Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning all

Smiles my friend wanted to book Swan Lake for my birthday treat from her, I said 'Yes please', but on checking my calendar found I was babysitting on that day, my DD, s.i.l and his mother are going to a wedding. I feel the same re not thinking about my estD, never thought that would happen.

Sounds like you are really fitting in with your new neighbours Smiles, all sounds lovely. You're looking forward to your new settee and I'm looking forward to putting my new bed up this afternoon, I bought it yesterday morning and it was delivered by 6pm. Only problem is the design isn't the same as the picture on-line! Think I'm stuck with it now as I unpacked it all. I did open the box when it was delivered and peered in to make sure it was all correct, but it was only when I pulled it right out, I saw it was different . Still looking forward to putting it all together and sleeping on a nice new bed and mattress though.

Babs you know you are welcome to my party if your free, just let me know and I'll send details. Every now and again I miss my mum & dad, after all these years of them being gone. If you loved someone, they are always there in your heart.

Thank you Babs x

@ Whiff glad your daughter told you what’s what when you tried to pay her, she is what a loving AC should be, and is like that because you love her and have been a good mum, cannot speak for your son or my eldest daughter, sometimes I am convinced she hates me or perhaps even worse, she doesn’t feel anything at all. Indeed am sure that is the truth because if she cared even an iota she wouldn’t have done what she did.
Anyway hold your daughter and GCs close, they are what matters in your life now.
@Smiles you are not wrong or odd for not missing your son for sometime. I can go for certain periods of time without thinking of it, I remember my old mum crying once and when I asked her what was wrong she said she hadn’t thought of my dad - who had died years before - for sometime and been out enjoying herself with friends.
I persuaded her that this was ok, indeed I said that I hadn’t thought of him for sometime but would she have wanted me not to enjoy my life, she agreed she wouldn’t want that for me, so I just said right back attya The same is true with a living bereavement surely.
@Yogi, am sure your birthday party will be amazing, and your dress will arrive in time.
You have put so much work into this I know. Have the very best time 🌺

Morning everyone.

Hope you enjoyed the ballet Yogin, I love 'Nutcracker' but 'Swan Lake' is my favourite. Good news about your friends nan, sepsis is awful and is often fatal so you and they must be relieved.

Good to hear that you're recovering from the Noro virus Sparkly, another horrible thing to catch. The 'advice' given about coping with estrangement in the Guardian sounds rather odd; victim blaming.

If you still have the article and can post it, it would be good to be able to read it.

Not a novelist I'm familiar with Spring but I love to read so will have to give her a go.

Glad you enjoyed lunch with your friends Babs, it's nice to get together especially if you haven't seen someone fora while. As you say, with lighter mornings and evenings we can see that spring's on the way.

As time passes, I think we tend to miss what we had with our estranged children rather than missing them Allsorts that said thinking about it, I haven't missed our ES and/or what we had for sometime. It hadn't occurred to me until I read your post and I'm not sure how I feel about it .

Am I wrong for not doing so, odd perhaps?

So good to know you're recovering well Whiff. The new exercise class sounds good and with that and your new craft group you'll be kept occupied. I'm glad you've decided to only attend the Brain Charity's special events. A wise decision for you and as you say, you'll put your DD's mind at rest.

I met with some new friends and neighbours for lunch yesterday as it was a surprise for A's birthday. She was practically at our table before she realised we were all there, despite the birthday balloons and banner; so funny .

Our new suite is being delivered to our supplier today so we should be taking delivery next week but need to co ordinate with the two sets of new neighbours who are buying a settee each, so the room is empty.

Planning to get the 'old' ones (not that 5 months is old of course) out in the morning, and the new ones in in the afternoon. It's been a long wait so really looking forward to it, and just hope they haven't forgotten the fabric we've also ordered so we can re cover a small footstool to match.

Hoping our friends and neighbours will be able to make it this weekend. Because he's been unwell, we haven't seen them since New Year, so fingers crossed.

Morning all

Hate to say it Whiff but maybe a neighbour passed away. When my upstairs neighbour passed there were a lot of police cars and an ambulance. Good to hear you are back at your fit club, you have to keep it going to keep your fitness and health.

Gearing up for my party on Sunday, Joey is going to the groomers at 11am, I will then get my car washed. I'll get all the food tomorrow and cook the salmon wellingtons, chicken drumsticks and make the sandwiches on Sunday, so that everything is fresh, got all the drinks. My DD, s.i.l and of course my son will help me set up the hall an hour beforehand. I ordered a really nice dress on-line, paid £9 express delivery 4 days ago, but not arrived yet .

With all this going on my blooming bed decides to break! I looked on line for a new one and a new mattress to fit, lot of money, so held back pressing 'buy now', went to the park for a walk, came back and thought; 'right I'll buy that bed & mattress', only to be told the bed had gone!. It was a very pretty metal bed with crystal knobs in white, they only had the black one, which I didn't want, so I will have to get my son to help fix my old bed on Satuday, till I chose a new one.

I remember 'Dickson of Dockgreen' too

Yes Nutcracker Ballet was very good thanks Babs and Whiff

Hope you are feeling happier today Allsorts, I've stopped reading books on estrangement now Spring, go to bed with something more lighthearted. My favourite author at the mo. is Lianna Mority.

Hope you are all better now Sparkly I remember my mum had it when she was in hospital; dreadful!

Its odd to some I know, but cannot remember as a child ever being sick, none of us, we had sore throats and colds and measles, mumps, chicken pox etc there was a quaranteen period for those but my mother sent us to school unless we couldn't put a foot out of bed. When I left Senior school in the four years there I never had a day off. I dread the thought of getting Novo Virus. It must be awful. Glad you are on the mend Sparkly. Have you lost weight?
Glad your back exercising Whiff, meeting people won't be long before you are baking cakes for them. Wonder what went on last night.

Dixon of Dock green loved it . Remember Richard Green as Robin Hood. He was a hunk at the time . Like a lot of programmes at that time they where seen as progressive but by todays standards quite innocent.
Yogin pity the lid didn't damage dickheads car but then again he would have made the couples life hell if it had. He's bad enough without any reason . Hope you enjoyed the Nutcracker and your meal. Haven't been to the ballet for years . Last time my daughter took me for my birthday before I moved up here to live we saw Matthew Bourne's Cinderella set in the second world war. It was brilliant but I now understand why my limb jerks where bad during parts of it when bombs where going off and crashing buildings . Nice to know my life makes sense .
Glad your friends nan is improving must be a relief for the family .

Allsorts hope you are on the mend with no lasting damage . I know what you mean about finding comfy clothes to wear. Because of the pain and bruising on my tummy couldn't wear my 40 denier tights until yesterday been wearing 20 denier . Had to wear my linen mix trousers as my winter weight ones hurt my tum . For all the pain the injections caused me glad I had them plus the multitude of different tablets as I couldn't have had better treatment at the 2 hospitals. Because I can't write very well due to my shaking hands I got 2 lovely thank you cards off Etsy which I had what I wanted to say printed inside .

Sparkly Novo virus is awful I have friends who had it . It's not just the fact of needing the loo and being sick but all the pain it causes in your throat, chest, tummy and bottom area . We always had a washing up bowl that was just for being sick called of cause the sick bowl. It lived permanently by the toilet so we always knew where it was. My son wrote his name on it when he was at primary school can't remember why 🤔. Any way hope you are feeling better and once well have not lasting effects from it.

Allsorts when not well of course you miss your daughter more . Sorry you feel so alone . It's only since I moved here I had any back when not well. Before that had none plus looking after my parents and mother in law.
Funny enough I never thought about my son when in hospital. I was worried about my daughter keep coming in plus how much it was costing her in parking fees plus she had a day off work unpaid . Looking after the boys and her husband had to go away for work for a couple of days. Once home I wanted to give her some money she got cross and said you are my mom of course I wanted to see you . Plus you looked bloody awful . I will never understand when you bring up your children the same one can turned out to be a shit and the other loving and caring. My son used to be loving and caring but I wonder now did he really care and love me for 32 years . And at what age did he stop? He's 38 this year .

Spring only read one book about estrangement by Shirley A Wildey book the devils dilemma. Can't remember the full title . Have read a few articles but of course it's always the parents fault . For all my in laws where vile there is no way we would have turned our back on them . My husband loved them but didn't like them . I could have dumped his mom after he died but I couldn't do that she was family . The children did ask me why I bothered but it would have been cruel to leave her on her own . It's not how I was brought up . My husband said when we have children they will be brought up how you where. And they where .

Babs glad you have a lovely long catch up with your friends.

Saw my GP on Wednesday she reluctantly gave me a week's worth of water tablets but was worried because my sodium levels are very low and need a blood test which having on Friday . She gave me a spray to use if I get breathless but will only use it if I can't get my breath back but deep breathing. Once home researched low sodium levels didn't realise how dangerous it was so decided not to take the water tablets . Phoned the surgery yesterday to pass a message on to the Dr as I didn't want her to think I had ignored her concerns and to say I won't take them until after I know what my sodium levels are . They had dropped from the start of my week in hospital to the end of my stay. Adding salt to my meals hoping to raise my levels I know salt and sodium aren't the same but I already eat all the foods that are high in sodium apart from meat. Used to have problems with my potassium levels so been on low potassium diet for well over 10 years.

I joined another exercise class on Tuesday 'move it or lose it ' it was fun and we did different exercises to my sit fit class and used different equipment. Trying to co ordinate my arms and legs was fun but given practice I will get them in sync . I get very cross with myself I know it's because of the HPX and it effects our cognitive function but really why is it so difficult to move my arms in the opposite direction to my legs 🤦. I will get it hopefully next week .

Can't remember if I said I had joined another craft group it only meets once a month and going to the first one on the 19th it's held above my favourite cafe . Won't be going to the Brain Charity on a regular basis but will go to special events. My daughter was worried about my travelling so to make her happy gave it up. But haven't been able to use the bus yet but determined to on Friday . Managed to do 300 on my pedals yesterday.

Oh there was a bit of excitement in my road last night no idea what was going on and it was quiet as usual. But there where 3 police cars and a police van parked near me . I noticed when I went to bed just before 10 as I always look out of the window before getting into bed. No idea when they left as I nod straight off as soon as my head touches the pillow.

Hope everyone has a good day and those who aren't well feel better soon .

Is only natural that you miss your D Allsorts, despite what other people might assume about us we love our children and did the very best we could. I know this. You know it too. So our job is done. They prefer a life without us, their choice, but they should be honest about it rather than blaming everything on us.
I hope you had a lovely meal with your friends. It makes so much difference to meet up with others and enjoy life.
Here’s to more if that 🌺🌺🙏🏾

Will get that book, thank you Spring.
Babs, glad you enjoyed your catch up. I met 5 friends for coffee and we were there over 2 hours, so we meet again today for a meal as there was so much to catch up on,
Really missed my d this last couple of weeks, how I miss what we had, didn't cry though and I hope she's happy.
Sparkly, I don't have any more jabs as I have had Covid four times, each time after having vaccine, it, told it was coincidence. Noro Virus sounds really bad do you know where you picked that up from?

I agree Babs parents are generally blamed. Is sad the way it’s often made out to be so black and white. The novel isn’t about estrangement per se….it just includes characters who have had difficult relationships with their children and no longer/rarely see them. There’s an acceptance that this happens in life sometimes. The whole book is just a wonderful insight into how we live - not perfect, with our doubts and insecurities, but trying to do our best. Glad you enjoyed your lunch and catch up, and hope Sparkly you are now beginning to perk up. A horrible thing to have.

Morning all.
Thanks for the recommend Spring20, keep meaning to read about estrangement but haven’t got round to it, perhaps because I keep thinking that anything published will just blame the EPs. I know that isn’t true but have just got used to the constant refrain.
@Sparkly when you start to feel better take a tonic, I would recommend ‘Metatone’ not sure if I have spelt it right there but if you google it will come up.
Am sure you dear cats have been rallying round you.
Had a lovely lunch with friends yesterday, two of whom I hadn’t seen for awhile so lots of catching up, we ate at 12.30 but didn’t leave the cafe till 3.40.
Keep well estrangees. The nights and mornings are getting lighter, spring is now in the wings.
🌺🙏🏾

Spring20 thank you for the book suggestion - I’ve read her previous books and will buy that one especially as it’s got estrangement in it.

Babs03 it has been pretty bad. I’ve eaten today, cautiously, hopefully my immune system has seen it off.

I’ve had Covid 4 times, March 2020 infection was very bad. I’m glad yours was not as bad as your norovirus.

Anyway, have a nice evening ladies.

Don’t know if folk are familiar with the novels by Elizabeth Strout but I’ve just finished her latest - Tell me Everything. It follows on from her previous novels with characters such as Olive Ketteridge and Lucy Barton. It covers in a matter of fact way estrangement and the loves and losses in life, but is beautiful and life affirming. Highly recommended.

@Sparkly noro virus is awful! Sorry you have been battling with this, someone once asked me if I would rather have covid or noro virus - one of those daft questions - and hands down would be covid every time.
Got it early last year and thought I’d never want to eat anything ever again.
Sending hugs 🤗
Can imagine the advice given in the Guardian doubt I would agree with it either.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Maybe the CDS will bring you another cat at the right time, Smileless.

Yogi storms 😳.

Morning all - and yes I remember Dixon of Dock Green. A small grey flickering screen with images like the police lantern shining through.

An article over the weekend in the Guardian on one of the advice columns about estrangement. The advice proffered I disagreed with - almost get a grip, it’s your fault you are the family scapegoat.

Seething I am. Had noro virus since last Tuesday night. Crossing fingers as I’ve held onto to my evening meal from last night.

Sorry if that’s tmi.

Have a peaceful week friends…
Ps will get Guardian article and post here.

Whiff I read that poem as a young woman but only now realise it’s worth, and I do love purple 😂
Yogi glad your friend’s Nan is on the mend but imagine it will take time until she is fully recovered. She will need her family around right now.
Hope you enjoyed the nutcracker ballet and meal, sounds lovely.
Allsorts so sorry your ill health has made you feel alone, must be scary as you say. I have friends who live alone and they say the same thing.
Am wishing you a full recovery soon and with spring round the corner things will soon look up.
Sending hugs 🤗
Btw you aren’t the only one living in joggers right now. Am trying to cut back on bread and cake, my two vices. But had to eat a piece of the birthday cake I made for my GS. Would have been churlish not to 😜

Thank you Smileless, yes improving by the day thank you. If I am unwell I realise how alone I am. Its scary.
Have a good day everyone, today the grim task of fitting into clothes other than joggers and comfy tops. Not looking in mirrors for a week. Hope those horrible winds dont kick up again.

Have to dash, back tomorrow to read rest of the posts....

What a lovely neighbour you have Whiff that must have cheered you up. I was told my friend's nan has improved, still in hospital though.

Morning all

Smiles the winds on Friday were bad here and I couldn't wait to get back to the safety of my car. Saturday is was sunny and pleasant, I had a walk on the beach and then the park, went to a friends for lunch and we had home mades soup, which was very tasty. Her present to me for my birthday is the theatre, preceeded with a meal in a nice nearby resturant, isn't that lovely of her.

Sounds bad about your neighbour's shed Smiles. My upstairs neighbour has a storage box in the front garden, by the small wall; the lid blow off and hit dick-head's family car, no damage though, they have now moved it into the back garden.

Yoga class this morning, then going to the Theatre to see 'The Nutcracker ballet' with my DD and sis.i.l and then a meal after with my son, s.i.l & GDs joining us, so should be a good day .

I was much younger when l came across it, Whiff, but thought it was just "right " for the future and loved it.
Perhaps I'd better start living more like that now! I shall see if l can find Helena Bonham Carter reading it.
I recomend it to you all, Warning by Jenny Joseph. Thank you , Whiff, it's brought back happy memories.

Hilltop that's the one . I have read it and heard Helena Bonhema Carter read it .

Whiff, l know that poem by Jenny Joseph if it's the one about wearing purple, eating sausages and dragging walking sticks along railings etc?? I have not thought about it for years but shall look it up again now you have reminded me of it..

Morning all.
Funny, whenever I post at night and say ‘evening all’ it reminds me of Dixon of Dock Green, does anyone remember that?
Anyhow, sounds like you had it bad in your neck of the woods Smiles but not too bad here thankfully, just lots of rain and wind. Today is sunny so will go for a walk later. DH has a really painful arm/shoulder, an ultrasound revealed bursitis with a frozen shoulder so he’s feeling sorry for himself. A walk will cheer him up hopefully, especially if we stop for hot chocolate.
I bet you are relieved the funeral is over now Smiles but is probs the time your friend will need you most in the days to come.
Whiff never heard of old tights with rocks inside weighing something down, but actually that is pretty clever. My old mum sewed old pennies into the bottom hems of curtains to make them hang right. I had the riot act read to me for fishing one out to buy sweets.
Hope you have heard now about your friends nan Yogi, no news is usually good news but sometimes you worry that they might be too upset to let you know if she has taken a turn for the worse. A young woman I knew got sepsis after a UTI, she was rushed into hospital. Is awful.
Hoping everyone is enjoying this calmer weather.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Smiles glad you have your ladies . Sorry about your friend hopefully they will feel able to tell you wants wrong . If it's bad news it takes time to digest it and if treatment is available it takes time to get it started. Surprised the shed went over with a freezer inside . When they have a new shed they may need to think about having a concrete base inside to hold it down. After Arewen I had my new greenhouse panels glued in with extra clips and a net over it weighted at the corners with old tights with rocks inside .

It's hard to know what to do if you have a friend who has an ill relative where to ask about them or not Yogin.

My neighbour from 2 doors away came round yesterday with flowers and a card. Said my next neighbour had told them I was in hospital but didn't if I was home or up to callers . But she saw the Sainsbury's delivery so knew I was home. That's what my neighbours are like .

Just read a poem by Jenny Joseph called Warning it's about when she is old . Fun read.