Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Nana49

Thank you for those that commented, that's really kind & such supportive comments. Really means a lot 😘

Keep us posted Nana.
And take care.
xx

Thank you for those that commented, that's really kind & such supportive comments. Really means a lot 😘

A friend of Mr. S's is very proud of the fact that he hardly ever has any heating on and it's not because he can't afford it Babs, he just resents paying for it; that could be the reason your neighbour doesn't.

He's lucky to have such kind neighbours and if he isn't too good at the moment, a word with his D's a good idea.

I'm glad you're beginning to feel better and that you and Mr. B. will be able to enjoy the meals you prepare. They do their best don't they but TBH by the time I've explained to Mr. S. what he needs to do if I don't feel up to cooking, I could have cooked it myself. He does excel at BBQ's though.

Well it turned out to be a rather expensive trip to the garden centre. We bought a 'hanging basket tree' which holds 4 baskets and bought the planted up baskets to hang from it; some pansies for the border around the patio to replace the cyclamen which got water logged and died; two packs of wildflower seeds to create a new border and the biscuits I wanted for the dogs.

Then we decided to look at garden furniture for ideas and ordered two reclining garden chairs with footstools and a matching table and on the way out I spotted a beautiful stone wall hanging hare which of course I just had to have.

When I was looking at it Mr. S. said 'but where are you going to put it'; silly billy because as soon as I saw it I knew exactly where it would hang.

So between us we got rather carried away and will have to avoid garden centres for the foreseeable future; well a couple of weeks anyway.

Evening all,
Yes do try that company online Yogi, I have found their specs to be good, and I know that if I lose a pair or sit on them and break them I can get some more without worrying too much about the expense. They often have sale prices as well.
@Smiles thankfully am feeling much better now but Mr. B is feeling ropy, oh well, at least I am now well enough to look after him and though I do say so myself I think the cooking will be a tad better.
Hope you are all getting through this season without too much in the way of ill health or worrying about putting the heating on. The old boy next door doesn't always put his heating on, we know this because a neighbour who is also a good friend of his told us, and we saw him in his kitchen the other day wearing his coat. He does go and spend some time with the neighbour who is a good friend, who does put the heating on, and the friends wife makes him a nice home cooked meal. We usually have him in as well but have been unable to do this because we don't want to give him our illness. Made a meat and potato pie earlier today though and dropped some round. He isn't looking great atm, will have a word with his daughter next time she drops by, who coincidentally used to work in the same school Mr B was at, her children also went to school with ours, so we can speak to her candidly, on her own of course, not whilst her dad is there.
Take care all
xxx

Morning everyone.

Hello Nana, I saw your post on another thread and responded.

I can't understand why someone in your mum's position would take sides . It's a real slap in the face to know that your own mother has no understanding or empathy for you when you become estranged.

You say that she knows if she were to say anything anything in support of you to your D that she would be 'out too' so you know despite her behaviour, your mum knows who is at fault here and it isn't you.

There will I'm sure come a time when you will be thankful to be no longer embroiled with the abusive members of your family, especially your brother .

Glad you enjoyed your trip to the garden centre on Sunday Whiff. We're going to one today to start looking for new garden furniture and have some lunch, but the main reason is to get some more of the biscuit treats our dogs love, and this and one other garden centre are the only places I can get them.

Have you only just realised you're unique Babs? We've always known you to be so for all the right reasons. Sorry you've had to postpone your dental surgery. The right thing to do of course when feeling unwell but frustrating because the sooner you can get it done and dusted, the better.

You're right about my need to curb my purchases Yogin something that I suspect Mr. S. isn't too worried about though.

It must be such a relief that your little GDD is so happy and healthy DL when she was being abused before she even came into the world. It is as you say a miracle .

I have to check before I sit down in Mr. S.'s car that he hasn't left a pair of glasses on my seat Allsorts. I did sit on them once but luckily they didn't break. Lucky for him of course .

Morning all

Thanks for that Babs I've jotted Goggles4U down for when I need a new pair, my last; from Specsavers, cost a fortune!
We must stop meeting in Lidl

DL so nice to hear your baby GGD is doing well and you still get to see her once a month.

Nana all sounds very difficult for you, hope things can improve.

Whiff xx

You are right whiff they will never take responsibility, is more likely that they will stick to a narrative they have made up to justify such behaviour. We know what happened with our eldest daughter and right now members on my side of the family who took her side have become wise to it, but I will never forgive them for what they said or did, they threw us under the bus the same as my daughter did. And none of them batted an eye when I suffered a breakdown.
How people we once loved and held close can treat us like this is unforgivable, and we can only keep those who love us near and get on with our lives the best we can.
🌺🙏🏾

Nana sorry it has come to this with family . But like you said you are glad to be out of it. 6 years putting up with all that you must be a very strong woman . I gave up hope of ever having contact with my son every again after 3.5 years . But been happy with my decision as the only person who was hurting was me . I didn't do anything wrong . Or is it wrong to love your son , daughter in law and grandchildren unconditionally. But my daughter in law killed the love I had for her in June 2020. Still love my son but the son I knew for 32 years not who he is now he is a stranger. But my love for my 3 grandson's even the one I don't know has never lessoned.

But I am lucky I have my daughter and family, my brother and family and other family plus friends who love and care about me and me them.
The one person I want and need is my husband and can never have him . But he is with me all the time .

We all reach a point when we have to call a haul to bring treated like rubbish. We know who we are. Don those that estrange us I don't think they know who they are . But one day they will, they will wake up and wonder if they like themselves and choices they made. But they will never take responsibility for their actions .

Nana49

I'm in the position of being estranged from one of my adult DC (for around 6 years now) & my DM took sides, I tried to reconcile with my DM & DF (who is terminally ill & doesn't want any of this although has no capacity any longer) this worked for a couple of years, until my DF lost capacity. Then my DM sent me & other family a lot of abusive messages with the aid of my dB who I might add still lives at her house at 60 having never left (he's the favourite).

So whilst it's hard, I just cannot keep putting myself in the position of feeling abused. My DM literally doesn't care, as hard as it is to acknowledge she's never once reached out. My estranged DD has her in her pocket & my DM knows very well that is she were to say anything supportive of us she'd be gone too.
My poor df.
My dB is an absolute nightmare, I've not spoken to him due to his drug use for around 25 years, he was always abusive towards me as a child, physically & psychologically. He actually really scares me even now.
God what a state my family is. I probably should thank my lucky stars to be very well out of it.

You have summed it up - thank goodness you are out of it. No point trying to square a circle, is always sad to be estranged from those we love who should love us, but having to protect ourselves against them.
Think of your own well being and try to live your life as best you can. So sorry about your df, if you suspect his safety is at risk do contact social services, otherwise there is little you can do.
Wishing you all the best with this 🌺🙏🏾

DL you must get so much joy from seeing your GGD. Now that you are in a good place make the most of those cuddles 🤗
Just back from a quick hop to our local Lidl and saw Yogi loitering in the aisles 😂
So nice to bump into you Yogi. Coffee and cake soon, just need to shake this dreaded lurgy, but is on its way out thank goodness.
Take care all 🌺🙏🏾

Just a quick one. Why no paperclip is because of problems on Mumsnet should be back in a week. Just had a reply to my email.

I'm in the position of being estranged from one of my adult DC (for around 6 years now) & my DM took sides, I tried to reconcile with my DM & DF (who is terminally ill & doesn't want any of this although has no capacity any longer) this worked for a couple of years, until my DF lost capacity. Then my DM sent me & other family a lot of abusive messages with the aid of my dB who I might add still lives at her house at 60 having never left (he's the favourite).

So whilst it's hard, I just cannot keep putting myself in the position of feeling abused. My DM literally doesn't care, as hard as it is to acknowledge she's never once reached out. My estranged DD has her in her pocket & my DM knows very well that is she were to say anything supportive of us she'd be gone too.
My poor df.
My dB is an absolute nightmare, I've not spoken to him due to his drug use for around 25 years, he was always abusive towards me as a child, physically & psychologically. He actually really scares me even now.
God what a state my family is. I probably should thank my lucky stars to be very well out of it.

Babs I had to stop drinking coffee nearly 10 years ago as it gave me palpitations. And I loved a cappuccino. My brother drank strong black 8-10 mugs a day for decades he had covid last year since then he can't stand the smell of it let alone drink .

You are definitely unique but then all are here and very special.in the nicest way. Hope Mr B gets some relief from pain after Thursday.

DiamondLily glad you get to see and play with your great granddaughter. And glad to hear
she is thriving and healthy .

Was on my Facebook HPX group and you can see other things on there . There is an American comedian called Etta May and she is very funny . If you ever feel down find her and she will soon cheer you up.

DL, how lovely top hear about your little bundle of joy.

Hi everyone - hope everyone’s reasonably well 😊

Migraines can be awful. I don’t get them much, but they floor me. Vision flashing, vomiting, blackouts and then a fierce headache. 🙄

I got them a lot when DH died, nearly 2 years ago, which I guess was caused by stress and unhappiness.🤷‍♀️

Dreadful.

But, now I’ve found my mojo,light and laughter again, they have stopped (thank goodness).👍🥂

GGD came on her monthly visit - she is such a happy, healthy little bundle of joy. A miracle considering the hard drugs, over taken prescribed meds and alcohol her birth mother put into herself through the pregnancy. 🙄

Goodness, it’s freezing 🥶 down here in London/Kent. Bright, sunny but so, so cold. 🥶

Thankfully it’s forecast to be 17 degrees here by Friday 🎉🎉

Anyway, hope everyone has had a nice day 🌺

@Whiff well done you for not being easy to figure out, just carry right on confusing the hell out of medical staff, it gives them the experience they will need when dealing with somebody else with your condition presenting with the same problem.👍
The thing is your existing condition masks other conditions you might have. The visual disturbance and loss of coherent speech may have tied in with HPX or the meds you take for it.
Still it might not be a migraine it could be narrowing veins as you say.

Went for a short walk today and stopped into a cafe for a pot of earl grey tea. Every time I get ill I go off coffee, just can’t stand it, and is usually my fav drink. But glad I got sone fresh air.
Mr B had a bad night with his arm he gets injections with physio on Thursday. I was supposed to go for dental surgery tomorrow but have postponed in case this is covid. Funnily enough I have lost a lot of my sense of taste or smell, but only had it a few months ago and had the jab once it was okay to do so. Weird. Think I must be unique too 😂😂

Babs few days before the 6th January I got blurry vision put it down to low blood sugar so had teaspoon of honey and it went after a while . I know now it's a warning sign. I loose my speech but used to that as I do if my HPX plays up. My daughter said yesterday it confuses things for me . Once I have had the scan on my neck they can tell yes it was a migraine or I have a narrowing in my neck arteries . But will face that bridge when I come to it . Plus having low sodium levels doesn't help matters as that can cause migraine or TIA and stroke . As my daughter says nothing is ever simple with you 🤣. I like to think I am unquie . 😂😂😂😱

@Allsorts I need short distance and long distance glasses now, so for reading and watching telly, I used to buy cheap readers but now I need both types I send my prescription to goggles4U on the internet, got done super glasses with anti glare lenses for £15 each in the sale. I can’t get expensive ones because I lose them or break them. 🫣
Glad you are getting out a bit more and life is improving.
Take care 🙏🏾❤️

Well, picked my GDs up after my Yoga. Had a lovely afternoon & evening with them. Took them home about 8.30, so not too late. Back home and in bed by 10.30 Zzzzzzzzzz

Smiles yes, funny that; about enjoying things better when you were not really looking forward to it. It's lovely to hear how well you have settled into your new home and all the lovely new things you are buying for it, only problem is you will need to curb your buying or there will be no room left to do your dancing with Mr.S

@Smiles, I didn’t like the new Joey and Aveline either, luckily the reruns show the earlier eps.
@Whiff I can believe was a migraine, I get migraine and it can be awful, imagine is terrifying if you haven’t had one before, did you get any visual disturbances? I usually get flashing lights in one eye to start with, and bright lights, even sunshine can set it off, though thankfully I don’t get as many now as I used to. It can also affect my speech which can sound slurred and I find it hard to find the words.
Hope everyone is enjoying some sunny weather, feeling a bit better today so will venture out for a short walk. Hate being cooped up.
🌺🙏🏾

Babs good to hear you are feeling better today, sun shining always makes you feel better.

Whiff that poster made me chuckle. Well done on all your crafts & keep fit. Not a good idea to look on Reddit and Mumsnet, I don't and you have proven the point at seeing such a wicked post from your est.d.i.l.

Allsorts That's the trouble with needing glasses; you need glasses on to find them Hope the library has the Liane Morriarty books for you, remember they start off slow, setting the scene, but really good thereafter.

We have a very good library here and if there is a book you really want they try to get it in for you. I will try a Liam Moriary. Thank you, I do get a lot from my local church as they take your second hand books and sell them, the proceeds to the Food Bank.
Yesterday I walked further than I have since my accident, I was fine and will try to do that distance every other day until I am ok.
Whiff I do that with my glasses, I’m usually sitting on them, they are only the cheap £1,50 and I can’t tell you the ones I have sat on and broken. I only needed them for reading a few years ago and have never got used to them.
Today meeting someone fir coffee and life us slowly returning to normal but I don't know how I will get my garden straight. I have looked all round where I live for a suitable downsize as I like where I live and workmen are like hens teeth, I could move further away, but there would be less amenities and if I couldn't drive would be stuck.
Yoga I would like that concert and before now I have had to put cotton wool in my ears to save being deafened.😬
Off now to give the pigeons their sunflower seeds, getting rid of this huge bag and wont be getting any more, they are like locusts decending and leave such a mess.
Have a good day everyone.

I watch films and drama series on catch up as I fall asleep this way I don't miss anything as I can rewind to the last bit I remember. Can take me 2 days to watch a film. I don't put the TV on until lunchtime and then watch something foreign language progs having my lunch .. Then change to something in English while I cross stitch. Didn't make my marmalade and I was to tired last week may be this week.

Saw the neurologist on Thursday he was lovely lucky me gets handsome Drs . At the hospital hour early but got chatting to a nurse ,student drs and other patients.

Why I collapsed on the Tuesday my
blood pressure plummeted and it did on the acute cardiac ward I just thought I fell asleep but he told me it was well documented. He doesn't think I had a stroke or TIA but a migraine as I have never had one before didn't know what it felt like . But he wants to have the arteries in my neck scanned. I have a very prominent pulse on the right side of my neck with you can see he hadn't seen one as prominent before . He had trouble finding the pulse on the left side of my neck . The student Dr had a feel as well. He is friends with my neurologist so will keep him informed about me . Having HPX makes everything so much more complicated but lived with it 63 years before knew what it was called . The neurologist said he had read about hereditary Hyperekplexia as it's a page in a book when he was studying. And he knew about Professor Marsden my first neurologist back in 1992 as he wrote all the books on neurology . And he did met him once . The neurologist must have been older than he looked as Professor Marsden died in 2006. He said hopefully I will hear about getting the scan soon. But was glad to met me as he never met anyone with HPX did tell him my neurologist had 2 of us now.

Mean while started the extra Clonazepam and my statin last week and glad to say my legs are back and no side effects from the statin .

Smiles you will always be beautiful to Mr S and everyone who knows you . Once married we bothered with valentine's day . But my dad always gave mom a card but mom never gave him one .

Babs sorry you are ill hope you feel better soon . I know Mr B will look after you the best way he can while coping with his own pain . Sorry other family members are ill also.

Yogin glad you enjoyed the concert . By the way how did your son get on with his crane driving course ? I keep on forgetting to ask I know it was a while ago.

We could all drive ourselves mad wondering what we ever did for our children to turn on us. But it's not us it's them . They are the ones with problems in their lives and we are the scapegoats . It's easy to blame us because they don't want to face their own short comings as adult children and the fact they are screwing up their own children's lives by them not having grandparents or only having one set . Plus other extended family they know nothing about . In my case my daughter's boys don't know they have 3 other cousins or another aunt and uncle . All my grandsons are missing out .

I know what my daughter in law wrote about me on Reddit in June 2020 as I was trolled by her on a different GN thread and pretend to be a nan and posted a link saying it was something thing get grandson read and thought it was my daughter in law. I had said about what happened to me on the house and home thread I had been on since March 2019. I couldn't believe the vicious of her attack on me or my daughter. Mind you my daughter thought she was a nut job and had been since they meet in 2005 . What she wrote about my daughter she thought was hilarious. But what killed any love I had for my daughter in law was one sentence ' FIL died to get away from MIL'. She knows what my husband went through and to write something so wicked about a man she never knew is beyond belief. I did wonder at the time if my son knew what she had written.

But it's done and dusted. Have to much living to do and kind, loving and caring family and friends in my life for what ifs or if onlies . Plus my stay in hospital last month has made me more determined than every to do more things while my body lets me.

Went to garden centre with my daughter and the boys yesterday afternoon there where more sheds than there normally are the youngest picked out his shed . Got 3 plants and my daughter let me pay for our treat. Mind you she had a loyalty card and the drinks where free plus only had to pay for 3 of the cakes and got money off my plants.

Tea towel week at sit fit today ,move it or lose it tomorrow and new craft group on Wednesday.

Hope those of you who aren't feeling well feel better this week. And have a good week everyone else 😊

DiamondLily you went through hell not just the lead up to your darling husband's death,but all the hassle from his children and you had MissD to content with. Then all the court proceedings it's no wonder you lost your mojo as you call it.

The grief of your husband dieing is bone crushing. You lost half of yourself when he died like me and all others here who's other half of themselves died. It's been 21 years for me and I am still only half a person . But the rage and anger I still feel over my husband dieing gets me through everyday. I call the first 10 years as early grief . As in my own experience it took me that long to get used to it .

You had been together a long time and the longer you are a couple the longer it takes to get used to this is your life . But as I had said many times grief is the heavy price we pay for finding the other half of ourselves and together you made a whole.

There is a thread on the chat forum think it was put on Valentine's day how many times have you been in love . Sadly some people said never . I know my own nephew has never been in love he's 37 this year and he doesn't expect to ever be . He has dated but says he's better off on his own .

All you have had to cope with and supporting you family through one crisis after another has taken its told on you physically and mentally plus your grief it's a lot of anyone to cope with on your own . But Mr DL would be proud of you as you have never given up .

I know as I get older my body is putting limits on what I can do and still shout at my husband for dieing and leaving me. Not about our son anymore stopped that in 2023 but now it's when I can't open something stupid things like that or I lose my balance and end up on the floor in my bungalow or at a weird angle on furniture . Or going mad because I can't find where I put my glasses then have to get out my spare pair to find them. 🤦😂.

My mom lost some hair after dad died but it came back not as thick but it was a lovely silver grey. She lost 3st and never gain it back . She was tying a knot in her knickers to hold them up as she said they where still wearable. I brought her new knickers and we when through all her clothes and with a fight she brought new clothes .

Glad to hear you are doing something. You don't have to be crafty to find something you enjoy. I only took up cross stitch not knowing I would become addicted to it as stress relief . Looking after my mom and mother in law was taking a heavy toll and reading wasn't relaxing me . So I brought £2 kit off Amazon and was hooked.