our new friends little Chihuahua together and after less than 5 frantic minutes of D barking at ours, all was well .

Another beautiful sunny morning here, still have that rather cool strong breeze but definitely warmer here as we're further in land than our last house.

Sending love and (((hugs))) Babs xx

Marge, Sorry you have been being harassed on this forum with someone who knows you and you must know her. Fortunately her posts have stopped. Is there no way you can have her investigated for doing this? . I left because one poster got her claws into me, she is now back with a different name as I am but I know who she is. These people are unstable to put it kindly.

We are used to nasty posts aimed at us . But had to laugh as 2 posters had their posts deleted because of nasty things they said on a food thread . No idea what they said but what on earth could they have said about food to get deleted.

They must live bitter and twisted lives that their only pleasure in life is being nasty to people . I would feel sorry for them if it wasn't for the fact they are so vicious and attack vulnerable people who only want help and support.