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Estrangement

Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

(1000 Posts)
Smileless2012 Sat 04-Jan-25 10:59:10

Just as we know the pain and anguish that words of anger, bitterness and sometimes hate can cause, we also know the power of words to comfort, support, understand and sometimes help to heal.

This is and always has been the reason for this support thread, it's why it was started so long ago and why it continues. The fact that true friendships are made as regular posters share much of their lives with one another, good and bad, is a wonderful bonus there for all who continue to post and for new comers too.

Babs03 Thu 13-Feb-25 17:50:05

Sparkly - ‘Guernsey Literary and potato peel pie society’ nice story, bit of romance but no sex scenes, set in Second World War but not a war film.

‘Made in Dagenham’ based on true story when women in the car factory protested against unequal pay. But funny, not depressing.

‘Fishermen’s Friends’ about a Cornish make voice choir made up of local fishermen, again a true story.

Hope these help 👍

DiamondLily Thu 13-Feb-25 17:46:05

Babs03

Hey Diamond Lily, good to hear from you.
What a difficult time you have had, cannot blame you for steering clear of counselling or meds, but doing the hard yards is not for the faint hearted. Well done you for finally getting back to a place you feel more comfortable with.
Looking forward to your posts 🌺🙏🏾

Thanks. 👍. Yes, I am finally back in a happy place now, although it’s been a slog. 🙄

Hope you’re well. 🌺

Babs03 Thu 13-Feb-25 17:42:05

Thanx for kind wishes Allsorts. Hoping you are improving, has your other leg and hip cleared up or still bothering you?
🙏🏾🌺

Babs03 Thu 13-Feb-25 17:40:17

@Sparkly is a bind when recovering, I know, will return with recommendations later, my mind is a bit foggy, coming down with something, most likely from GCs, got the chills and a sore throat, just hoping it clears before dental surgery next week. Bad timing.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Babs03 Thu 13-Feb-25 17:36:36

Hey Diamond Lily, good to hear from you.
What a difficult time you have had, cannot blame you for steering clear of counselling or meds, but doing the hard yards is not for the faint hearted. Well done you for finally getting back to a place you feel more comfortable with.
Looking forward to your posts 🌺🙏🏾

Allsorts Thu 13-Feb-25 16:25:24

Whiff hope all went well at the doctors. I have just pigeons and squirrels and magpies, I long to see the little birds and have loads of bird seed and sunflower seeds etc but this week not put any out because I am encouraging the wrong ones.
Yoga I am sure Joey would be fine for a few weeks, but I couldn't leave an animal either and understand you not wanting too. I think the vets charge way too much its got worse. Babs, hope your dh is feeling better on new medication.
Sparkly, glad you are on the mend and if I catch up on films I go back to the old ones, like Goodbye Mr Tom, anything with Liam Neilson I like and comedies, don't like violence. I want to see the new Bob Dylan film not that I was a fan.

DiamondLily Thu 13-Feb-25 15:52:26

Good afternoon everyone. 😊

It’s been a while since I’ve been on, but it’s just been a bit full on, in real life.

After DH died, it was a huge struggle, and it’s been nearly two years, and I needed to get my mojo back - I wasn’t really me without it - I didn’t want counselling or medication (I’m not knocking it, but it wasn’t for me) so I had to do it the hard way. 🤷‍♀️

I lost 4 stone, some of my hair fell out, and I had to throw an eye watering amount at a private dentist to sort my teeth out. 🙄🙄🙄 I just didn’t know how to cope with it.

I’m not “craft oriented” - ,I’m totally talentless in that way, and I’m too young (mentally) to just sit indoors to pine and brood. I knew I had to get my usual positivity back, but didn’t know how.🤷‍♀️

Anyway, then the situation changed (long story) but I’ve finally got there. 🥂

This is brief, but hope everyone is doing ok - I’ve not been online but I’ve missed posting here. And I intend to restart 😉xx

Have a nice day, all of you 🌺 xx

SparklyGrandma Thu 13-Feb-25 11:29:38

Afternoon everyone. Recovery is boring, resting with gritted teeth.

Yogin Happy Birthday and I’m sure your friend celebrated with you well.

Whiff I thought it might get a chuckle.

Can any one here recommend any films please? I prefer films that are not violent, with no s☕️x, with a good story or from a book.

It’s ok if none come to mind.

Whiff Thu 13-Feb-25 09:24:11

Yogin my weird mine suddenly popped a picture of your little Joey in a Kangaroo pouch . I suppose because baby kangaroo 🦘 are called Joey.

I think it's going to be one of those days as it's going to be fun explaining to the stroke team that this is my normal walk and I can loose my speech because of my HPX and my arms and especially my hands don't do what I want especially my hands as they never stop moving . When out side it like I am waving to people as my right holds my stick and my left arm stick out like a stabiliser and my hands is moving and fingers moving in weird patterns .

Yep I am that weird and have been to this extent since 1988. 🤣🤣

Yoginimeisje Thu 13-Feb-25 08:59:22

Babs & Whiff I'm sure the vets were just money spinning, I see nothing wrong with his teeth & he isn't indicating a problem, so they will have to fill their coffers from another client.

Babs I had many Goldfinches in my garden before moving here, they liked the berries on the conifer and the ivy. I've had just one visit me here.

Whiff talking about holidays my friend goes to Oz normally twice per year to visit her son & family. She missed a visit due to her resent op, so as soon as she has had her post op. check up, which she is trying to move forward, she will book her flight to go. Whilst talking about it she invited me to go with her, I immediately said no, but it's put the seed into my head; how nice it would be to see the Kangaroos and the Kookaburras. But it's too far to travel and I don't want to leave my little Joey.

Yoginimeisje Thu 13-Feb-25 08:43:33

Great pic Whiff, funny enough I have just stuck a Kingfisher mosaic on my patio door; to block out a very bright light from a bathroom window backing onto my back garden, they leave it on for their cats. When I get up early, it's still dark and it's nice to sit and watch the sun come up, but the bathroom light, even though it's 2 garden lengths away, but must be 100wat naked bulb, spoils it. So, the Kingfisher blocks that light. smile

Whiff Thu 13-Feb-25 06:33:22

Yogin hope you had a lovely time at the spa. You needed after being told dental work for Joey would be £750.

Babs thank you . I always take a new cross stitch to start on holiday . Sorted out a cottage to take to my craft group next week as my dragons has lot of colour changes so can't talk and stitch at the same time apart from talking to myself 😂..

My blood test results appeared on my NHS app yesterday sodium levels low again and note saying need retesting . So phoned the surgery and got blood test on the 3rd. But will make sure the nurse does not put anything in anything that will give me a fraility index score again . Buy I will tell her before she takes my blood as it's the same phlebotomy nurse.

Babs03 Wed 12-Feb-25 17:34:37

Whiff

My kingfisher it was my York holiday project .

What a beautiful piece of work Whiff, love the rich colours of a kingfisher, British birds are not often so colourful. Have never seen one. Have seen goldfinches on occasion and they are beautiful colourful birds, but mainly sparrows, great tits - which nest in our box every year - and pigeons. Haven’t had an all white pigeon/dove Yogi, that sounds special.
Made me laugh when you said you had a geriatric assessment. What an awful word.
Prefer ‘over the hill’ to that. And I wouldn’t describe you as either.
£750 is so steep Yogi just for Joey to have an extraction. Is costing me an arm and a leg but didn’t expect that for a small dog.
If it doesn’t bother him then don’t bother doing it.
Take care all 🌺🙏🏾

Whiff Wed 12-Feb-25 12:57:19

My kingfisher it was my York holiday project .

Yoginimeisje Wed 12-Feb-25 10:34:52

My sister bought me a Spa voucher so I've booked in for this afternoon for a luxury Pedicure smile. Better get Joey out for his walkies....

Yoginimeisje Wed 12-Feb-25 10:31:04

Whiff good luck with your appointment on Thursday. You are called a geriatric mother if your pregnant at 30+hmm.

Yoginimeisje Wed 12-Feb-25 10:26:41

Thanks Whiff I'm wondering if I should stop putting bird seed on my birdtable as it only seems to be pigeons going on, but then I'd lose my lovely white dove. Blackbirds and Robins like to feed from the ground and the bluetits feed from my hanging feeders, so they're all ok.

I phoned the council re the mattress cover and they said not to worry as I'm putting it out just before, so it won't be wet. I moved the broken pushchair shock. I went out to put some rubbish in my bin, so tidied up a bit and tidied away the pushchair too, proped it up against the garden gate. It's now in their back garden. So that's what I'll say if asked; 'that I tidied up'.

Yoginimeisje Wed 12-Feb-25 10:16:30

Thank you Smiles we did have a brilliant night, even saw an old friend of mine who's in a band, he came up and gave me a big hug before I realised who he was grin. His in a band so I thought maybe he was playing, but not. MrS is quite correct in naming you Balabusta

Yoginimeisje Wed 12-Feb-25 10:08:51

Thank you Babs Yes, had a really lovely evening, lovely meal and great show. Talking about dentist; when I took Joey for his 6mnth check-up, they said he may need a tooth extraction, I'm sure he doesn't need it and anyway they give general anesthetic and I'm not putting Joey theough that. I said he could send me a quote though, guess how much....£750!!

Whiff Wed 12-Feb-25 06:45:34

Babs hope they can help Mr B and ease his pain . I found living in a bungalow so much easier mind you when I first moved in for weeks I kept walking into the shower room instead of my bedroom. My brother and sister in law have found life so much easier living in there bungalow to. Plus we all have better health care than we had before . My brother had been waiting 10 years to have operations on his hands . Once they moved his first one was done 2 months after moving there and the second 3 months later. Made a big difference to him . Hope the tooth extraction isn't to painful.

Smiles love a trip to a garden centre and always come away with at least one plant . Lovely you have good neighbours and friends . Hope you visited the cafe as well. Love Mr S's name Yiddish name for you .

Got a Sainsbury's delivery today then I need to make some soup for my lunches . Have some Seville oranges and lemons in the freezer from last year so tomorrow will cook the until soft ready to make marmalade on Friday. They only take hour as I am up early have time to do them before leaving for the bus to the hospital. Drops me outside the hospital and picks up at the same stop.

Well think that's me finally caught up with everyone one . Keep safe and warm everyone.

Whiff Wed 12-Feb-25 06:24:38

Yogin hope you had a lovely meal and enjoyed the show .

Sparkly I would complain to the newspaper . People write things who have never experienced what they write about . It's like counsellors advising adults children to break with their family but they have never experienced what it does to the parents and other family members. Unless you have personal experience of a thing best not say anything.

Smiles I well understand about the cabinet and colour. Many years ago when we had the living room of our old house decorated . Because of the window size we had curtains made to fit . My husband loved this what was called terracotta colour . I said it to light to go with the the suite and furniture but he looked so deflated I gave it. I was right but as they where expensive lived with them until I moved . He didn't say a word about the colour of our bedroom curtains as they where a perfect match I choose them .

Yogin I have mainly magpies ,wood pigeons ,blackbirds and crows in my garden . But do get the odd wren ,robin and chaffinch every now and then . Love seeing the terns flying around they are so streamline. Herring and black gulls perch on my neighbour's roofs and chimneys opposite my back garden they are very vocal . Where I used to live didn't see many magpies so always did the rythme but up here never seen so many I don't bother.

Monday had a productive day can't remember if I had already said on another page. Sorry if I am repeating myself . Phoned surgery to speak to practice manager and she was going to call me . Had a message to say needed to speak to a nurse so had an appointment for 11 today. But the practice manager phoned me yesterday to say she had spoke to the senior drs and would remove severe fragility and index fragility index score off my records . She said it was a computer generated programme that the NHS had introduced to pinpoint vulnerable people. But I did say patients need to be told and asked permission if they wanted their details inputted into it. And I checked after speaking to her and it had been removed.

Phoned my neurologists secretary Monday and explained what had happened to me and my legs very stiffen when walking .Knew I had lack of strength in my arms but until I went out on the bus Friday and walked further didn't realise they had stiffen and my knees wouldn't bend walking . While talking she typed and sent the email to my neurologist. Have spoken to her a lot of times so we had a chat and my neurologist replied and said to increase my dose of Clonazepam to 3 a day so hopefully I will notice a difference in a week .

Phoned the pharmacist as my GP had added the statin my cardiologist wants me to take to my repeat prescription. Wanted to make sure they wouldn't effect my other tablets . He said no so ordered them via NHP app they where delivered yesterday. So will start taking them today.

Also Monday the hospital rang with an appointment for the stroke clinic on Thursday afternoon. Had to laugh when the confirmation email arrived as it said geriatric assesment clinic . My daughter said it what they call all oldies . May be an oldie but hopefully a goodie .

Sit fit was full on Monday afternoon next week tea towel week. No not wiping up. We hold it taut and do exercises with it for our arms and shoulders.

Move it or lose it yesterday was fun and had new members my first week there where only 4 of us now 9 . Hopefully more next week . We do different exercises to my sit fit so every bit of me gets a work out . Did have a nap after lunch yesterday.

Babs03 Tue 11-Feb-25 20:19:58

@Smiles, how lovely of Mr S, I like to imagine you as a Balabusta, you certainly sound like someone who has a certain flair when making your new house a home. I also love lights in the garden after dark, have a string of stars arranged over an archway where the jasmine grows, and several lanterns, all solar powered and they do come on even when there has been no sun.
Mr B once informed me that my name means burnt in Arabic, not quite as romantic, but he then informed me that it means graceful lily in Japanese, so he redeemed himself xx

btw you are right about the tooth but I do hate dentists. Am glad I will be sedated.

Smileless2012 Tue 11-Feb-25 19:44:21

Evening everyone.

I think if we'd put everything together in one pile Babs, we'd have had a removal van full too. That did make me laugh about the coffee table grin. Mr. S. was just as ruthless as me TBH but having said that, most of the 'stuff'was mine anyway hmm.

I did manage to get him to part with a lot of books which I think was a lot easier than getting him to part with his bookcase will be.

Good news about Mr. B. seeing the doctor, fingers crossed that the physio and steroid injections will ease his pain.

It's hard not to get excited about finally selling your house and being able to move into the bungalow. Even though we got a buyer immediately and were able to move here before our sale completed, it still felt as if it were taking forever and you know you're not safe until it's all signed, sealed and delivered.

You'll be relieved to get that tooth out Babs. I had a very difficult extraction under sedation as there was no way I could have gone through with it otherwise.

Good idea to get rid of things you no longer need Whiff, especially anything you can't use any longer. Not all charity shops take glasses and crockery etc but those that do are always grateful for anything they can sell on.

About half of my crockery collection that I no longer have came from charity shops. I had a thing about collecting it but wont be doing that anymore as I've no where to keep it, so now I'm having to learn to just look and not buy.

We got all the blinds which includes the kingfisher ones and various bits and pieces from Dunelm Allsorts. It's a great place to shop; too great according to Mr. S. and that's where we saw the cabinet I've fallen in love with.

You'll be out enjoying yourself a I type this Yogin so I hope you're having a great time and will tell us all about it tomorrow.

We went to a salvage yard with some new friends and neighbours this afternoon. Mostly junk TBH but what was worth considering was just too expensive.

They took us to a lovely garden centre we didn't know about and Mr. S. bought a nesting box for Blue Tits and I bought two small glass bottles with artificial flowers and tiny lights inside, which I'll be turning on when I've posted this.

I have strings of lights all over the place, one on a large plant and four on shelves as well as lamps. Takes me ages to turn everything on when we settle down for the evening, and off when we go to bed.

Mr. S. told me that my Yiddish name would be Balabusta which means 'home maker - a woman who is exceptionally skilled at maintaining her home'. Isn't that sweet smile.

Babs03 Tue 11-Feb-25 19:01:26

Evening all,
@Whiff saw doc today, finally, and Mr B is going back to physio to have steroid injections, am hoping this eases the pain, my hips and knees feeling much better thanks, but going up and down stairs or steps does set me off, and this cold weather doesn't help. Hoping that this time we get our lovely bungalow, but am trying to hold back the excitement.
Thanks all for wishing me good luck, am going to need it.

@Yogi,
Hope you enjoy your birthday treat tonight. Sounds like a lovely evening is planned. Think that coffee - and perhaps cake - will have to be on me next time, have to mark your 70th somehow.

Have dental surgery on tuesday next week, a troublesome wisdom tooth to be extracted under sedation, is split and decayed so could take some removing. Am dreading it but at the same time can't wait to get the bloomin thing out, have had terrible toothache.

Take care estrangees xxxxxxxxx

Yoginimeisje Tue 11-Feb-25 10:19:35

My friend is taking me out for my birthday treat from her tonight. Meal in a lovely Italian restaurant and then to the theatre to see 'NOW'. I've heard it's very good.

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